Do you suffer from mom burnout?
As a mom, you have a lot on your plate. Between managing a household, caring for the kids, and possibly working outside the home, it’s no surprise that many moms feel entirely burned out.
Let me tell you a story about an exhausted mom. Sarah is a highly sensitive mom of two children, ages 3 and 5. She works part-time from home and takes care of her kids while her husband works outside the home. Sarah’s days are packed from morning until night with work and caring for her family. She often feels like she can’t escape the sensory overwhelm that comes with caring for two kids. She’s running on fumes and struggles to find time for herself. She’s constantly putting everyone’s needs before hers and feels like she hasn’t had time for self-care in ages. Sound familiar?
If Sarah’s story resonates with you, you may be experiencing what’s known as Depleted Mother Syndrome. Unfortunately, it’s a common experience for many moms and can be challenging to overcome.
What Causes Mom Burnout?
So, what causes mommy burnout?
Many factors can contribute to this condition.
One major contributor is the expectation that mothers should be able to do it all – work, take care of the home, and care for their children – frequently without outside help. That can lead to guilt and shame when you cannot meet those unrealistic expectations.
Another factor is perpetually postponing self-care. If you feel exhausted and resentful that nobody cares for your needs, it may be time to prioritize self-care and learn to say “no.” A highly sensitive person, especially, often has difficulty setting boundaries because of their high levels of empathy and compassion.
Then there’s perfectionism. Many highly sensitive moms may have perfectionist tendencies, which can lead to self-imposed pressure and stress. This pressure can be particularly intense regarding parenting, leading to burnout.
Another significant factor is emotional and sensory overstimulation. Highly sensitive moms may be more prone to emotional exhaustion due to their increased sensitivity to external stimuli – emotional, sensory, and social. Caring for babies and toddlers, in particular, can be overwhelming, especially if you don’t have outside help.
Related: How to Deal with a Complete Contact Napper
Feelings of isolation can also lead to mom burnout. About 70% of highly sensitive people are introverts. That means that most HSP moms don’t crave lots of social interaction. However, we need to feel that we belong to a community that understands and supports us. The parenting journey can be more challenging when moms don’t have a village, even HSP moms.
When our partners, family, and friends don’t understand mom burnout (“You’re a mom now. What did you expect?”, “You’re always complaining”), the feeling of loneliness can become even more overwhelming.
Suppose you experience mom burnout and have a highly sensitive child with a high need for one-on-one time, constant worries, frequent meltdowns, low frustration tolerance, or sensory sensitivities. In that case, your Mom Guilt may be skyrocketing. As a result, you may feel that you’re not enough or that you’ve got parenting all wrong.
It’s important to note that burnout is not your fault nor a reflection of your parenting. Instead, it’s a natural response to prolonged stress, and you must prioritize your well-being.
Lastly, our unmet expectations can amplify mom burnout. Yet our parenting journey is filled with moments when nothing goes as we hope. Like most moms, you may have often felt disappointed, resentful, under-appreciated, and unseen.
So, if you experience mom burnout, it’s high time you speak up for yourself.
Here are some tips for recovering from mom burnout:
11 Tips to Recover from Mom Burnout
Recovering from mom burnout can be challenging, especially for highly sensitive mothers. However, it is possible to recover and regain balance in life with the proper support.
1. Speak up
Asking for what we want is the first step towards feeling heard and living our desired lives. Don’t think of the first conversation with your family as the one that will be decisive. Changing your lifestyle to prioritize self-care is a journey and probably tricky if your children are very young. You may need to develop your ability to speak up, say “no,” and share your difficulties without blaming others. And it also takes time for your loved ones to embrace the truth and support you.
The bottom line is not to have high expectations when you broach the subject of burnout. And don’t hesitate to talk again and communicate your needs.
2. Practice mindfulness to recover from mom burnout
Too many times, we don’t know ourselves well enough, but we want others to fulfill our needs.
That’s why, to avoid resentment, we need to take time to discover ourselves. Practicing mindfulness is a great way to heal yourself because we learn to pay attention to our thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations in a non-judgmental way. Moreover, mindfulness practice can help us develop self-compassion, which is critical for recovering from burnout.
Here are some mindfulness strategies that may help you with mom burnout:
Breathwork: When we feel overwhelmed or unsure of ourselves, our breath can anchor us to the present moment. A simple technique is to focus on the sensation of breathing in and out, perhaps counting to five on the inhale and exhale. That can help bring a sense of calm and centering, allowing us to access our intuition and inner wisdom.
Body scan meditation: When we feel disconnected from our bodies or caught up in negative thoughts, a quick body scan can help us tune back in. This technique involves sitting comfortably, bringing attention to each body part, and noticing any sensations without judgment.
Gratitude practice: Focusing on what we’re grateful for can be helpful when we struggle to find meaning. That doesn’t mean denying our challenges but cultivating a sense of appreciation for the positive things in our lives. A simple practice is to write down three things you’re grateful for each day, perhaps before bed or in the morning.
3. Prioritize self-care to avoid mom burnout
Forgetting the mental load, even temporarily, is essential to recovering from burnout. Practice self-care by engaging in activities that make you feel good. Here are some ideas:
- read a good book in your bed – not about parenting or effective time management and preferably when there’s no one in the house
- rent a hotel room by yourself for one night in a hotel that has a spa
- home spa session
- sleep in on Sunday morning, and ask your partner to plan and prepare breakfast
- take a long nap alone
- book yourself a massage.
4. Have a more flexible schedule
Highly sensitive people need a slower lifestyle. But that’s often impossible for parents without a village to lean on.
One solution would be to have a more flexible schedule. Who says you have to go to the park every day? You can give your child extra screen time if you need to take a moment for yourself. It won’t rot their brains.
Likewise, another way of simplifying your routine is cutting back on children’s extra-curricular activities. Do you think that’s selfish? Think twice. Have you seen happy, emotionally rounded children raised by miserable, exhausted adults? Children need parents to model emotional regulation. But if you’re on an emotional rollercoaster, going from mom rage to mom burnout, your child might become as dysregulated as you are.
If your child also has frequent evening meltdowns, they might be struggling, too, so a lighter schedule may be what they need.
Another way to reduce constant overstimulation is saying “no” to social events you don’t look forward to. For instance, you may have to learn to say “no” to some family gatherings and parties that leave you feeling drained. If you are highly sensitive, you may not have enjoyed so much stimulation even before you had children. So, parties may be even more difficult to bear now if you arrive there exhausted from getting everybody ready and on time.
5. Lower the expectations
Highly sensitive people tend to be perfectionistic. While that may be helpful, it can also lead to anxiety and burnout.
Perfectionism and high expectations of yourself can be problematic because they make you self-doubt instead of enjoying your parenting journey.
If you feel burned out, it can help to see whether you have realistic expectations.
Instead of trying to be perfect, you might try to make today better than yesterday. Instead of letting mom guilt overwhelm you when you snap, apologize and move on. Your children don’t need a perfect mom; they need a happy and compassionate mom.
You’ll feel more comfortable prioritizing your needs over your children’s when you lower expectations and stop seeking external validation, especially from people who aren’t in your situation.
Related: HSP Parents, Let Go of Toxic Guilt Now
6. Get enough sleep
Getting enough quality sleep is particularly important if you are a highly sensitive person. HSPs have a more sensitive nervous system, and lack of sleep can make them feel overwhelmed and stressed, leading to emotional exhaustion.
To promote better sleep, you can create a calming bedtime routine and avoid caffeine, wine, and electronics before bed.
Try to aim for seven or eight hours of sleep each night.
7. Exercise and spend time in nature to recover from mom burnout
Exercise and time in nature are great ways for HSPs to reduce stress and improve well-being.
As a mom, including exercise and outdoor time in your routine can be challenging. There are, however, several ways you can do it, like:
- a quick workout before everybody wakes up
- involving the kids (family walk, hiking in the woods, hide-and-seek in the backyard, a dance party in the living room)
- joining a moms’ group.
8. Take short breaks throughout the day
Taking short breaks throughout the day is crucial for HSPs, especially for stay-at-home moms who may feel overwhelmed by the constant sensory and emotional overwhelm that comes with having children.
Examples of short breaks could include taking a few minutes to meditate, practicing deep breathing exercises, or simply taking a walk outside while the kids are napping or engaged in quiet play.
Even a few minutes of quiet time or focused self-care can help HSPs feel more centered and energized to tackle the day’s challenges.
9. Pursue hobbies
Starting a hobby (or even a small business based on a hobby) is crucial to reconnecting with yourself and finding a purpose outside the main caregiver role. Additionally, it can compensate for the lack of fulfillment in other areas of your life.
Highly sensitive moms are often creative and enjoy quiet activities that allow them to express themselves. For instance, they may enjoy journaling, writing, painting, knitting, playing music, reading, gardening, and scrapbooking. You can do these activities from the comfort of your home and on a flexible schedule.
10. Practice self-compassion
Be kind to yourself, and know that you’re doing your best and that you are enough.
Here are ten affirmation phrases you can repeat to yourself when feeling overwhelmed.
- I am doing the best I can, and that is enough.
- I deserve to take care of myself.
- My children’s behavior does not define my worth.
- I am allowed to make mistakes and learn from them.
- I deserve love and compassion, including from myself.
- I am allowed to say “no”, including to loved ones, and prioritize my own well-being.
- I am resilient, even in difficult times.
- I deserve to take time for myself.
- I trust my intuition as a mother.
- I am proud of the mom I am and the love I give my children.
11. Connect with other parents
Join a parent support group or connect with other parents with similar experiences. Mom burnout is more common than you’d think. Many moms struggle with feeling like they’ve lost their sense of identity due to prioritizing the family’s needs over their own. The constant feeling of being needed but not appreciated, being called a thousand times a day, yet not feeling seen, can lead to emotional exhaustion.
That’s why we need a village to understand and support us.
