Sound familiar? Many HSCs resist simple requests. But here’s the secret: create a lower-demand lifestyle. Low demand parenting isn’t about letting them get away with everything. It’s about separating everyday demands into critical and non-critical, and learning to make requests in a way that doesn’t overwhelm your child.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our Highly Sensitive Child checklist for FREE. This checklist can help you find out whether your child is highly sensitive, identify their triggers, and find out their strengths.

Why Low Demand Parenting Works For The Highly Sensitive Child

When I first learned the expression “low demand parenting”, I thought it was ridiculous. It sounded like an excuse for permissive parents. If your child’s been yelling, throwing things, and verbally abusing you, the last thing you want to do is ignore it, right?

But if you are going to make progress with your sensitive and defiant kid, there’s something you should know: many HSCs have neurodivergent traits.

They get easily overwhelmed by sensory stimuli. A lower-demand and predictable lifestyle creates a calm environment, which allows HSCs to feel safe.
What’s more, HSCs have differences in how their brains work. Some have anxiety, Sensory Processing Disorder, ADHD, or autism. Some have autism with a PDA profile.

What Is PDA?

PDA stands for “Pathological Demand Avoidance” or “Pervasive Drive For Autonomy”, an expression coined by Tomlin Wilding, a neuropsychology specialist, which better captures the need behind the behavior.

Even if your child doesn’t fully meet the PDA diagnosis, understanding the signs can be a game-changer. It can help you see the root cause of their behavior and create the calm home you deserve.

Children with PDA refuse to comply with requests when the requests threaten autonomy. For them, autonomy equals safety, and demands may be perceived as threats. Threats trigger their body’s danger response, and as a result, they may go into fight, flight or freeze mode.

Neurodivergent brains work differently from the rest. Differently wired kids are more inflexible, meaning that they have lower frustration tolerance. Thus, minor triggers, like everyday demands, sends them into a stressed state.

Most children who show signs of PDA also have extreme mood swings, because of their inflexible thinking and low frustration tolerance. When there’s a problem, some of them internalize: they withdraw and shut down emotionally. Others externalize and have more obvious emotional reactions, like screaming and crying.

Kids with PDA traits can be sweet and sociable when they are in control. However, when they feel like you want to control their behavior, they become anxious, controlling, and even manipulative.

Another trait of PDA kids is that they struggle with understanding hierarchy. For example, they want to be co-parents or co-teachers. That’s why they may struggle with authority figures.

Kids with PDA have a high need to control and can be creative. On the playground, they may like to engage in role-playing games and have a high need to control what other children are doing. As a result, they may go into conflict with the others.

Defensive strategies that PDA-ers employ are procrastination, becoming argumentative, trying to distract you, or outright refusing demands, even simple ones, like brushing their teeth or getting dressed. Unfortunately, these strategies can progress to panic, self-harm, and meltdowns when a child’s nervous system is overwhelmed.

So, how do you parent a child with a high need for autonomy?

How To Create A Lower-demand Lifestyle

Parenting a child with PDA traits can be challenging. With a constant stream of requests throughout the day, they are bound to get overwhelmed and defiant. This behavior can lead parents and teachers to repeat instructions more insistently, which unfortunately, just adds fuel to the fire.

Traditional parenting that relies on firm boundaries and consequences may not work for PDA kids because it triggers anxiety and resistance. This is where low demand parenting comes in.

Low demand parenting is all about helping kids feel less stressed and anxious so that they can meet demands that you consider critical for your family. It’s based on trust, collaboration, being flexible, working together, cutting out unnecessary demands, and making demands feel less overwhelming.

For kids with PDA tendencies, we want them to feel safe and secure, not like they’re in trouble. We need to create a safe space where they feel comfortable. This means understanding what makes them feel like they’re losing their autonomy and being willing to bend the rules sometimes to make things less overwhelming.

Here are some ways in which you can create a lower-demand lifestyle for children that have a high need for autonomy:

• Be a team:  Instead of giving orders, try collaborating on solutions with your child. This helps them feel like they have some control and reduces stress.
• Make demands feel less overwhelming: Instead of making direct demands (“I need you to…”), frame requests in a friendly way (“I wonder whether…”, “Let’s see if…”) and start with “please” to reduce the perception of demands. This makes your child less likely to feel like they’re losing their autonomy. Also, be aware of your tone, get down to their eye level, and be aware of your body language.
• Depersonalize demands. Explain that requirements are from a higher authority you have no control over (e.g. school assignments, doctor’s recommendations, police regulations)
• Give choices. Give your child two or three choices so that they don’t feel like you are controlling them. Avoid giving too many choices as that might be overwhelming.
• Give them time: Don’t rush your child to answer questions or make decisions. They need time to process information and feel comfortable.
• Be mindful of sensory overload: If bright lights or loud noises bother your child, try dimming the lights or using noise-canceling headphones. This will help them feel more relaxed.
• Think about the complexity of the tasks: The longer and more complex the task, the longer it takes to complete, which may lead to increased anxiety.
• Be aware of your energy. Sensitive kids pick up on our feelings easily so be aware of how your energy may impact the situation.

Focus On Non-negotiable Boundaries

Creating a lower-demand lifestyle is deeply personal. It’s about thinking of your own set of values (for example, “In our family, we never hit.”) and coordinating with the members of the entire family. If your child is old enough, you can include them in the process.

Non-negotiables or critical demands are based on your set of values, and so they are different for each family. For example, going to school can be a dealbreaker but eating dinner together as a family may not be.

Now that you’ve defined your non-negotiable boundaries, consider what you can relax on.  A good starting point is thinking about the hardest moments of the day with your child. For example, if mealtime is a struggle, you can stop asking them to eat certain foods or allow them to eat in their room sometimes. If bath time is a battle, you could have them take a bath every other day.

If you have a hard time dropping demands, think about what truly makes you think a certain demand is necessary. Many of our habits and ideas are tied to societal expectations; they are not necessary to keep our family healthy and happy.

Letting go of “should”, “shouldn’t”, and “I’m not going to let them get away with this”, will help us feel calmer and more relaxed. Once you’re less stressed, you can better help your child break free from the cycle, too.

Low Demand Parenting Versus Permissive Parenting

As you are reading this, you might be thinking, “This is crazy! If I ditch the daily bath rule, they’ll never shower!’ That’s a real concern. Letting go of control can be scary. But, low demand parenting isn’t about letting them do whatever they want. Boundaries are still important for everyone’s sanity and well-being.

In addition, lowering the demands on your child might mean increasing the demands on yourself. For example, when you don’t make your child clean up their room, you’ll have to do it. That is frustrating. That’s why making time for self-care is essential.

Plus, people who don’t understand will judge you. But there are other things that are more important than people’s judgement. I’m talking about your child’s mental health and about having a calmer home. Hopefully, you can be kind to yourself as you try this parenting approach.

Low demand parenting aims to keep your child’s anxiety low enough to handle the important stuff – the things that truly matter for your family. Having clear boundaries around these “must-haves” is key. This separates low demand parenting from permissive parenting. Permissive parenting lacks structure and clear expectations, which can actually make kids more anxious.

Deeply feeling children often react like this. Their emotions run deep and they can get fixated on them. In this example, the child felt alone and isolated, and these feelings lingered in their mind. When they arrived home, blurting out those words was their way of reaching out for help in processing their feelings.

Unfortunately, these big feelings can make sensitive kids struggle with friendships.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our Highly Sensitive Child checklist for FREE. This checklist can help you find out whether your child is highly sensitive or deeply feeling, identify their triggers, and find out their strengths which can help build their self-confidence.

Why do deeply feeling children have a hard time making friends?

Here are some common problems deeply feeling children may face when dealing with friends:

1. Deeply feeling children are emotionally intense

Sensitive children go from 0 to 60 in a second. And this doesn’t happen just when they are angry. It can happen when they feel joyful, sad, worried, or disappointed.

These powerful emotional situations imprint on our brains. Think of this as a defense or survival mechanism.

The fact that a child get easily overwhelmed by their emotions,  can make them avoid situations or friends that hurt them in the past.

In addition, intense emotions can make them resistant to change. Just the thought of having to get used to a new environment and to new people can make a deeply feeling child feel wary about changing schools and making new friends.

Lastly, remember that strong emotions can make even the best of us make poor behavioral choices. This happens often to deeply feeling children. Unfortunately, some of their reactions can make their peers act mean or keep their distance. For example, a child who cries easily may get reactions like “We don’t want to play with you because you cry whenever you don’t have your way.”

2. Deeply feeling children struggle with conflicts and compromise and have a more inflexible thinking

Solving conflicts and making compromises is difficult. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have had wars, right?

A deeply feeling, emotionally immature child, can have an even harder time than peers when navigating conflicts. There are a number of reasons:

• Emotional intensity
• Low frustration tolerance
• Difficulty speaking up for themselves
• Fear of criticism and rejection
• Not wanting to hurt others because they know how much they hurt when a friend acts mean.

3. Introverted and sensitive kids may struggle asserting themselves when out in the world

Deeply feeling children often have trouble saying “no” to things they don’t want to do or standing up for themselves when they are treated unfairly by friends (that may not be the case at home, though). They may also find it hard to express their opinions when they are different from those of the group or when setting boundaries.

This attitude has several reasons: fear of criticism, avoiding conflicts, or hurting other people’s feelings.

4. Deeply feeling children may prefer independent play

Deeply feeling children might find it hard to fit in with the typical way kids play and have fun. On the one hand, sensitive introverts might prefer quieter and independent activities and not enjoy the loud and competitive games that other kids like. This can make them feel like they don’t belong.

On the other hand, extroverted and sensitive kids tend to be demanding and easily frustrated when things don’t go as they expected. This is due to their more inflexible thinking. As a consequence, these kids may end up playing independently because they get into conflict often with other kids. For example, a child might want to play a certain game with other kids, but they want to make the rules alone, without others making suggestions. Then, when other kids don’t follow the rules to a t, a sensitive and extroverted kid might burst out in frustration.

5. Deeply feeling children are often afraid of being judged

Deep-feeling kids often have self-esteem issues. As a result, they may worry about being judged or misunderstood by other kids. They might feel like they’re different and that their friends won’t like them if they show their true selves. This can make them feel nervous about socializing and making new friends, especially if they are introverts.

6. Kids have trouble seeing things from other people’s points of view

Children under seven or eight generally are more egocentric, which means they may struggle seeing a friend’s perspective. In addition, when our emotions are running high, most of us can’t see someone else’s opinion as valid. This can lead to misunderstandings, unfortunately, and can happen often to deep feelers.

For example, a child may think a friend doesn’t like them when, in fact, their friend didn’t want to do what they were doing. On the one hand, they may be too emotionally immature to think of all the possibilities why their friend doesn’t want to play together. On the other hand, deep feelers can also feel hugely disappointed by their friend’s words. This kind of situation can make a deep feeling child feel sad all day, while a child who is not highly sensitive will bounce back right away.

How To Help Deeply Feeling Children With Friendships

Despite these challenges, deeply feeling children have much to offer in friendships. They are often empathetic, kind, and insightful. Here are some tips for helping sensitive children build friendships:

1. Be supportive

It can feel hard to see your child hanging onto you, saying, “Let’s play together! I don’t want to play with other kids,” when other children don’t seem to have a problem joining into play. Many of us blurted out impatiently, “Why don’t you just go play?” and immediately regretted it when we saw the sadness on our child’s face.

The truth is that pushing a deeply feeling child to behave a certain way doesn’t work. It results in meltdowns and other tricky behaviors.

You can provide support by simply showing empathy when they have a hard time with friends (“I see that greeting kids that you don’t know can be scary.”) and encourage them to take some risks (“But what if they like the same games as you and you can have a wonderful time playing tag? Who doesn’t like tag?”).

2. Find group activities that deeply feeling children enjoy

Ask your child what clubs or team sports they’d like to join. If they say “no” to every suggestion you make, ask them if they’d consider attending classes if they go with a friend. If they say yes, consider taking them to a class their friend is also taking or organizing playdates with kids already in a class your child would like to attend.

If organizing playdates takes you out of your comfort zone, remember that your child will also be out of their comfort zone.

Remember to start small. It’s essential to take small steps and increase exposure gradually. So, signing your child up for several after-school activities at once or organizing playdates too often can overwhelm them. And once the stress response is activated, you’ll notice more tricky behaviors, like outbursts, low frustration, defiance, or even increased sensory sensitivity).

3. Don’t let them avoid social interaction

It’s okay for kids to feel nervous when meeting new people. But, avoiding things that make deeply feeling children feel anxious will only make their anxiety worse in the long run. It’s like hiding from a scary monster: the more you avoid it, the bigger and scarier it seems.

Instead of letting their shyness keep a sensitive child from doing things, try to find ways to face their fears gradually. Even small steps can help them build confidence and overcome anxiety.

4. Teach them conflict resolution

Let’s face it, conflict is inevitable: from toy squabbles to friend drama, conflict can leave kids (and adults) feeling frustrated and upset. That’s why teaching kids effective conflict resolution skills is essential.

And guess what? Teaching conflict resolution doesn’t have to be boring. In fact, it can be quite enjoyable!

Here is our Patch It Up! Poster with nine conflict resolution tools for kids. Download the Patch It Up! Poster for FREE. You can print it out and hang it in your calm down corner or homeschooling corner.

5. Teach deeply feeling children to speak up

Children who feel things deeply sometimes struggle to assert themselves. They might not want to cause others pain, or they might fear judgment. Others might simply freeze up and remain silent, due to the delicate wiring of their nervous systems.

Whatever the cause, teaching them to express themselves confidently can be immensely beneficial. One way to do so is to have them practice speaking scripts at home (practicing in front of a mirror or role-playing can both be effective).

6. Help your deeply feeling child develop stress coping skills

Deeply feeling children may feel overwhelmed in social situations or when interacting with new people. Help them develop coping strategies, such as:

• The power of “yet”:  replace “I don’t know how to do this” with “I don’t know how to do this YET.”
• Have a short quiet break and take three deep breaths
• Sensory activities: squeezing a stress ball, noise-canceling headphones, 1-2-3 senses check-in.

7. Foster self-esteem

Developing a positive self-image is essential, and you can do that by identifying your child’s strengths and providing opportunities to try new things. Here are a couple of ways to help your child identify their strengths:

• Notice their talents. Think about everything they’re good at – running fast, drawing beautiful pictures, or being a great listener. When you notice your child doing something well, give specific praise (say, “You run so fast” instead of, “Great job”)
• Keep a record of their accomplishments. At the end of each week, have your child make a list of three things they learned, one thing they’re proud of, one thing they got better at, and one small goal they want to achieve the following week. This will help kids see how much you’re growing and improving!

Another way to boost self-esteem and reduce anxiety is to encourage your child to stretch out of their comfort zone and try new activities. Here are some suggestions:

• Sleepover at a friend, cousin, or neighbor you and your child trust and know well.
• Make new friends during recess, at the park, at parties, etc.
• Set a small goal each week (for example talking to a classmate they don’t usually speak to, or standing up for themselves).

When To Worry: Social Anxiety and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

1. Social Anxiety

Many sensitive kids are naturally shy and slow to warm up. But when extreme shyness interferes with daily life, this can be a sign of social anxiety.

Kids with social anxiety worry about what will happen in social situations. They’re often scared of what others will think of them. They might also fear being embarrassed, being separated from their parents or carers, or getting in trouble. The signs of social anxiety can be easy to miss: children who have social anxiety are often quiet and obedient.

2. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (common in ADHD)

Have you ever felt your child drifts away from friendship over minor misunderstandings? Or maybe they often feel hurt by what seems like a minor offense or a joke that landed poorly. Or perhaps they struggle with opening up to others due to fear of rejection.

If you believe that this is your child, you may want to learn more about Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD). RSD is common in neurodivergent children. Since some highly sensitive kids have ADHD or autism, you may want to know more about RSD. RSD is characterized by:

• emotional intensity, resulting in disproportionate reactions, meltdowns, or large bouts of sadness
• rapid mood swings triggered by perceived criticism or rejection, or when adults try to set boundaries
• physical signs (rapid heartbeat, unexplained stomach aches)
• poor self-esteem because feeling rejected makes people feel inadequate
• over-analyzing social cues and misinterpreting minor gestures as indicators of rejection
• avoiding social interaction due to fear of being judged
• can’t receive negative feedback.

RSD can make it hard for a child to feel good about themselves and make friends. They might avoid social situations altogether because they’re afraid of being hurt.

The good news is that there are things you can do to help kids with anxiety or RSD cope with feelings of rejection. They can learn to identify their intrusive thoughts and other triggers and develop coping skills. And most importantly, they can learn to be kind to themselves. It’s important to remember that their sensitivity is not a weakness. It’s just a different way of experiencing the world.

I was one of those kids.

I would worry about what others would think of me if I made a mistake. Mistakes would make me feel hugely embarrassed. The feeling was so intense that I’d do anything to avoid being exposed again.

My go-to strategy was to avoid situations that made me feel uncomfortable. Were we visiting family? No problem. I would watch TV just to avoid interacting with relatives with whom I didn’t know what to talk about.

My parents ignored my behavior for the most part. Occasionally, they would praise me for joining in with the group. Unfortunately, their praise, which was conditional upon my conduct, made me learn to define my self-worth depending on others’ appreciation. Later on, at work, my self-confidence topped and bottomed like the crypto market, depending on whether I received positive feedback on my work. Even minor constructive criticism sent me on edge.

Looking back, my lack of confidence was painfully obvious.

Now, as a parent, I strongly believe that adults play a huge role in teaching kids self-confidence.

Kids who are not so deep feeling might not think that a mistake or some minor criticism defines their worth – they are more resilient in that way. But more sensitive children often have strong feelings about setbacks.

Before you continue, we thought you might like our Time for Adventure FREEBIE. This fun activity can encourage your child to step out of their comfort zone and try new things, which, in turn, can boost their self-confidence.

What is self-confidence really?

I believe that feeling confident is not about feeling sure you’ll succeed. We often don’t know whether we can do something new or challenging, but we give it a try anyway.

Confidence also doesn’t come from other people telling us we’re good or brave.

Confidence comes from feeling good about ourselves despite going through difficult moments. It means not defining ourselves through our accomplishments or seeking others’ appreciation in order to feel good about ourselves.

Parents’ and teachers’ attitude matters

Children are incredibly perceptive; they sense beyond words, tone, or actions. They can tell if you see them as a good kid navigating challenges or as a ‘bad’ kid doing wrong. This difference shapes how they view themselves and their role in the family and the classroom. Your attitude towards them, whether a parent or a teacher, can influence their self-confidence.

Whether we’re talking about school anxiety, anger or frustration around everyday transitions, we basically respond with invalidation when we question their big feelings. Invalidation makes them stop listening to what their body and brain are saying (“My tears make me look stupid.”), it makes them self- or get even more anxious (“My shyness pushes other kids away. I must look embarrassing.”)

These messages affect a child’s self-confidence. They also prevent kids from reflecting on their feelings and trusting their intuition.

What self-confidence isn’t

When discussing confidence, it’s helpful to explore what confidence isn’t. Confidence doesn’t mean arrogance or believing you’re superior to others, always being right, suppressing your emotions to hide your fear, or pretending you’re never anxious or afraid. Remember, confidence isn’t constant—everyone experiences times when they don’t feel confident, and that’s perfectly okay!

Why Does a Deeply Feeling Child Struggle with Self-Confidence?

Deep-feeling kids are usually more anxious and struggle with confidence. That’s because they have a heightened emotional awareness and attention to detail. Their sensitivity can make them more aware of risks and more emotionally reactive.

They think profoundly and analyze situations with attention. That can lead to self-doubt and make them hesitant in new situations.

Additionally, their intense emotional reactions can make them doubt their emotional regulation ability.

Due to their attention to detail, they compare themselves more to others, leading to feelings of inadequacy.

Deep-feeling children might also fear rejection or criticism more than peers, causing them to hesitate when trying new things or interacting with others.

These kids are often perfectionistic for fear that others will notice their potential mistakes. They are also more sensitive to failure, seeing it as a more significant setback than their peers might.

A deeply feeling child also absorbs others’ emotions quickly, especially those of a parent of teacher to whom they are very attuned. That’s why they may feel emotionally overloaded without even knowing why. That can often make them doubt their abilities.

Sensitive children are also slow to warm up, which can lower their self-confidence, especially if other children are more outgoing.

Foster a Growth Mindset to Turn Challenges into Character-Building Opportunities

Confidence is about having a growth mindset. A growth mindset allows kids to learn from mistakes, push through challenges, and tolerate failure.

By contrast, a fixed mindset is often the root cause of a child’s fear of failure. For a child who is more sensitive and anxious than the rest, believing that this is the way they were born and there’s nothing they can do about it can make any mistake feel risky. Thus, they might avoid challenges and mistakes at all costs. But that also robs them of new learning opportunities.

Failures teach us more about our strengths and courage than any easy win could. That’s why teaching them a growth mindset is essential for them to develop emotional resilience.

Here are some scripts that you can try with your deeply feeling child:

• After a Mistake: “You’ll get better with practice. It’s just a matter of time.”
• Dealing with Challenges: “I’m impressed by how often you tried until you got it. That’s the spirit! Remember, every challenge you face helps you become stronger and smarter. What’s something you found out about yourself while working on this?”
• Facing Fears: “I saw you try something new even though it seemed a little scary. That takes a lot of courage. How do you feel now that you’ve taken that brave step?”
• Overcoming Setbacks: “It’s okay to feel disappointed when things don’t go as planned. What matters is that you don’t give up. You’re showing real resilience. What’s a small change you can make to approach this differently next time?”
• Positive Self-Talk: “I noticed you were frustrated with yourself earlier. Let’s turn that frustration into something positive. Repeat after me: ‘I’m capable, I’m learning, and I’m getting better each day.'”
• Praise Progress: “Remember when you faced a similar situation last month? You’ve come a long way since then. Your determination is paying off. How does it feel to see your progress?”
• Learning from Role Models: You know [mention a role model they admire], they also faced tough times, but they used those moments to become even stronger. What’s one quality of theirs you’d like to embrace?”

Parent scripts for when your deeply feeling child says, “I’m dumb!”

Young children often say, “I can’t do anything right,” or “I’m stupid” because of their developing sense of self-awareness and exposure to new challenges. However, such phrases might just mean they are having difficulties, or something hasn’t gone according to their expectations. These statements may be a way of expressing disappointment or frustration.

But if you hear your deeply feeling child use negative self-talk often, you may want to have an open conversation about what makes them feel that way and help them see that mistakes are part of the learning process. It also helps to share when you felt discouraged or frustrated and how you overcame that challenge.

Here are some parent scripts that you can use for 5+ year-olds:

• Reassurance: “I know sometimes things can be tough, but everyone makes mistakes. You’re learning and growing. I’m here to help and support you.”
• Positive self-talk: “Remember, negative thoughts can pop up, but they’re not true. You’re capable and smart. If you’re feeling stuck, let’s work on it together.”
• Encourage: “Feeling frustrated is okay, but it doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. Everyone faces challenges. We learn from them and become even stronger.”
• Highlight progress: “I’ve seen you try your best and improve so much. It’s okay to struggle sometimes. What matters is how you keep going.”
• Affirmations: “You’re important to me, and your feelings matter. Instead of being the worst, you’re my wonderful child. Let’s work through this together.”

Preschoolers might not say, “I’m stupid,” but they can be overly cautious and avoid challenges. Here are some parent scripts to encourage them to step out of their comfort zone:

• Make exploration exciting: “Hey, how about we try something new today? It might be a little different, but it can also be a lot of fun. Let’s see what we can discover together!”
• Making new friends: “Meeting new people can be exciting! Just think, you might make a new friend who likes the same things you do. Let’s go say ‘hi’ and see what happens.”
• Normalize being nervous in new situations: “You know what’s amazing? Trying something you’ve never done before. Feeling a little nervous is okay, but remember, I believe in you, and I’m here cheering you on.”
• Spark curiosity: “Imagine all the wonderful things you can learn when you try something new. Even if it’s a little different at first, you can figure it out.”

Scripts for teaching your deeply feeling child to stand up for themselves

Encouraging a deeply feeling child to stand up for themselves is vital for their emotional growth. We help them develop essential skills like emotional resilience and self-confidence by teaching them to assert their boundaries.

Here are some scripts that you can suggest to your deeply feeling child to use if they have a hard time setting boundaries or expressing needs:

• Setting Boundaries: “I don’t like it when someone takes my things without asking. I want to keep my things safe. Can you please ask me first?”
• Expressing Needs: “I really want to join the game too, but I was too shy to ask. Can I play with you guys?”
• Assertive Communication: “When someone talks to me in a mean way, it makes me feel sad. I’d like them to speak kindly to me.”
• Speaking Up for Themselves: “I know we usually do it that way, but I think we should try my idea this time. What do you think?”
• Asking for Help: “I’m having trouble with this task. Can you show me how to do it? I want to learn.”

Feel free to adjust the scripts to suit your child’s personality and the specific situations they might encounter.

In this article, we gave you some ideas and scripts on how to respond to your child’s lack of confidence. You may not remember them when you are in a stressful situation where your child has big feelings. But if it’s one thing to remember, it’s this: “Learning to tolerate our fears makes us resilient.”

A few days ago, I was reading a new picture book to my kids at bedtime. There was a picture of a girl snatching a toy from her baby brother, who looked very upset. My eldest responded, “This is the saddest picture I’ve ever seen. How can the girl be so mean to the baby? That’s so unfair!”

That was one of the many instances that reminded me that my child was different than others. More compassionate, intense, and strong-willed.

A highly sensitive child sees the world differently than other children. Due to genetics and the environment, sensitive children see more details that they process more deeply. That means they can see problems through a unique perspective and find out-of-the-box solutions to common problems, but it also means that they are more prone to overwhelm.

Before you continue, we thought you might like our Time for Adventure FREEBIE. This fun activity can encourage your child to step out of their comfort zone and try new things, which, in turn, can boost their self-confidence.

What is a Highly Sensitive Child?

All people are sensitive to what happens around them, more or less.

We should see sensitivity like a continuum, experts say. Most people are in the middle, and about 1 in 3 are highly sensitive. How sensitive we are depends on genetics and the environment, especially during the first years of life, when the brain develops quickly.

A highly sensitive child is a child who is more aware of emotions, theirs and others, and sensory input. That’s because a highly sensitive brain is wired differently – the brain areas related to emotions, empathy, and reading social cues are more active. Moreover, a highly sensitive child is generally more alert because their stress response activates quickly.

Because of how much information they absorb and because they process it more deeply, highly sensitive children may act differently than their peers and may want and need different things. For instance, highly sensitive children do better in quiet, slow-paced environments. That’s why a sensitive child may enjoy a walk in nature more than a crowded birthday party. Or they may like to spend their afternoon at home reading rather than doing sports.

Related: Highly Sensitive Child Guide (2022)

Is a highly sensitive child neurodivergent?

Experts view heightened sensitivity to the environment as a character trait, which doesn’t mean HSPs are neurodivergent. “For now,” some would argue.

What’s clear, though, is that, according to this brain study, heightened sensitivity is different from autism. So a child may be both highly sensitive and have autism, but that doesn’t mean that the two are the same. In addition, sensitivity is different from ADHD, too, according to research.

The thing to remember is that each of us has a unique nervous system. That means that people, children included, react differently to stimuli and different needs. But being different does not mean that you need to be cured. Instead of trying to “change” our children to fit in, we should appreciate inner diversity. Sensitivity is something to be explored, not something to be fixed.

To answer the question, “Is a highly sensitive child neurodivergent?” let’s say that high sensitivity is an example of neurodiversity. That way, we can honor sensitive children’s gifts and acknowledge that we must help them develop coping skills in overwhelming situations.

14 Signs You Have a Highly Sensitive Child

If you have a highly sensitive child, you are probably familiar with after-school meltdowns, emotional overload, and sensory overwhelm. Unfortunately, many of us come to believe that this is what defines a highly sensitive child.

But high sensitivity, like all personality traits, has pros and cons.

Let’s see 14 advantages and drawbacks of being a highly sensitive child:

1. A fast-paced lifestyle overwhelms a highly sensitive child

Most kids don’t seem to be bothered by the noise in the classroom, the smell in the cafeteria, and the fast-paced summer camp games. They also seem able to cope with multiple after-school activities, birthday parties, daily screen time, and movies like “Frozen.”

But those things might not work for a highly sensitive child. Sensitive children prefer a slower schedule, lots of quiet breaks on busy days, and less stimulation in general. For them, “less is more.”

2. A highly sensitive child has intense emotions

A sensitive child processes information deeply so that they may have strong emotional reactions, positive or negative. That’s why they need plenty of downtime. But when they can’t withdraw or are too young to realize when it’s time to take a break, they become more agitated, anxious, or worried, or they may become suddenly withdrawn or moody.

These behaviors signal that they must soothe their senses in a quiet place.

3. A highly sensitive child thinks deeply

Highly sensitive people are always on the quest for answers about the meaning of life. Likewise, sensitive children may ask you many questions about death, social justice, God, human nature, and the universe. They are more aware of the suffering in the world and feel much compassion.

For example, a child raised in a religious home may ask, “Why did God allow this school shooting to happen?”  These conversations are challenging; what helps is to focus your child’s attention on what you can do to help (like donating to charities).

4. A highly sensitive child may dislike certain clothes and textures, noises, smells, and foods

A sensitive child may dislike sock seams, tags, and itchy clothes, and they can tell when you forgot to use the fabric softener. They may also struggle with season change because they hate wearing a long sleeve and a jacket.

They may also be sensitive to noise, smell, or touch and thus avoid large crowds, birthday parties, and the school cafeteria.

Of course, a highly sensitive child can also be a fussy eater because of smell and taste sensitivity. As a result, they might prefer simple foods without too much seasoning.

5. They have a rich inner world

Sensitive children process things deeply, so they have a rich inner life. For example, they may have several imaginary friends, may daydream, and can remember their dreams in detail.

6. Sensitive children dislike change

Change is highly stimulating, so sensitive children may avoid it and prefer the comfort of routines and familiar objects. Sometimes, sensitive children may avoid change because they’ve had negative experiences with new activities in the past or because they imagine what could go wrong – remember, they have a vivid imagination.

A child that dislikes change may wear the same brand of trousers – also due to sensory sensitivities. Similarly, changing schools or towns or going on a road trip can cause much dread because social, sensory, and emotional stimuli bombard their senses.

That’s not to say that sensitive children shouldn’t get out of their comfort zone. But when you need to change something in a highly sensitive child’s life, it’s better to make small, gradual changes.

7. A highly sensitive child often feels misunderstood

Many people in our society see sensitivity as a bad thing (“He’s too sensitive,” “She’s slow to warm up,” “Why doesn’t she greet us?”, “What’s wrong with her? Doesn’t she like parties?”).

Unfortunately, highly sensitive children are in the minority, and the fact that our society doesn’t value sensitivity makes it worse.

Because they are often misunderstood, sensitive children are extremely compassionate when they see others struggle.

8. A highly sensitive child is often “overlooked” at school

Sensitive children are often on their best behavior at school. They keep quiet because they don’t want to cause trouble and put much effort into doing “what’s right.” As a result, teachers may label them as “the perfect student” and overlook their need for quiet time.

As parents, though, we see that our sensitive children are total opposites at home. Their after-school meltdowns can often ruin family evenings and create tension between parents who are at a loss about what to do.

What happens is that sensitive children hide intense feelings at school, but they usually resurface at home, where the child feels safe.

9. A highly sensitive child is susceptible to criticism

How we use our words matters to a sensitive child. Small praises can have a considerable effect; harsh words can forever imprint on their minds.

Sensitive kids have a finely tuned nervous system, so they are wired to learn from mistakes from the first time. That’s why you don’t need to tease or be harsh. Otherwise, they’ll develop a deep sense of shame and start masking and building people-pleasing behaviors to avoid further criticism.

Related: How to Help Your Highly Sensitive Kid Manage Criticism

10. A highly sensitive child is exceptionally perceptive

Sensitive children notice many things that others miss. For instance, they may appear wise beyond their years. Unfortunately, that may make parents have lots of behavioral expectations. However, the fact that a sensitive child is perceptive doesn’t mean they are emotionally and socially mature. Moreover, sensitive kids struggle with emotional regulation and social requirements due to their strong positive and negative emotions.

Also, because they seem so wise, sensitive kids can become great confidants for parents. But try to pay attention to how much you share with your child. As we said earlier, the fact that they are perceptive doesn’t mean that they are emotionally mature.

11. Beauty, art, and nature have a profound impact

Sensitive children may hate loud noises but may spend hours listening to music they enjoy. Likewise, nature therapy can soothe their senses more than others – researchers have found that sensitive people feel more connected to the natural world than others.

What art and nature activities have in common is that they don’t involve time pressure. For instance, drawing, painting, singing, hiking, and gardening can allow us to meet personal goals without time pressure. Of course, many kids participate in art and outdoor competitions, but sensitive kids usually thrive when they do it for enjoyment rather than to compare themselves to others.

12. A highly sensitive child is deeply affected by conflict

Sensitive kids get more stressed when conflict arises between them and their friends. Given their tendency to overthink, they worry about not being a good friend, the meaning of friendship, and so on.

Partly that’s because they pick up on others’ expectations and needs so quickly and beat themselves up for being unable to meet them. Additionally, sensitive kids are more prone to self-doubt and beat themselves up for minor mistakes.

13. A highly sensitive child takes a while to warm up

People may label sensitive children as “shy” or “slow to warm up.” That’s because sensitive kids take a while to warm up when they haven’t seen someone in a long time and are hesitant with unfamiliar people.

Moreover, they don’t feel comfortable being questioned by strangers or being the center of attention, especially in a group where there are strangers. A sensitive child also doesn’t like meeting many new people at once.

While that may seem challenging, consider the bright side: sensitive children are cautious and considerate with others, ponder what to say, and open up only to people they trust.

14. A sensitive child is relaxed with people they know well

In a comfortable and familiar environment, sensitive kids are friendly, gentle, insightful, and proud of themselves. They feel safe expressing themselves easily and don’t need to mask their true self.

In their worst moments, they can be highly demanding, needy, outspoken, and can suck the energy out of their parents. That contrasts with how they behave among strangers, which often puzzles the family.

3 Tips for Parenting A Highly Sensitive Child

1.  Believe your kid

When your child says that the noise is too loud, the room is too crowded, or the tags are itchy, validate their experience, even if you don’t feel that way. Sensitive children are highly attuned to their primary caregiver, so they start doubting themselves when you doubt them.

As your kids get older and start to understand more things, help them learn how to wait patiently when they’re in a tough spot that you can’t fix or that there’s a good reason not to change. Eventually, they will start to be more patient, provided they feel validated and understood.

2. Set clear limits on what you can do

Sensitive children tend to be demanding and act like “drama queens” when they focus on a sensory discomfort, are deeply upset, or hangry. However, try to impose limits calmly and put your child in charge of the situation by giving choices (“I see that you don’t like these socks. You can try these three new pairs, which we have purchased together. After that, we’ll have to leave for school.”)

Your child’s feelings are likely to erupt like a volcano, and they might say hurtful things, as they may not feel any empathy for your efforts to diffuse the situation. Nevertheless, try your best to contain the problem, and don’t blame your parenting or your kid for the meltdowns. Both you and your child are doing the best you can.

3. Teach your child about emotions

Being able to put a name to what they’re feeling helps sensitive children feel more in control of their emotions.

Additionally, taking them to a quiet place, away from stimulation, can help them return to calm more quickly. Then, as they grow, they can identify their emotions better and seek alone breaks independently. For example, a school-aged sensitive child may be able to play with other children and then retreat to a more peaceful place to play alone for a while.

Raising a sensitive child in a society not built for them is not always easy. But what’s important is to encourage your child’s natural way of being. When we accept our children for who they are and adapt our parenting style to who they are, they will thrive.

Imagine your kid gets invited to a birthday party. When you get there, your child realizes they only know a few kids: they don’t even like some of them, and the ones they do like are already playing fun games, and your child doesn’t want to interrupt them. The host then begins to push your child to “just go play” as soon as you arrive.

That may not bother your child if they are a sensitive extrovert, but they’re likely to freeze or at least get annoyed if they need time to warm up to the party. Also, all the pushing may put your kid in a bad mood.

Now, consider that a child also lacks an adult’s social savviness. So how would they respond to the pressure to interact with others? They may say they want to go back home, throw tantrums, yell, or even freeze and keep their big feelings to themselves. Does this sound familiar?

Deeply feeling children enjoy playing and making friends but hesitate about entering a new social situation with unfamiliar people. They often need some time to assess the situation before they feel comfortable joining in, and they may find it challenging to keep up with the fast-paced play of their peers. In addition, they are more cautious by nature, so they typically prefer one-on-one play to group interactions.

Why A Deeply Feeling Child Has a Hard Time Making Friends

Here are the main reasons why a deeply feeling child has a tough time making friends:

1. Overstimulation

A deeply feeling child may be more easily overwhelmed by sensory input, such as loud noises or bright lights. So, an overstimulating environment can make it difficult for them to concentrate and talk with new people.

2. Fear of rejection

A deeply feeling child may be more attuned to social cues and fear rejection or judgment from others. This fear can make it hard for them to initiate conversations or share their thoughts and feelings with new people.

3. Difficulty with small talk

A deeply feeling child may prefer deep, meaningful conversations over small talk. But unfortunately, that can make it challenging for them to engage in typical social interactions, such as introductions or casual conversations with friends.

4. Sensitivity to social cues

A deeply feeling child may be more attuned to nonverbal body language. That can make them more sensitive to subtle social cues, which can be overwhelming or confusing in new social situations.

5. Lack of familiarity

A sensitive child may prefer routine and familiar environments. So, being in a new social situation can be anxiety-provoking, making it difficult for them to engage in conversation.

Now that we have discussed why a deeply feeling child has difficulty making friends let’s explore how you can help.

How to Encourage a Deeply Feeling Child to Make Friends

1. Manage your mindset

It can feel annoying, sad, or worrisome to see your child hanging onto you, complaining, or telling you, “Let’s play together! I don’t want to play with other kids,” when the other children don’t seem to have a problem joining into play.

I’ve been there. “Why don’t you just go play?” came out of my mouth more than once, and I immediately regretted it when I saw the sadness on my child’s face.

Still, pushing a deeply feeling child doesn’t work.

Acceptance and patience are critical.

It’s easier said than done, but this is how it works.

A deeply feeling child needs more emotional support and patience than other kids. Because they will have higher emotional needs throughout life, they may often struggle with healthy boundaries and other people’s reactions. So, making them feel accepted and loved for who they are will increase their resilience.

2. Normalize your deeply feeling child’s sensitive trait

Try to help your child understand that their sensitivity is a strength, not a weakness. Show them often that you accept them as they are and that sensitivity is not a flaw.

One way to normalize sensitivity is to talk about famous people who are highly sensitive, such as musicians or artists, and how their sensitivity has helped them succeed. Here are examples of famous sensitive people:

• Albert Einstein – Physicist
• Princess Diana – Humanitarian and philanthropist
• Emma Watson – Actress and activist
• Jane Goodall – Primatologist and anthropologist
• Jim Carrey – Actor and comedian
• J.K. Rowling – Author of the Harry Potter book series.

You can even read together children’s books about some famous people considered to be deeply sensitive (Albert Einstein and Jane Goodall).

Another way to normalize sensitivity is to talk about their big feelings in a neutral, non-judgmental way:

• “I can see that you’re feeling frustrated right now. Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?”
• “It looks like you’re feeling sad. It’s okay to feel sad sometimes.”
• “You seem really anxious. Can you tell me what’s going on so we can work through it together?”
• “I can sense that you’re angry about something. Let’s take a moment to cool down and then talk about what’s making you feel this way.”
• “It seems like you’re feeling overwhelmed right now. So let’s take a break and talk about this when you’re feeling calmer.”

Moreover, show empathy when they have a hard time interacting (“I see that greeting kids that you don’t know can be scary.”), then encourage them to take risks (“But what if they like the same games as you and you can have a wonderful time playing tag? Who doesn’t like tag?”).

3. Encourage social activities

Deeply feeling children may be more sensitive to social rejection or exclusion, but it’s still vital for them to have opportunities to develop social skills and make friends. So it’s best to encourage them to participate in after-school activities they enjoy, such as sports, clubs, or art classes. Additionally, parents widely recommend martial arts for boosting self-esteem.

The easiest way to convince your child to attend after-school activities is to go with a close friend. There are several options:

• Convince a friend to go to classes together
• Join a class their best friend is currently taking, or
• Make friends with kids in the after-school activities (by organizing one-on-one playdates).

Organizing playdates might take you out of your comfort zone. But remember that your child will be out of their comfort zone, too.

Consider having one-on-one playdates at your home. Try to learn from each playdate. What are your child’s triggers? What can you change next time?

Lastly, try to provide structure for your child to help them feel more comfortable in social situations. That means having a weekly visual schedule with your after-school activities and playdates. That way, your child will know what to expect and avoid meltdowns.

Related: How to Advocate for Your Highly Sensitive Child in School

4. Encourage quality over quantity

A deeply feeling child may have a smaller circle of friends than other children, but that’s okay! Help your little one focus on building meaningful friendships with people who appreciate them.

Remember, it’s okay if your child doesn’t hit it off with everyone they meet. They just need to find one or two people who share their interests and make them comfortable.

Related: How to Help Your Lonely Highly Sensitive Child Make Friends

5. Foster self-confidence and autonomy

Deeply feeling children may struggle with self-esteem, which can impact their autonomy and also, ability to form friendships. So, developing a positive self-image is essential, and you can do that by identifying your child’s strengths and providing opportunities to try new things.

Here are some suggestions for trying new things:

• Imagine, for instance, that you are at the mall with another family. Suggest to your child to invite the other child to buy ice cream together, without the parents.
• Sleepover at a friend, cousin, or neighbor you and your child trust and know well.
• Ask children (at recess, at the park, on the playground, neighbors) if they want to play together.
• Set a small goal each week (for instance, talking to a classmate to whom they have never spoken or doing one thing that makes them nervous).

Here are a couple of ways to help your child identify their strengths:

• Acknowledge their strengths often and offer specific praise (say, “You run so fast” or “You were so patient with your little brother” instead of, “Great job”)
• Journal accomplishments. Try to make a habit each weekend to talk to your child about three things they have learned during the week, one thing they are proud of, one that they got better at, and set together one small goal for the following week.

Also, remind your child of their strengths when they need to do something challenging (“Remember how you learned that entire story by heart because I had read it to you so many times? You have an excellent memory. I’m sure you can remember what to say when you greet the kids at the birthday party.”)

It’s essential to take small steps and increase exposure gradually. So, signing your child up for several after-school activities at once or organizing playdates too often can overwhelm them. And once the stress response is activated, you’ll notice problematic behavior more often (more meltdowns, defiance, increased sensory sensitivities).

6. Practice social scripts

For some sensitive kids, practicing social scripts or role-playing different social situations can be helpful. That can help them feel more prepared and confident in social situations. Additionally, role play can give you insight with what they struggle specifically (Is it that don’t know what to talk about with other kids? Are they afraid the other kids will say “no” when your kid asks them to be friends?)

Here are some ideas about what to say to your child when they meet new kids. Remember that deeply feeling children aren’t good at small talk, so consider giving them ideas about what to discuss:

• “Making friends can be scary, but remember that everyone feels a little nervous when meeting new people. So why don’t we practice introducing ourselves and discussing our favorite things?”
• “Sometimes it helps to start small, like saying hello or smiling at someone you see often. Then you can gradually start to talk more and get to know the kids better.”
• “Hi, my name is…What video games do you like? What are your top three favorite TV shows?
• “Hi, my name is …Do you like my superheroes?” (Have your child carry their favorite figurines or other small toys they are willing to share. The other kids will get curious and start talking to your child.)

Maybe your child won’t talk the first time they meet someone, and that’s okay. Smiling, waving, and making eye contact are also great.

Also, consider role-playing at home. Play games together and model what to say when:

• introducing yourself or greeting someone
• sharing and taking turns (“We can share different toys. You can play with this toy while I play with that toy.”, “Sharing is an important part of being a good friend. If we share our toys and games, we can have even more fun together.”)
• losing gracefully (“Congratulations on your win. You played very well, and I’m happy for you”, “Good job! You played really well. I enjoyed playing with you.”)
• offering kind words to a friend (“You seem upset. Is everything okay? How can I help?”)

Besides role-playing, board games, collaborative games, and card games are great for teaching social skills.

7. Support healthy boundaries

Deeply feeling kids may be more sensitive to others’ emotions, making asserting emotional boundaries difficult. Try to help your child understand the importance of healthy boundaries and give them tools to communicate their needs assertively and respectfully.

Here are some helpful scripts that you can practice at home:

• When a child invades their personal space: “It’s okay to tell your friend that you need space right now. You can say, ‘I need some space. Please step back.'”
• When someone wants to play with their toys: “It’s okay to politely say “no” if you don’t want to share your toys. You can say, ‘I’m not ready to share my toy right now, but we can play with something else together.'”
• When someone asks them to do something your child doesn’t want to do: “I don’t want to do that, but maybe we can do something else together.'”
• When someone is teasing or bullying them: “You have the right to tell someone to stop if they’re teasing or bullying you. You can say, ‘That’s not okay. Please stop.'”
• When someone pressures your child to do something your child doesn’t want to do: “I don’t want to do that, and I’m going to walk away now.”

8. Foster a sense of belonging

A deeply feeling child may feel like they don’t fit in with their peers. Help your kid find communities or groups to connect with like-minded individuals, such as book clubs or art classes.

Likewise, volunteering as a family or with your child’s school can allow your kid to make new friends and feel a sense of belonging through giving back to others. Volunteering can also be an opportunity for you to model social behavior. Your child will surely notice how you make new friends, behave with unfamiliar people, etc.

9. Teach coping strategies

Deeply feeling children may feel overwhelmed in social situations or when interacting with new people. Help them develop coping strategies, such as:

• Deep breathing: Teach your child to take slow, deep breaths when they feel anxious.
• Positive self-talk: Encourage your child to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. For example, have them replace “I’m going to embarrass myself” with “I can handle this” or “I don’t know how to do this” with “I don’t know how to do this YET.”
• Sensory activities: Engage your child in activities stimulating their senses, such as squeezing a stress ball, smelling lavender oil, or using noise-canceling headphones.

Each deeply feeling child is unique and social behavior is extremely complex, which makes it impossible to give an all-encompassing list of strategies to make friends. These are but a few ideas to get you started.

There are always unexpected twists and triggers in social interactions, which we can’t see until they happen. That’s why we research and plan ahead; because we need to help our kids cope when those unforeseen changes happen.

According to research, 1 in 4 children has eating problems during the early years, up to 80% for kids with developmental challenges.

You have probably been hoping the fussiness will subside as your child grows up. But, unfortunately, that’s not true.

Kids aged 5 through 8 have a Healthy Eating Index Score (HEI) of just 55, out of 100, according to the Dietary Guidelines for Americans for 2020-2025. This index hits the minimum for the 14-18 age range (HEI of 51). One explanation is that children rely less on their parents for food and snacks as they grow. Instead, they will eat more outside of the home. That means peers will significantly influence your kid’s eating and drinking habits.

Moreover, dietary patterns set between 2 and 18 tend to continue into adulthood. An unhealthy diet during childhood increases the risk of obesity and chronic disease. For instance, one in three kids aged 2 to 19 is overweight or obese. The percentages are even higher for adults. That’s why instilling healthy eating habits from a young age is essential.

But how can you convince your picky eater HSC to have a varied diet?

First, let’s cover the basics.

How much does a child eat?

Many parents think that fussy eaters starve. Is it true? Well, yes and no.

Girls aged 5 through 8 need 1,200-1,800 calories per day, and boys require 1,200-2,000 calories, as per the Dietary Guidelines for Americans (2020-2025).

Try to compare the calorie requirements in the table below with what your child eats.

Statistics show that most US kids get the required daily calorie intake. However, they don’t eat their veggies and whole grains. So, rest assured that you are not the only parent having to convince your picky eater to have a varied diet.

What causes fussy eating

Growing independence. As kids grow and become more independent, they start avoiding certain foods. Food rejections in kids follow some common patterns at certain ages:

• Toddlers tend to avoid veggies
• Preschoolers dislike some textures (too mushy, too chewy), so they tend to avoid certain vegetables (like mushrooms)
• School-aged kids (7-9) still avoid certain food textures, but less than they used to.
• The 10-12 age range is more likely to eat what you serve but will still reject certain foods. That is because their food preferences are more clearly defined.

However, some kids remain selective eaters all through adulthood. There may be many causes: personal preferences, sensory sensitivities, and family eating habits.

Tactile sensitivity (high sensitivity to touch). Food aversions may be from increased sensitivity to touch. That can make textures and food temperature intolerable. Your fussy eater HSC could avoid particular foods if this is the case. Or, they may refuse to eat foods with more than one texture, like walnut muffins and cereal with milk. Also, children with tactile defensiveness might refuse to eat at other people’s houses.

Problems eating vegetables are more common in kids with tactile defensiveness.

High sensitivity to touch can also make your kid hate brushing teeth, bite their cheeks and inner lips while eating, refuse to wear certain clothes because of the tags, seams, or fabrics, and avoid hair brushing and cutting nails. 

Sensitive proprioceptive sensory system. Your fussy eater HSC may prefer soft foods if they have a proprioceptive system that is overly sensitive.  Moreover, kids with oral hypersensitivity can also avoid foods with different textures.

If their proprioceptive system is under-responsive, your fussy eater HSC may prefer crunchy or chewy foods and enjoy smoothies and milkshakes. If your child is like this, they can dislike soft foods because they are too mushy.

More taste buds. Some people naturally have more taste buds, which makes them experience taste more strongly. For example, they may be sensitive to certain flavors and prefer a bland diet. More taste buds also mean more pain receptors on the tongue. As a result, they may be particularly sensitive to hot foods and spicy flavors.

Related: How To Deal With Your Picky Eater HSC

Tips for a fussy eater HSC

1. Get your fussy eater HSC involved

Kids are more likely to eat meals that they have helped prepare. Here are some suggestions:

• Wash produce
• Tear lettuce
• Crack eggs
• Add and scoop ingredients
• Mashed potatoes
• Shape dough
• Put ingredients on the pizza dough
• Measure liquids
• Stir the batter
• Cut vegetables and fruits with a dull knife
• Help prepare sandwiches
• Beat eggs
• Wipe table
• Set the table.

You can also get your child involved by taking them shopping and deciding together on new ingredients or dishes that you can add to your family meals.

2. Have family meals as often as you can

There’s no better way to convince your sensitive child than to model behavior. Have a family meal schedule, and make meals pleasant with limited distractions. Also, mealtime should not be an opportunity for discussing challenging behavior and homework.

3. Respect the eating habits of your fussy eater HSC

Everyone has their quirks about eating. For example, kids may prefer bread without crusts or pasta with just a little sauce; they may devour an omelet today but not tomorrow.

Understanding that your child may respond to the same foods differently on various days is crucial.

4. Limit juice and milk

If your child consumes too many calories from juice, soda, or milk, they can refuse to eat meals. Consequently, try to offer no more than 24 ounces of milk and four ounces of juice daily.

Specialists don’t recommend soda as it has no nutrients.

5. Don’t offer dessert as a bribe to your fussy eater HSC

You do not need to offer dessert every day. However, when dessert is available, consider the following ideas:

• If you make your child eat an entire meal before dessert, they may be full but will likely eat the dessert anyway. That is not healthy.
• If your child refuses to eat, not giving them dessert is not the answer. Instead, your child will learn to value sweet treats above nutritious foods, which can alter eating patterns for life.

6. Mix food they love with new foods (gradually)

You can add new foods discreetly to the food your child likes. For instance, you may add carrot puree to tomato sauce.

This strategy is called palette priming. It is a feeding therapy tactic where you slowly and progressively something to food your child already accepts. As a result, your kid’s palate adapts, and they don’t notice because it happens very gradually.

7. Reduce sensitivity to touch

If you suspect your kid is a fussy eater because of sensory issues, you can try to reduce touch sensitivity by offering touch pressure and increasing proprioceptive input.

Once kids reach 6, you need their commitment so that they start trying new foods, mainly if they are more sensory sensitive. It just won’t happen by forcing or distracting them.

Here are some activities that your sensory-sensitive picky eater can try:

• Sucking a milkshake through a straw
• Chewing crunchy snacks
• Playing with fidget toys.

8. Offer new foods 8-10 times before deciding your fussy eater HSC hates them

Offering the same type of food multiple times, in various forms, or prepared in different ways can help them accept more food groups. For example, kids may dislike cooked vegetables but eat the raw version. Or, children may only eat fruit cut into bite-sized pieces.

Even with these tactics, it may take up to 8-10 exposures before a child accepts a new food, according to the Dietary Guidelines for Americans 2020-2025.

Also, avoid offering only foods that your child will eat. If they don’t like the meal you have prepared, it’s okay. There will be another meal or snack in a few hours, and they should be able to wait until then. When children are hungry because they choose not to eat, they are more likely to eat what you offer next time.

9. Offer an ice chip before meals

If sensory issues cause problems with certain textures or flavors, it helps some kids to eat ice chips before a meal, slightly numbing their taste buds, so the flavor isn’t so intense.

10. Mindful eating

Mindful eating is a grounding technique for easing anxiety. But it can also help if your child has sensory issues and eating something new makes them anxious.

Encourage your kid to use all their senses at mealtime. You can appeal to their senses by making the food look yummy or fun, letting them touch the food with their hands, encouraging them to smell before tasting, biting, or chewing, and then spitting the food out. They will eventually swallow it and decide if they like it or not.

11. Support your child’s need to have a sense of control

As parents, we worry about our fussy eaters not eating enough healthy food. Then, we start to nag, try to control, or bribe them. However, all those tactics make children lose trust. Worse, their relationship with food turns sour, and they can develop unhealthy eating habits.

Autonomy is crucial for your child to have healthy eating habits. So try to avoid power struggles unless it’s for safety concerns.