Sleep provides crucial benefits to a highly sensitive child (HSC). It boosts their immune system and sharpens their minds, but what happens if your HSC struggles with sleep often?
If you are like me, seeing your sensitive child getting two hours to go to sleep each evening makes you feel worried. Then, watching your kid having trouble focusing and regulating their emotions sheds light on the risks of sleep deprivation.
The adverse effects of inadequate sleep, like emotional and cognitive problems, show us how important it is to prevent sleep battles from becoming a habit. Unfortunately, most people think that eight hours of sleep for a child should be enough, yet not for HSCs.
Thankfully, there are some simple strategies to help your child sleep faster.
In this article, you’ll learn about:
- What is high sensitivity?
- Why your highly sensitive child (HSC) has trouble sleeping and what you can do about it:
What is high sensitivity?
Scientists refer to high sensitivity as sensory processing sensitivity (SPS). SPS is a character trait. Consequently, you won’t find it in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). According to research, the hallmark traits of being highly sensitive are:
#1. Depth of processing
Your HSC is likely to think more about the consequences of their actions and take more time assessing risks. Additionally, they may take longer to process significant changes and surprises.
#2. Easily overstimulated
Not surprisingly, your HSC often won’t do well after an exciting day. As it happens, a highly sensitive person’s brain goes over what has happened even while resting.
#3. Higher emotional reactivity and empathy
Your HSC may get sad when they notice other people around are upset. They may also be more sensitive to what they perceive as rejection. But, on the bright side, they will know what to say to make you feel better when you’re down.
#4. Increased awareness of stimuli
Things like noises, fragrances, and textures are more likely to change your HSC’s mood for the better or worse. For example, the humming of lorries passing by can make an HSC lose focus on their homework. Likewise, relaxing music may help your highly sensitive child surrender to sleep.
#5. Higher responsiveness to the environment
Scientists call this “differential susceptibility.” It means that in an adverse environment, HSCs perform more poorly than non-HSCs, but they can do much better in a supportive one. If applied to sleep problems, it means that HSCs can improve their sleep habits faster than other kids in favorable conditions.
Related: The 8 Biggest Challenges Highly Sensitive Children Face and How To Overcome Them
So, guess who is likely to burn more fuel: a car driving at 40mph or one going with 80 mph? It’s the same for deeply feeling children: deep awareness and constant stimuli are sometimes complex for sensitive kids to process. It’s stressful.
Consequently, it’s difficult for a highly sensitive child to wind down before sleep after a long day.
How to Handle Sleep Issues when You Have a Highly Sensitive Child
For many families with HSCs, struggling with bedtime routine is daily life.
But it doesn’t have to be.
Research suggests that the hectic lifestyle in Western cultures can cause bedtime struggles.
It is not in our children’s genes to go to bed late. Instead, something about their daily life prevents them from getting drowsy in the evening.
So, let’s figure out what keeps your highly sensitive child late at night.
Here are six typical causes:
1.Your highly sensitive child has an irregular schedule
As two research studies from 2011 and 2013 suggest, children in industrialized economies who don’t have a regular bedtime are more likely to have problematic behaviors.
To put it differently, children, sensitive kids, mainly, do best when they know what to expect. In other words, they thrive on routines, including at bedtime.
An irregular daily schedule can trigger additional stress for an HSC. As a result, they need more time to rethink the day’s events. In addition, compassionate children will often need a safe space and an attuned caregiver to help them process big feelings.
What you can do:
Some families have an irregular schedule, and it’s okay if it works for them. However, sensitive children may struggle with uncertainty. So, here are a few straightforward tips to help your HSC:
- Give advance notice. Inform your child in advance about what will happen next so that they don’t struggle with the transition so hard.
- Have regular meals. Having regular meals throughout the day prevents us from sweet cravings in the evening (which can delay bedtime). Plus, skipping meals can make us feel “hangry” (hungry and angry). Another option would be cutting back on food additives two hours before bed.
- Let the cortisol out before bedtime. The best way to lower stress levels is to have fun and laugh. For example, activities like dancing, playing chase, and playing with the family pet can calm the nervous system.
2. Your highly sensitive child feels overwhelmed
Even a regular schedule can cause an HSC to struggle at bedtime if it is too crowded. For example, a sensitive child may find sports in the evening too stimulating because of the socialization involved. As a result, having soccer practice from 5 pm to 7 pm may not work for an HSC and can delay bedtime.
Moreover, too many stimuli during the day may cause bad dreams and a restless night.
Also, children who feel overwhelmed frequently may need help from you to regulate emotions.
What you can do:
#1. Emotional co-regulation.
Sensitive children absorb our emotional states like a sponge. Unfortunately, they may also be too young and too intense to self-regulate. Co-regulation can be a highly effective technique to soothe an overwhelmed HSC.
Start by cultivating a state of calmness, for example, by doing breathing exercises with your HSC and playing with stress balls. Then, when you feel your kid has calmed, try engaging with them by asking if they want a hug. Then, gently talk about what happened that made them so upset that they can’t fall asleep.
#2. Morning light.
Get plenty of outdoor natural light during the day, particularly in the morning. Studies show that getting bright morning sunlight helps us sleep better at night. So, have breakfast with your HSC on the patio, or go for a walk.
Spending time outdoors in the morning isn’t an option for all families, and it doesn’t work all year round. However, try looking for practical ways to introduce natural light therapy into your HSC’s routine.
#3. Short breaks throughout the day
A crowded daily schedule, with lots of socializing and extra-curricular activities, can drain your HSC by the end of the day. One way of avoiding overstimulation is to make sure your kid has short breaks for alone time or other quiet activities throughout the day.
For example, they can spend half an hour reading a book while at school in the library. In addition, some children like using noise-canceling headphones in the cafeteria.
#4. Chamomile tea or tart cherry juice before bed
Chamomile tea is one of the best warm drinks before bed. Chamomile contains a substance called “apigenin,” which helps reduce anxiety.
You could also offer your child tart cherry juice. Tart cherries contain tryptophan, which helps with the production of melatonin.
3. Your highly sensitive child has too much screentime before bed
Various studies worldwide show that television and other types of screens create sleep problems in children. For instance, two research studies from 2014 and 2019 revealed that children under two tend to sleep less the more they spend time on tablets.
Moreover, according to another study, excessive screen time can cause sleep disruptions in the case of preschoolers. Unsurprisingly, school-aged children also have sleep problems from spending too much time on television. And the most common reported issues were later bedtime, nighttime fears and waking, and daytime sleepiness.
What’s the relation between screen time and sleep? It’s partly a question of light: artificial light suppresses melatonin and increases alertness.
What you can do:
- Avoid shows that are above your HSC’s age. Suspenseful movie scenes, sad endings, and violence on TV or radio (even talking about a war on the evening news) can be triggering. Try to limit and monitor violent content throughout the day.
- Reduce screen time between dinner and bedtime. It may take you two weeks before seeing any changes, but it’s worth it.
4. Your highly sensitive child struggles with nighttime fears
A 2001 study of 176 children in the Netherlands showed that about 73% of children aged four to twelve years old reported that they had nighttime fears. It seems that night time fears are common in the 4-6 years age group. They are more frequent in the 7-9 years age range and remain stable in 10 to 12-year-old kids.
Many of their parents were not aware of their child’s fears. The most likely cause is that most children in Western countries sleep alone in their rooms.
Does sleeping alone make an HSC more fearful? It’s possible. A child’s distress related to separation from the parent is a panic response coming from a part of the brain dealing with physical pain information. And we know that HSCs are more sensitive to pain than other children.
On top of that, HSCs have a rich imagination which makes distinguishing fantasy from reality even harder.
Further, if we add exposure to negative information into the mix (like the child hearing about a car accident on TV), controlling nighttime fears becomes even more complicated.
What you can do:
#1. Try co-sleeping
Co-sleeping dramatically reduces anxiety and helps sensitive children regulate their emotions. However, though it has many advantages, it’s not an option for everyone. Parents are likely to sleep poorly and wake up tired in the morning.
#2. Set up a camp bed next to yours
Explain to your HSC that they can come up in your room anytime during the night and sleep in it.
#3. Use a weighted blanket or a weighted lap pad
The way weighted blankets work is similar to deep pressure therapy, which increases the serotonin level. Serotonin is the happiness hormone and reduces anxiety. What’s more, serotonin helps raise melatonin levels, regulating the sleep-wake cycle.
Weighted blankets are best for children that are not sensory avoiders.
If you are not sure your child will like a weighted blanket, and since they may be pretty expensive, try a weighted lap pad instead and see how it works.
#4. List three positive things your highly sensitive child can think about if they wake up.
Before bed, talk to your kid about three positive things they can think of and dream about if they wake up and feel afraid at night. For instance, they can think of your plans for the weekend, the family pet, or their last birthday party.
5. Your highly sensitive child associates bedtime with negative feelings
Often, children associate bedtime with emotional states.
Consequently, a child who goes to sleep easily may think, “Bedtime is when Mommy reads my favorite books to me while I fall asleep next to her.”
However, a kid who associates bedtime with negative emotions might think, “Bedtime is when I have to turn off the lights even though I want to watch cartoons and play with my Dad more.”
In particular, an HSC may be more prone to feeling uneasy about going to bed instead of spending extra time with you. You see, sensitive children crave connection.
Alternatively, a sensitive child could feel anxious around bedtime if they don’t know what to expect.
Finally, children may see an unclear routine and occasional delays in sleep as an opportunity to stall: a 2006 study showed that children sometimes associate bedtime with opportunities for negotiation.
What you can do:
The most effective way to return to positive sleep associations is to reinforce a positive bedtime routine through gentle parenting techniques.
#1. Consistent routine
Establish a consistent bedtime routine that starts about 30 minutes before your HSC starts feeling drowsy.
#2. Low-key activities together with you
Your HSC needs to feel attuned to you, so they will love it if you are part of their bedtime routine. So, enjoy some quiet activities together, like reading a book, listening to relaxing music while sitting in bed together, even doing a puzzle.
#3. The check-in method
Many children like their parents to lie in bed next to them until they fall asleep. But often, parents don’t have enough time.
Therefore, if you must leave the room before your child sleeps, implement this change gradually.
For example, say you’ll leave the room for ten minutes to check up on a sibling or go to the toilet, and leave the door open so you can hear each other. But keep your promise and come back to check on them. Then, make it short and say you’ll come back again in 10 minutes.
6. Your highly sensitive child is not physiologically ready for bed
A small study published in 2013 revealed that sometimes children resist bedtime because their internal clock says it’s too early. Specifically, kids don’t fall asleep because the melatonin levels in their bodies are still not high enough.
What you can do:
- Watch out for late afternoon naps. You may start by watching out for late afternoon naps, which can delay the surge in melatonin in the evening.
- Avoid bright lights after sundown. To help your HSC sleep, you may choose dimmable light bulbs. This also helps with melatonin production.
- Spend time in nature in the evening. In this way, you and your kid avoid too much artificial light close to bedtime. Moreover, pending time outdoors in the evening is easier when you have a family pet.
- Go summer camping. If you can, go camping for a week with your HSC. According to a study from 2013, a week of camping with no phones, can reset our internal clock to nature’s light and dark cycles, and helps us get more sleep.
References
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