Going back to school is a mixture of excitement and fear. Unfortunately, a deeply feeling child will probably choose fear.
I still remember when my six-year-old was struggling with back-to-school anxiety. The new faces, the bustling classrooms, the noise, and the idea of separation from the comfort at home worsened his worries.
As a mom, the first month of school was a rollercoaster of emotions, too. I was highly frustrated, wondering why my child couldn’t just be excited like his peers. I grappled with self-doubt, questioning if I was doing enough to support my son through his anxieties.
But most importantly, I’ve discovered that this journey was an opportunity for growth—for both of us.
In this article, I want to open up about our struggles and the strategies we’ve found helpful along the way. We’ll dive into the techniques that made my child find his voice, express his worries and develop coping mechanisms.
Before you continue, we thought you might like our Time for Adventure FREEBIE. This fun activity can encourage your child to step out of their comfort zone and try new things, which, in turn, can boost their self-confidence.
Signs of back-to-school anxiety
A deeply feeling child is more likely to suffer from school anxiety and separation anxiety because they are slow to warm up, it’s more challenging for them to make new friends, and they struggle to self-regulate when they are emotionally or sensory overstimulated.
There are obvious signs of back-to-school anxiety, like crying and clinginess, but there are also subtle signals like:
- After-school meltdowns and tricky behavior at home, like defiance and low frustration tolerance
- Physical signs of anxiety or somatization (unexplained tummy aches and headaches)
- Fighting bedtime and morning routine
- Increased need for comforting activities (watching a favorite show, quiet play, video games)
- Refusing to engage in school activities
- Negative self-talk
- Quiet and withdrawn at school
- Poor school performance.
13 Back-to-School Strategies for a Deeply Feeling Child
1. Adjust your expectations
Most children are excited to return to school and meet their friends again. But deeply feeling children often have trouble with transitions. After spending a lazy summer at home, adjusting to the school routine can be tricky.
It’s not that they don’t like school; the change is too much for them to handle in the beginning. So, let’s not expect them to run happily into the classroom when it’s time for drop-off—especially if they’re not morning people. Instead, let’s be realistic and expect some initial venting, tears, clinginess, and after-school meltdowns.
2. Avoid feeling guilty about your child’s anxiety
As parents, we tend to feel guilty when our children are sad or anxious. So, we try to please them, give in, or we might snap.
But instead of feeling responsible for our kids’ experiences, it helps to acknowledge that your deeply feeling child is going through a tough period at the beginning of school. It’s a bumpy road, but you’ll navigate it together.
3. Validate your child’s experience
Sometimes, we unintentionally use logic to help children to calm down (“There’s nothing to worry about. You’ll be fine!”). But reasoning doesn’t help when the stress response in their brain gets activated.
When children act out, it’s likely because they’re in a fight or flight mode, which is triggered by a part of the brain called the amygdala. The amygdala kicks into action when it senses a physical threat; our primary need becomes to feel safe again.
That’s why kids need us to help them feel safe when they act out. The best way to do that is through empathy and validation. We can try saying, “It’s okay to feel a little nervous about going to school. It’s a big change, but we’ll go through this together.” A comforting hug can go a long way in making them feel better. And don’t forget to reassure them that you’ll come back for them, especially if they’re very young.
4. Be honest about what’s going to happen at school
Deeply feeling children think and worry a lot. So, instead of presenting a rosy picture, it’s best to encourage open communication and discuss why going back to school concerns them. For each problem they worry about, try to listen without judgment and brainstorm solutions as a team.
Additionally, think of a go-to universal solution – like asking an adult at school for help. Remind your child that they have a support system in place at school – the teachers, school staff, and most importantly, you. You will be there if anything bad happens.
5. Share your experience with your deeply feeling child
Share stories from your school years or your own life when you faced uncertainty or felt anxious about something. Talk about how you managed those situations and how things turned out fine in the end. That can help them see that uncertainty is a normal part of life and that they can navigate it.
For instance, for most of us, starting a new job excites and worries us. Grownups, too, ask themselves questions like, “Will my colleagues like me? What if I’m not good enough? What if I struggle to keep up?” It’s completely normal to have those thoughts and worries.
So, by acknowledging that big feelings are a part of the process and that both kids and adults experience similar emotions, you’re helping your child realize they’re not alone.
6. Talk about school when everybody is calm
If you have kids, you may have noticed these two things:
- children are more likely to listen to logic when they are calm, and
- they talk about their feelings when there’s less pressure, such as during a car ride, a board game, or a quiet activity.
So, here’s a tip for you: keep an eye out for those calm and pressure-free moments, and start a conversation about their school day. You might be surprised by how much they’re willing to share and how this process can help them with their anxieties.
Recalling past events can help ease anxiety by connecting the brain’s logical side (the left half) with the emotional side (the right half). By reframing and discussing what happened, you’re giving your child a chance to reflect and process their day in a more balanced way. It’s a simple but powerful tactic to help them understand their emotions.
7. Read books and practice role-playing at home with your deeply feeling child
If your kiddo finds it difficult to talk or put a name to their strong emotions about the school, books, social stories and pretend play can come to the rescue.
Books that explore school experiences can be an excellent way to introduce the topic gently. You can cuddle up together and read a story featuring characters in similar situations. It’s amazing how books can spark conversations and help kids connect with the characters’ feelings.
Playing pretend with stuffed animals or legos is another excellent idea. Pretend play allows kids to express their emotions safely and imaginatively.
You can act out school scenarios together. Here are some ideas:
- You can be the child, and your little one can play the teacher or a classmate.
- Your little one can play the little nervous animal who goes to school. Depending on your child’s school worries and temperament, they can be a shy turtle or a playful monkey who interrupts the class.
8. Talk about your child’s positive past experiences
If your child feels uneasy about being without you at school, you can try to remind them of other times when they were away from you, and you came back to get them. Remember when they went to Sunday school or spent the weekend at Grandma’s without you? Ask them if they had fun during those times. It’s a great way to remind them that being without parents can be enjoyable.
You can also chat about the things that used to scare your little one when they were younger. Reflect together on those fears and maybe even draw pictures of them. You can proudly display their artwork around the house as a reminder of their past triumphs. It’s a sweet way to show them they have faced fears before and succeeded, giving them the confidence to do it again.
9. Encourage your deeply feeling child to bring comfort items
One option is to give them a bracelet that reminds them of your love. You could even get an identical one for yourself. How sweet is that?
There are other options, too – maybe they could take their favorite toy car, book, teddy bear, a family picture, or even a special little rock you painted together. Having something familiar from home can provide comfort throughout the day.
Another idea is to draw a little star or heart on both their hand and yours. Whenever your kiddo misses you at school, they can press on the drawing with their fingers, and you’ll feel it, too, reminding you of your love and connection.
Some kids enjoy sharing something special with their teacher each morning. It could be their favorite clips, a drawing they made, or anything else they want to show off to the caring person looking after them at preschool. It’s a way for them to feel proud and connected in the classroom.
10. Think of coping tools to reduce sensory overload
Schools can be quite overwhelming for our quiet and sensitive little ones. The sensory environment, with its noise, bright lights, different tastes, and even the feeling of seams on socks and underwear, can lead to sensory overload. It’s a lot for them to take in.
But here’s the good news: we can help our deep feeling children if we identify their triggers and prepare beforehand. It’s all about finding strategies that work for them.
For instance, wearing noise-canceling headphones can be a game-changer if your child is sensitive to noise. It’s like having their own little oasis of calm.
Finding a clothes brand that feels comfortable and doesn’t have irritating seams can make a big difference too. When their clothes feel just right, it can help minimize sensory distractions and discomfort.
Another helpful idea is to pack their favorite snack. Eating something familiar and enjoyable during lunchtime can provide a comforting and predictable experience amidst all the new and sometimes overwhelming tastes.
Then getting enough sleep is also crucial. When our little ones are well-rested, they’re better equipped to handle the day’s challenges. And arriving at school early can give them extra time to settle in and adjust before class starts.
11. A deeply feeling child needs a slow schedule after school
Sometimes, a deep feeling child bottles up emotions throughout the day, releasing the tension at home. They may have emotional outbursts, have sensory-seeking behavior, and have low frustration tolerance. Remember, that can be a hidden sign of anxiety, especially if it’s recurring.
You can help by creating a list of calming activities together. For instance, some activities a deeply feeling child might enjoy are:
- Ten minutes of one-on-one time with their favorite person.
- Spending time outdoors or going for a nature walk.
- Spending time in a cozy sensory corner with soft pillows or blankets.
- Quiet reading or drawing.
- Listening to music.
- Yoga for kids and simple mindfulness exercises.
- Taking a bath with scented bath salts or bubbles.
- Engaging in creative activities like painting or crafting.
12. Encourage your deeply feeling child to make friends
Adjusting to school is easier when you have one or two close friends. But a deep feeling child is usually slow to warm up and extremely picky about who to make friends with. They usually make friends with children with whom they click.
One way to help them is to organize small playdates with one or two kids from school. Doing this in a familiar environment, like your home, creates a comfortable setting where your child can slowly build connections. It’s like making a safe space for them to ease into social interactions.
Avoid inviting children already in an established friend group when setting up these playdates. This way, your child won’t feel like an outsider or overwhelmed by a larger group dynamic. Focusing on smaller, intimate gatherings can help your child feel more at ease and increase the chances of forming meaningful connections.
13. Meet the teacher and visit the school with your deeply feeling child
Consider taking a tour of the school premises before the summer break ends. That will allow your child to familiarize themselves with the environment and feel more comfortable before school starts. Meeting the teacher one-on-one can also help build a connection between your child and an adult at school. Knowing somebody at school, they can trust can make them feel more comfortable.
It’s also important to know the school’s drop-off policy and accommodations the school allows. If school anxiety is an ongoing problem or worsening, it might help to discuss your child’s sensitivity with the teacher and school counselor. Explain how your child reacts when overwhelmed by external stimuli and share the strategies you usually use to help. See how the school staff can support your child (for instance, do they have a sensory corner or safe space where the child can relax before joining their classmates?).
Back-to-school can be a challenging time for highly sensitive children, but with the right support, understanding, and a sprinkle of lightheartedness, we can help them navigate this exciting chapter with grace.
