Believe me, if there were a magic way to swap out my child’s anxieties for pure confidence, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Let’s be honest, anxiety isn’t exactly a stranger in my own life either (shocker, right?). So, when my child started struggling with it too, well, let’s just say my own anxiety went into overdrive.

One of the many amazing things about children with anxiety? They’re incredibly sensitive to the emotions around them. No matter how hard I tried to hide my own worries, my daughter would pick up on it like a superpower. And guess what? That just fed his anxiety even more. It became a cycle.

Around the time she was 5 or 6 years old, I read Dan Siegel’s and Tina Bryson’s book “The Whole-Brain Child”. They said that our brain has two parts – the rational brain and the emotional brain, and that in the emotional brain there a little, almond-shaped structure, called the amygdala. The amygdala helps us remain safe. It is where all our emotions come from, but sometimes when we have big emotions, the amygdala takes things too seriously and keeps us from thinking clearly. The good thing though, it that all emotions come and go.

When I told my kiddo that all emotions are normal, and that they come and go, I saw relief on her face. She resonated with this message (“All emotions come and go.”)

That’s not to say that my kiddo never felt anxious again. She’ll probably always struggle with anxiety due to her highly sensitive temperament. However, she learned to get through those big emotions faster. She felt more in charge of those uncomfortable feelings, knowing that they eventually fade away. Eventually, it became easier for her to say “I feel worried.”

If you feel that your child spends too much time worrying instead of enjoying their childhood like their friends do, if you feel that they are missing out on opportunities, then check out the Anxiety Bundle For Children. It has easy-to-follow activities for kids, and engaging calm cards and posters that you can print and hang in your child’s calm corner.

On top of making our little ones feel loved unconditionally, here are ten strategies that can help children with anxiety:

10 Ways Parents Can Help Highly Sensitive Children Manage Anxiety

1. Normalize All Emotions, Including Anxiety  

As parents, it’s natural to want to shield our children from any discomfort. But anxiety, like all emotions, is a normal part of growing up. It can be a signal that your child is aware of their surroundings and cares deeply. Just like feeling happy or excited, anxiety serves a purpose, even if it feels unpleasant at times.

By acknowledging and validating kids’ anxious feelings, we create a safe space for open communication. Additionally, normalizing anxiety reduces feelings of shame: when a child sees their worries dismissed or minimized, they can feel ashamed for feeling that way.

2. Validate instead of dismissing worries

We all want to support our children and minimize their worries. However, sometimes phrases like “It’s all in your head” or “Don’t worry about it” can unintentionally make them feel dismissed.

Instead, let’s focus on validating their feelings and showing empathy. Saying something like, “I understand you’re feeling anxious right now, and that’s okay. It’s normal to feel worried sometimes” lets your child know their feelings are valid and you’re there to listen. Feeling that their voice matters is crucial for children with anxiety.

3. Build a coping strategies toolbox with different tools to try out

Creating a toolbox with lots of coping strategies allows children with anxiety to try out various tools and see what works for them. You can even keep track of what helps them.

If all this sounds a bit overwhelming, start here:

• Download My Calming Tools Poster, which you can print and hang in your child’s calm corner or on your fridge.
• Download for FREE the Coping Tools Tracker.

The most important thing to remember about emotional regulation coping tools is that we need to try them out when everyone’s calm.

4. Work on your relationship with your child everyday

In our busy world, carving out quality time with your child can feel like a luxury. But those moments of connection are more crucial than ever, especially for children with anxiety or are highly sensitive. Think of it as building an emotional bridge. Regular interaction allows you to truly understand their world, their worries, and their joys.

This open communication is vital for addressing anxieties and navigating challenging emotions. Highly sensitive children, who are more likely to feel anxious, thrive on the sense of security and support that comes from quality time. It reassures them that they’re loved and understood, empowering them to face the world with a little more confidence. So, put down the phone, silence distractions, and invest in those precious moments of connection. It’s a small daily investment with lifelong benefits for your child’s emotional well-being.

5. Teach your child deep breathing exercises

Just a few minutes of deep breaths can be a game-changer for managing anxiety.  It sounds basic but it’s effective when you get the hang of it.

When your child feels anxious, their body goes into fight-or-flight mode. Deep breathing acts as a natural brake, slowing their heart rate and sending calming signals to the brain. This helps them regain control of their emotions and approach situations more clearly.

Think of it like hitting the pause button on a stressful moment, for example at bedtime, or when it’s time for going back to school.

The best part? Deep breathing is a skill they can carry with them throughout their lives. So, take a deep breath together today – you’re teaching your child a valuable skill for a calmer, more confident future.

Since it might take some time to find deep breathing exercises that your kiddo actually likes, I created these engaging Deep Breathing Exercises for kids. Check them out:

6. Do yoga together to relieve anxiety

Through yoga and breathing exercises kids learn to tune into their bodies and emotions.  This self-awareness empowers them to manage anxiety, improve focus, and build resilience. 

What’s also great about yoga is that it can be a family affair!  Doing yoga together strengthens your bond with your child. Sharing laughter and creating positive memories during practice fosters a sense of connection and trust.  So, grab a yoga mat, turn on some calming music, and enjoy quality time with your little yogi!

If you don’t know where to start, we’ve prepared this amazing My Yoga Poses poster for you.

7. Storytelling can be a powerful tool for children with anxiety

Stories can evoke a range of emotions, allowing kids to experience uncomfortable emotions in a safe and controlled way. This can be especially helpful for big negative emotions like sadness or anger.

Plus, they foster empathy. Children with anxiety can connect with the characters’ struggles and challenges, realizing they’re not alone in experiencing uncomfortable feelings.

Additionally, stories can be a great conversation starter for when your child has had a difficult day and refuses to talk about it.

8. Children with anxiety thrive on routine

Picture your child’s world as a bustling city. For children with anxiety, this city can feel overwhelming – noisy traffic, unpredictable detours, and unexpected crowds. A consistent routine acts like a reliable map, guiding them through their day. Knowing what to expect, from wake-up time to bedtime rituals, provides a sense of control for children who are sensitively-wired.

Routines also establish clear boundaries, which make parenting easier.

9. Exercise is great for children with anxiety

Exercise promotes the release of endorphins, the body’s natural mood elevators. These biochemical changes have a calming effect, helping children with anxiety to feel better.

Physical activity also provides a healthy outlet for pent-up energy, and it shifts focus from worries to the inherent joy in jumping, running, or dancing.

Here are other physical activities your kiddo might enjoy: jump rope, freeze tag, hula hoop, fly a kite, and jump on a trampoline.

10. Manage your own worries

Preventing our own negative thoughts from spiraling out of control is tough. I get it. It’s something that I struggle with almost every day. But managing our anxiety is crucial if we want our children to keep their worries in check.

One way to reduce the effect of your anxiety onto your child is to meditate. Here’s a simple meditation technique you can try: observe your thoughts as they come and go, without acting upon them, for 5-10 minutes every day. If your mind keeps wandering (it will!), focus your attention on your breath without judgment. Alternatively, bring your awareness to your body: notice the sensations in your toes, arms, or chest.

You can also take some time to do something kind for yourself. Take a hot shower, call a good friend, listen to an audio book, or go outside. Check out the Self-care for Parents Poster below for more ideas! This will not only help you build anxiety coping skills, but also model healthy ways of managing anxiety for your child.

Remember, you’re not alone. Lots of parents struggle with anxiety and feel burnt out, and it’s okay to ask for help. 

By trying out different coping tools that work for yourself, by taking short self-care breaks every other day, you’re also taking care of your child. 

From birth, I noticed my baby had a high-strung nervous system. He didn’t enjoy getting messy, and loud noises or wind seemed to startle him. He started tantrums at twelve months. That’s pretty early for tantrums! I now know that he had big feelings that he was too young to articulate hence the outbursts.

However, I still feel that navigating parenting a deeply feeling child was the hardest thing I have ever done. For years, I felt alone and doubted my parenting skills.

To bring awareness to parents like myself, I created this article where I’ve brought together the telltale signs of a highly sensitive baby. This article can help learn early on if your child is highly sensitive so that you can let go of self-blame and provide them with the support they need.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our Highly Sensitive Child checklist for FREE. This checklist can help you find out whether your child is highly sensitive, identify their triggers, and find out their strengths.

Here are the telltale signs of a highly sensitive baby:

1. A highly sensitive baby has big, big emotions that they cannot articulate yet, which makes them tantrum more often

Highly sensitive babies often have nervous systems that are more easily overwhelmed by stimuli. They experience intense emotions they’re still learning to express, which can lead to fussiness and later, tantrums. As they grow, these strong emotions might lead to labels like ‘strong-willed,’ ‘feisty,’ or ‘inflexible.’

Big feelings can make sensitive babies cry over things that wouldn’t bother others. For example, a minor fall at the playground might require a trip home, while other children bounce back. Similarly, a mommy and me class full of high-energy kids might be overwhelming for a highly sensitive baby who needs a calmer environment.

On the bright side, when their environment is calm and predictable, these babies can be very content and easygoing.

2. Sensitive babies are cautious around strangers and in new environments

Sensitive babies are slow to warm up around strangers and in new environments, whereas other babies are eager to explore. It’s not necessarily fear; they simply take more time to observe their surroundings. They may sit still and observe any noise – quiet and loud, and any person – quiet or loud. If something feels unfamiliar or uncomfortable, they’ll choose to stay close to their parents for comfort instead of rushing off to explore.

This preference for predictability and calmness extends to the adults they interact with. Highly sensitive babies often prefer adults who are more gentle, use a softer tone of voice, and make gentle contact before trying to engage them in play. These adults might offer to hold your baby but won’t try to take them from you right away. They understand that some babies are slow to warm up and see it as normal.

In a nutshell, your highly sensitive baby instinctively likes adults who respect boundaries. Thanks to their high sensitivity, your baby has an ability to pick out these adults.

As a highly sensitive child grows up, their inborn cautiousness can transform into anxiety if there’s too much pressure to act a certain way (for example, to greet people they don’t know, or to make friends with children they don’t like). They may also learn to mask their feelings as a way to fit in society. Unfortunately, that can lead to meltdowns at home where the child feels safe enough to express their big feelings.

3. A highly sensitive baby can have intense separation anxiety

Highly sensitive babies may develop more intense separation anxiety. Here are three potential reasons for that:

• More easily overwhelmed by stimuli:  Sensitive babies are often more easily overwhelmed by sights, sounds, and textures. This heightened sensitivity might translate to a stronger need for familiar faces and routines, leading to separation anxiety when those comforts are disrupted.
• Big emotions:  Another common trait in HSC babies is experiencing emotions more intensely. A brief separation from a caregiver might feel like a significant loss to them, triggering a stronger reaction compared to other babies.
• Strong attachment needs:  HSC babies are often very attached to their main caregiver. This intense bond is positive but can also lead to greater separation anxiety when that bond is temporarily broken.

4. A highly sensitive baby may have trouble sleeping alone

Highly sensitive babies may also experience intense bedtime anxiety. This can be because, by the end of the day, they’re overloaded from all the information they’ve taken in. Their brains are still developing and haven’t learned to process everything yet. So, by bedtime, they might feel too stimulated to settle down and sleep.

Moreover, many highly sensitive babies need the comfort of mom or dad close by to feel safe enough to sleep, unlike some other babies who are more independent sleepers. This need for physical contact is actually backed by science. Brain scientists have shown that physical connection helps calm the nervous system (think about how good a hug feels!).”

5. A highly sensitive baby may hate busy environments

Crowded places, birthday parties, large family gatherings, and even playdates with high-energy children can be too much for a highly sensitive baby. Here are a couple of reasons:

• Not knowing what to expect. Meeting lots of people usually means that you are taking the baby out of their daily routine (you don’t go to parties and family gatherings daily, after all). Getting out of the daily routine can unsettle your baby by itself because they don’t know what to expect.
• Extra noise, smell and touch stimulation. Highly sensitive babies often have sensory sensitivities, making busy or new environments feel like too much for them to handle. For example, they may hate loud or sudden noises. In addition, a bunch of people wanting to hold the baby, and the potential change in the baby’s sleep schedules can add to the overwhelm and lead to tantrums.

6. Highly sensitive babies can be sensitive to touch, making eating, clothing and bath time challenging

Touch is one of the most important senses for a baby. It helps them explore the world, feel safe and secure, and bond with their caregivers. However, some babies are more sensitive to touch than others.

Here’s how tactile sensitivity can influence a baby’s behavior:

• Discomfort with Certain Clothes Textures:  A highly sensitive baby might find certain textures irritating or even painful. This could include clothing tags, rough fabrics, or even the feeling of wet wipes.  They might react by crying, fussing, or pulling away from the touch.
• Bath Time:  Bath time, which can be a relaxing experience for some babies, might be stressful for a tactilely sensitive baby. The feeling of water pouring on their skin (especially on their face), the water temperature, or the sensation of soap might be overwhelming. They might cry, arch their back, or become fussy during bath time.
• Picky Eaters:  Tactile sensitivity can extend to food. A highly sensitive baby might reject certain foods due to their texture or temperature. This can make introducing new foods a challenge.
• Cuddles and Carry Time:  Some babies with a more sensitive nervous system might crave the comfort of touch (and love weighted blankets and swaddling as a soothing tool) while others may be easily overwhelmed by too much pressure or restriction (and hate baby carriers, for example).

5 Tips To Help Your Highly Sensitive Baby Thrive

1. Listen without stopping the feelings from flowing out

Whenever your baby gets upset, crying, or frustrated, get down to their eye level and simply be there for them. You don’t need to try to change anything right away. Offer a gentle hug or kiss to show you care. This way, you’re creating a safe space for their feelings and offering empathy. Remember, there’s no need to stop the feelings or “fix” anything immediately. Often, what babies need most is simply to feel safe and understood.

Here’s an important point: Highly sensitive children, including babies, pick up on our anxieties very easily. So, by staying calm and collected yourself, you create a safe space where your child feels comfortable expressing their emotions freely.

2. Give a warning before transitions

Highly sensitive babies are content and easygoing as long as they know what to expect.

That’s why it helps to give gentle reminders before transitions, and validate their emotions when they seem to struggle with moving on. So, if your highly sensitive child is upset about the sudden ending of an activity, warn them about the transition in advance next time. You could say, ‘It’s almost time to clean up now. Let’s say bye bye to the blocks!’ Then, if they still get upset, validate their feelings and name those feelings for them. ‘You were having fun building with the blocks! Now, you feel frustrated because it’s time to stop playing. It’s hard to say goodbye to something fun.’

3. Teach them basic sign language

Sensitive babies are highly observant, noticing everything around them. They’re also determined and know what they want. However, because they’re still developing their communication skills, they can easily get frustrated when they can’t express their needs. This frustration can often erupt in crying or tantrums.

Here’s where teaching sign language can be a game-changer. To avoid tantrums, try to teach your baby signs for “stop”, “more”, “please”, “finished.”

Here are some tips for introducing signs to your highly sensitive baby:

• Start early: You can begin teaching signs as early as 6 months old.
• Keep it simple: Focus on a few essential signs at first, like “more” and “stop.”
• Be consistent: Use the signs yourself consistently while saying the words clearly.
• Make it fun: Incorporate signs into playtime, diaper changes, and mealtimes. Keep it light and positive!

4. Encourage them to try new activities and meet new people but don’t rush them

Highly sensitive babies thrive on routine and may want to watch from the sidelines for a while before joining a group activity. This doesn’t mean they’re not interested; they’re simply taking time to observe and process what’s going on around them.

A step-by-step approach, like introducing them to a new environment gradually, works best for them. This allows them to process the new information in smaller chunks.  For example, if you’re going to a new playground, you could let them explore a quiet area first before venturing into the busier sections.

It’s important not to shield them from new experiences that make them feel uncomfortable. Sheltering them can send the message that you don’t trust their abilities to cope with new situations or that negative emotions are to be avoided.  Instead, guide them with calm and confidence. Be there for them, validates their emotions, and help them navigate new experiences at their own pace.

5. Equip yourself with a toolbox of calming tools

Emotional validation and co-regulation are incredibly helpful, but they cannot function without a set of calming tools when you have a determined, strong-willed baby that can’t be swayed.

Here is a list of calming tools to try with your highly sensitive baby. Have a look:

Visual calming strategies:

• Show them a high-contrast object: Black and white mobiles, colorful crinkle toys, or a brightly colored ball can capture their attention.
• Take them for a walk: A change of scenery can be stimulating and distracting. Pay attention to what catches their eye, like leaves blowing in the wind or birds flying by.
• Use a baby mirror: Self-discovery can be fascinating for some babies.
• Spend time outdoors: Nature has a soothing effect on our nervous systems, and it’s the same way for babies.

Auditory calming strategies:

• Sing or hum calming songs: Your voice is familiar and comforting. Try soft lullabies or gentle instrumental music.
• Play nature sounds: White noise machines or recordings of rain, waves, or wind can be surprisingly soothing.
• Use rattles or crinkly toys: The sound can be stimulating and distracting, but avoid loud or jarring noises.

Touch calming strategies:

• Swaddle them: A snug swaddle can mimic the feeling of being in the womb and provide comfort (if your baby tolerates it).
• Offer a gentle massage: Stroking their back, legs, or feet can be calming. Use baby oil for a smoother touch.
• Skin-to-skin contact: Hold your baby close, chest to chest. Your warmth and heartbeat can be very soothing.

Movement techniques:

• Rock them gently: The rhythmic motion can be very calming for some babies.
• Try babywearing: Carrying your baby close can provide comfort and security, while also freeing up your hands.
• Take them for a ride: A car ride or a walk in the stroller can sometimes work wonders.

Distraction Techniques:

• Blow bubbles
• Play peek-a-boo
• Read a story (even if they don’t understand the words, the sound of your voice and the colorful pictures can be engaging)
• Offer a teething ring or safe toy to explore
• Crinkle paper or make other interesting sounds
• Incorporate gross and fine motor activities in your play, like crawling, rolling, reaching, grasping, finger painting, and building blocks.

The secret for these tools to work is that they need to be child-led as much as possible. When children are in control, this gives them a sense of autonomy which reduces their stress hormones and thus helps with emotional self-regulation.

Moreover, child-led play allows children to explore and learn at their own pace.

I still remember when my six-year-old was struggling with back-to-school anxiety. The new faces, the bustling classrooms, the noise, and the idea of separation from the comfort at home worsened his worries.

As a mom, the first month of school was a rollercoaster of emotions, too. I was highly frustrated, wondering why my child couldn’t just be excited like his peers. I grappled with self-doubt, questioning if I was doing enough to support my son through his anxieties.

But most importantly, I’ve discovered that this journey was an opportunity for growth—for both of us.

In this article, I want to open up about our struggles and the strategies we’ve found helpful along the way. We’ll dive into the techniques that made my child find his voice, express his worries and develop coping mechanisms.

Before you continue, we thought you might like our Time for Adventure FREEBIE. This fun activity can encourage your child to step out of their comfort zone and try new things, which, in turn, can boost their self-confidence.

Signs of back-to-school anxiety

A deeply feeling child is more likely to suffer from school anxiety and separation anxiety because they are slow to warm up, it’s more challenging for them to make new friends, and they struggle to self-regulate when they are emotionally or sensory overstimulated.

There are obvious signs of back-to-school anxiety, like crying and clinginess, but there are also subtle signals like:

• After-school meltdowns and tricky behavior at home, like defiance and low frustration tolerance
• Physical signs of anxiety or somatization (unexplained tummy aches and headaches)
• Fighting bedtime and morning routine
• Increased need for comforting activities (watching a favorite show, quiet play, video games)
• Refusing to engage in school activities
• Negative self-talk
• Quiet and withdrawn at school
• Poor school performance.

13 Back-to-School Strategies for a Deeply Feeling Child

1. Adjust your expectations

Most children are excited to return to school and meet their friends again. But deeply feeling children often have trouble with transitions. After spending a lazy summer at home, adjusting to the school routine can be tricky.

It’s not that they don’t like school; the change is too much for them to handle in the beginning. So, let’s not expect them to run happily into the classroom when it’s time for drop-off—especially if they’re not morning people. Instead, let’s be realistic and expect some initial venting, tears, clinginess, and after-school meltdowns.

2. Avoid feeling guilty about your child’s anxiety

As parents, we tend to feel guilty when our children are sad or anxious. So, we try to please them, give in, or we might snap.

But instead of feeling responsible for our kids’ experiences, it helps to acknowledge that your deeply feeling child is going through a tough period at the beginning of school. It’s a bumpy road, but you’ll navigate it together.

3. Validate your child’s experience

Sometimes, we unintentionally use logic to help children to calm down (“There’s nothing to worry about. You’ll be fine!”). But reasoning doesn’t help when the stress response in their brain gets activated.

When children act out, it’s likely because they’re in a fight or flight mode, which is triggered by a part of the brain called the amygdala. The amygdala kicks into action when it senses a physical threat; our primary need becomes to feel safe again.

That’s why kids need us to help them feel safe when they act out. The best way to do that is through empathy and validation. We can try saying, “It’s okay to feel a little nervous about going to school. It’s a big change, but we’ll go through this together.” A comforting hug can go a long way in making them feel better. And don’t forget to reassure them that you’ll come back for them, especially if they’re very young.

4. Be honest about what’s going to happen at school

Deeply feeling children think and worry a lot. So, instead of presenting a rosy picture, it’s best to encourage open communication and discuss why going back to school concerns them. For each problem they worry about, try to listen without judgment and brainstorm solutions as a team.

Additionally, think of a go-to universal solution – like asking an adult at school for help. Remind your child that they have a support system in place at school – the teachers, school staff, and most importantly, you. You will be there if anything bad happens.

5. Share your experience with your deeply feeling child

Share stories from your school years or your own life when you faced uncertainty or felt anxious about something. Talk about how you managed those situations and how things turned out fine in the end. That can help them see that uncertainty is a normal part of life and that they can navigate it.

For instance, for most of us, starting a new job excites and worries us. Grownups, too, ask themselves questions like, “Will my colleagues like me? What if I’m not good enough? What if I struggle to keep up?” It’s completely normal to have those thoughts and worries.

So, by acknowledging that big feelings are a part of the process and that both kids and adults experience similar emotions, you’re helping your child realize they’re not alone.

6. Talk about school when everybody is calm

If you have kids, you may have noticed these two things:

• children are more likely to listen to logic when they are calm, and
• they talk about their feelings when there’s less pressure, such as during a car ride, a board game, or a quiet activity.

So, here’s a tip for you: keep an eye out for those calm and pressure-free moments, and start a conversation about their school day. You might be surprised by how much they’re willing to share and how this process can help them with their anxieties.

Recalling past events can help ease anxiety by connecting the brain’s logical side (the left half) with the emotional side (the right half). By reframing and discussing what happened, you’re giving your child a chance to reflect and process their day in a more balanced way. It’s a simple but powerful tactic to help them understand their emotions.

7. Read books and practice role-playing at home with your deeply feeling child

If your kiddo finds it difficult to talk or put a name to their strong emotions about the school, books, social stories and pretend play can come to the rescue.

Books that explore school experiences can be an excellent way to introduce the topic gently. You can cuddle up together and read a story featuring characters in similar situations. It’s amazing how books can spark conversations and help kids connect with the characters’ feelings.

Playing pretend with stuffed animals or legos is another excellent idea. Pretend play allows kids to express their emotions safely and imaginatively.

You can act out school scenarios together. Here are some ideas:

• You can be the child, and your little one can play the teacher or a classmate.
• Your little one can play the little nervous animal who goes to school. Depending on your child’s school worries and temperament, they can be a shy turtle or a playful monkey who interrupts the class.

8. Talk about your child’s positive past experiences

If your child feels uneasy about being without you at school, you can try to remind them of other times when they were away from you, and you came back to get them. Remember when they went to Sunday school or spent the weekend at Grandma’s without you? Ask them if they had fun during those times. It’s a great way to remind them that being without parents can be enjoyable.

You can also chat about the things that used to scare your little one when they were younger. Reflect together on those fears and maybe even draw pictures of them. You can proudly display their artwork around the house as a reminder of their past triumphs. It’s a sweet way to show them they have faced fears before and succeeded, giving them the confidence to do it again.

9. Encourage your deeply feeling child to bring comfort items

One option is to give them a bracelet that reminds them of your love. You could even get an identical one for yourself. How sweet is that?

There are other options, too – maybe they could take their favorite toy car, book, teddy bear, a family picture, or even a special little rock you painted together. Having something familiar from home can provide comfort throughout the day.

Another idea is to draw a little star or heart on both their hand and yours. Whenever your kiddo misses you at school, they can press on the drawing with their fingers, and you’ll feel it, too, reminding you of your love and connection.

Some kids enjoy sharing something special with their teacher each morning. It could be their favorite clips, a drawing they made, or anything else they want to show off to the caring person looking after them at preschool. It’s a way for them to feel proud and connected in the classroom.

10. Think of coping tools to reduce sensory overload

Schools can be quite overwhelming for our quiet and sensitive little ones. The sensory environment, with its noise, bright lights, different tastes, and even the feeling of seams on socks and underwear, can lead to sensory overload. It’s a lot for them to take in.

But here’s the good news: we can help our deep feeling children if we identify their triggers and prepare beforehand. It’s all about finding strategies that work for them.

For instance, wearing noise-canceling headphones can be a game-changer if your child is sensitive to noise. It’s like having their own little oasis of calm.

Finding a clothes brand that feels comfortable and doesn’t have irritating seams can make a big difference too. When their clothes feel just right, it can help minimize sensory distractions and discomfort.

Another helpful idea is to pack their favorite snack. Eating something familiar and enjoyable during lunchtime can provide a comforting and predictable experience amidst all the new and sometimes overwhelming tastes.

Then getting enough sleep is also crucial. When our little ones are well-rested, they’re better equipped to handle the day’s challenges. And arriving at school early can give them extra time to settle in and adjust before class starts.

11. A deeply feeling child needs a slow schedule after school

Sometimes, a deep feeling child bottles up emotions throughout the day, releasing the tension at home. They may have emotional outbursts, have sensory-seeking behavior, and have low frustration tolerance. Remember, that can be a hidden sign of anxiety, especially if it’s recurring.

You can help by creating a list of calming activities together. For instance, some activities a deeply feeling child might enjoy are:

• Ten minutes of one-on-one time with their favorite person.
• Spending time outdoors or going for a nature walk.
• Spending time in a cozy sensory corner with soft pillows or blankets.
• Quiet reading or drawing.
• Listening to music.
• Yoga for kids and simple mindfulness exercises.
• Taking a bath with scented bath salts or bubbles.
• Engaging in creative activities like painting or crafting.

12. Encourage your deeply feeling child to make friends

Adjusting to school is easier when you have one or two close friends. But a deep feeling child is usually slow to warm up and extremely picky about who to make friends with. They usually make friends with children with whom they click.

One way to help them is to organize small playdates with one or two kids from school. Doing this in a familiar environment, like your home, creates a comfortable setting where your child can slowly build connections. It’s like making a safe space for them to ease into social interactions.

Avoid inviting children already in an established friend group when setting up these playdates. This way, your child won’t feel like an outsider or overwhelmed by a larger group dynamic. Focusing on smaller, intimate gatherings can help your child feel more at ease and increase the chances of forming meaningful connections.

13. Meet the teacher and visit the school with your deeply feeling child

Consider taking a tour of the school premises before the summer break ends. That will allow your child to familiarize themselves with the environment and feel more comfortable before school starts. Meeting the teacher one-on-one can also help build a connection between your child and an adult at school. Knowing somebody at school, they can trust can make them feel more comfortable.

It’s also important to know the school’s drop-off policy and accommodations the school allows. If school anxiety is an ongoing problem or worsening, it might help to discuss your child’s sensitivity with the teacher and school counselor. Explain how your child reacts when overwhelmed by external stimuli and share the strategies you usually use to help. See how the school staff can support your child (for instance, do they have a sensory corner or safe space where the child can relax before joining their classmates?).

Back-to-school can be a challenging time for highly sensitive children, but with the right support, understanding, and a sprinkle of lightheartedness, we can help them navigate this exciting chapter with grace.

“Nobody loves me!”

“Everybody hates me!”

“I’m dumb.”

Over the last months, my eldest had repeatedly said, “Nobody loves me!”. And whenever I pointed out to them that it was not true and asked why they would say that they’d reply, “Because I’m dumb, that’s why.”

It broke my heart to hear these hurtful words. Needless to say, memories of my childhood rejection wounds flooded my mind, and I worried that my child was going through the same problems.

Any correction, no matter how gentle, would typically lead to those reactions.

For example, asking them to be kinder to the younger siblings resulted in my eldest claiming that I love their siblings more.

They were susceptible to criticism; any correction felt like a flaw.

But the problem was that they constantly pushed the limits through their behavior. As a result, I rebuked them often, and they replied, “No one loves me.” It felt as if we couldn’t end this cycle.

I knew I had to stop getting triggered in order to find out what I was doing wrong.

By separating myself emotionally from my child’s experience and listening without judging or giving solutions, I realized that my child’s behavior was similar to that of people with physical injury. An open wound that hurt when touched. The difference in our case what that my child’s wound was emotional.

What caused this wound?

My words.

I didn’t do it on purpose. I thought it was okay to say what I felt my child needed to hear (“That’s not true. You know I love you so much!”)

In fact, my words were not helpful. What I was doing was classical gaslighting.

Statements like “No one loves me” and “I’m dumb” were my child’s way to start a conversation about their feelings which were close to spilling out. By contradicting them, I stopped them from expressing themselves without fear of judgment.

Most often, that eventually resulted in a meltdown – my child bottled up their emotions until they exploded. Other children, particularly older ones, shut down. Other kids – with sensory issues – can start exhibiting sensory behaviors, like thumb-sucking and fidgeting.

Before you continue, we thought you might like our Things To Remember Poster. This poster helps build resilience, self-esteem, and a growth mindset, creating a more confident child. You can hang it in your calm corner, in your classroom or counselor office. Check it out!

Why do children say negative things about themselves?

Before delving into issues like low self-esteem and big feelings, let’s cover more common causes that make children say negative things about their self-worth.

Children like to say shocking things

Let’s talk about age first. During the preschool years, it’s common for children to discover that saying surprising or shocking things can have a powerful impact on others and attract positive or negative attention. These are the years when kids might blurt out hurtful words like “You’re the worst mom in the world.” It’s important to understand that this is a way to explore the boundaries of language and seek to assert themselves. Often, they don’t fully comprehend the meaning of their words and are merely experimenting. They may pick up such language from TV or peers in preschool. However, if their words have proven effective in terms of shock value or garnering attention and laughter from adults, they may be inclined to repeat them.

Children misinterpret others’ behaviors and don’t know how to handle emotions

Young children may occasionally say, “No one loves me” or “I’m so stupid,” but that doesn’t mean they mean it. Instead, they may not know how to put their feelings into words, handle their emotions, or have too little experience interpreting people’s behaviors correctly. That’s why they may need grown-up help to clarify the situation.

For example, “No one loves me” might translate into “I don’t like feeling left out,” “I’m dumb” can mean “I’m mad because I keep losing,” and “Everybody hates me” is a child’s way of saying “I need a hug.”

Imagine your child comes home upset. They start crying and say, “No one likes me.” Here’s what you might say:

“I heard you say no one likes you. What happened?”

“Sam didn’t want to play with me today.”

“Tell me more.”

“He played with Jamie.”

“So, when you say that no one likes you, you mean “I don’t like feeling left out.” Am I right?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

You might then try to teach your little one some coping skills:

Next time Sam plays with Jamie, and you want to join in, you can tell them, “Can I join you? We are friends, and leaving me out is not nice. It makes me feel sad.”

Negative self-talk in school-aged children can be a sign of anxiety and feeling insecure

If your child is in school, but these hurtful phrases keep coming up often, it might be more. Here are several potential reasons:

• Feeling disconnected from parents or primary caregivers
• Low self-esteem
• Comparing themselves to siblings
• Low frustration tolerance when having to learn a new skill
• Mistaking feelings for facts or emotional reasoning – when you conclude based exclusively on your emotions.

5 Strategies for Overcoming Your Child’s Negative Self-Talk

1. Separate yourself emotionally

It can be tough for parents to stay calm when our kids doubt themselves. While you might have felt similar as a child, remember they’re on their own journey. By taking a step back, you can listen better and help them build the skills to handle life’s challenges.

2. Pause and listen

As parents, it hurts to hear that our children don’t feel loved; we want them to be happy. As a result, we often rush to question, judge, and reframe our child’s thoughts. However, by reframing without first listening, as I did with my child, we worsen the disconnection.

Your child may feel criticized and bottle up negative feelings. The negative emotions will then add up and transform into something bigger – cognitive distortions. Cognitive distortions (like black-and-white thinking, overgeneralization, jumping to conclusions, and disqualifying the bright side) are harder to correct.

If you think your child’s is bottling up negative feelings, check out our The Anxiety Iceberg Poster. This poster is a great conversation starter when you want to talk about emotions and don’t know how to start. You can hang it in your child room or therapy office as a reminder that while all emotions are okay, some behaviors aren’t. Check it out below!

Returning to self-worth statements, what’s important is to listen to our child’s feelings and opinions non-judgmentally. It’s best to avoid saying, “What would you say that? You know it’s not true. I love you so much!” 

So, what does listening non-judgmentally look like? It should sound like you are mirroring your child’s feelings – you repeat what they’ve just said, focusing on the facts.

• “I heard you say that you feel everyone hates you. I’m here to listen and want to understand what’s going on. Can you help me understand why you feel like everyone hates you?”
• “I hear you say that you feel that nobody loves you. Let’s talk about why you’re feeling this way.”
• “What I hear is that you feel stupid. I want to hear more about this.”
• “I hear you saying that you feel unloved. I want to understand better what’s behind these thoughts. Can you share more about what’s been happening lately?”
• “Your mind is telling you that nobody loves you. I’m here for you, and we can work through these emotions together.”

3. Teach your child that we are more than our thoughts

Teaching our children that we are more than our thoughts and that our negative thoughts don’t define us is crucial. We all have moments of self-doubt, but we can learn to control our thought patterns and replace anger, disappointment, and sadness with positive and helpful thoughts.

You can say something like:

• “Your mind is telling you that you are unloved because no one helped you with this difficult assignment, right?”
• “Your mind is telling you that you are stupid because you haven’t learned to do this yet. Am I right?”
• “We all have moments when we feel angry. But they are just moments. Feeling angry doesn’t make you an angry person. Likewise, feeling stupid now doesn’t make you a stupid person.”

4. Empathize and validate

When we feel strong emotions, we think we are alone, and no one else has felt the same way. One way to help your child feel understood is to say, “Me too!”

You can reply, “Sometimes, when I feel like I have a long to-do list and no one is around to help me, my mind starts telling me painful things, too, like I am unappreciated.”

5. Respond to the need hidden underneath the negative self-talk

If you’re unsure what your child needs, ask questions until you identify the hidden need. That can also help them understand themselves better and communicate their needs more clearly next time.

You can say:

• “Tell me more. When do those thoughts come up? Can you remember another time when you felt this way?”
• “I hear you feel stupid. Did something happen to make you feel that way?”

If the problem is sibling rivalry, you might say, “Sometimes, I don’t choose the best words when I give you feedback about how you behave with your brother. I’ll try to do better next time,” or “Sometimes, being an older sister can be hard. I get that. I felt like that, too, when I was a child.”

Harsh words like “I’m dumb. No one loves me” can show that there are unmet needs. The longer the needs go unmet, the more they snowball into scary thoughts.

Don’t fear your child’s words. Instead, show them that their scary thoughts don’t scare you and that you can manage them together as a team.

Here are our Deep Breathing Exercises that can help your child manage their anxious feelings. Print the exercises as flashcards or posters, and try them together when everyone’s calm:

Many children that are more sensitive to their environment develop odd or repetitive behaviors like sucking, squeezing, poking, and sniffing. Sometimes, they take it too far – squeezing too hard, putting tiny rocks in their mouth despite endless reminders – and do these things longer or more often than we feel comfortable.

These quirks can embarrass, irritate and worry parents. That’s because when googling “quirks” and “weird child habits,” we land on websites about autism and social media groups where your child gets diagnosed with autism, sensory processing disorder, and anxiety.

While being aware of neurodivergence signs is helpful, some kids are just quirky.  

Also, once you understand that their behavior has a purpose, you’ll no longer see it as an embarrassing or irritating habit that needs to disappear.

Before you continue, we thought you might like our Time for Adventure FREEBIE. This fun activity can encourage your child to step out of their comfort zone and try new things, which, in turn, can boost their self-confidence.

6 Types of Quirky Kids

1. Mouthers

Some kids suck on their clothes, chew when nervous, and put their fingers in their mouths when tired.

These children may like crunchy snacks and chewy candy and can be messy eaters.

These behaviors are generally harmless, but you may want to redirect them if the behavior becomes unsafe.

For instance, you can offer a piece of gum to a child who chews mindlessly on their sleeve. Gum is considered safe for kids over four years old.

Another option is to have mouth fidgets and offer one to your child (“I can see that you are tired and are bringing your fingers to your mouth. Would you like your chew necklace?”)

2. Close-talkers

Do you know those kids who talk too close to your face and make you uncomfortable?

Some children take longer to learn to be aware of their body position in space. When they’re also curious or excited, they might forget all that you’ve taught them about the concept of personal space.

These children may play roughly with siblings without meaning to bump into things and unintentionally break objects. Their favorite activities may include roughhousing and slamming their bodies into bean bags.

3. Sniffers

Does your child smell their teddy bear or your T-shirt when tired or upset? If yes, then you may have a sniffer.

Some adults and children like to smell things to check if they’re okay, clean, safe, or simply because it makes them feel good. For instance, many people sniff fresh clothes, new food, their favorite blanket, or a new book.

The smell is the sensory system that connects directly with the limbic system, the brain’s emotion, memory, and pleasure center. So, it’s about association. For example, you feel good when visiting your childhood home and smelling your mom’s pie. Likewise, little ones enjoy smelling things that bring back comforting memories.

If you have a sniffer, they might enjoy scented playdough, scented crayons, and playing with herbs such as mint, lavender, and cinnamon (you can mix the spices and herbs with rice in a sensory box, or you can have a smell jar).

A sniffer might also need to carry a favorite toy everywhere to feel safe.

4. Spinners

A toddler who rocks themselves to sleep may become a kid who likes to spin in circles when overwhelmed. They may also love swinging, bouncing, and taking risks on the playground. That’s because their nervous system needs more balance and motion activities.

Some kids are highly agile and coordinated, so they may turn to sports that offer them the sensory input they crave. You may find that they’re into gymnastics, skateboarding, mountain biking, and other sports that require lots of coordination.

The problem is that some spinners don’t stop moving until they go into sensory overload. So, it helps to look for the first signs of overwhelm. You may want to encourage the child to switch directions if they’re spinning or stop for a few minutes. It’s also great to have sensory toys like a hobby horse and trampolines.

Related: How To Calm an Overstimulated HSC Who Has Trouble Sitting Still

5. Fidgeters

Some children, especially when anxious or tired, like to feel, squeeze, poke, and touch objects and people within reach. Fidgeters may also be the ones who can’t sleep alone in their bed at night because they feel the need for physical closeness.

They may have been the babies that woke up whenever you tried to leave the room and who liked to sleep with one hand on your boobs.

Their brains release more oxytocin, the feel-good hormone when they touch things with their hands and fingers. That’s why it helps to have a small sensory box with fidget toys from which your child can choose when they feel nervous.

Related: Heavy Work Activities for Kids

6. The Quiet Ones

The five categories above – Mouthers, Close-Talkers, Sniffers, Spinners, and Fidgeters are sensory seekers. That is because they need sensory input to regulate.

But there’s also another type of quirky child, the Quiet Ones. Their environment more easily stimulates the Quiet Ones. They process things more deeply and notice more details than others. They are also more empathetic and compassionate. These are highly sensitive children, a term coined by Dr. Elaine Aron. Highly sensitive children are usually slow to warm up, so many label them “shy” or “quiet.”

For an outsider, they may seem quirky partly due to their sensory avoidance – which is a direct consequence of noticing and processing so much information. For instance, a highly sensitive child may feel uncomfortable in amusement parks because of the noise and lights and hate chocolate bars (too chewy) and jello pudding (too slimy). They are also slow to warm up in new settings and with new people, so they are often labeled as “shy” or “withdrawn.”

Heightened sensitivity is something innate, not a passing childhood quirk. So your child will be highly sensitive for the entire life. Fortunately, it is a neutral character trait that 1 in 3 people have, and highly sensitive kids have many gifts.

When You Need to Worry about Kid Quirks

Quirky stages are a normal part of childhood because children’s brains are still developing. Moreover, children develop unevenly and at different speeds.

It’s time to start worrying when you feel that your child misses out on opportunities because of their behavior. If your child’s habits interfere with daily life, then it’s time to ask for medical help. For example, you may want an OT evaluation when your child refuses to go with the school bus because of the noise.

Quirky kids usually find a way to cope, whereas children with sensory processing disorder can’t regulate themselves and need accommodations.

A Take-Home Message

We often try to stop our children from acting quirky because we fear judgment. It’s normal to want our children to fit in, but it also helps to learn when to let it go. So, unless your child’s strange habits interfere with daily functioning, let them express themselves. Be sure that other kids have quirks, too.

Sometimes, quirky children become quirky adults. What matters most is for kids to value what makes them unique when they are old enough to realize they’re different. How they feel early on about their quirks can determine whether they’ll love or resent who they are.

Butterflies in their stomach before going to school?

Do they get nauseous or dizzy for no reason?

Then, they might struggle with somatization (assuming you ruled out any physical illness with your medical advisor).

What is somatization?

Somatization means expressing emotions through physical symptoms. For instance, we can feel nausea, headaches, dizziness, weakness after trauma, around a big event, or as a result of prolonged stress.

Babies and young children often experience somatization. The reason is that little ones can’t yet speak or understand how they feel (upset toddlers throw tantrums, right?). When that happens, frustration and anger get trapped in our bodies and resurface through tummy aches, sleep issues and so on.

Let’s see an example.

Fear causes your shoulders to tense up. Long lasting fear or worries can alter your body posture, making you always keep your shoulders contracted and neck retracted.

Likewise, kids can experience intense and lasting feelings around big transitions. Examples encompass beginning school, shifting to a new house and parental break-up. As a result, tummy aches, small rashes, and unexplained headaches are common during such periods. Those symptoms are real and your child does not imagine them.

Signs of somatization include:

• Shortness of breath or trouble breathing.
• Rapid heartbeat.
• Tummy aches.
• Tiredness.
• Dizziness.
• Back pain.
• Feeling sick (nauseated).

What causes somatization?

Stress that your deeply feeling kid cannot communicate using words

In the first two years, children rely on their senses to express needs and emotions. For example, a baby who feels uncomfortable or stressed often has sleeping or eating issues.

Somatization happens less often past toddlerhood. However, it can still affect some kids. For instance, drop-off anxiety or lagging social skills can cause daily tummy aches and sudden rashes. Also, asthma can worsen, there’s a proven link between asthma, anxiety and depression.

Heightened sensitivity

A deeply feeling kid who is prone to anxiety can show emotions through physical discomfort. That happens even if they are old enough to speak. Also, a deeply feeling child can be more sensitive to pain or nausea, which can worsen symptoms.

Other factors include sleep patterns, nutritional intake, and hydration. In addition, studies show that kids with chronically ill parents also experience somatization.

Is somatization a sign of anxiety?

According to studies, about 30% to 60% of people (children and adults) with somatic symptom disorder (somatization that results in problems with daily functioning) have depression, anxiety or both.

How to help your deeply feeling kid with somatization?

1. Normalize negative emotions

In our culture, we learn from a young age that unpleasant feelings and emotions are not good. So, what do we do with negative feelings? We avoid and suppress them.

Here’s the thing though: your deeply feeling child can start having physical symptoms, like tummy aches and headaches, because they try hard to avoid or suppress negative emotions.

Emotions have a way to resurface so an avoidance strategy does not work in the long run. So, any time your child avoids a negative feeling, even if they do so through a calming activity, they will associate that activity with the negative emotion. For example, if your child turns on their tablet any time that they feel worried, they will associate screen time with anxiety. Consequently, when you tell them that screen time is over, they might go into meltdown because their suppressed emotions have been waiting to bubble up.

So, it’s better to teach your child not to suppress their worries, sadness and anger. Instead, teach them that emotions are not right or wrong. In fact, they are normal and make us human. Regardless of whether they are uncomfortable or positive, we must acknowledge and talk about our emotions. That’s because we have a lot to learn from our fears, worries, sadness and grief, as well as from happiness and pride.

2. Help your deeply feeling kid identify emotions

Label and define emotions. For example, say “It looks like you are sad that you won’t get a turn on the slide today. Let’s see what we can do to help you with that problem.”

Ask your child how they feel throughout the day. When your child is worried, you can ask, “How are you feeling?” or say, “It looks like you feel sad about something.”

Talk about emotions when reading. When reading books, label the characters’ emotions and point out the facial expression, gestures and body language of the characters.

Say out loud how you are feeling. For example, “I am feeling happy today because today we are going to get ice cream!” or “I am feeling sad today because we couldn’t go to the zoo as we had planned.”

Talk about your calm down tools and problem solving. “I need to take a deep breath to calm down. I’m feeling frustrated right now because I can’t find the audio story we wanted to listen to tonight. I’ll have to think about where I put it. Before I went to the kitchen, I had it. If I walk over there, maybe I’ll find it.”

Discuss how people might feel in different situations. For example, when reading books or talking with children about their own lives, ask “Why do you think the girl felt that way? How could you tell she was feeling angry?”

Praise efforts to share feelings and problem solving. Praise your child when they share their feelings with you and when they try to solve their problems independently. For example, say “You calmed down and told Mia how you were feeling. Then, you talked about how you could both play with the blocks!” Offer specific praise about efforts not results.

3. Body scan

Trace the outline of a child’s body or print an image of a child, and ask your child to draw an “X” or a red circle on the body part or parts that feel funny when they are angry, worried, frustrated or sad. Also, discuss coping strategies: you can ask them what they would need to feel better, or make suggestions.

4. Play emotion games with your deeply feeling kid

Here are some simple games to teach emotions to your child:

• Charades. You can mimic an emotion using your eyes, hands or body language and ask your child to guess it. Alternatively, your child can do that and you have to guess what emotion they thought about.
• Complete the picture. Draw a kid expressing an emotion and then ask your child to draw the rest of the picture.
• Play with puppets or stuffed animals. Talking through puppets, stuffed animals or figurines helps kids communicate about feelings while also keeping some distance from what upsets them. You can discuss how your child feels and also offer another perspective. Reversing the characters so that your child plays a different role can help your little one how their actions affect others.
• Emotions jenga. Write emotions (“Sad. Describe a time when you felt this way”) or prompts (“What do you like about school?”) on strips of paper and glue them on the planks of your jenga set.