Do you have a deeply feeling kid and struggle with screen time?
I vividly recall when my daughter was two and a half, and I put Frozen on for her, hoping to share our first movie experience. We got to watch for 10 minutes before I saw her terrified face. I had to switch it off.
Finding the right TV show can be tricky for deeply feeling toddlers and even preschoolers. More sensitive children might find some shows and movies scary or they get addicted. It’s like there’s no in between. To understand how screen time impacts them, we must first know how deep-feeling kids think.
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Why Screens Have a Big Impact on a Deeply Feeling Kid
More sensitive children process information deeply and are more affected by their surroundings and by social stimuli. They notice subtle details and are interested in the meaning of things. So, when it comes to movies and TV shows, expect your child to analyze everything and do a lot of overthinking. They will absorb the emotions of each character in the film. They’ll feel the characters’ fear, anger, or sadness so intensely that they’ll ask us to turn the TV off. The dysregulation they feel during the movie can appear in their bodies afterward. So, we can see lots of tricky behaviors later if the show is emotionally intense.
Even if they watch a show until the end, that dysregulation they felt during the movie will show up in their bodies.
If they are older, past toddlerhood, they might get so engrossed in the show that they’ll zone out. You won’t be able to pull them away from the screen, they’ll completely ignore your reminders that screen time will end soon, and they may have a meltdown if you shut down the TV.
According to research, highly sensitive persons have more reactive mirror neurons. When sensitive children watch emotional scenes, they react more intensely than your average child.
Then, deep-feeling kids may respond more to sound and visual stimulation: sudden noises, emotional music, fast-moving scenes, and bright lights. All this can overstimulate their nervous system.
We want to remember this when we choose appropriate movies and shows for our deeply feeling kids.
What are the official recommendations regarding screen time?
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends:
- Limiting screen time until 18 months to video chatting along with an adult, for instance, with grandparents or a parent who is out of town
- Between 18 months and two years, screen time should be limited to watching educational shows with caregivers.
- The official recommendation for children aged 2-5 is to restrict non-educational screen time to approximately one hour on weekdays and three hours on weekends.
- For kids aged six and above, caregivers need to promote healthy habits and limit screen-based activities.
- Ensure screens are turned off and removed from bedrooms 30-60 minutes before bedtime.
5 Strategies to Manage Screen Time Without Becoming the Bad Guy
1. Balance Your Deeply Feeling Kid’ Screen Time with Your Needs
While we all probably want to follow the experts’ recommendations, sometimes it’s tough. For instance, you may need a break, which is impossible when you’re the only adult supervising small children. Or you may need to cook, are sick, or want to enjoy your coffee on Saturday morning.
Using screen time in these situations might be a must for you. So ditch the toxic guilt because it doesn’t help anyone in your family. Instead, what helps is to make a list of the times when you need to keep the children busy with screens. Then, try to think how you can reduce unnecessary screen time on those days.
2. Monitor Screen Time
#1. What counts as screen time?
Before deciding whether to limit screen time, you must know what specialists consider screen time.
What counts as screen time? According to experts, video chatting doesn’t really count as screen time. Why? Because it’s not about using a screen per se; what matters is the pace of the video, show, or movie, the flashing lights, and bright colors. These are also stimuli that tire a more sensitive brain faster.
If you think about it, it makes sense for deeply feeling kids to need slow-paced shows. These children are slow to warm up, so try introducing them slowly to screens, especially if you see differences in their behavior after screen time. They may be less dysregulated after TV if they watch slow-paced shows. Examples include Daniel Tiger, Bluey, Guess How Much I Love You, Mister Roger’s Neighborhood, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, Puffin Rock, Tumble Leaf, Sarah & Duck, Elinor Wonders Why, Moli of Denali, Little Bear, Franklin, Peppa Pig, and Arthur).
One way to test whether the shows are okay for your child is to read them books based on the TV shows you want to introduce. For instance, you can purchase or borrow books about Daniel Tiger and Guess How Much I Love You.
As your child gets used to screen stimulation, you may want to try more fast-paced shows, like My Little Pony, Paw Patrol, and Blaze. Documentaries, in general, are also great for preschoolers and school-aged kids.
#2. Keep a screen time journal for one week
If you are unsure whether your family’s screen habits need to change, journaling can give you an idea of how much screens overstimulate your child’s brain. Consider journaling when your child has screen time (do they have screen time in the morning, after school, in the evening?), how they behave while watching the movie or show (does your child get scared or zone out?), and afterward (do they have a meltdown when screen time ends, even after several reminders?).
#3. How and when can you replace screen time with other activities?
After drawing the list, ask yourself: “What are the situations when I can limit screen time without being the bad guy?”
For instance, you might consider replacing screen time during car rides with games. Here are some fun car ride games you can try:
- I Spy: One player chooses an object they see inside or outside the car, and the others take turns guessing what it is by saying “I spy with my little eye, something that starts with [the first letter of the object].” The player who guesses correctly gets to choose the next object.
- License Plate Game: Have a list of states or countries, and kids can keep an eye out for license plates from those places during the trip. Each time they spot one, they mark it off on their list. The goal is to find as many different plates as possible.
- 20 Questions: One player thinks of an object, animal, or person, and the others take turns asking yes-or-no questions to guess what it is. The game continues until someone correctly identifies the answer or they reach 20 questions.
- Road Trip Bingo: Create bingo cards with various items or landmarks your kids might see during the journey (e.g., cow, red car, gas station). As they spot each item, they mark it off on their bingo card, aiming to get five in a row.
- Storytelling Chain: Start a collaborative story by having one person say a sentence. Then, each person takes turns adding one sentence to continue the story. The story can become as imaginative and silly as the kids want!
Also, can you drop screen time while waiting for medical appointments and replace it with an old toy your child hasn’t seen in a long time?
3. Check the Content and Preview Shows Before Allowing Your Deeply Feeling Kid to Watch
Violent shows can scare deeply feeling kids, and they may have other negative effects, too. For instance, seeing too much violence on TV can make kids more tolerant of violence in real life.
Young children may also struggle to differentiate between fantasy and reality, leading to fear and insecurity after witnessing violent scenes.
Exposure to aggressive behavior on TV can negatively impact children’s social skills, as they may mimic aggressive actions instead of learning appropriate conflict resolution.
Several TV shows for kids with aggressive themes and content may not be okay for deeply feeling kids. Some examples include:
- “Power Rangers” (Some versions contain intense fight scenes and violence).
- “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” (Some versions feature combat and intense action).
- “Ben 10” (Certain episodes may depict violence and battles).
- “Pokémon” (While not explicitly violent, it involves creatures battling each other).
- “Yu-Gi-Oh!” (Certain episodes may depict intense dueling scenes).
4. Set Boundaries Based on Your Kid’s Behavior
Children react differently to screens. Some may watch a TV show for a while and then move on to playing happily with their toys while the TV is still on. Others, more sensitive kids, can become engrossed in the show. They won’t look away from the screen, whether watching the news channel or a kids’ show. Then, they act wild when the TV is off.
So, it makes sense to set boundaries based on your child’s behavior and patterns. Do they become easily addicted to screen time? Then, you may want to establish clear, predictable guidelines for screen time, including duration and appropriate content. Consistency is critical in enforcing these boundaries.
Here are some examples of boundaries: screen-free meal times, screen-free weeknights, no screen time one hour before bed, earning screen time, outdoor-play first, educational screen time only, screen-free mornings, so screens before homework, screen-free zones (certain rooms or areas in the house are screen-free, like the bedroom), and watching TV every other day on holidays.
There’s no right or wrong approach to using screen time – every family is different. What helps most is consistency – holding the boundary and making no exceptions.
Also, the child needs to understand the reason behind the rule. Here are some scripts that you can try:
- “Sweetheart, you know how we love to watch fun shows and play games on the screen? It’s lots of fun, but just like eating our favorite treats, we need to do it in moderation. Too much screen time can make our bodies and minds feel tired and may not be good for us.”
- “Did you know that our little eyes and brains need breaks too? Just like when we take breaks from playing with toys, we also need breaks from screens. Too much screen time can make us feel a bit tired or less focused. So, let’s have special times for screen fun and other times for exploring new adventures, like building with blocks, drawing pictures, or pretending to be superheroes.”
- “You know how we have fun watching cool stuff on the screen and playing games? It’s awesome! But just like we take breaks from playing to rest, we also need breaks from screens. Too much screen time can make us feel a bit tired.”
5. It’s all about finding balance
Finding the right balance between screen time and other activities is essential.
Let’s say your child watches TV for two hours in the morning. How do they spend the rest of the day? Do they engage in social activities afterward? Do you have quality time? Do they do arts and crafts to develop fine motor skills and develop their imagination? Do they spend time outdoors to recharge and get physical exercise?
Moreover, try to monitor age developmental milestones. Too much screen time can affect these areas: imaginative play, focus, social skills, and physical activity. So keep an eye on those developmental milestones and focus on improving skills in these areas. There are two ways you can do that: either during screen time, or outside of screen time.
For example, you can make sure your child practices social skill, imaginative play and maintains focus by watching shows together and asking them questions about what happens in the show. Another idea is to ask them about what they watched during dinner time (“Did you like the Bluey episode? What happened, can you summarize it for me? How do you think that made Bluey feel? How could she have done otherwise”).
In this article, we discussed the official recommendations about screen time, how screens can impact deeply feeling kids, and we mentioned five tips for mindful use of screen time. These strategies can help you if you feel like you need to change your family’s screen habits. We hope now you have enough information to make the right decision for your family.
