People often misunderstand highly sensitive child traits. In this article, we will talk about how sensitive kids are wired differently and how challenging behaviors hide overstimulation. You’ll also get 5 key tips for raising a highly sensitive child.
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Have you ever wondered, “Why is my son so emotional?”, “Why is my daughter so sensitive?”, “Is something wrong with my child?” If the answer is yes, you are not alone. Parenting a highly sensitive child is like walking on eggshells. They often have big feelings and can go from 0 to 60 in one second.
If your child struggles with big feelings, worries, troubles with transitions and you want to rebuild your connection, our Big Feelings kit can help you. Big Feelings is a digital emotions toolkit packed full of fun and easy coping skills for sensitive children. In this toolkit, you’ll also find a guide for understanding highly sensitive children and parent scripts to manage big feelings.
There’s been a lot of talk lately about HSPs or highly sensitive people. Highly sensitive people have existed forever. However, understanding HSP traits has often been a challenge.
Many wrongly label sensitive children as quirky, overly emotional, or too shy. Only recently, research has started to raise awareness about what being deeply sensitive feels like.
If you’re a parent to a deeply feeling child, you may struggle with how people perceive your child’s behavior. Recognizing signs of sensitivity is crucial for providing the proper support.
This post will explore sensitive child traits and share tips for the best support.
What Does It mean If My Child Is Highly Sensitive?
Parents often assume the worst when they learn their child is highly sensitive. They may worry that sensitivity may make their child more vulnerable and less resilient.
The sensitivity trait in itself is neutral – it predicts neither success nor failure. Instead, it’s people’s negative attitude towards sensitivity that can negatively impact your child.
Put yourself in your child’s shoes. Imagine what it’s like hearing adults around you criticize your behavior (“He’s too sensitive!”, “She’s too shy. You have to help her come out of her shell,” “Why doesn’t he join the others? He’s met the other kids before, hasn’t he?”). Wouldn’t you feel that there’s something inherently wrong with you?
Now imagine what it’s like if people would see the bright part of being highly sensitive: “She’s so perceptive,” “He seems wise beyond his age,” “You seem tense. Is it too much going on around you? Would you like us to go someplace quiet?”). These words wouldn’t affect your self-confidence, right?
A highly sensitive child has many gifts: they can be patient, wise, creative, and empathetic, provided they feel that their inner world is validated and understood. But they can be surprisingly self-centered when overwhelmed or when they run on an empty bucket. That’s because they’re in survival mode: their stress response activates, and they are in fight, flight or freeze mode.
That’s why we must cultivate an atmosphere allowing deep-feeling kids to share their big feelings without judgment or fear.
What are Highly sensitive Child Traits?
Highly sensitive children have a highly reactive nervous system. They react quickly to stimuli, sensory or emotional. For instance, they can be more sensitive to loud noises and may absorb someone else’s intense emotions. Additionally, they are slow to warm up because they need time to observe and assess their surroundings.
Highly sensitive child traits include:
- Sensitive to sensory stimuli (noise, smells, lights, clothing tags, uncomfortable fabrics, clothes sensitivity when changing seasons);
- Asking a lot of questions, inquisitive, wise for their age
- Introspective and self-reflective
- Perceptive and intuitive
- Cautious and anxious in new or challenging situations
- Empathetic, feels things deeply, attentive to other people’s emotions, and requires the same in return (and experiencing deep feelings of unfairness when others don’t reciprocate, which makes friendships difficult)
- Attentive to details
- Preferring quiet activities and thrives on a slower schedule
- They need quiet breaks throughout the day to process their thoughts and recharge.
Why Do People Misunderstand Highly Sensitive Child Traits?
As we mentioned, people often misunderstand highly sensitive child traits. That’s because highly sensitive people account for 20-30% of the population. As a result, they are differently wired than most of the people.
Others may see a highly sensitive child’s sensitivity to surroundings and cautiousness around new people and situations as moodiness. For example, summer holidays and visiting relatives can be challenging for families with highly sensitive children.
Then, behavior like choosing friends carefully, preferring a slower schedule after school, and having meltdowns may appear as shyness, laziness, and irritability, respectively. But when you see a highly sensitive child’s reactions within the context of their temperament, their behavior starts to make sense.
Many people label deep-feeling children as overly emotional. Some examples of situations where deeply feeling children seem overly emotional are:
- Perceived injustice: A sensitive child might become deeply upset if they sense something is unfair or unjust, even if it’s a minor issue.
- Sensitive to criticism: Constructive feedback, even when delivered gently, can lead to emotional responses due to fear of disappointing others.
- Strong sensory inputs: Overstimulation from bright lights, strong smells, or loud noises can lead to intense emotional responses such as irritability or distress.
- Unexpected changes: Sudden changes in plans, even small ones, can trigger heightened emotional reactions in differently-wired children due to their higher need for predictability.
- Crowded places: Being in crowded areas, like a busy store or a noisy party, might overwhelm a highly sensitive child, leading to outbursts or withdrawal.
- Transition times: The back-to-school period, the end of the school year, warming up at a birthday party – all examples of transitions with deeply feeling children struggle. A highly sensitive child might become upset or frustrated when something disrupts their routine or when there are many stimuli to take in (like at a birthday party).
- Unresolved conflict: For instance, tension between family members might linger heavily on the mind of a sensitive child, leading to big thoughts and emotions.
- Witnessing someone else’s distress: Seeing a friend crying, watching a violent movie, or seeing a pet in pain can profoundly affect a sensitive child.
5 Tips on Raising a Highly Sensitive Child
1. Sensitive kids need a different approach
Highly sensitive children are wired differently than their peers in that they are more easily affected by what happens around them and need more time to process their surroundings and thoughts. Consequently, they need a different parenting approach. Gentle guidance and understanding go a long way. Their responses may seem intense, but that shows their sensitivity.
When disciplining, skip harsh tones and reprimands for highly sensitive kids. They’re already self-critical. Harsh discipline can trigger meltdowns. Opt for gentle reminders instead.
2. Normalize and accept sensitivity
Helping a sensitive child thrive starts by looking inward: analyzing our own triggers and our expectations is critical to accepting a child for who they are. Sometimes, when a child is stuck in a cycle of negative behavior, our worries spiral, and we think the worst: What if my child has bigger problems? What if I’m a terrible parent?
If you’re feeling this right now, take a deep breath and tell yourself: “There’s nothing wrong with my child. There’s nothing wrong with me. We can figure this out.”
Deep-feeling children can absorb our worries very quickly, so accepting sensitivity and creating a safe space for your child to feel comfortable being themselves is essential. Let your child know that sensitivity is a strength, not a weakness. Teach them that it’s okay to feel deeply and their emotions are valid.
You can print the worksheet below, laminate it, and post it somewhere where you can see it often. It contains 15 ideas on how to build self-confidence in kids:
3. Create a slower schedule
Sensitive kids thrive when they have space to breathe. Try to prioritize quality over quantity, allowing them time for rest, introspection, and activities that resonate with them. As they become emotionally drained quickly, you want to avoid overloading their schedule.
A slower pace also helps them process what happens throughout the day, preventing overwhelm. While a light schedule is ideal, it’s not always possible. In this case, it helps to adjust your expectations and mentally prepare for some big feelings. Remember that meltdowns, although stressful for the parent, are also a way for kids to release the built-up stress.
4. Learn their triggers
Understand what triggers strong emotions in your child. Whether it’s certain noises, crowds, criticism, or transitions, identifying triggers helps you navigate challenges more effectively and prevent unnecessary meltdowns.
An easy way to better understand your child’s behavior is to keep a daily journal to track situations that trigger specific behaviors. Note the time, place, people involved, and particular events. Patterns may emerge over time. You can also involve your child in the process: note down their take on the event and ask them to draw or write about it. Try to listen to your child actively and without judgment so that you get to the bottom of the problem. Remember that even minor criticism can set them off.
5. Teach coping skills
Empower your child with practical coping skills. Breathing exercises, mindfulness, and communicating feelings are tools they can use to navigate overwhelming moments.
It helps to talk to your child about what calming tools they’d like to try . Of course, it’s best to have this discussion when everyone’s calm. You may want to prepare a list of strategies and go through it with your child. Have them try out and choose some calming strategies. In our Big Feelings kit, we’ve listed 120 calming and sensory strategies that can help kids when they are emotionally dysregulated. Learn more about Big Feelings here.
In this article, we’ve outlined the main highly sensitive child traits, how people can misinterpret them and we’ve also given you 5 key tips to help your highly sensitive child reach their full potential. Of course, each child is different so always trust your instinct. You’ve got this!
