Sleep is essential for a highly sensitive child (HSC). It boosts their health and brainpower. But what if your child struggles to sleep? It’s heartbreaking to watch them toss and turn, only to see them struggle to focus or control their emotions the next day.
Lack of sleep can cause serious problems, from mood swings to trouble learning. While most kids need around eight hours, highly sensitive children often require more. Thankfully, there are ways to help them sleep better.
Before we continue, we thought you might like to try our Deep Breathing Exercises. Use them as a relaxation tool before sleep or as a calming tool when your child is frustrated, angry or sad. Check them out:
In this article, you’ll learn about:
- What is high sensitivity?
- Why your highly sensitive child (HSC) has trouble sleeping and what you can do about it:
What is high sensitivity?
Highly sensitive children are deeply attuned to their environment and the people around them. Here are some common traits:
- Deep Emotional Processing. Highly sensitive children often experience emotions intensely. They might feel things more deeply than others, taking in information from their environment and processing it on a deeper level.
- Sensory Sensitivity. HSCs’ senses can be heightened. Loud noises, bright lights, strong smells, or rough textures can be overwhelming. They might be particularly sensitive to their own bodily sensations as well.
- Empathy. These children have a strong ability to understand and share the feelings of others. They can often feel what others are feeling, almost as if it were their own emotion.
- Intuition. A highly sensitive child often have a strong sense about people and situations. They can pick up on subtle cues and may trust their gut feelings more than others.
- Imagination. With vivid imagination, a highly sensitive child will often create a rich inner world. They might be drawn to creative pursuits like art, music, or storytelling.
- Perfectionism. Sensitive or deeply feeling children often strive for excellence in everything they do. This can be a strength, but it can also lead to frustration if they feel they haven’t met their own high standards.
- Need for Alone Time. To recharge, these children often need quiet time to process their experiences. This helps them avoid feeling overwhelmed.
- Caution. A highly sensitive child might be hesitant to try new things or meet new people. They like to feel safe and secure in their environment.
- Deep Thinking. These children often ponder life’s questions and seek deeper meaning. They might enjoy philosophical discussions and exploring complex ideas.
- Creativity: A highly sensitive child often expresses themselves creatively. They might be talented in arts, music, or writing, or find creative solutions to problems.
Sensitivity can be a gift, but it also comes with challenges. Here are the most common struggles a highly sensitive child faces:
- Sensory Overload. Highly sensitive children can be easily overwhelmed by sensory input. Loud noises, bright lights, or rough textures can cause discomfort or distress. This overstimulation can impact their ability to focus and regulate emotions.
- Intense Emotions. Sensitive kids often experience emotions deeply and intensely. While empathy is a strength, it can also be overwhelming. They might find it difficult to manage strong feelings like sadness, anger, or joy.
- Social Challenges. Navigating social interactions can be challenging for HSCs. They may struggle to understand social cues, leading to misunderstandings or feelings of isolation. They might also prefer smaller groups or one-on-one interactions.
- Anxiety. Sensitive children are often prone to anxiety and overthinking. Worries about the future or uncertainty can be overwhelming. This can impact their daily life and relationships.
- Perfectionism. Doing their best e is a common trait in highly sensitive kids. However, this can lead to frustration and disappointment when they feel they haven’t met their own high standards.
- Difficulty with Change. Transitioning from one activity or environment to another can be stressful for HSCs. They often prefer routines and predictability.
- Sleep Issues. Sleep disturbances are common among HSCs. Sensory sensitivity, overthinking, or anxiety can interfere with their ability to fall asleep or stay asleep.
- Feeling Misunderstood And Different. Deeply feeling children are often differently wired, and they might feel misunderstood by others who don’t share their sensitivity. This can lead to feelings of isolation or loneliness.
Related: The 8 Biggest Challenges Highly Sensitive Children Face and How To Overcome Them
Think about it this way…
Who is likely to burn more fuel: a car driving at 40mph or one going with 80 mph?
It’s the same for deeply feeling children: deep awareness and constant stimulation are difficult to process and can even lead to meltdowns. It’s no wonder that winding down at bedtime after a long, overstimulating day can be hard for some children.
How to Handle Sleep Issues when You Have a Highly Sensitive Child
For many families with HSCs, struggling with bedtime routine is daily life.
But it doesn’t have to be.
Research suggests that the hectic lifestyle in Western cultures can cause bedtime struggles.
It is not in our children’s genes to go to bed late. Instead, something about their daily life prevents them from getting drowsy in the evening.
So, let’s figure out what keeps your highly sensitive child late at night.
Here are six typical causes:
1.Your highly sensitive child has an irregular schedule
As two research studies from 2011 and 2013 suggest, children in industrialized economies who don’t have a regular bedtime are more likely to have problematic behaviors.
To put it differently, children, sensitive kids, mainly, do best when they know what to expect. In other words, they thrive on routines, including at bedtime.
An irregular daily schedule can trigger additional stress for an HSC. As a result, they need more time to rethink the day’s events. In addition, compassionate children will often need a safe space and an attuned caregiver to help them process big feelings.
What you can do:
Some families have an irregular schedule, and it’s okay if it works for them. However, sensitive children may struggle with uncertainty. So, here are a few straightforward tips to help your HSC:
- Give advance notice. Inform your child in advance about what will happen next so that they don’t struggle with the transition so hard.
- Have regular meals. Having regular meals throughout the day prevents us from sweet cravings in the evening (which can delay bedtime). Plus, skipping meals can make us feel “hangry” (hungry and angry). Another option would be cutting back on food additives two hours before bed.
- Let the cortisol out before bedtime. The best way to lower stress levels is to have fun and laugh. For example, activities like dancing, playing chase, and playing with the family pet can calm the nervous system.
2. Your highly sensitive child feels overwhelmed
A consistent routine can be challenging for highly sensitive children. Evening activities, especially those involving social interaction, can overstimulate them. This can disrupt sleep patterns and lead to daytime difficulties. Overwhelming experiences during the day can also contribute to sleep problems. It’s essential to help your child manage these challenges to ensure restful nights.
What you can do:
#1. Emotional co-regulation.
Sensitive children absorb our emotional states like a sponge. Unfortunately, they may also be too young and too intense to self-regulate. In this case, co-regulation can work much better.
You can start by cultivating a state of calmness, for example, by doing breathing exercises together or by spending time in your child’s calm corner. Then, when you feel your kid has calmed, ask them if they want a hug. Then, ask about what happened that made them so upset that they can’t fall asleep.
Here is Set of 50 Therapy Posters that you can choose from to decorate your child’s calm corner and that you can use as conversation starters:
#2. Morning light.
Get plenty of outdoor natural light during the day, particularly in the morning. Studies show that getting bright morning sunlight helps us sleep better at night. So, have breakfast with your HSC on the patio, or go for a walk.
Spending time outdoors in the morning isn’t an option for all families, and it doesn’t work all year round. However, try looking for practical ways to introduce natural light therapy into your HSC’s routine.
#3. Short breaks throughout the day
A packed schedule filled with social activities can overwhelm a highly sensitive child. To prevent overstimulation, incorporate short breaks throughout the day for quiet activities like reading. Noise-canceling headphones can also be helpful in noisy environments.
#4. Chamomile tea or tart cherry juice before bed
Chamomile tea is one of the best warm drinks before bed. Chamomile contains a substance called “apigenin,” which helps reduce anxiety.
You could also offer your child tart cherry juice. Tart cherries contain tryptophan, which helps with the production of melatonin.
3. Your highly sensitive child has too much screen time before bed
Various studies worldwide show that television and other types of screens create sleep problems in children. For instance, two research studies from 2014 and 2019 revealed that children under two tend to sleep less the more they spend time on tablets.
Moreover, according to another study, excessive screen time can cause sleep disruptions in the case of preschoolers. Unsurprisingly, school-aged children also have sleep problems from spending too much time on television. And the most common reported issues were later bedtime, nighttime fears and waking, and daytime sleepiness.
What’s the relation between screen time and sleep? It’s partly a question of light: artificial light suppresses melatonin and increases alertness.
What you can do:
- Avoid shows that are above your HSC’s age. Suspenseful movie scenes, sad endings, and violence on TV or radio (even talking about a war on the evening news) can be triggering. Try to limit and monitor violent content throughout the day.
- Reduce screen time between dinner and bedtime. It may take you two weeks before seeing any changes, but it’s worth it.
4. Your highly sensitive child struggles with nighttime fears
Nighttime fears are surprisingly common among children. A Dutch study found that around 73% of kids aged 4 to 12 experienced them. These fears often peak between 7 and 9 years old before stabilizing.
Many parents are unaware of their child’s nighttime worries, perhaps because children often sleep alone. This isolation can intensify fears, especially for highly sensitive kids. For instance, their brains may process separation anxiety as a physical threat, leading to feelings of panic and sleeplessness. A vivid imagination can further fuel these fears, turning fantasy into fright. Exposure to negative news doesn’t help matters either.
Here is a simple exercise you can try with your child before bed: teach them how to reframe negative thoughts into positive actions. Our “Reframing Thoughts” Poster has some examples you can try:
What you can do:
#1. Try co-sleeping
Co-sleeping dramatically reduces anxiety and helps sensitive children regulate their emotions. However, though it has many advantages, it’s not an option for everyone. Parents are likely to sleep poorly and wake up tired in the morning.
#2. Set up a camp bed next to yours
Explain to your HSC that they can come up in your room anytime during the night and sleep in it.
#3. Use a weighted blanket or a weighted lap pad
The way weighted blankets work is similar to deep pressure therapy, which increases the serotonin level. Serotonin is the happiness hormone and reduces anxiety. What’s more, serotonin helps raise melatonin levels, regulating the sleep-wake cycle.
Weighted blankets are best for children that are not sensory avoiders.
If you are not sure your child will like a weighted blanket, and since they may be pretty expensive, try a weighted lap pad instead and see how it works.
#4. List three positive things your highly sensitive child can think about if they wake up.
Before bed, talk to your kid about three positive things they can think of and dream about if they wake up and feel afraid at night. For instance, they can think of your plans for the weekend, the family pet, or their last birthday party.
5. Your highly sensitive child associates bedtime with negative feelings
Often, children associate bedtime with emotional states.
Consequently, a child who goes to sleep easily may think, “Bedtime is when Mommy reads my favorite books to me while I fall asleep next to her.”
However, a kid who associates bedtime with negative emotions might think, “Bedtime is when I have to turn off the lights even though I want to watch cartoons and play with my Dad more.”
In particular, an HSC may be more prone to feeling uneasy about going to bed instead of spending extra time with you. You see, sensitive children crave connection.
Alternatively, a sensitive child could feel anxious around bedtime if they don’t know what to expect.
Finally, children may see an unclear routine and occasional delays in sleep as an opportunity to stall: a 2006 study showed that children sometimes associate bedtime with opportunities for negotiation.
What you can do:
The most effective way to return to positive sleep associations is to reinforce a positive bedtime routine through gentle parenting techniques.
#1. Consistent routine
Establish a consistent bedtime routine that starts about 30 minutes before your HSC starts feeling drowsy.
#2. Low-key activities together with you
Your HSC needs to feel attuned to you, so they will love it if you are part of their bedtime routine. So, enjoy some quiet activities together, like reading a book, listening to relaxing music while sitting in bed together, or even doing simple yoga poses. You can try our printable 24 Kids Yoga Cards:
#3. The check-in method
Many children find comfort in falling asleep with a parent nearby. However, busy schedules often make this difficult. If you need to leave your child’s room, gradually introduce shorter absences. Start by leaving for a few minutes, then gradually increase the time. Consistent reassurance and a return visit help build trust and security.
6. Your highly sensitive child is not physiologically ready for bed
A small study published in 2013 revealed that sometimes children resist bedtime because their internal clock says it’s too early. Specifically, kids don’t fall asleep because the melatonin levels in their bodies are still not high enough.
What you can do:
- Watch out for late afternoon naps. You may start by watching out for late afternoon naps, which can delay the surge in melatonin in the evening.
- Avoid bright lights after sundown. To help your HSC sleep, you may choose dimmable light bulbs. This also helps with melatonin production.
- Spend time in nature in the evening. In this way, you and your kid avoid too much artificial light close to bedtime. Moreover, pending time outdoors in the evening is easier when you have a family pet.
- Go summer camping. If you can, go camping for a week with your HSC. According to a study from 2013, a week of camping with no phones, can reset our internal clock to nature’s light and dark cycles, and helps us get more sleep.
References
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