Are you an HSP mom?
In this article, you’ll learn:
What is high sensitivity?
Psychiatrist Carl Jung was the first to point out that some people have “an innate sensitiveness” more than 100 years ago.
Then, in the 1990s, Aron coined the term “highly sensitive person.” She proposed the “Highly Sensitive Person Scale,” which was immensely helpful to people wanting to find out whether they were born with this trait.
Then, there came other two theories based on longitudinal studies on children:
- the differential susceptibility theory, according to which some kids are more sensitive to harsh environments but also to nurturing ones, and
- the biological sensitivity to context theory, which says that sensitive children can become highly reactive if raised early on in either highly stressful or overprotected environments.
The three theories above agree that some people are more affected by everyday experiences than others.
So, researchers have integrated them into an umbrella term: the theory of environmental sensitivity. This theory posits that people respond differently based on how they register and process information.
Moreover, experts agree that sensitivity is a character trait on a spectrum. We are all sensitive to a certain extent, but some of us are more sensitive than others and need specific conditions to thrive.
How many of us are highly sensitive?
Elaine Aron estimated about 25 years ago that 15-20% of people on the planet are highly sensitive.
Acevedo et al. (2018) found that roughly 30% of adults are highly sensitive.
The point is that there are about 1.5-2.0 billion HSPs on the globe. For sure, many of them are parents trying to raise their kids as best they can.
What HSP traits make you an incredible mom?
As an HSP mom, raising children may not be easy, though: a study from 2019 found that HSP moms find parenting more difficult, regardless of their social and economic status and child’s age.
How can HSP moms make parenting easier? The key is learning how to take advantage of our fabulous HSP traits.
1. An HSP mom knows how to get to the root of the behavior
Elaine Aron discovered that HSPs are more likely to process information thoroughly.
So, as an HSP mom, you likely know how to get to the root of your kid’s challenging behavior.
Imagine your kid coming home after school and being close to a meltdown. They whine and look for a bit of reason to go into a full-blown tantrum. What do you do?
Being highly observant and caring, you will sense that your kid is overwhelmed or hangry and that their behavior has nothing to do with you. So, you will likely ask questions like:
- “How was your day, honey? Everything okay?”
- “You don’t seem like yourself. Do you want a hug?”
- “You seem hungry. Let’s have dinner earlier today.”
The point is that having negative feelings met with calm is what every little child would want from their mom.
2. An HSP mom is empathetic and attuned
According to research, empathy is a crucial trait of HSPs. HSPs have very active mirror neurons, which allows them to feel compassion towards others.
Also, a 2014 functional brain imaging research study found that the HSP brain is more active in brain regions that have to do with emotional and social processing.
Moreover, sensitive persons process social cues deeper and more quickly.
Aron et al. (2019) also found that HSP parents feel more connected to their kids, no matter the socioeconomic status, child’s age, parents’ negative emotions, and stress.
These studies reinforce the already known belief that HSPs are more aware and understanding of others people’s emotions. And being especially mindful of others’ feelings can help the parent-child relationship tremendously.
Imagine your kid feeling awkward when a friend of yours that they don’t know wants to hug them. Your kid might say something impolite, scream or even run away.
But HSP moms are familiar with the flood of emotions caused by someone else overstepping boundaries. So, you will probably feel your kid’s anxiety and tell them that it’s normal to feel upset.
However, in the future, you will probably need to learn to advocate for your kid, too (this is something that HSPs usually need to work on).
3. An HSP mom knows how to prevent meltdowns
An HSP mom is highly aware of subtleties and attuned to their kids.
As a result, you are an expert at tantrum prevention techniques, such as ensuring one-on-one time, offering control over little things, considering your child’s request before saying no, and knowing your kid’s limits.
However, if your kid does blow a tantrum, you will probably calmly accept the outburst because you know it is like feeling overwhelmed. After all, you are highly sensitive.
4. An HSP mom is open to new ideas
According to a new study, HSPs are likely to have a deliberative mindset. What does it mean? You are open to further information and reflect on all options before deciding. Moreover, you are less likely to make rash decisions.
Parenting-wise, a deliberative mindset can be a key strength. For example, imagine your 7-year child coming down from their room with their hair dyed blue. Yelling would not wash the dye out, but calmy negotiating a rule only to use hair dye on holiday might do the trick.
Generally speaking, keeping an open mind with our children can prevent us from distancing as they grow and develop their own identities.
5. An HSP mom is likely to follow gentle parenting techniques
An HSP parent is more likely to remain gentle when their kid acts out.
HSPs are highly empathetic and have robust inhibition systems, making them pause before they act. In addition, an HSP mom is more prone to accept negative emotions with calm and curiosity, as they are familiar with ruminating on negative thoughts.
The HSP brain is also less sensitive to external rewards. As a result, an HSP mom is less likely to use prizes to encourage positive behavior. Instead, they often explain and negotiate so that everyone’s needs are met.
6. An HSP mom knows how to avoid having kids overstimulated
Noise, lights, coarse fabrics, and crowds trigger HSPs. They aren’t fans of violent movies and TV shows either.
Moreover, HSPs like to have downtime to recharge themselves, go into nature and get more sleep. Daily routines are also their thing
As a result, HSPs will offer their children a calm and predictable environment as parents. They will also know how to avoid a high level of stimulation that gets kids into overdrive.
Such a quiet lifestyle allows children to develop cognitively and emotionally without worrying about unpredictable changes.
Final thought
HSPs have unique strengths that can make them the best parents their kids could have. Empathetic and wise, an HSP mom can be the quiet leader kids need to thrive.
References
Jung, C. G. (1913). The theory of psychoanalysis. Psychoanalytic Review, 1(1), 1-40, https://pep-web.org/search/document/PSAR.001.0001A
Aron, E. N., & Aron, A. (1997). Sensory-processing sensitivity and its relation to introversion and emotionality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 73(2), 345-368. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.73.2.345
Ellis, B., Boyce, W., Belsky, J., Bakermans-Kranenburg, M., & Van Ijzendoorn, M. (2011). Differential susceptibility to the environment: An evolutionary–neurodevelopmental theory. Development and Psychopathology, 23(1), 7-28. https://doi.org/doi:10.1017/S0954579410000611
Ellis, B. J., & Boyce, W. T. (2008). Biological Sensitivity to Context. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 17(3), 183–187. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8721.2008.00571.x
Pluess, Michael. (2015). Individual Differences in Environmental Sensitivity. Child Development Perspectives. http://dx.doi.org/9. 10.1111/cdep.12120
Acevedo B, Aron E, Pospos S, Jessen D. 2018 The functional highly sensitive brain: a review of the brain circuits underlying sensory processing sensitivity and seemingly related disorders. Phil. Trans. R. Soc. B 373: 20170161. http://dx.doi.org/10.1098/rstb.2017.0161
Aron, Elaine & Aron, Arthur & Nardone, Natalie & Zhou, Shelly. (2019). Sensory Processing Sensitivity and the Subjective Experience of Parenting: An Exploratory Study. Family Relations. 68. http://dx.doi.org/10.1111/fare.12370
Acevedo, B. P., Aron, E. N., Aron, A., Sangster, M. D., Collins, N., & Brown, L. L. (2014). The highly sensitive brain: an fMRI study of sensory processing sensitivity and response to others’ emotions. Brain and behavior, 4(4), 580–594. https://doi.org/10.1002/brb3.242
Alexandra Hoffmann, Robert Marhenke, Pierre Sachse, Sensory processing sensitivity predicts performance in an emotional antisaccade paradigm, Acta Psychologica, Volume 222, 2022, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.actpsy.2021.103463. (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0001691821002134 )
Cheryl K. Stenmark & Robert Redfearn (2022) The role of sensory processing sensitivity and analytic mind-set in ethical decision-making, Ethics & Behavior, 32:4, 344-358, https://doi.org/10.1080/10508422.2021.1906247
Jagiellowicz, J., Xu, X., Aron, A., Aron, E., Cao, G., Feng, T., & Weng, X. (2011). The trait of sensory processing sensitivity and neural responses to changes in visual scenes. Social cognitive and affective neuroscience, 6(1), 38–47. https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nsq001
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