Is your highly sensitive child afraid of Halloween? Let’s talk about Halloween anxiety, six ideas for games on managing Halloween worries, and how to celebrate Halloween in an HSP-friendly way.
I always looked forward to Halloween costumes and parades when I was little. Then, as I grew older, my family always wanted to increase the fear factor with haunted attractions and scary movies. At that point, my Halloween anxiety crept in.
When I was eight, and we were waiting to visit a haunted house, I got scared by the people wearing costumes. So, I ran back to our car and waited for my dad to open the vehicle. But a werewolf followed me, growling, “I’m going to get you.” That was the last time I went to a haunted house.
You see, most children know that ghosts and monsters don’t exist, but there’s always that “What if” risk. What if that creature comes to life and haunts me back home? What if that werewolf bites me?
So, do your best to offer validation to your child. Showing empathy when they get anxious is essential for their self-esteem and trust in you.
In this article, you’ll learn:
- Why Halloween can make your highly sensitive child (HSC) anxious
- Emotional regulation strategies to cope with Halloween Anxiety
- Game ideas to ease Halloween Anxiety
- How to celebrate Halloween in an HSP-friendly way
Why does your child get Halloween anxiety?
First of all, anxiety around Halloween can be developmentally appropriate. Research (1) shows that, although preschoolers can differentiate between reality and fantasy, most are unsure if an imagined creature can become real.
We associate Halloween with witches, zombies, ghosts, sudden noises, blood, and gore. Also, is it just me, or does it seem like costumes become more realistic each year?
No wonder this holiday ignites anxiety in your child, especially if they are HSC socially anxious. Children are still emotionally immature and can react badly to things we consider minor. But that doesn’t make your kid’s anxiety less real.
Anxiety starts in your brain. The amygdala, which is the part of the brain that has to do with the fight-flight-freeze-fawn reactions, manages survival behaviors. When it senses a threat, it reacts immediately.
After the alarm bells go off, the other parts of the brain (the cortex and the hippocampus) start analyzing the situation’s seriousness. Most people calm down as soon as they realize there’s no danger.
But when you are anxious, you remain scared even when you realize there’s no reason. This is because the amygdala remains activated for longer, and your mind remains alert.
Your HSC has a more reactive nervous system. So, their brain and body react more strongly. That’s why your kid doesn’t like getting startled or scared.
Moreover, the pressure to celebrate Halloween can make your child socially anxious. Sensitive children don’t usually like to be the center of attention. They can worry that people will make fun of their costumes and feel eager when opening the door for trick-or-treating and having to make small talk with neighbors.
Let’s not forget about sensory sensitivities. For example, your child might say that the dress-up clothes feel funny and itchy. Add sensory issues to the overwhelming celebrations, and you are in for a meltdown.
Fortunately, you can prevent Halloween meltdowns by preparing your kid in advance and managing your own expectations.
Below are some great emotional regulation strategies for Halloween anxiety.
Emotional regulation strategies to cope with Halloween Anxiety
1. Offer validation
It can be embarrassing for you to see your kid experience anxiety related to Halloween, but denying your child’s worries can make them worse. As always, offering emotional validation is the crucial starting point.
Telling your child, “Toughen up, buddy! There’s no reason to be scared. It’s all in your head,” will make things more difficult. Instead, say something along the lines, “It’s okay to feel nervous. I feel nervous sometimes, too.”
2. Involve your child in the Halloween preparations
Instead of waiting for your child to get anxious and avoid all the fun, prepare them in advance. Tell them that Halloween monsters are not real and that people like to dress up for fun.
Include your child in the Halloween preparations. For instance, decorate the house, make pumpkin pies and have them choose the Halloween sweets.
3. Have a secret “Help” sign
Setting ground rules and expectations are also crucial. For example, tell your child to ask you to join hands during the spookiest scenes in a Halloween movie or when you walk into a haunted house with creepy-crawly creatures.
4. Expose your child gradually to what they fear
Although your initial instinct might be to stay away from scary movies and haunted houses entirely, gradually exposing your kid to what makes them anxious can help.
Sometimes, the best way to manage anxiety is to face our fears and progressively build tolerance.
While horror Halloween movies might never be your child’s thing, you might help them build enough tolerance to watch a single movie together with family, maybe without the spookiest part.
Also, it’s okay if your kid entirely avoids Halloween movies and haunted attractions as long as they don’t feel like they are missing out.
Experts (3) have discovered that empathetic people (we know that highly sensitive children have large amounts of empathy) don’t enjoy watching scary movies, regardless of how the movie ends.
5. Practice mindful breathing
Help your child relax through mindful breathing. This breathing technique makes the alarm bells go off by setting in motion the parasympathetic nerves. This part of your nervous system relaxes the body after dangerous or stressful situations.
There isn’t an ideal moment for mindful breathing. Some children might relax by taking deep breaths before going on ghost walks. Others need breathing exercises before leaving the safety of their home. Even yet, others need to breathe right after leaving a spine-chilling place. So, it would help if you found out what works best for you.
6. Pause and reason
We automatically believe our thoughts are true, but that isn’t always the case.
Although understandably, haunted houses (2) can be frightening, the reality is that zombies that eat brains don’t exist.
Teach your child to pause and ask themselves, “Can this happen? Is this real?”
7. Reframe thoughts
Whenever a movie is scarier than your child anticipated, tell them, “This is a movie. That ghost that you see on TV is an actor. They were paid to do that and probably also had great fun doing it.”
You can even think of a power phrase for your kid to say to self-regulate, like:
- “This isn’t real. I am safe.”
- “I am not in danger.“
- “I am safe. All is well.”
- “This isn’t real. I am starting to relax. I feel calmer. I am okay now.”
8. Don’t beat yourself up too much
It’s best to understand that your kid’s anxiety around being scared or taken by surprise is biological and may even be developmentally appropriate. Therefore, work on accepting their fear and provide emotional support when necessary.
Your attitude matters because emotions are contagious (4). For example, chuckling after seeing your child surprised by a ghost makes your kid less likely to feel scared than if you had gasped. Similarly, being relaxed when seeing a spooky Halloween character can help your kid feel more at ease.
Play games to ease Halloween Anxiety
Do role-play with your sensitive child to ease their Halloween fears. Follow their lead to see their worries and if they are scared of something specific (they might be scared of spiders but think ghosts are fun, for example).
Here are some ideas:
Idea #1: The giant bear
Get a giant stuffed bear and start a game where a monster (the bear) startles your little one. Teach your child what to say to the monster and when to use your secret help sign.
Idea #2: The worry monster
Buy a soft plush monster and start discussing your child’s worries. Then, suggest to your child to feed their concerns to the worry monster.
Alternatively, you can have your child draw a worry monster and stick the drawing on the fridge. They can talk to the worry monster each time they do something brave.
Idea #3: The worry box
Buy a wooden and unpainted small box, and have your child paint it with colors of their choice. Depending on your child’s age and skills, you can also opt for a plain tissue box or make an Origami box.
Then, have your kid write down or draw their worries about Halloween and share their fears with you. Afterward, put the list or the post-it notes in the box and close it. The final step is encouraging your child to think of something cheerful for a few moments.
Idea #4: Halloween-inspired playdate
Organize a Halloween-inspired playdate (before the actual Halloween) where your child’s friends can come for a trick-or-treat and play monster games. You could also organize a non-scary scavenger hunt for the kids.
Idea #5: Figurines
Play pretend with figurines (you can use Lego or build monsters out of play dough or clay). You can practice trick-or-treating at home with figurines (or dolls), and use pretend candy.
Idea #6: Clay play
Clay gives you a lot of freedom to create your game. You can even build an entire Halloween scene (like a haunted house) out of clay. Alternatively, you can use play dough for miniature sets and sand.
Tips:
- Use air-dry clay.
- Clay is better for building scenes because it hardens. But play dough is less messy
Celebrate Halloween in an HSP-friendly way
Just because some people enjoy the thrill of a scary experience, it doesn’t mean your family should celebrate Halloween the same way.
Everyone is different, and that is okay. You can celebrate Halloween with fire-pit parties, pumpkin pies, trick-or-treat, and Frozen/Paw Patrol costumes. Also, you can decorate your home with non-scary pumpkins, friendly ghosts, and fall flowers. In fact, you can go for a fall-inspired theme rather than scary Halloween decorations.
Below is a list of non-scary Halloween activities for your highly sensitive child:
- Play witch’s broom races
- Dive into a massive pile of leaves
- Create a pumpkin fairy house
- Paint friendly pumpkins (you can also use fallen leaves to decorate them)
- Make non-scary spider webs (here’s a tip: put up a tape web across a doorway and let the kids decorate with mini pom-poms)
- Make a candy wreath
- Make a backyard bonfire
- Visit a corn maze
- Go for a hike and enjoy the fall landscape
- Plan a hayride
- Visit a pumpkin farm
- Plant fall flowers
- Have a backyard dinner for Halloween
- Make a fall flower arrangement for every room
- Paint friendly-looking zombie rocks.
- Make cute pumpkins out of balloons and cartoon paper strips
- Go apple picking and play bob-for-apples.
References
- Harris, P.L., Brown, E., Marriott, C., Whittall, S. and Harmer, S. (1991), Monsters, ghosts and witches: Testing the limits of the fantasy—reality distinction in young children. British Journal of Developmental Psychology, 9: 105-123. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.2044-835X.1991.tb00865.x
- McAndrew, F. T. (2015). Evolutionary psychology explains why haunted houses creep us out. The Conversation.
- Hoffner, C. A., & Levine, K. J. (2005). Enjoyment of Mediated Fright and Violence: A Meta-Analysis. Media Psychology, 7(2), 207-237. https://doi.org/10.1207/S1532785XMEP0702_5.
- Desautels, Lori, “Emotions are Contagious” (2014). Scholarship and Professional Work – Education. 113. https://digitalcommons.butler.edu/coe_papers/113
