Is your little one hesitant to try new things or more cautious than others? Do they seem to get overwhelmed by loud noises or bright lights?

If so, you may have a highly sensitive toddler. I was one of those kids. I often felt misunderstood growing up because I needed more time to adjust to new situations, while other kids seemed to jump right in. I’ve had to work hard as an adult to reframe my childhood memories.

As a mom, I know I don’t want my child to feel like I did. That’s why I think it’s so important to understand the traits of highly sensitive children and help them manage their emotions.

Before we begin, we’d like to offer you our FREE Star Breathing Brain Break exercise. This fun and simple tracing exercise can help you and your child manage anger, frustration, and other big emotions. You can use it as part of your bedtime routine to help your child relax before bed, or hang it in a calming and sensory corner of your home for use whenever needed.

What Is A Highly Sensitive Child?

Being sensitive is nothing new. Over 100 years ago, a famous Swiss psychiatrist named C.G. Jung called it “innate sensitiveness.” But it’s gotten more attention in the past 20 years. In the 1990s, Dr. Elaine Aron gave us the terms “highly sensitive person” (HSP) and “highly sensitive child” (HSC).

According to her research, about 20% of the population is highly sensitive. Dr. Elaine Aron identifies four main traits:

• Depth of processing: Highly sensitive people are reflective, and these kids seem wise for their age. They also take a little more time before trying something new.
• Overwhelm: Highly sensitive people and children can’t handle as much as others. They get tired and overwhelmed more quickly because they have busy brains and sensory sensitivities. However, they can process their thoughts more effectively in a low-demand or familiar environment.
• Emotional responsiveness and empathy: Highly sensitive people can be easily overwhelmed by strong emotions, both positive and negative. They can react strongly to others’ emotions and sense your feelings even if you don’t say anything.
• Sensitive to subtleties: A highly sensitive person will notice small changes that go unnoticed, like subtle tastes, sounds, smells, and minor changes in room décor. They also know how to make others feel more comfortable.

Professor Michael Pluess found that people who are more stressed by negative experiences also feel joy more deeply and benefit more from supportive environments. He simplified sensitivity theories into “environmental sensitivity,” suggesting that some people are born with a more sensitive nervous system.

Why Is My Child Highly Sensitive?

Research has shown that highly sensitive children and adults have a more reactive brain than non-HSPs. They have a more active amygdala, the part of the brain that processes fear and emotions. This can explain why they pause and check in unfamiliar situations and get so easily frustrated or overwhelmed.

They also have a more active anterior cingulate cortex, the part of the brain that plays a role in attention allocation, anticipation of tasks, decision-making, ethics and morality, and emotional awareness. These differences may explain why HSPs are more compassionate and care so much about fairness.

HSP Versus Autism

Some people believe that being an HSP is not a real thing and that HSPs are, in fact, autistic. According to current research, an autistic brain is different from an HSP brain. However, the definition of autism is constantly evolving as scientists better understand the functioning of an autistic brain. And the same holds true for HSP.

For now, what’s clear is that HSPs, like autistic persons, view the world through a different lens. In addition, HSPs have more challenges than non-HSPs, and likewise, autistic persons have more challenges than neurotypical persons. The cause is the same: both HSPs and autistics rare in minority; the world was not built for them. But that doesn’t mean that they cannot thrive.

We are our children’s first teachers, and helping them build stress coping skills, whether they are neuro-divergent or not, is one of the most important things we can do for them. When we help them see their strengths and cope with their challenges, we’re setting them up for success in life.

How Do I Know If My Toddler Is Highly Sensitive?

Here are the common signs of a highly sensitive child:

Emotional Intensity:

• Strong reactions to emotions, both positive and negative
• Highly attuned to their primary caregiver
• Poor frustration tolerance
• Easily overwhelmed by excitement or sadness
• May have frequent tantrums or meltdowns.

Depth of Processing:

• Likes to think deeply about things
• May seem withdrawn
• Prone to worries
• Cautious

Need for Downtime:

• Needs quiet breaks
• Enjoys spending time alone and in nature
• May become irritable or withdrawn if they don’t get enough downtime.

Sensory Intelligence:

• Easily bothered by noise, crowds, bright lights, tags on clothes, sock seams, the change of seasons.
• May have difficulty sleeping due to sensory overload
• May be picky eaters or have strong preferences for certain textures or smells
• May be artistic
• Sensitive to art and beauty

Social Sensitivity:

• May be shy or reserved in new situations and around new people
• Prefers to play with one or two close friends or individually
• May be easily hurt by criticism or rejection
• May interact better with adults than children because adults’ behavior is more predictable
• Observes and absorbs others’ emotions
• Knows what do to to makes others feel comfortable.

5 Challenges and Strategies for a Highly Sensitive Toddler

1. Temper tantrums and emotional meltdowns

Toddlers who feel emotions deeply may have more emotional meltdowns than average. This is because they experience both positive and negative emotions very intensely. Sensory stimuli, like loud noises or bright lights, can also worsen outbursts.

It’s important to remember that tantrums and meltdowns are a normal part of development for all toddlers. However, these behaviors may be more frequent and intense for a highly sensitive child, including toddlers.

Here are a few tips to help you if your little one is struggling with too many outbursts:

Identify your highly sensitive toddler ‘s triggers:

Pay attention to your child’s behavior to determine what makes them have tantrums or meltdowns. You can keep a journal to track where, when, why, and with whom these happen most often. The triggers could be anything from loud noises to crowds to changes in routine. Once you know the triggers, you can try to avoid them or make a plan to deal with them.

Create a predictable routine:

A routine can help toddlers feel less stressed and anxious. Set regular meals, naps, and bedtime times, and don’t make sudden changes. If changes do happen, explain to your little one what’s happening. Even if you think your toddler is too young to understand, highly sensitive toddlers are usually wise for their age.

Validate and support your highly sensitive toddler:

When they feel upset, acknowledge their feelings and validate their experiences, even if you disagree. Don’t try to judge or dismiss their emotions. Instead, try to help them calm down and discuss better behavior choices.

Incorporate quiet breaks in your routine:

A highly sensitive toddler need plenty of downtime. Offer them a low-demand environment and a quiet, relaxing place, like a calming or a sensory corner.

Teach your child emotional self-regulation skills:

This could include deep breathing exercises, like the FREE Star Breathing Brain Break , or teaching your child to express their feelings using words.

2. Sleep difficulties

There are a few reasons why highly sensitive toddlers may have sleep problems:

• Sensory sensitivity: Highly sensitive toddlers are more aware of and sensitive to their surroundings. This can make it difficult for them to wind down and relax at bedtime, especially if their environment is noisy, bright, or otherwise stimulating.
• Rich inner world: Highly sensitive toddlers often have a rich inner world with vivid imaginations. This can make it difficult to fall asleep at night, as their minds may be racing with thoughts and feelings.
• Difficulty detaching from the day’s events: Highly sensitive toddlers may have difficulty detaching from the day’s events, especially if they had a tough day. This can make it difficult for them to fall asleep and stay asleep.

Here are a few strategies you can try to help your toddler get a more restful night:

• Nurture your relationship with your child before any change in the sleep routine: When our children struggle with sleep, it’s important to remember that the best way to help them is to nurture our relationship first. Our children thrive when they feel our closeness.
• Create a calm and relaxing bedtime routine: Establish a consistent bedtime routine that signals your child that it’s time to wind down and prepare for sleep. This could include a warm bath, rocking your baby to sleep, laying with them, reading a book, and singing a lullaby.
• Limit screen time one hour before bed: The blue light emitted from screens can interfere with sleep.
• Establish a quiet and dark sleep environment: Minimize noise and distractions in the bedroom, and ensure the room is dark enough for sleep. You can use blackout curtains if needed.
• Encourage daytime naps: Highly sensitive toddlers benefit from having a consistent nap schedule during the day. This can help them feel more rested at bedtime.
• Provide a comfortable sleep environment: Consider using a weighted blanket or white noise machine.

3. Separation anxiety and shyness

Deep-feeling toddlers often have trouble being apart from their caregivers and around new people. They may feel very close to their caregivers and get emotionally dysregulated when they are not around. In addition, a highly sensitive toddler may also be hesitant to play with many other energetic and unpredictable toddlers.

If your toddler is experiencing separation anxiety, here are a few things you can do to help:

• Prepare for transitions: When you need to leave your child with someone else, prepare them for the change. Explain who will be caring for them and what they will do together. (“Sweetie, I need to go for a little while, but you’re going to have so much fun with [caregiver’s name]! They’re going to play with you, read your favorite books, and have a snack together. I’ll be back after your snack, and we can do something special together when I return. Can you give [caregiver’s name] a big smile and wave goodbye for me?“)
• Provide reassurance: When you leave your child, reassure them that you will be back and love them. Try also to remain calm and confident. (“I’ll be back just before bedtime. I can’t wait to see you when I get back!” or “I’m going to work, but I’ll be back before dinner. I’ll be thinking of you while I’m gone.”)
• Help your child build social skills: Slowly introduce them to new people and places, even if that means taking them out of their comfort zone. Start with small things and build up to bigger things until your child feels safe. And remember to praise even small wins.

4. Sensory sensitivities

Highly sensitive toddlers are more likely to be bothered by noise, touch, taste, smell, and artificial or bright light. That can lead to:

• Meltdowns due to loud noises, crowded environments, strong smells, or bright lights.
• Difficulty focusing and paying attention in noisy or chaotic environments, like busy playgrounds, playdates with many children, or a large daycare center. That can make it challenging for them to learn and participate in activities.
• Picky eating: Sensitive toddlers may be picky eaters because they don’t like certain textures, tastes, or smells.
• Picky about clothes: Sensitive toddlers may not like the seams or the tags on their socks. When the seasons change, like when summer ends and fall begins, it can make them even more sensitive to these things (for example, they may avoid wearing long sleeves for as long as possible).
• Sleep problems Highly sensitive toddlers are more aware of and sensitive to their surroundings. This can make it difficult for them to wind down and relax at bedtime, especially if their environment is noisy, bright, or otherwise stimulating.

If your toddler is experiencing sensory sensitivity, there are a few things you can do to help:

• Identify your child’s sensory sensitivities: Pay attention to what triggers your child’s discomfort and avoid these triggers as much as possible. If that’s not possible, think of ways to cope. For example, you can provide noise-cancelling headphones if noise is a problem.
• Create a sensory-friendly environment: Minimize noise, clutter, and bright lights. Try to provide your child with sensory toys and activities to help them regulate their emotions.

5. Trouble with transitions

Difficulty with transitions is a common challenge for sensitive toddlers. Here’s why:

• They need more time to adjust to change. Highly sensitive toddlers are more aware of their surroundings and more sensitive to changes. This can make it difficult for them to adjust to transitions, such as moving from one activity to another or from one place to another.
• They are more easily overwhelmed. They have a lower threshold for stimulation, meaning they are more easily overwhelmed by new or different situations.
• They have a strong need for predictability. Toddlers thrive on routine and sensitive ones, even more so. Transitions can disrupt their routine and make them feel insecure.

 If your toddler is struggling with transitions, here are a few strategies to help you make daily transitions smoother:

• Anticipate: Give your child plenty of warning before a transition, and explain what will happen calmly and reassuringly. This can help your child to prepare for the change. You can use “Now…then” sentences to explain what will happen next.
• Gradual transitions: Break down transitions into smaller steps. For example, instead of jumping from playing to bedtime, you can gradually wind down by reading a story, singing lullabies, and dimming the lights.
• Provide comfort items: Allow your child to bring comfort items like a special blanket, toy, or stuffed animal to help them feel secure during transitions.
• Avoid dismissing their feelings. Try to avoid phrases like “It’s not that bad,” “You’re overreacting,” and “It’s just a toy.” Try instead, “You must be feeling angry. How can I help you?”

Take-Home Message

Toddlers are, by definition, emotional. Highly sensitive toddlers take emotions to a whole new level. That makes our parenting journey extra hard.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Now that you know about highly sensitive child traits, you can help your toddler manage their emotions better. It can be tricky to deal with big feelings, but it’s important to remember that you are your child’s first teacher. When you help them learn to manage their emotions, you’re setting them up for success in life.

You know what’s crazy? You can actually do that.

There are so many emotional regulation strategies, but today, we will talk about food.

Before we begin, we thought you might like our Time for Adventure FREEBIE. This fun activity can encourage your child to step out of their comfort zone and try new things, which, in turn, can boost their self-confidence.

Food plays a key role in how the brain works. When kids eat nutrient-dense food on a regular basis, we can see improvements in their behavior, immunity, picky eating, asthma and food intolerances.

An unhealthy diet is often associated with depression and anxiety. That makes sense because processed or high-sugar foods can cause blood sugar to rise and drop fast, making your moods unstable.

Choosing the right foods is critical in helping our bodies create essential chemicals that control our emotions. It’s like giving our cells a protective coat so they work better. This isn’t just good for managing feelings; it also helps our focus, problem-solving, and learning abilities.

That sounds a bit technical, but it’s true — eating the right foods can help us remain calm, focused, and collected. Let’s dive into the details.

How Does Food Affect Your Highly Sensitive Child?

In recent years, scientific research has unearthed a fascinating link between what we eat and how we feel. This connection between our gut and brain, often called the “gut-brain axis,” is pivotal in shaping our emotional well-being.

For parents of sensitive, deep-feeling children, understanding this connection can be a game-changer. According to a research study on 863 adults, highly sensitive people are more likely to experience acid reflux, abdominal pain, indigestion, constipation, and diarrhea. So, being highly sensitive may not only be about the brain being more reactive but also about physical health.

The Gut: Your Highly Sensitive Child’s Second Brain

The brain and the gut are connected by the vagus nerve. With help from the vagus nerve, the gut communicates with the brain.

So, the digestive system, often seen as a food processor, is, in fact, a complex network of neurons and neurotransmitters. This web between the gut and the brain is biologically known as the enteric nervous system. It’s often dubbed the “second brain” because of its ability to operate independently and influence our well-being.

The Microbiome: Healthy and Harmful Gut Bacteria

At the heart of this gut-brain connection lies the microbiome—a community of trillions of microorganisms living in our digestive tract. These microorganisms play a significant role in the breakdown of food and the production of essential nutrients.

But their influence extends beyond digestion. The gut’s good bacteria play a role in creating neurotransmitters that influence mood, behavior, and sleep, such as serotonin and GABA. When these chemicals are in short supply, it can increase the chances of experiencing depression and anxiety.

Studies have shown that when the microbiome is balanced and healthy, it’s more likely to produce happy chemicals (more than 90% of the body’s serotonin is synthesized in the gut) and keep the immune system in good shape.

A 2023 study showed that in the case of highly sensitive people, there’s a link between inflammation and low diversity of the gut microbiota. What causes this low diversity? In short, an unhealthy diet.

Our microbiome becomes imbalanced when we eat lots of saturated fats, refined carbs, and sugars and don’t eat enough fresh foods and fiber. Simple ways to improve balance are to have a diverse diet, eat fermented foods that contain live microbes, and eat washed raw fruit and veggies.

Understanding the powerful link between nutrition and mood is crucial. It’s not just about filling their tummies; it’s about nourishing their minds. In the next section, we’ll explore the essential nutrients that improve your child’s mood:

8 Essential Nutrients That Improve Your Child’s Behavior

Did you know that certain essential nutrients can play a starring role in managing your highly sensitive child ‘s mood and emotional well-being? Let’s dig deeper:

1. Prebiotics – food for the friendly gut bacteria

As many minerals, vitamins and probiotics we eat, they are not going to help without prebiotics.

Prebiotics are a type of fiber that nourishes the healthy bacteria in our gut – also referred to as probiotics.

Prebiotics are like the food for that healthy gut bacteria. When the gut bacteria gets nourishment, it thrives and multiplies. That in turn, helps maintain a healthy gut balance.

Where to find them: garlic, onion, leeks, asparagus, green bananas, lentils, oats, rye, cooked and cooled potatoes.

2. Probiotics – live bacteria that promotes gut health

Probiotics are live microorganisms, often referred to as “good” or “friendly” bacteria. These friendly bacteria are similar to the naturally occurring bacteria found in your gut.

Fermented foods in general contain probiotics that help decrease mood swings and promote a healthy gut function.

Where to find them: yogurt, kefir, kombucha, sauerkraut, kimchi and fermented vegetables.

3. Magnesium for relaxation

Magnesium is like a calming friend for your highly sensitive child ‘s nervous system. It helps reduce anxiety and supports better sleep, which can lead to a happier mood. Additionally, numerous studies have shown that depression is linked to magnesium deficiency.

Common signs of magnesium deficiency include nighttime leg cramps, nausea, constipation, headaches, tremors, irritability, and, in the case of kids, excessive worries about school, friends, sports, etc.

Stress, regular consumption of refined sugars and carbs, and intensive exercise can lower magnesium levels in the body.

Where to find it: Nuts (like almonds, hazelnuts, Brazil nuts, and cashews), avocados, spinach, pumpkin seeds, and whole grains.

4. Zinc for immunity and mood

Zinc is not just for fighting off colds; it also plays a role in maintaining a balanced mood.

It may also improve ADHD symptoms like hyperactivity, impulsiveness, and difficulty focusing. Several studies (1, 2, and 3) have reported an improvement linked to zinc supplements.

Our body does not store zinc, so we need to eat enough daily to ensure we meet the daily requirements.

Where to find it: Lean meats (beef, lamb, pork), chickpeas, lentils, beans, lobster, Alaska king crab, oysters, dairy products, nuts, and whole grains.

Did you know that dairy contains lots of bioavailable zinc, meaning that our bodies readily absorb most of the zinc in dairy?

5. Iron for energy and mood

Iron keeps your highly sensitive child ‘s energy levels steady, preventing irritability and mood swings. Low iron levels can lead to fatigue, behavioral problems, frequent infections, poor appetite, cold hands and feet, and pale skin.

Where to find it: Red meat, beans, lentils, spinach, fortified cereals, and dark chocolate.

Did you know that heme iron – from animal sources (meat, poultry, seafood) – is the most easily absorbable form of iron?

6. Vitamin D for bones and brain

Vitamin D is good for bone health, but also for mood regulation. It helps the brain produce serotonin, often called the “feel-good” hormone.

People often say vitamin D is the “sunshine vitamin” because your skin can produce it when exposed to sunlight. So, spending some time outdoors is a natural mood booster for your highly sensitive child!

Low vitamin D can cause irritability, depression, language delays, memory functioning, and learning issues. Some neurodevelopmental disorders like autism and ADHD, which frequently overlap with sensitivity traits, have also been linked to mother’s low vitamin D during pregnancy.

Where to find it: Sunshine, fortified milk, fatty fish (like salmon), and fortified cereals.

7. Omega-3 fatty acids for brain development and mood regulation

These healthy fats are so important for your highly sensitive child. They support verbal learning ability and memory and help stabilize mood swings.

A review of 16 studies has shown that omega-3 supplements can help reduce ADHD symptoms in children (ADHD is different from being an HSP, but some symptoms do overlap with sensitivity traits). Additionally, researchers have found that consuming omega-3 fatty acids decreases sleep interruptions and can lead to one extra hour of night sleep.

Where to find them: Fatty fish (salmon, mackerel), walnuts, flaxseeds, and chia seeds.

8. B Vitamins for stress

B vitamins (especially B6, B9, and B12) significantly affect mood regulation. They help the body manage stress and are essential for healthy brain function.

B vitamins are water-soluble, which means the body doesn’t store them, so it’s essential to include them regularly in your highly sensitive child ‘s diet.

Where to find them: Whole grains, beans, leafy greens, and lean meats.

How to Reduce the Anti-Nutrients in Foods

We can offer our highly sensitive kids the most nutrient-dense foods possible, but that doesn’t help if their body doesn’t absorb the nutrients.

That’s why it helps to know about anti-nutrients: plants contain anti-nutrients that reduce the absorption of essential nutrients our bodies need. Well-studied anti-nutrients include:

• Phytates (Phytic Acid): You can find them in grains, legumes, nuts, and seeds. Phytates can reduce the absorption of minerals like iron, calcium, and zinc.
• Oxalates (Oxalic Acid): You can find them in spinach, rhubarb, beet greens, and certain nuts. They can bind to calcium and form crystals, potentially leading to kidney stones if consumed excessively.
• Tannins: Found in tea, coffee, some fruits (like grapes and pomegranates), and legumes. They can inhibit the absorption of iron and other minerals.
• Lectins: Found in legumes (especially kidney beans), grains, and some vegetables. They may interfere with nutrient absorption and cause digestive discomfort in high amounts.
• Saponins: Found in legumes, whole grains, and certain vegetables like spinach. They can affect mineral absorption and may have positive and adverse health effects.
• Protease Inhibitors: You can find them in soybeans and some other legumes. They can interfere with protein digestion when consumed in large amounts.

Here’s how anti-nutrients work:

Plant seeds contain essential minerals like magnesium, calcium, and iron that are good for our bodies. However, these minerals are locked up or “bound” to other compounds within the seed – the anti-nutrients. Now, these minerals are locked up to protect the seed itself. It’s like a natural safeguard to ensure the seed doesn’t start growing too early before planting in the right conditions.

However, here’s the catch: these compounds that protect the seed can also make it difficult for our bodies to absorb and use those valuable minerals when we eat them. So, even though we’re eating these nutritious seeds, we might not get all the benefits of those minerals because they stay locked up and aren’t easily absorbed in our bodies.

To overcome this, we need to prepare plant seeds (seeds, beans, whole grains) in ways that make the minerals more available for absorption, like soaking, sprouting, fermenting, or boiling. That helps break down those compounds, making the minerals more beneficial for our bodies.

How to reduce anti-nutrients:

1. Soaking

Soaking involves placing foods like beans, grains, nuts, and seeds in water for a while, usually several hours or overnight. This softens the food and starts to break down the anti-nutrients.

Soaking reduces the levels of compounds like phytates and tannins, making minerals like iron and zinc more available for absorption. It can also make some foods easier to digest.

2. Fermenting

Fermentation is a natural process where beneficial bacteria, yeast, or other microorganisms break down food components over time. Examples include yogurt, kefir, sauerkraut, and sourdough bread.

Fermentation can significantly reduce anti-nutrient levels, including phytates and lectins. It can also enhance the nutrient content and promote gut health by introducing beneficial probiotics.

3. Boiling

Boiling can reduce anti-nutrients such as oxalates and protease inhibitors. It’s a simple and effective way to make certain foods safer to eat and more nutrient-dense.

4. Sprouting

Sprouting means germinating seeds or grains by allowing them to sprout or grow tiny shoots. It typically involves soaking and then letting the seeds germinate.

Sprouting can lower anti-nutrient levels, especially phytates. It also increases the absorption of minerals and vitamins and helps with digestion.

5. Cooking at high temperatures

Cooking foods at high temperatures, like roasting or baking, can reduce anti-nutrients. It’s particularly effective for nuts.

High-temperature cooking can break down compounds like lectins and tannins, making foods tastier and more nutritious.

It’s often helpful to combine these techniques and enjoy a diverse diet for the best results. This way, you can minimize anti-nutrients while benefiting from the many nutrients plant-based foods offer.

8 Mood Enhancing Foods for Your Highly Sensitive Child

Now that we’ve talked about nutrients for mood regulation and how to reduce anti-nutrients let’s dive into some delicious superfoods:

1. Fatty Fish (Omega-3)

Salmon, trout and mackerel have lots of Omega-3 fatty acids, which support cognitive functioning and mood regulation.

Kid-Friendly Idea: Try making fish tacos with baked salmon and colorful toppings. Kids can customize their tacos for a fun, interactive meal.

2. Spinach (Magnesium)

Spinach is a magnesium-rich leafy green that helps calm the nervous system and reduce anxiety.

Kid-Friendly Idea: Sneak spinach into a smoothie with banana, yogurt, and a drizzle of honey for a sweet and nutritious treat.

3. Butternut squash (Magnesium)

Butternut squash is an excellent source of magnesium, potassium, and manganese–all essential minerals for managing anxiety.

Kid-Friendly Idea: Make a warm and comforting butternut squash soup. Add plain Greek yogurt on top for some creaminess.

4. Nuts and Seeds (Zinc and Magnesium)

Almonds, cashews, flaxseeds, and chia seeds have zinc and magnesium essential for mood support.

Kid-Friendly Idea: Create a trail mix with nuts and seeds, dried fruits, and dark chocolate chips for a balanced snack.

5. Eggs (B Vitamins)

Eggs are a tasty source of Vitamin B, especially B6 and B12, crucial in mood regulation.

Kid-Friendly Idea: Make fluffy scrambled eggs with a sprinkle of cheese for a comforting and nutrient-rich breakfast.

6. Yogurt (Probiotics)

Yogurt contains probiotics that support gut health, closely linked to mood and emotional well-being.

Kid-Friendly Idea: Layer yogurt with berries and granola for a tasty, gut-healthy parfait.

7. Whole Grains (B Vitamins)

Whole grains like oats, quinoa, and whole wheat provide B vitamins, magnesium, and fiber for mood stability.

Kid-Friendly Idea: Cook up a batch of oatmeal, add cinnamon and a drizzle of maple syrup for a comforting breakfast.

8. Turkey Breast (Protein and B Vitamins)

Turkey breast without the skin is an excellent source of low-fat protein. It is also high in tryptophan, an essential amino-acid used to make melatonin and serotonin, which help regulate sleep and mood.

Kid-Friendly Idea: Make turkey and veggie wraps with turkey breast slices, sliced cucumbers, baby spinach leaves, shredded carrots, cream cheese or hummus, and your favorite sauce for dipping (like ranch dressing or honey mustard).

While mood-boosting nutrition supports emotional well-being, it’s essential to recognize that every child is different. If you notice persistent mood issues or extreme mood swings, or if your highly sensitive child’s eating habits significantly impact their daily life, it may be time to seek professional guidance.

You may want to keep a daily Mood and Food Journal to document your child’s mood and food intake daily. That can help professionals identify patterns or triggers affecting their emotional well-being.

Take-Home Message

This article may sound too science-y. So, here’s an easy way to look at the connection between food and emotional regulation: think of your highly sensitive child ’s gut as an ever-changing forest.

Gut Health: Picture their tummy as a vibrant forest. This forest is full of life, lots of plants and animals.

Processed Foods: Imagine if someone tried to replace the real forest with fake trees made of plastic. They might look okay from a distance, but they wouldn’t support the ecosystem. Processed foods are a bit like those fake trees – they may not provide the real nutrients your child’s gut needs.

Prebiotics: Prebiotics are like the nourishing soil and sunlight in the forest. They provide the essential nutrients for the plants (good bacteria) to grow strong and healthy. Just like the forest needs these nutrients, your highly sensitive child ’s gut does too, which you can find in foods like bananas and whole grains.

Probiotics: Probiotics are like the caretakers of the forest, such as forest rangers. They ensure the well-being of the plants (good bacteria) and help maintain the balance of the forest ecosystem (your child’s gut). They protect against invasive species (harmful bacteria) and make sure everything thrives.

Diversity of the Microbiome: Forests that are diverse and full of life are home to various trees, plants, and animals. Similarly, a diverse gut microbiome, with many different types of good bacteria, keeps your highly sensitive child ‘s gut strong and resilient.

In this article, we’ve talked about how a healthy diet improves mood. Healthy nutrition alone does not help with mood regulation. But it’s a crucial tool to your parenting toolkit together with lots of patience, empathy, and understanding of the needs beyond the outbursts.

And though emotional awareness and sensory intelligence are great gifts, they often come with a set of challenges, like anxiety, anger, meltdowns, and trouble with transitions.

So, if you often believe that you’ve caused your child’s worries, explosive outbursts, and frustration or that you’ve failed your child somehow, let me tell you that you’re not to blame.

You’re also not alone if you feel like that. Many parents of sensitive, different children do.

By learning more about the sensitive temperament, you’ll see that it has nothing to do with you. It’s a matter of misunderstanding how deep feeling children think and what triggers them. It just takes a bit of learning communication and understanding their big feelings.

Before you continue, we thought you might like our Time for Adventure FREEBIE. This fun activity can encourage your child to step out of their comfort zone and try new things, which, in turn, can boost their self-confidence.

Why does a deeply feeling child feel so much rejection, shame, and self-blame?

Sometimes, kids have a deep sense of “I’m not good enough,” which comes from the negative messages they perceive. There are a lot of situations that can trigger them. For example, it may be something you said when you snapped because you were tired, or when you turned down an invitation to play with them too abruptly, or when something turned different from what your child expected.

Additionally, when your child hears you, a classmate, a friend, or a teacher say something, they are likely to interpret it negatively if they are more sensitive. Their brain seems wired toward negativity.

That’s why knowing how to talk to your deeply feeling child is crucial.

5 Tips to Discipline without Making Your Deeply Feeling Child Feel Shame and Rejection

1. Ensure your deeply feeling child knows your love for them is unconditional

Our natural impulse is to stop our child’s big feelings, especially when it happens often. Even the most patient parent can end up shouting as they become increasingly overwhelmed, emotionally and sensory-wise.

What happens next is that the child ends up believing that the parent is angry at them for feeling that way. As a result, the child learns that feeling those emotions is not okay. They bottle up their feelings, start having negative self-talk, and the outbursts don’t stop. They still happen. Just like volcanoes occasionally erupt, deeply feeling children also have meltdowns out of the blue.

If you have a child who struggles with negative self-talk, it’s because those things they say are what they believe about themselves right now. Unfortunately, those negative beliefs influence their behavior every day.

One way to help reduce meltdowns is to ensure that your deeply feeling child knows you love them no matter how they behave. They need you to tell them that your own big emotions have nothing to do with your love for them.

2. Encourage responsibility while avoiding shaming

For children to learn self-accountability, they need to be aware of their impulses and identify their emotions and needs.

Helping your child identify how they feel, even if they are very young (“You’re sad because you wanted that”), can help them pause before reacting and encourage them to talk about their feelings.

You can try narrating your child’s behavior neutrally, without judgment, while setting simple and clear boundaries (“You’re biting. Let’s take a quiet break and join the other children later.”)

3. Help your deeply feeling child understand how others’ actions can affect them

Toddlers have limited self-awareness, yet they begin grasping emotions and actions by observing others’ impact on them. One way to help them see how others’ behavior impacts them is to narrate for your child what happens when someone makes them sad or happy.

You can try this,

• “I said no more throwing toys, and you did not like that.”
• “Grandma asked you to share, and you weren’t ready.”
• “Your friend brought you a present, and you feel excited now, don’t you?”

With older children, you can talk about relationships with classmates and friends to help them see what behaviors are okay and which ones are unkind. For instance, you can say: “I’ve noticed that what Milo did made you sad. Calling other people names is unkind, don’t you think?”

Sensitive children are often anxious in new situations or with new people because there’s a lot of information to take in and little time. So, you may want to talk on this subject and approach it in a neutral way that doesn’t make your child feel defensive. For example, you might want to begin the conversation casually, “My friend wanting to kiss you goodbye made you feel uneasy, so you covered your face. Am I right? Would you like to talk about it?”

4. Guide your child in understanding how their actions can affect peers

When your toddler causes upset to a peer, it helps to put those emotions into words. That way, your child starts learning about feelings and how we show our emotions through behavior. For example, you can say, “You threw her toy away. Now she’s crying. She’s upset and wants her plane back. Let’s go help her find it.”

They learn resilience and problem-solving by teaching children that mistakes can be repaired and that cooperation can solve most problems. If your child avoids joining you in diffusing the tension, get to their eye level, explain why it’s essential to follow through, and assure them that you’ll help.

With an older child, asking questions that encourage awareness and empathy might help:

• “How do you think your friend felt when you did/said that?”
• “How would you feel if someone did/said that to you?”

5. Explain how your deeply feeling child’s behavior affects adults

One way you can talk about how your child’s behavior affects the adults in their life without making them feel ashamed, rejected, or unloved is by framing your feedback using I-statements. For example, say, ” When you did [action], I felt [emotion].”

• “When you hit me, I felt sad. I know you’re upset because I turned off the TV, but using violence is not an acceptable way to express anger. Let’s find healthier ways to handle our emotions.”
• “I understand that school has been challenging for you, and it’s understandable that you had a tough time tonight. However, when you talk to me that way, I feel upset. So, I’d like you to avoid talking like that to me even when you’re facing difficulties. I love you and will always be here to support you. Let’s find a better way to express yourself if you need space.”

Another way to focus on the behavior, not the child, is to say, “Hitting hurts others,” instead of “You’re a mean kid for hitting.”

Does Your Deeply Feeling Child Get More Upset When You Validate Their Feelings?

Have you noticed meltdowns worsening when you tell your child, “You seem upset”?

For parents of deeply feeling children, it can be helpful to approach big feelings a bit differently. While we often mirror our children’s emotions as a form of validation, that can overwhelm a deeply feeling child. ⁠

⁠So, you must choose the right time and setting: instead of talking about their feelings in the heat of the moment (especially if it happens in public), it’s best to retreat to a quiet corner, help your child calm down and then talk about what happened. Discussing while doing another activity can also help (like doing a puzzle or on a car ride).

Disciplining your child gently, without making them feel unloved, is something every parent of a deep-feeling child needs to do. When your child melts downs, whines, or gets angry, reacting gently is even more important.

Shame thrives in secrecy and silence. When there’s a disconnection between who we are and who we believe we should be, shame takes hold.

At its core, shame is the belief that we are inherently flawed, unworthy, or fundamentally bad. It often stems from early experiences of rejection, criticism, or invalidation, leaving lasting imprints on our psyche. We internalize these negative messages, leading to a pervasive sense of shame that can shape our self-perception and influence our behaviors.

Societal expectations can also perpetuate shame. Cultural pressures play a massive role in a highly sensitive child’s sense of shame. That’s because our society doesn’t see sensitivity as a strength.

Before you continue, we thought you might like our Time for Adventure FREEBIE. This fun activity can encourage your child to step out of their comfort zone and try new things, which, in turn, can boost their self-confidence.

How we shame a highly sensitive child without meaning to

Shame happens in all families, including loving ones. When parents feel overwhelmed by daily life struggles or pressure from well-meaning friends and relatives, they often make kids feel bad about needing, wanting, or feeling something or not being independent or outgoing enough. 

We tend to focus on behavior and make children feel bad for not meeting expectations. But applying this tactic when raising a highly sensitive child is tricky. Your wording and body language matter because these children notice minor details and are acutely aware of their mistakes.

They are incredibly mistake-conscious, and it’s hard for them to shrug off an embarrassing experience or negative feedback. Even a minor critique can lead to painful self-consciousness. Highly sensitive children often internalize these experiences as personal flaws, fostering a deep sense of shame.

When a highly sensitive child feels shame, they become quiet and compliant. That is their coping strategy to avoid future embarrassment. The problem is that compliance doesn’t make children internalize the drive to do good.

Another essential contributor to the feeling of shame is societal expectations. Highly sensitive children may feel “less than” because our society values outgoing and bold people. That’s why it’s essential to make your child feel valued for who they are and help them discover their superpowers. The sooner they embrace their gift, the less they’ll feel ashamed for not being as society expects them to be.

It’s essential to help them see that toxic shame – feeling ashamed constantly for what we are and for minor mistakes – serves no purpose. It hinders personal growth and the ability to set boundaries with others and express ourselves authentically.

5 Tips to Avoid Shaming in a Highly Sensitive Child

1. Be aware of your shame triggers

Imagine you are at a playdate, and your child refuses to play. The other parents start noticing and say, “Is there something wrong? Why won’t you play with the others? You’re a shy one, aren’t you?”

If you have a highly sensitive child, that kind of talk can make them withdraw even more. Now you feel that everyone’s looking. You feel a heaviness in your chest, a sinking feeling – shame.

What do we do when we feel shame? We try to avoid it. How? Often, by passing it on to our children (“Can’t you play just one game?”)

It’s probably not a big deal if it’s an isolated event and you discuss with your child afterward to make repairs. But the point is that we must be aware of our shame triggers and how we can shame our children without realizing it.

If we know our triggers, we can break the cycle.

2. Cultivate unconditional love

Does your child hates or gets bored with emotion-naming games, breathing exercises, and mindfulness for kids? Most parents who have found that their children are highly sensitive have probably tried various parenting techniques to make them feel calmer and safer. But do you know why your child might seem uninterested?

Because they get the message that “You need to be fixed.” Unfortunately, sensitive children are susceptible to criticism and shame. They turn inward and focus on their deficiencies at the slightest sign of disapproval.

What helps most is showing them that you love them unconditionally and are valued just as they are, regardless of their actions, choices, mistakes, and temperament.

3. Focus on the behavior, not the person

Choosing your words when angry is hard, but wording matters greatly for highly sensitive children.

A simple way to avoid criticizing and shaming is to use I-statements. So, instead of saying, “That’s bad, you’re bad,” try to rephrase like this, “I feel upset that you bit your sister. I can see that you’re angry, but we don’t bite. What can you do next time that you’re angry?”

Another way to avoid shame but also correct the behavior is to show them that you trust they are good inside, but that good people can make bad choices (“I know that you are kind and wouldn’t hit your brother like that on purpose. What just happened there?”)

Separate their behavior from their inherent worth and communicate that you value them for who they are, not just for what they do.

4. Share your past experiences

If you can, share age-appropriate stories or personal experiences with your child when they feel shame for having made a mistake or for being laughed at. Try to retell the story while showing self-compassion and embracing your imperfections.

It always helps to hear something relatable when in a bad mood. It’s the same for our little ones.

5. Encourage open communication

At one point in our lives, we all have had a secret we have been ashamed of. Now imagine how good it feels to share it with someone who believes how hard it must have been for you and shows empathy.

The most significant gift our children can offer is sharing their secrets with us. For that to happen, especially when they’re older, we must encourage open communication when they’re young. We can show empathy when our children share their vulnerabilities with us.

6. Avoid comparisons

Comparing our children with peers can trigger our shame because of cultural norms regarding sensitivity. It’s easy to think that we aren’t good enough as parents when our children have different interests than peers, and maybe they also struggle with worries and sensory issues.

Many parents fall into the comparison trap when they have a highly sensitive child whom everyone labels “shy” and “slow to warm up” and when other kids seem accomplished.

While your child’s peers are into sports and have busy after-school schedules, yours might struggle with friendships, avoid birthday parties, and dislike the pressure of competitions.

However, it’s important to remember that highly sensitive children can shine bright their way. The best way to support them is to let them explore their interests without forcing them to be someone they’re not.

The Toxic Effects of Shaming a Highly Sensitive Child

It encourages bad behavior. When a child feels shame, they automatically feel like they are wrong and someone else is right. Somebody else has the power, and they feel small. That is an awful feeling to feel. What happens next is that the child will go and find another child on whom to exert power—for instance, a younger sibling. That’s true even for highly sensitive and compassionate children.

It leads to poor self-esteem. Shaming means criticizing and judging when someone makes a mistake. That’s wrong because the way we talk to children will become their inner voice. So, they’ll shame themselves when they face difficulties. Instead, it’s more helpful to help them focus on solutions. That way, they’ll be able to see mistakes as learning opportunities, not as shameful memories.

It fosters lying. Children are wired to have a good relationship with their caregivers for survival reasons. Highly sensitive children, who are, by default, more cautious and attuned to caregivers, feel an even higher need to feel loved and safe. So, they naturally want to please their parents. But when adults shame them, children can resort to lying for fear of damaging the relationship.

Shame can have debilitating effects on highly sensitive children due to their ability to process things deeply and their tendency to worry. Breaking the shame cycle requires time and self-compassion but will allow you to raise a self-confident and resilient child.

Let me tell you a story about Becky, mom to a 4-year-old spirited girl and a 2-year-old boy.

This frequently happens in her house: her daughter comes home from preschool and needs a quiet break, which is impossible with a toddler.

So, her little brother attempts to engage his older sister in play. At first, she seems okay with it, but then she starts to be mean – she snatches his toys, pushes him, and makes fun of him. Becky tries to intervene, but her daughter ignores her. The four-year-old eventually hit the two-year-old, and boom.

Now the little girl is entirely dysregulated and unable to chill. So, she refuses to eat what her mother made for dinner, then fights bath time and resists going to bed. She’s whiney, angry, and yells at everybody.

Does that sound familiar?

If it does, you may have a sensitive but spirited child. These children are easily overstimulated but in a subtler way. As toddlers, they may have feared certain stimuli, like sudden noises and crowds. But now, as preschoolers or school-age kids, they understand that there’s no real danger. Still, their highly sensitive brain makes them spend energy faster than non-HSP brains. So, these children get stressed or tired more quickly than their peers.

When your child is like that, they’re nothing but sensitive – they are self-centered you doubt whether your child is highly sensitive. They can get angry, defiant, yell, and whine for no apparent reason.

On the other hand, they are deeply sensitive to rejection, harsh criticism, and strict parenting.

So, how do you discipline them without pushing them away?

Before you continue, we thought you might like our 11 Gratitude Prompts. Make these gratitude prompts a part of your bedtime routine or Friday family dinners.

What to avoid when you have a spirited child

Despite their behavior, spirited children are sensitive to criticism, so lecturing them about rules can easily backfire.

Punishing them for being insensitive to others’ needs will likely drive them further away.

Shaming might work temporarily, but it can have devastating effects on self-esteem.

Being in a rush and low on patience can worsen the behavior. That’s because sensitive and spirited children can feel as if their feelings are dismissed when you rush them.

The lack of time prevents them from processing the information at their own pace, so they get overwhelmed. As a result, because they feel unheard, they’ll use behavior, any type of behavior, to get your attention.

So how can you support a spirited child without pushing them away or crushing their spirit?

5 Strategies to Support a Spirited Child

1. A spirited child needs to feel seen

When your child  has a tough time, it helps make them feel validated, first, and then to hold the boundary. We don’t want to create resistance to their resistance because that makes things worse. Instead, we want them to freely express their emotions without fear of judgment.

Getting caught up in the moment and starting a fight is easy. But try to reframe the situation and remember that you and your child are on the same side. You are a team working towards the same goal – emotional regulation.

So, instead of “No, you aren’t allowed to do that,” or “No, we don’t have time for that right now,” it helps to explain you are on the same team:

You: “Sweetheart, we’re a team. I know we can figure it out together.”

Child: “No, we aren’t on the same team.”

You: “How can we be on the same team? What do you need from me to help you feel better?”

Then, listen actively and with compassion as they tell you about their struggles.

Reassuring them you are on their side might not work the first time, but it helps calm your child enough to begin to regulate.

After actively listening to what they say, validate the feeling (“That sounds so frustrating!”).

When they have settled, brainstorm solutions together and provide logical explanations as neutrally as you possibly can (“Let’s see. How can you convince your brother to share his new toy with you? Do you have any ideas?”)

2. See your child as a whole human being

Many of us tend to focus on one trait our children possess, whether it’s good or bad – “she’s too sensitive”, “he’s into sports,” “he’s always so rude,” “she’s shy,” “he’s clingy,” or “she has sensory sensitivities and will never learn how to swim” or “she’s a little drama queen when she doesn’t get her way.”

Children measure their worth through our lenses. And our words become their inner voice. Even a positive trait (“he’s an athlete”) can be harmful because your child may think sports is the only thing they are good at, limiting them from exploring other options.

So, let us not define children by a single behavior, hobby, like or dislike. Instead, let’s see them as human beings as a whole.

Children have bad and good moments. For many different reasons, they can be self-centered and compassionate, depending on whether they’ve had a good or a bad day if they like the other person.

Likewise, as parents, we tend to have a go-to reaction when triggered. For instance, some parents are yellers. But what good does it do to be seen as the “yeller” in the house? Negative labels feed guilt instead of improving behavior.

Normalizing children’s strengths and limitations can also help reduce our parental worries (“How is my child going to turn up if they’re always behaving like that?”, “He’s so sensitive. How will he handle stress as an adult if he cannot build resilience?”). Accepting our children as perfectly imperfect can also help us reduce our urge to swoop in to fix their problems.

More importantly, accepting them as a whole can help us build a good relationship with our children. A solid relationship is key to disciplining sensitive children without pushing them away.

3. Add humor to diffuse tension

Using humor to diffuse the situation is also great if you are in the mood. It helps us see the problem from a lighter perspective. That is extremely helpful for sensitive children because they tend to overthink due to their ability to process information deeply.

Here are some examples:

“You’re the worst mom ever!”

“Oh, really? Does that mean I don’t have to make you broccoli for dinner tonight? Phew, what a relief! But seriously, it’s okay to feel upset, but let’s find a nicer way to express ourselves, like saying, ‘Mom, I’m not happy right now.'”

“You’re so mean!”

“Oh, I know, I won the ‘Meanest Mom in the Universe’ award! It’s quite an honor. But seriously, I love you too much to be mean. But, sometimes, I have to set limits because I care about your well-being. So let’s find a way to work together, okay?”

Remember to make fun of the situation, not laugh at your child’s fears or behaviors. Nobody likes that, especially sensitive kids. Moreover, irony and sarcasm are concepts that little ones start to grasp from age seven onwards, and even then, they can backfire.

3. Spend quality time together

Sensitive spirited get dysregulated when they feel disconnected from you. They can get angry, defiant, and rude when they feel unsafe.

But when their bucket is full, they are more likely to follow your advice. Remember that highly sensitive children like to follow the rules and are conscientious, but emotional and sensory overstimulation gets in the way.

So, whenever your child is in a bad attitude cycle, spend more one-on-one time doing other activities they choose. Also, unstructured play and play in nature are great for managing overstimulation.

Playing baby is another great bonding activity, especially if your spirited child is your eldest or you have a new baby. For instance, you might pretend to rock or sing to them to sleep. After you’ve finished rocking and singing, you can act like you want to put them in bed, but you two are stuck with glue. Now you are stuck together! Oh, no! What are you going to do?

4. Empower your spirited child with choices

Giving your child some autonomy can prevent defiance and other tricky behaviors.

For example, you can encourage them to choose what clothes to wear, what to have for breakfast, or what book to read before bed. Have clear, consistent rules and discuss what is non-negotiable to ensure your child makes appropriate choices.

Also, choose your battles wisely. For example, does your child want to wear a T-shirt outside in winter? It might be because of sensory issues; they’ll probably get their jacket when they step out.

Choices also work when you feel the need to impose consequences. For instance, instead of “If you don’t clean up the toys, I am taking them away for one week,” you might say, “If you choose not to clean up the toys, then you also choose not to play with them for one week.”

5. Make a family kindness list

Sensitive children with strong personalities can be surprisingly self-centered when overwhelmed. Unfortunately, many parents become their child’s emotional punching bags.

Highly sensitive parents can feel sad when their child says hurtful words despite their best efforts to support the child. Other parents, who may not be HSPs, may get angry and impose consequences.

Whatever your parenting style, children, like all people, tend to show their good side when we choose to see the good side of their personality. For this to work, we must be intentional about it and suppress the urge to escalate.

One way to focus on the bright side is to make a family kindness list.

Ask your family to write down things they like or appreciate about each other and something they can do to show kindness to each other. Younger children can draw, or you could help them write. Alternatively, you can create a family gratitude jar where everyone writes something they are grateful for and reads it aloud at the end of the week.

Here are some acts of kindness:

• Help with chores
• Draw or write someone a thank you card
• Give someone a flower
• Make a small gift
• Share or lend toys
• Help a younger sibling get dressed
• Make someone else’s bed
• Help set the table
• Say “thank you” more often
• Say “I love you” more often
• Give a hug when someone’s upset.

These are five ways to raise a sensitive and spirited child without crushing their determination. But, of course, there are many other ways to discipline them while also keeping the connection. Each child has a unique nervous system and unique needs.

A few days ago, I was reading a new picture book to my kids at bedtime. There was a picture of a girl snatching a toy from her baby brother, who looked very upset. My eldest responded, “This is the saddest picture I’ve ever seen. How can the girl be so mean to the baby? That’s so unfair!”

That was one of the many instances that reminded me that my child was different than others. More compassionate, intense, and strong-willed.

A highly sensitive child sees the world differently than other children. Due to genetics and the environment, sensitive children see more details that they process more deeply. That means they can see problems through a unique perspective and find out-of-the-box solutions to common problems, but it also means that they are more prone to overwhelm.

Before you continue, we thought you might like our Time for Adventure FREEBIE. This fun activity can encourage your child to step out of their comfort zone and try new things, which, in turn, can boost their self-confidence.

What is a Highly Sensitive Child?

All people are sensitive to what happens around them, more or less.

We should see sensitivity like a continuum, experts say. Most people are in the middle, and about 1 in 3 are highly sensitive. How sensitive we are depends on genetics and the environment, especially during the first years of life, when the brain develops quickly.

A highly sensitive child is a child who is more aware of emotions, theirs and others, and sensory input. That’s because a highly sensitive brain is wired differently – the brain areas related to emotions, empathy, and reading social cues are more active. Moreover, a highly sensitive child is generally more alert because their stress response activates quickly.

Because of how much information they absorb and because they process it more deeply, highly sensitive children may act differently than their peers and may want and need different things. For instance, highly sensitive children do better in quiet, slow-paced environments. That’s why a sensitive child may enjoy a walk in nature more than a crowded birthday party. Or they may like to spend their afternoon at home reading rather than doing sports.

Related: Highly Sensitive Child Guide (2022)

Is a highly sensitive child neurodivergent?

Experts view heightened sensitivity to the environment as a character trait, which doesn’t mean HSPs are neurodivergent. “For now,” some would argue.

What’s clear, though, is that, according to this brain study, heightened sensitivity is different from autism. So a child may be both highly sensitive and have autism, but that doesn’t mean that the two are the same. In addition, sensitivity is different from ADHD, too, according to research.

The thing to remember is that each of us has a unique nervous system. That means that people, children included, react differently to stimuli and different needs. But being different does not mean that you need to be cured. Instead of trying to “change” our children to fit in, we should appreciate inner diversity. Sensitivity is something to be explored, not something to be fixed.

To answer the question, “Is a highly sensitive child neurodivergent?” let’s say that high sensitivity is an example of neurodiversity. That way, we can honor sensitive children’s gifts and acknowledge that we must help them develop coping skills in overwhelming situations.

14 Signs You Have a Highly Sensitive Child

If you have a highly sensitive child, you are probably familiar with after-school meltdowns, emotional overload, and sensory overwhelm. Unfortunately, many of us come to believe that this is what defines a highly sensitive child.

But high sensitivity, like all personality traits, has pros and cons.

Let’s see 14 advantages and drawbacks of being a highly sensitive child:

1. A fast-paced lifestyle overwhelms a highly sensitive child

Most kids don’t seem to be bothered by the noise in the classroom, the smell in the cafeteria, and the fast-paced summer camp games. They also seem able to cope with multiple after-school activities, birthday parties, daily screen time, and movies like “Frozen.”

But those things might not work for a highly sensitive child. Sensitive children prefer a slower schedule, lots of quiet breaks on busy days, and less stimulation in general. For them, “less is more.”

2. A highly sensitive child has intense emotions

A sensitive child processes information deeply so that they may have strong emotional reactions, positive or negative. That’s why they need plenty of downtime. But when they can’t withdraw or are too young to realize when it’s time to take a break, they become more agitated, anxious, or worried, or they may become suddenly withdrawn or moody.

These behaviors signal that they must soothe their senses in a quiet place.

3. A highly sensitive child thinks deeply

Highly sensitive people are always on the quest for answers about the meaning of life. Likewise, sensitive children may ask you many questions about death, social justice, God, human nature, and the universe. They are more aware of the suffering in the world and feel much compassion.

For example, a child raised in a religious home may ask, “Why did God allow this school shooting to happen?”  These conversations are challenging; what helps is to focus your child’s attention on what you can do to help (like donating to charities).

4. A highly sensitive child may dislike certain clothes and textures, noises, smells, and foods

A sensitive child may dislike sock seams, tags, and itchy clothes, and they can tell when you forgot to use the fabric softener. They may also struggle with season change because they hate wearing a long sleeve and a jacket.

They may also be sensitive to noise, smell, or touch and thus avoid large crowds, birthday parties, and the school cafeteria.

Of course, a highly sensitive child can also be a fussy eater because of smell and taste sensitivity. As a result, they might prefer simple foods without too much seasoning.

5. They have a rich inner world

Sensitive children process things deeply, so they have a rich inner life. For example, they may have several imaginary friends, may daydream, and can remember their dreams in detail.

6. Sensitive children dislike change

Change is highly stimulating, so sensitive children may avoid it and prefer the comfort of routines and familiar objects. Sometimes, sensitive children may avoid change because they’ve had negative experiences with new activities in the past or because they imagine what could go wrong – remember, they have a vivid imagination.

A child that dislikes change may wear the same brand of trousers – also due to sensory sensitivities. Similarly, changing schools or towns or going on a road trip can cause much dread because social, sensory, and emotional stimuli bombard their senses.

That’s not to say that sensitive children shouldn’t get out of their comfort zone. But when you need to change something in a highly sensitive child’s life, it’s better to make small, gradual changes.

7. A highly sensitive child often feels misunderstood

Many people in our society see sensitivity as a bad thing (“He’s too sensitive,” “She’s slow to warm up,” “Why doesn’t she greet us?”, “What’s wrong with her? Doesn’t she like parties?”).

Unfortunately, highly sensitive children are in the minority, and the fact that our society doesn’t value sensitivity makes it worse.

Because they are often misunderstood, sensitive children are extremely compassionate when they see others struggle.

8. A highly sensitive child is often “overlooked” at school

Sensitive children are often on their best behavior at school. They keep quiet because they don’t want to cause trouble and put much effort into doing “what’s right.” As a result, teachers may label them as “the perfect student” and overlook their need for quiet time.

As parents, though, we see that our sensitive children are total opposites at home. Their after-school meltdowns can often ruin family evenings and create tension between parents who are at a loss about what to do.

What happens is that sensitive children hide intense feelings at school, but they usually resurface at home, where the child feels safe.

9. A highly sensitive child is susceptible to criticism

How we use our words matters to a sensitive child. Small praises can have a considerable effect; harsh words can forever imprint on their minds.

Sensitive kids have a finely tuned nervous system, so they are wired to learn from mistakes from the first time. That’s why you don’t need to tease or be harsh. Otherwise, they’ll develop a deep sense of shame and start masking and building people-pleasing behaviors to avoid further criticism.

Related: How to Help Your Highly Sensitive Kid Manage Criticism

10. A highly sensitive child is exceptionally perceptive

Sensitive children notice many things that others miss. For instance, they may appear wise beyond their years. Unfortunately, that may make parents have lots of behavioral expectations. However, the fact that a sensitive child is perceptive doesn’t mean they are emotionally and socially mature. Moreover, sensitive kids struggle with emotional regulation and social requirements due to their strong positive and negative emotions.

Also, because they seem so wise, sensitive kids can become great confidants for parents. But try to pay attention to how much you share with your child. As we said earlier, the fact that they are perceptive doesn’t mean that they are emotionally mature.

11. Beauty, art, and nature have a profound impact

Sensitive children may hate loud noises but may spend hours listening to music they enjoy. Likewise, nature therapy can soothe their senses more than others – researchers have found that sensitive people feel more connected to the natural world than others.

What art and nature activities have in common is that they don’t involve time pressure. For instance, drawing, painting, singing, hiking, and gardening can allow us to meet personal goals without time pressure. Of course, many kids participate in art and outdoor competitions, but sensitive kids usually thrive when they do it for enjoyment rather than to compare themselves to others.

12. A highly sensitive child is deeply affected by conflict

Sensitive kids get more stressed when conflict arises between them and their friends. Given their tendency to overthink, they worry about not being a good friend, the meaning of friendship, and so on.

Partly that’s because they pick up on others’ expectations and needs so quickly and beat themselves up for being unable to meet them. Additionally, sensitive kids are more prone to self-doubt and beat themselves up for minor mistakes.

13. A highly sensitive child takes a while to warm up

People may label sensitive children as “shy” or “slow to warm up.” That’s because sensitive kids take a while to warm up when they haven’t seen someone in a long time and are hesitant with unfamiliar people.

Moreover, they don’t feel comfortable being questioned by strangers or being the center of attention, especially in a group where there are strangers. A sensitive child also doesn’t like meeting many new people at once.

While that may seem challenging, consider the bright side: sensitive children are cautious and considerate with others, ponder what to say, and open up only to people they trust.

14. A sensitive child is relaxed with people they know well

In a comfortable and familiar environment, sensitive kids are friendly, gentle, insightful, and proud of themselves. They feel safe expressing themselves easily and don’t need to mask their true self.

In their worst moments, they can be highly demanding, needy, outspoken, and can suck the energy out of their parents. That contrasts with how they behave among strangers, which often puzzles the family.

3 Tips for Parenting A Highly Sensitive Child

1.  Believe your kid

When your child says that the noise is too loud, the room is too crowded, or the tags are itchy, validate their experience, even if you don’t feel that way. Sensitive children are highly attuned to their primary caregiver, so they start doubting themselves when you doubt them.

As your kids get older and start to understand more things, help them learn how to wait patiently when they’re in a tough spot that you can’t fix or that there’s a good reason not to change. Eventually, they will start to be more patient, provided they feel validated and understood.

2. Set clear limits on what you can do

Sensitive children tend to be demanding and act like “drama queens” when they focus on a sensory discomfort, are deeply upset, or hangry. However, try to impose limits calmly and put your child in charge of the situation by giving choices (“I see that you don’t like these socks. You can try these three new pairs, which we have purchased together. After that, we’ll have to leave for school.”)

Your child’s feelings are likely to erupt like a volcano, and they might say hurtful things, as they may not feel any empathy for your efforts to diffuse the situation. Nevertheless, try your best to contain the problem, and don’t blame your parenting or your kid for the meltdowns. Both you and your child are doing the best you can.

3. Teach your child about emotions

Being able to put a name to what they’re feeling helps sensitive children feel more in control of their emotions.

Additionally, taking them to a quiet place, away from stimulation, can help them return to calm more quickly. Then, as they grow, they can identify their emotions better and seek alone breaks independently. For example, a school-aged sensitive child may be able to play with other children and then retreat to a more peaceful place to play alone for a while.

Raising a sensitive child in a society not built for them is not always easy. But what’s important is to encourage your child’s natural way of being. When we accept our children for who they are and adapt our parenting style to who they are, they will thrive.