You are not alone.

And the good news is that there is something that you can do to help them manage anxiety.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our Highly Sensitive Child checklist for FREE. This checklist can help you find out whether your child is highly sensitive, identify their triggers, and find out their strengths.

Our bodies have a built-in calming system and, in this article, we’ll explore how to activate it using fun and engaging exercises. 

What Is The Vagus Nerve?

Ever get that nagging feeling in your gut before a big decision? Or that sudden urge to bolt from a situation that just feels…off? These aren’t mere hunches! Turns out, your gut is talking to your brain thanks to the vagus nerve.

What it the vagus nerve? It is a long and important nerve in your body. Its name, “vagus,” comes from a Latin word meaning “wandering” because it branches out and connects to many organs throughout your body.  Think of it like a complex communication network that reaches almost everywhere.

The vagus nerve, also known as the tenth cranial nerve or cranial nerve X, originates in the brainstem and travels down through the neck, chest, and abdomen, innervating (providing nerve supply to) many organs. It is the longest nerve in the body and is part of the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for the body’s rest-and-digest response. Unlike the sympathetic nervous system, which is like your body’s “gas pedal” during stressful situations, the parasympathetic nervous acts as the “brake.” It helps your body slow down, relax, and focus on things like digestion and feeling calm.

The vagus nerve acts like a two-way street in your body. It gathers information from your organs, like your heart and stomach, about how they’re working. Then, it sends messages back from your brain stem to control things like digestion, heart rate, and even your mood.

There is growing interest in the potential therapeutic benefits of vagus nerve stimulation for a variety of conditions, including:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Epilepsy
• Inflammatory bowel disease
• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

Research suggests a relationship between the vagus nerve and conditions like anxiety, OCD, ADHD, and depression. This could be because the messages between the brain and body aren’t being sent or received properly.

How Vagus Nerve Stimulation Can Help Children With Anxiety

When a child’s brain receives signals from the vagus nerve indicating a threat, they might react with natural survival behaviors like fight, flight, or freeze. These are their instinctive responses to perceived danger.

Adults often try to calm them down with reasoning and talking. However, neuroscience tells us that during these moments, a child’s “thinking brain” (responsible for logic and reasoning) is temporarily unavailable. So, when logic won’t work, stimulating the vagus nerve becomes a powerful tool to help them calm down.

Stimulating your child’s vagus nerve can help them switch off fight-or-flight-or-freeze mode. By calming the nervous system, it sends a message to the brain that says “you are safe” instead of “you are in danger.”

Vagus Nerve Exercises

So how do we stimulate a nerve? It is quite simple actually.  Here are a few ideas to exercise that vagus nerve.

Remember that these exercises are most effective when we practice them on a regular basis, and not just when we are in stress mode.

Movement and Breathwork:

• Belly Breaths: Turn it into a game! Have your child lie down or sit comfortably and place a stuffed animal on their belly. Ask them to breathe in slowly through their nose, making the stuffed animal rise like a balloon. As they exhale slowly through their mouth, the stuffed animal falls.
• Animal Walks: Get active and silly! Act out different animals while making breathing sounds associated with them. For example, be a bear taking slow, deep breaths, or a panting dog with short, quick breaths.
• Yoga Poses: Many yoga poses incorporate deep breathing and gentle stretches, which can be calming for the nervous system. Look for child-friendly yoga routines online or consider a children’s yoga class.
• Tai Chi: Tai Chi is an ancient Chinese practice that combines gentle movements, deep breathing, and meditation.  Imagine a moving meditation where slow, flowing postures and focused breaths promote relaxation, improve balance, and reduce stress.

Sound Activities:

• Humming: Humming is a simple and effective way to stimulate the vagus nerve. Encourage your child to hum along to their favorite songs or make up their own silly hums.
• Singing: Singing, especially long sustained notes, can activate the vagus nerve. Sing along to songs together or have your child create their own melodies. Make it fun!
• Gargling: Gargling with water activates the vagus nerve similar to humming and singing. Make it fun by gargling silly sounds or pretending to be a monster.
• Laughing: tell jokes, read silly books, play games that crack you both up.

Other Techniques:

• Chewing Gum: Chewing sugar-free gum can help stimulate the vagus nerve. Choose sugar-free options and limit chewing time to avoid jaw fatigue.
• Gentle Massage: Give your child a gentle neck or ear massage. Focus on a light touch and ask them if the pressure feels comfortable.
• Cold Exposure: Briefly splashing cold water on your child’s face (avoiding the eyes), having them suck on an ice cube for a short time, or placing an ice pack on their face or neck, can activate the vagus nerve. Start slow and make sure they’re comfortable.
• Practicing gratitude: Sit down with your child at dinner, before bed or when they wake up and ask them to name three things they liked about their day whether they’re big or small. Repeat this every other day or how often it feels right for your family.
• Meditating: Meditation comes in many forms and doesn’t require long stretches of time. Consider using apps like Headspace, Calm, or Insight Timer for short, guided meditations – even five minutes can make a difference.

Every child is different, so try out a few vagus nerve power-ups to see which ones help your child most. The goal is to create an environment where they can embrace their inner calm. Then they’ll have the tools to tackle big feelings with confidence.

Sound familiar? Many HSCs resist simple requests. But here’s the secret: create a lower-demand lifestyle. Low demand parenting isn’t about letting them get away with everything. It’s about separating everyday demands into critical and non-critical, and learning to make requests in a way that doesn’t overwhelm your child.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our Highly Sensitive Child checklist for FREE. This checklist can help you find out whether your child is highly sensitive, identify their triggers, and find out their strengths.

Why Low Demand Parenting Works For The Highly Sensitive Child

When I first learned the expression “low demand parenting”, I thought it was ridiculous. It sounded like an excuse for permissive parents. If your child’s been yelling, throwing things, and verbally abusing you, the last thing you want to do is ignore it, right?

But if you are going to make progress with your sensitive and defiant kid, there’s something you should know: many HSCs have neurodivergent traits.

They get easily overwhelmed by sensory stimuli. A lower-demand and predictable lifestyle creates a calm environment, which allows HSCs to feel safe.
What’s more, HSCs have differences in how their brains work. Some have anxiety, Sensory Processing Disorder, ADHD, or autism. Some have autism with a PDA profile.

What Is PDA?

PDA stands for “Pathological Demand Avoidance” or “Pervasive Drive For Autonomy”, an expression coined by Tomlin Wilding, a neuropsychology specialist, which better captures the need behind the behavior.

Even if your child doesn’t fully meet the PDA diagnosis, understanding the signs can be a game-changer. It can help you see the root cause of their behavior and create the calm home you deserve.

Children with PDA refuse to comply with requests when the requests threaten autonomy. For them, autonomy equals safety, and demands may be perceived as threats. Threats trigger their body’s danger response, and as a result, they may go into fight, flight or freeze mode.

Neurodivergent brains work differently from the rest. Differently wired kids are more inflexible, meaning that they have lower frustration tolerance. Thus, minor triggers, like everyday demands, sends them into a stressed state.

Most children who show signs of PDA also have extreme mood swings, because of their inflexible thinking and low frustration tolerance. When there’s a problem, some of them internalize: they withdraw and shut down emotionally. Others externalize and have more obvious emotional reactions, like screaming and crying.

Kids with PDA traits can be sweet and sociable when they are in control. However, when they feel like you want to control their behavior, they become anxious, controlling, and even manipulative.

Another trait of PDA kids is that they struggle with understanding hierarchy. For example, they want to be co-parents or co-teachers. That’s why they may struggle with authority figures.

Kids with PDA have a high need to control and can be creative. On the playground, they may like to engage in role-playing games and have a high need to control what other children are doing. As a result, they may go into conflict with the others.

Defensive strategies that PDA-ers employ are procrastination, becoming argumentative, trying to distract you, or outright refusing demands, even simple ones, like brushing their teeth or getting dressed. Unfortunately, these strategies can progress to panic, self-harm, and meltdowns when a child’s nervous system is overwhelmed.

So, how do you parent a child with a high need for autonomy?

How To Create A Lower-demand Lifestyle

Parenting a child with PDA traits can be challenging. With a constant stream of requests throughout the day, they are bound to get overwhelmed and defiant. This behavior can lead parents and teachers to repeat instructions more insistently, which unfortunately, just adds fuel to the fire.

Traditional parenting that relies on firm boundaries and consequences may not work for PDA kids because it triggers anxiety and resistance. This is where low demand parenting comes in.

Low demand parenting is all about helping kids feel less stressed and anxious so that they can meet demands that you consider critical for your family. It’s based on trust, collaboration, being flexible, working together, cutting out unnecessary demands, and making demands feel less overwhelming.

For kids with PDA tendencies, we want them to feel safe and secure, not like they’re in trouble. We need to create a safe space where they feel comfortable. This means understanding what makes them feel like they’re losing their autonomy and being willing to bend the rules sometimes to make things less overwhelming.

Here are some ways in which you can create a lower-demand lifestyle for children that have a high need for autonomy:

• Be a team:  Instead of giving orders, try collaborating on solutions with your child. This helps them feel like they have some control and reduces stress.
• Make demands feel less overwhelming: Instead of making direct demands (“I need you to…”), frame requests in a friendly way (“I wonder whether…”, “Let’s see if…”) and start with “please” to reduce the perception of demands. This makes your child less likely to feel like they’re losing their autonomy. Also, be aware of your tone, get down to their eye level, and be aware of your body language.
• Depersonalize demands. Explain that requirements are from a higher authority you have no control over (e.g. school assignments, doctor’s recommendations, police regulations)
• Give choices. Give your child two or three choices so that they don’t feel like you are controlling them. Avoid giving too many choices as that might be overwhelming.
• Give them time: Don’t rush your child to answer questions or make decisions. They need time to process information and feel comfortable.
• Be mindful of sensory overload: If bright lights or loud noises bother your child, try dimming the lights or using noise-canceling headphones. This will help them feel more relaxed.
• Think about the complexity of the tasks: The longer and more complex the task, the longer it takes to complete, which may lead to increased anxiety.
• Be aware of your energy. Sensitive kids pick up on our feelings easily so be aware of how your energy may impact the situation.

Focus On Non-negotiable Boundaries

Creating a lower-demand lifestyle is deeply personal. It’s about thinking of your own set of values (for example, “In our family, we never hit.”) and coordinating with the members of the entire family. If your child is old enough, you can include them in the process.

Non-negotiables or critical demands are based on your set of values, and so they are different for each family. For example, going to school can be a dealbreaker but eating dinner together as a family may not be.

Now that you’ve defined your non-negotiable boundaries, consider what you can relax on.  A good starting point is thinking about the hardest moments of the day with your child. For example, if mealtime is a struggle, you can stop asking them to eat certain foods or allow them to eat in their room sometimes. If bath time is a battle, you could have them take a bath every other day.

If you have a hard time dropping demands, think about what truly makes you think a certain demand is necessary. Many of our habits and ideas are tied to societal expectations; they are not necessary to keep our family healthy and happy.

Letting go of “should”, “shouldn’t”, and “I’m not going to let them get away with this”, will help us feel calmer and more relaxed. Once you’re less stressed, you can better help your child break free from the cycle, too.

Low Demand Parenting Versus Permissive Parenting

As you are reading this, you might be thinking, “This is crazy! If I ditch the daily bath rule, they’ll never shower!’ That’s a real concern. Letting go of control can be scary. But, low demand parenting isn’t about letting them do whatever they want. Boundaries are still important for everyone’s sanity and well-being.

In addition, lowering the demands on your child might mean increasing the demands on yourself. For example, when you don’t make your child clean up their room, you’ll have to do it. That is frustrating. That’s why making time for self-care is essential.

Plus, people who don’t understand will judge you. But there are other things that are more important than people’s judgement. I’m talking about your child’s mental health and about having a calmer home. Hopefully, you can be kind to yourself as you try this parenting approach.

Low demand parenting aims to keep your child’s anxiety low enough to handle the important stuff – the things that truly matter for your family. Having clear boundaries around these “must-haves” is key. This separates low demand parenting from permissive parenting. Permissive parenting lacks structure and clear expectations, which can actually make kids more anxious.

From birth, I noticed my baby had a high-strung nervous system. He didn’t enjoy getting messy, and loud noises or wind seemed to startle him. He started tantrums at twelve months. That’s pretty early for tantrums! I now know that he had big feelings that he was too young to articulate hence the outbursts.

However, I still feel that navigating parenting a deeply feeling child was the hardest thing I have ever done. For years, I felt alone and doubted my parenting skills.

To bring awareness to parents like myself, I created this article where I’ve brought together the telltale signs of a highly sensitive baby. This article can help learn early on if your child is highly sensitive so that you can let go of self-blame and provide them with the support they need.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our Highly Sensitive Child checklist for FREE. This checklist can help you find out whether your child is highly sensitive, identify their triggers, and find out their strengths.

Here are the telltale signs of a highly sensitive baby:

1. A highly sensitive baby has big, big emotions that they cannot articulate yet, which makes them tantrum more often

Highly sensitive babies often have nervous systems that are more easily overwhelmed by stimuli. They experience intense emotions they’re still learning to express, which can lead to fussiness and later, tantrums. As they grow, these strong emotions might lead to labels like ‘strong-willed,’ ‘feisty,’ or ‘inflexible.’

Big feelings can make sensitive babies cry over things that wouldn’t bother others. For example, a minor fall at the playground might require a trip home, while other children bounce back. Similarly, a mommy and me class full of high-energy kids might be overwhelming for a highly sensitive baby who needs a calmer environment.

On the bright side, when their environment is calm and predictable, these babies can be very content and easygoing.

2. Sensitive babies are cautious around strangers and in new environments

Sensitive babies are slow to warm up around strangers and in new environments, whereas other babies are eager to explore. It’s not necessarily fear; they simply take more time to observe their surroundings. They may sit still and observe any noise – quiet and loud, and any person – quiet or loud. If something feels unfamiliar or uncomfortable, they’ll choose to stay close to their parents for comfort instead of rushing off to explore.

This preference for predictability and calmness extends to the adults they interact with. Highly sensitive babies often prefer adults who are more gentle, use a softer tone of voice, and make gentle contact before trying to engage them in play. These adults might offer to hold your baby but won’t try to take them from you right away. They understand that some babies are slow to warm up and see it as normal.

In a nutshell, your highly sensitive baby instinctively likes adults who respect boundaries. Thanks to their high sensitivity, your baby has an ability to pick out these adults.

As a highly sensitive child grows up, their inborn cautiousness can transform into anxiety if there’s too much pressure to act a certain way (for example, to greet people they don’t know, or to make friends with children they don’t like). They may also learn to mask their feelings as a way to fit in society. Unfortunately, that can lead to meltdowns at home where the child feels safe enough to express their big feelings.

3. A highly sensitive baby can have intense separation anxiety

Highly sensitive babies may develop more intense separation anxiety. Here are three potential reasons for that:

• More easily overwhelmed by stimuli:  Sensitive babies are often more easily overwhelmed by sights, sounds, and textures. This heightened sensitivity might translate to a stronger need for familiar faces and routines, leading to separation anxiety when those comforts are disrupted.
• Big emotions:  Another common trait in HSC babies is experiencing emotions more intensely. A brief separation from a caregiver might feel like a significant loss to them, triggering a stronger reaction compared to other babies.
• Strong attachment needs:  HSC babies are often very attached to their main caregiver. This intense bond is positive but can also lead to greater separation anxiety when that bond is temporarily broken.

4. A highly sensitive baby may have trouble sleeping alone

Highly sensitive babies may also experience intense bedtime anxiety. This can be because, by the end of the day, they’re overloaded from all the information they’ve taken in. Their brains are still developing and haven’t learned to process everything yet. So, by bedtime, they might feel too stimulated to settle down and sleep.

Moreover, many highly sensitive babies need the comfort of mom or dad close by to feel safe enough to sleep, unlike some other babies who are more independent sleepers. This need for physical contact is actually backed by science. Brain scientists have shown that physical connection helps calm the nervous system (think about how good a hug feels!).”

5. A highly sensitive baby may hate busy environments

Crowded places, birthday parties, large family gatherings, and even playdates with high-energy children can be too much for a highly sensitive baby. Here are a couple of reasons:

• Not knowing what to expect. Meeting lots of people usually means that you are taking the baby out of their daily routine (you don’t go to parties and family gatherings daily, after all). Getting out of the daily routine can unsettle your baby by itself because they don’t know what to expect.
• Extra noise, smell and touch stimulation. Highly sensitive babies often have sensory sensitivities, making busy or new environments feel like too much for them to handle. For example, they may hate loud or sudden noises. In addition, a bunch of people wanting to hold the baby, and the potential change in the baby’s sleep schedules can add to the overwhelm and lead to tantrums.

6. Highly sensitive babies can be sensitive to touch, making eating, clothing and bath time challenging

Touch is one of the most important senses for a baby. It helps them explore the world, feel safe and secure, and bond with their caregivers. However, some babies are more sensitive to touch than others.

Here’s how tactile sensitivity can influence a baby’s behavior:

• Discomfort with Certain Clothes Textures:  A highly sensitive baby might find certain textures irritating or even painful. This could include clothing tags, rough fabrics, or even the feeling of wet wipes.  They might react by crying, fussing, or pulling away from the touch.
• Bath Time:  Bath time, which can be a relaxing experience for some babies, might be stressful for a tactilely sensitive baby. The feeling of water pouring on their skin (especially on their face), the water temperature, or the sensation of soap might be overwhelming. They might cry, arch their back, or become fussy during bath time.
• Picky Eaters:  Tactile sensitivity can extend to food. A highly sensitive baby might reject certain foods due to their texture or temperature. This can make introducing new foods a challenge.
• Cuddles and Carry Time:  Some babies with a more sensitive nervous system might crave the comfort of touch (and love weighted blankets and swaddling as a soothing tool) while others may be easily overwhelmed by too much pressure or restriction (and hate baby carriers, for example).

5 Tips To Help Your Highly Sensitive Baby Thrive

1. Listen without stopping the feelings from flowing out

Whenever your baby gets upset, crying, or frustrated, get down to their eye level and simply be there for them. You don’t need to try to change anything right away. Offer a gentle hug or kiss to show you care. This way, you’re creating a safe space for their feelings and offering empathy. Remember, there’s no need to stop the feelings or “fix” anything immediately. Often, what babies need most is simply to feel safe and understood.

Here’s an important point: Highly sensitive children, including babies, pick up on our anxieties very easily. So, by staying calm and collected yourself, you create a safe space where your child feels comfortable expressing their emotions freely.

2. Give a warning before transitions

Highly sensitive babies are content and easygoing as long as they know what to expect.

That’s why it helps to give gentle reminders before transitions, and validate their emotions when they seem to struggle with moving on. So, if your highly sensitive child is upset about the sudden ending of an activity, warn them about the transition in advance next time. You could say, ‘It’s almost time to clean up now. Let’s say bye bye to the blocks!’ Then, if they still get upset, validate their feelings and name those feelings for them. ‘You were having fun building with the blocks! Now, you feel frustrated because it’s time to stop playing. It’s hard to say goodbye to something fun.’

3. Teach them basic sign language

Sensitive babies are highly observant, noticing everything around them. They’re also determined and know what they want. However, because they’re still developing their communication skills, they can easily get frustrated when they can’t express their needs. This frustration can often erupt in crying or tantrums.

Here’s where teaching sign language can be a game-changer. To avoid tantrums, try to teach your baby signs for “stop”, “more”, “please”, “finished.”

Here are some tips for introducing signs to your highly sensitive baby:

• Start early: You can begin teaching signs as early as 6 months old.
• Keep it simple: Focus on a few essential signs at first, like “more” and “stop.”
• Be consistent: Use the signs yourself consistently while saying the words clearly.
• Make it fun: Incorporate signs into playtime, diaper changes, and mealtimes. Keep it light and positive!

4. Encourage them to try new activities and meet new people but don’t rush them

Highly sensitive babies thrive on routine and may want to watch from the sidelines for a while before joining a group activity. This doesn’t mean they’re not interested; they’re simply taking time to observe and process what’s going on around them.

A step-by-step approach, like introducing them to a new environment gradually, works best for them. This allows them to process the new information in smaller chunks.  For example, if you’re going to a new playground, you could let them explore a quiet area first before venturing into the busier sections.

It’s important not to shield them from new experiences that make them feel uncomfortable. Sheltering them can send the message that you don’t trust their abilities to cope with new situations or that negative emotions are to be avoided.  Instead, guide them with calm and confidence. Be there for them, validates their emotions, and help them navigate new experiences at their own pace.

5. Equip yourself with a toolbox of calming tools

Emotional validation and co-regulation are incredibly helpful, but they cannot function without a set of calming tools when you have a determined, strong-willed baby that can’t be swayed.

Here is a list of calming tools to try with your highly sensitive baby. Have a look:

Visual calming strategies:

• Show them a high-contrast object: Black and white mobiles, colorful crinkle toys, or a brightly colored ball can capture their attention.
• Take them for a walk: A change of scenery can be stimulating and distracting. Pay attention to what catches their eye, like leaves blowing in the wind or birds flying by.
• Use a baby mirror: Self-discovery can be fascinating for some babies.
• Spend time outdoors: Nature has a soothing effect on our nervous systems, and it’s the same way for babies.

Auditory calming strategies:

• Sing or hum calming songs: Your voice is familiar and comforting. Try soft lullabies or gentle instrumental music.
• Play nature sounds: White noise machines or recordings of rain, waves, or wind can be surprisingly soothing.
• Use rattles or crinkly toys: The sound can be stimulating and distracting, but avoid loud or jarring noises.

Touch calming strategies:

• Swaddle them: A snug swaddle can mimic the feeling of being in the womb and provide comfort (if your baby tolerates it).
• Offer a gentle massage: Stroking their back, legs, or feet can be calming. Use baby oil for a smoother touch.
• Skin-to-skin contact: Hold your baby close, chest to chest. Your warmth and heartbeat can be very soothing.

Movement techniques:

• Rock them gently: The rhythmic motion can be very calming for some babies.
• Try babywearing: Carrying your baby close can provide comfort and security, while also freeing up your hands.
• Take them for a ride: A car ride or a walk in the stroller can sometimes work wonders.

Distraction Techniques:

• Blow bubbles
• Play peek-a-boo
• Read a story (even if they don’t understand the words, the sound of your voice and the colorful pictures can be engaging)
• Offer a teething ring or safe toy to explore
• Crinkle paper or make other interesting sounds
• Incorporate gross and fine motor activities in your play, like crawling, rolling, reaching, grasping, finger painting, and building blocks.

The secret for these tools to work is that they need to be child-led as much as possible. When children are in control, this gives them a sense of autonomy which reduces their stress hormones and thus helps with emotional self-regulation.

Moreover, child-led play allows children to explore and learn at their own pace.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download the “6 Calming Cards For Anxious Kids” FREE Printable. These cards can empower your child with easy-to-follow techniques to manage big thoughts and emotions. Check it out:

If your child is anxious, remember that you are not alone. Anxiety in children is more common than we think and it affects about 1 in 5 kids.

In this post, we’ll explore six ways anxiety in children shows up disguised as other behaviors, and share three steps to feel calmer.

6 Ways Anxiety In Children Shows Up As Something Else

1. Anxiety in Children Can Show Up as Anger & Defiance

When children feel anxious, it can be overwhelming and difficult to express in a healthy way. They might not have the vocabulary or emotional maturity to articulate their worries. This can lead to a frustration response that manifests as anger or defiance. It’s like a pressure cooker; the built-up anxiety needs an outlet, and sometimes it comes out as anger or defiance, even if the situation itself doesn’t necessarily warrant such a strong reaction.

The strong reaction is essentially a fight-or-flight response triggered by the intense worry. They might lash out or become defiant because they don’t know how else to communicate their underlying fear or regain control of a situation that feels scary.

2. Over-cautiousness and asking lots of questions (“What if…?”) can hide big worries

At the heart of this behavior lies the fear of the unknown. For a child with anxiety, anything new or unfamiliar can feel like a potential threat. They might think, “What if I do something wrong?”, “What if everyone else is having fun and I’m left out?”, “What if something bad happens?” The constant “what ifs” can make them hesitant to take the plunge.

By asking a lot of questions and being overly cautious, children with anxiety are trying to gain a sense of control over the situation. The more information they have, the better prepared they feel to handle any potential challenges or social interactions.

Related: How to Encourage an Overly Cautious Child

3. Anxiety In Children Can Show Up As Avoidance

Children experiencing anxiety often develop coping mechanisms to avoid situations that trigger their worries. Here are some ways they might try to escape anxiety-provoking situations:

Physical Avoidance:

• Refusal: A child might simply refuse to participate in activities or go to places that make them anxious. This could include refusing to go to school, a doctor’s appointment, or a birthday party.
• Physical Complaints: They might develop physical symptoms like stomachaches or headaches before an anxiety-provoking event.
• Tantrums: In younger children, anxiety can manifest as tantrums, a last-ditch effort to escape a situation that feels overwhelming.

Mental Avoidance:

• Procrastination: Children might delay or put off tasks or events that trigger anxiety, buying them more time (or so they hope) to avoid facing their fears.
• Distraction: They might actively seek distractions, like playing games or watching TV, to take their mind off upcoming worries or situations that make them anxious.
• Daydreaming: Escaping into their imagination can be a way to temporarily avoid real-world anxieties and create a safe haven in their minds.

Social Avoidance:

• Isolation: Children with anxiety might withdraw from social interactions or avoid making new friends due to a fear of rejection, judgment, or social awkwardness.
• People Pleasing: Trying to control every situation and please everyone around them can be a way to avoid potential social conflicts or disapproval, which can be a major anxiety trigger.

These avoidance strategies can be a way to cope with worries in the short term, but unfortunately they also make anxiety stronger in the long run.

4. Anxiety Can Lead To Lack of Focus In Kids

When a child’s mind is constantly buzzing with anxious thoughts, it’s difficult to concentrate on anything else. Imagine trying to do homework while simultaneously worrying about an upcoming presentation or a fight with a friend.

Anxiety can also make it difficult to filter out unimportant details.  Imagine trying to listen to the teacher when your mind is also fixated on the ticking clock, the scratchy sweater you’re wearing, and the worry about forgetting your lunch. All this extra information bombards the brain, making it hard to focus on the main lesson.

Some children with anxiety might avoid situations that trigger their worries, like schoolwork. They may procrastinate or simply “zone out” during class as a way to avoid the potential discomfort of focusing on something anxiety-provoking.

5. Trouble Sleeping Can Be A Sign of Anxiety In Children

Imagine a hamster on a wheel in your head! When a child is anxious, their mind can race with worries about school, friends, or upcoming events. This constant mental chatter makes it difficult to quiet the mind and drift off to sleep.

There’s a two-way relationship between anxiety and sleep: just like anxiety disrupts sleep, poor sleep quality can also worsen anxiety symptoms. A tired child is often a more irritable and stressed child, creating a vicious cycle.

In addition, if a child experiences difficulty falling asleep due to anxiety on multiple occasions, bedtime itself can become associated with anxiety. This conditioned fear can make falling asleep even harder in the future, creating a vicious cycle.

Anxiety can also increase the frequency and intensity of nightmares and night terrors. These vivid dreams can wake a child up feeling scared and disrupt their sleep cycle.

In some cases, anxiety can also contribute to sleep apnea in children. This condition causes brief pauses in breathing during sleep, which can lead to fragmented sleep and daytime fatigue.

6. Anxiety Can Also Cause Physical Symptoms

Since children might not have the vocabulary or emotional maturity to express their worries verbally, their bodies might take over, expressing anxiety through physical complaints. This is called somatization. Here are some common signs of anxiety:

• unexplained tummy aches and headaches
• tightness in the shoulders, neck or chest,
• sweating
• changes in appetite.

It’s important to rule out any underlying medical conditions that could be causing the physical symptoms. A doctor can help you with this. Once medical causes are ruled out, addressing the anxiety can help alleviate the physical symptoms as well.

A Negative Mindset – Another Potential Sign of Anxiety In Children

The constant worries can impact a child’s resilience and overall mindset. Here’s how:

• Tunnel Vision: Anxiety can narrow a child’s focus onto worst-case scenarios. They might fixate on potential failures and struggles, overlooking alternative solutions or positive outcomes. Even minor challenges can feel overwhelming and lead to meltdowns or tantrums. A simple mistake on a homework assignment can turn into a disaster in their minds, leading to discouragement and giving up easily.
• Fear of Failure: The fear of making mistakes or disappointing others, which is often heightened in anxious children, can make them less likely to take risks or try new things. This can lead to a sense of learned helplessness and a belief that they’re not capable of success.
• Low Self-Esteem: A focus on potential failures can chip away at a child’s sense of self-worth. They might start doubting their abilities and feeling like they’re not good enough, further perpetuating the negative cycle.

How To Manage Anxiety In Children

1. Create a Safe Space for Open Communication

Non-judgmental listening: Let your child know you’re always there to listen, without judgment or criticism. Validate their feelings with phrases like “It sounds like you’re thinking about… How do you feel about it? or “That must be frustrating.”

Open-ended questions: Encourage them to talk about their worries by asking open-ended questions like “What can make this situation feel a little easier for you?” or “Can you tell me more about what’s making you anxious?” However, some kids don’t respond well to open-ended questions when they’re on the verge of a meltdown. In this case, ask them “yes/no” questions like, “Do you need a hug?” or “Do you need a glass of cold water or a crunchy snack? Would that help?”

Special one-on-one time: Dedicate time each day to simply connect with your child, free from distractions. This can be through playing games, reading together, or just cuddling and talking.

2. Do a Quick Body Scan When Anxiety Escalates

When anxiety escalates, it helps to do a Quick Body Scan: Ask your child which part of their body feels funny when they feel worried? Is it their tummy? Do they get a headache or do they feel dizzy?

You can also print one of the images below, then ask your child to draw an “X” or a red circle on the body part or parts that feel funny when they are anxious. Also, discuss coping strategies: what do they need to feel better? Calming or upbeat music? Doodling? A hug?

3. Build a Worry Toolbox

Create a Worry Jar: Have your child decorate a jar and write down their worries on slips of paper. They can crumple them up and put them in the jar, symbolically storing their worries away.

Write “I Am” statements: Write down positive affirmations like “I am brave,” “I am strong,” or “I am capable” on colorful strips of paper. Keep them in a box (ask your child to decorate it!), or wear them as a bracelet. Read them together whenever your kid needs a little confidence boost!

The glitter jar: Fill a jar with water, glitter, and a few drops of dish soap. When shaken, the glitter swirls around, representing anxious thoughts. Explain that as the glitter settles, so can their anxious feelings. Let them shake the jar and observe the calming effect.

5 senses exploration: Find a quiet spot and ask your child to focus on their senses. Name 5 things they can see, 4 things they can touch, 3 things they can hear, 2 things they can smell, and 1 thing they can taste. This simple exercise helps them ground themselves in the present moment and shift their focus away from worries.

Belly breaths: Practice deep belly breaths together. Place a hand on your child’s belly and have them breathe in slowly through their nose, feeling their belly rise. Hold for a count of 2, then slowly exhale through their mouth, feeling their belly shrink. Repeat for a few minutes.

Calming or Upbeat Music: Create a playlist of relaxing or upbeat music together to help your child calm their mind and body. Encourage them to dance like nobody’s watching and let their worries melt away with every move!

Progressive muscle relaxation: Tense and relax different muscle groups one at a time. Start with your toes, scrunching them tight for a few seconds, then releasing. Move through your body, tensing and releasing each muscle group, letting go of tension with each breath.

Visualization: Ask your child to imagine their happy place, a place where they feel safe and calm. Engage their senses by describing the sights, sounds, smells, and feelings of this place. This can be a calming escape during moments of anxiety.

Mindful coloring or doodling: Engaging in creative activities can be a great way to distract from anxious thoughts and promote relaxation. Coloring mandalas or simply doodling can be a form of mindfulness for children.

Here are 12 printable cards with coping tools to help you manage anxiety and negative thinking (FREE Download):

Is My Child’s Anxiety Normal?

Just like with diabetes or a heart condition, anxiety disorders are treatable health concerns. But here’s the thing: it can be tough to tell if your child’s worries are part of normal development or something more.

Here are some guidelines to help you decide:

• Impact on daily life: If anxiety is affecting their ability to participate in school activities, extracurriculars they enjoy, or is causing problems with sleep, eating, or friendships, it might be time to see a doctor.
• Big changes at home: Are you noticing significant changes in your child’s behavior at home, like increased anger, difficulty concentrating, or becoming very rigid and controlling? These could be signs of anxiety that need attention.

These signs can be a good indicator to talk to your doctor. They can help you understand your child’s anxiety and create a plan to manage it effectively.

Growing up, I was a deep feeling kid. I remember one time at the park, everyone was having fun on the swings and slides. I really wanted to join them, but it felt too loud. The squeaking of the swings and the shouts of other kids made my ears feel funny. I just stood there, wanting to play but feeling scared of all the noise. My mom saw me and gave me a big hug. She told me it was okay to feel this way, and we sat down on a bench to watch the birds sing instead. Even though I wanted to be part of the fun, it felt better to be quiet with my mom for a little while.

It wasn’t until much later in my life that I learned I’m a highly sensitive person (HSP). Discovering I’m HSP was a turning point. It made my experiences feel validated and helped everything click into place.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our Highly Sensitive Child checklist for FREE. This checklist can help you find out whether your child is highly sensitive, identify their triggers, and find out their strengths.

Deeply feeling children process information deeply, and as a result, they experience the world a little differently than peers. Friendship problems that seem minor to us, sleeping in their own bed, or wearing certain textures, can upset sensitive children, or make them anxious.

Because their brain is differently wired, deeply feeling children need somewhat different things in life to grow up confident and resilient. Here are fourteen of those things:

What Deeply Feeling Children Need to Be Happy

1. Deeply feeling children need a slower lifestyle

Because they process information deeply, a child with a sensitive nervous system may move a little slower than their peers. They may need more time to do certain tasks, like getting ready for school in the morning. They may take a little longer to make decisions, such as what to wear for school because they are taking in not just the mountain of choices, but also how the clothing texture feels on their skin and whether the clothes’ color is “sad” or “happy” (these are my HSC’s words). All of this takes time.

2. Sensitive children need time to decompress after school or after a busy weekend

Just like introverts, deeply feeling kids aren’t built for constant “go-go-go.” Their sensitive nervous systems soak up information like sponges and process it deeply. This, combined with the fact that even for less sensitive children, large schools (in the US, at least) can be overwhelming, can leave a deeply feeling child feeling exhausted after a busy day. Taking some time in the afternoon to decompress helps lower their stimulation levels and recharge their batteries.

3. Deeply feeling children need a calming or sensory corner

Pair #2 “ Time To Decompress “with #3 “Calming Or Sensory Corner”. This space, ideally, would have little noise, relaxing music, books and comfy pillows. You can also put there a box of sensory toys, hang emotional self-regulation posters on the wall, add a basket with a photo album, a lavender roll-on, a journal to fill, and feelings check-in cards.

4. Deeply feeling children need to release big emotions and not be judged for it

Sensitive kids aren’t just extra sensitive to sights, sounds, smells, and crowds; they’re also sensitive emotionally. They might cry more easily than their peers and have meltdowns after a long school day. It’s important to remember that they experience both highs and lows intensely, and allowing them to express those big emotions is key.

However, helping them develop coping skills is just as important. Learning how to handle stress helps them set boundaries with others, be more assertive, and avoid feeling overwhelmed in crowded environments.

Our FREE “Patch It Up” poster provides easy-to-use coping tools to help your child navigate peer conflicts. Check it out:

5. Highly sensitive children need time to adjust to change

Big and everyday transitions can be tough for anybody, but for a deeply feeling child, they can quickly snowball into sadness or outbursts – depending on whether your child is more prone to emotional shut downs or to explosive behavior.

Even positive changes, like the start of summer holiday, can make a sensitive kiddo feel a little anxious, especially if they are prone to anxiety and negative thinking. For example, they may say, “I’m not going to see my best friends every day. It’s going to be so boring!” This dramatic statement might actually mean “I’ll miss our normal routine” or “I feel better when I know what’s going to happen next.”

6. Deeply feeling children need a close connection to family and a small circle of friends

Sensitive kids thrive on deep connections with others. They might even get anxious when they don’t feel like they’re getting enough one-on-one time with their parents or their teacher in the classroom doesn’t seem to appreciate their thoughts and ideas. When they feel disconnected, they might try their best to get your attention, which can sometimes lead to behaviors you might not like.

Because creating meaningful relationships is so important to them, sensitive kids can be picky about their friends. They might have just one or two close friends, which is great on one hand, but on the other hand, they might also ask a lot of those friends and get their feelings hurt easily, especially if they tend to misread social cues.

7. Deeply feeling children need a gentle way of managing conflict

When conflicts pop up with friends, deeply feeling kids can get extra anxious. Some might choose to keep the peace and bottle up their needs instead of addressing disagreements in a healthy way. This can show up as sadness, shutting down, or saying things like “I don’t care.” While they might have strong emotions about the situation, they keep them hidden to avoid the other person getting mad.

Others might react differently, going straight into “fight mode” and having outbursts. Punishing or shaming these outbursts usually backfires because their behavior isn’t intentional; it’s their anxiety taking the wheel. So, the key is to help them manage their anxiety and reassure them that a fight with a friend doesn’t mean the end of the world. In some cases, even if the friendship ends, it might be the best outcome for everyone involved.

8. Responsive parenting helps deeply feeling children feel heard

Think of an iceberg. The tantrums, hitting, or ignoring you – that’s just the tip sticking out of the water. Underneath, there’s a whole lot more going on. It could be feeling unsafe or disconnected from you, needing new skills, or simply being hungry, tired, or overwhelmed.

Responsive parenting means looking beyond the behavior and addressing the hidden needs. Remember, kids want to do well! Setting firm but compassionate limits strengthens your connection while helping them learn and grow.

This approach works especially well with sensitive children who might not respond well to traditional rewards and punishments. It’s not about them being bad or trying to be difficult – some kids are simply wired differently, like those with autism or ADHD. They process information differently and feel things deeply, so traditional methods might not be effective.

9. A good night’s sleep can help deeply feeling children reset after a busy day

Getting enough sleep helps soothe a deeply feeling child’s nervous system and allows them to process their emotions. Unfortunately, sensitively wired kids often have trouble with either falling asleep, staying asleep, or sleeping in their own bed.

Sleep can be challenging if they can’t shut down their thoughts because they need more time to process what happened during the day. Some sensitive kiddos are prone to anxiety and negative thinking patterns, which can interfere with sleep.

Fortunately, there are some ways you can help: a low-demand afterschool schedule, eating healthy meals, or starting bedtime earlier in order to help them process their feelings. Here’s a tip for you: each evening, before bed or at dinner, ask them three things that they liked about their day and three things that they didn’t.

Another way to help them relax is to repeat a positive mantra, like “Learning new things takes time but I can do anything I set my mind to.”

10. Deeply feeling children need healthy and regular meals

Is your child hangry after school? Do they need a snack to feel better? There is a scientific explanation for the connection between mood and food.

Ever notice your child acting cranky after school? Like they need a snack to feel better? Turns out, there’s actually a scientific reason for the connection between mood and food.

Recent research has revealed a fascinating link between what we eat and how we feel. This connection, often called the “gut-brain axis,” is key to understanding our emotional well-being. It’s like a direct line between our stomachs and brains!

For parents of highly sensitive children, understanding this connection can be especially helpful. A study on 863 people in Japan showed highly sensitive people are more likely to experience digestive issues like acid reflux, stomach pain, and constipation. So, being highly sensitive might not just affect how they perceive emotions, but also their physical health.

If you’re struggling with challenging behaviors and can’t figure out the trigger, consider this: making sure your child eats healthy, regular meals and limiting processed foods with dyes might be a game-changer.

11. Having an outlet for their creative side helps deeply feeling children express strong emotions

For deeply feeling children, who often experience emotions intensely, a creative outlet offers a safe way to channel their feelings into something tangible. This can be especially helpful when they struggle to express themselves verbally.

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to fostering creativity. Experiment with different activities like drawing, playing music, storytelling, or even building things with blocks. Observe your child’s interests and find the creative outlet that resonates most with them.

12. Sensitive children also have a strong sense of purpose

Some kids just seem to go with the flow. But for highly sensitive children (HSCs), that’s not always the case. They might ask questions that seem surprisingly deep for their age and come across as strong-willed because they’re not quick to follow rules blindly. Whether it’s learning a new poem in school, writing letters in a specific way, or dressing up for the Christmas play, they might resist demands because they need to understand the reason behind them.

Instead of labeling them “defiant” or “inflexible,” it’s important to understand that these behaviors stem from the desire of deeply feeling children to stay true to their own needs and preferences.

13. They need caregivers and teachers who understand their temperament

Since most people aren’t highly sensitive, they might not understand why something like a scary movie scene or a classmate saying mean things would upset a sensitive child so much. That’s okay, not everyone will get it.

But what a deep-feeling kid really needs is at least a few people, ideally family, who understand their unique way of experiencing the world. As parents, we should not only “get it,” but also have their back. That may sound like, “Of course you need some quiet time after school,” or “Sure, we can leave the party early if you’re feeling overwhelmed.”

14. Spending time in nature helps sensitive children soothe their nervous systems

Highly sensitive or not, kids act differently outdoors. Nature soothes our nervous systems. The open space, fresh air, birdsong, and freedom to move seem to have a magical calming effect.

For deeply feeling people, who are often more sensitive to environmental stimuli, this effect is even pronounced, according to research.

You just got everyone ready for a park playdate! Your kid excitedly planned to play tag with their best friend from school, and you already pictured yourself enjoying coffee and chats with the other parent while they play.

But then you get a phone call. The other kid can’t make it. You break the news to your child, and bam! Cheeks flushed red, full-blown frustration mode. What just happened? They see their friend tomorrow anyway, at school! It’s not a huge deal, right? So why does it feel like the world is ending for them?

You try to comfort your kid immediately: “I’m sorry, buddy. We’ll get some ice cream! It’s going to be great!”

But then you realize….

Cushioning the blow won’t solve the problem of them not adjusting to the change in plans (or not even trying) because they’re stuck feeling frustrated and can’t move on.

You want your child to be more adaptable and to give them confidence that everything’s going to be okay, even if it doesn’t go according to plan.

But how? In this article, you’ll be learning exactly that.

Common signs of low frustration tolerance in kids

Children with low frustration tolerance are often highly reactive, struggle with negative self-talk, and often blame others when something goes wrong.

Common signs of low frustration tolerance in kids include:

Emotional signs:

• Frequent outbursts and tantrums
• Excessive anger and irritability
• Difficulty tolerating negative emotions like disappointment, anger, and sadness
• Low self-esteem and negative self-talk.

Behavioral signs:

• Giving up easily
• Lashing out at others and blaming others
• Avoiding challenging situations
• Clinging or dependent behavior, needing constant reassurance
• Resisting rules and arguing frequently
• Perfectionism: difficulty accepting mistakes
• Inflexibility: difficulty adapting to changes in plans
• Struggles with friendships due to difficulty managing intense emotions and conflicts
• Regressive behaviors: reverting to thumb sucking or bedwetting when stressed.

What Causes Low Frustration Tolerance in Kids

1. Emotional regulation difficulties

When emotions overwhelm us, we cannot access the rational, thinking part of the brain. This happens often to young children, and also to highly sensitive and neurodivergent children who can go from 0 to 100 in one second.

Underlying conditions like ADHD, anxiety, oppositional defiant disorder, pathological demand avoidance or specific learning difficulties can cause low frustration tolerance.

2. Inflexible thinking

Inflexible thinking can make kids see situations in extremes, like “good” or “bad”, or “all or nothing”.  Just like the child in our example.

Unfortunately, this thinking pattern leaves little room for compromise. Imagine a child who keeps saying “I want to watch that movie” even after you agreed that it’s not their turn to pick the movie. Not being able to control the outcome makes them feel helpless and frustrated.

3. Sensory sensitivities

Do you know that feeling when your house is a mess, your children are screaming, and there’re toys spread all over the living room floor? That feeling of irritability is related to sensory overload. It’s hard to stay calm in those moments.

It’s the same for sensory-avoidant children. Sensory overload can thin out their patience and make them feel frustrated.

6 Strategies To Help Kids Manage Low Frustration Tolerance

1. Don’t try to fix it

Whenever your child gets frustrated, don’t try to fix it. Give them a few minutes to calm down, then have a chat. Mirror their feelings (“I can’t do anything right!” -> “You feel like you can’t do anything right, are you sad?”)

Then, listen as they open up and tell them you feel like that sometimes, too. Remember that kids don’t need us to fix them; they need someone to understand their feelings.

But sometimes, kids don’t open up. They may feel like their feelings or failures make them too vulnerable, and they may feel shame. Try to build more special one-on-one time into your daily routine. The more you bond, the higher the chances they’ll want you to help them process their feelings.

2. Build coping skills for low frustration tolerance

Without knowing healthy ways to deal with frustration, kids might resort to unhealthy mechanisms like yelling, throwing things, or avoiding challenging situations. For example, a 10-year-old struggling with math may refuse to complete assignments or have angry outbursts during homework.

You’ll find below ten healthy coping skills ideas that you can use as a conversation starter. Print the infographic and discuss it with your child when they’re calm. For instance, you can ask them to pick three coping skills they’d like to try.

Positive affirmations are also essential for developing frustration tolerance. When faced with challenges, kids often engage in negative self-talk, like “I’m bad at this” or “I’ll never get it right.” Repeating a daily mantra with them in the morning or the evening before bedtime is a great way to remind them of their self-worth.

Download our FREE ”Positive Affirmations” coloring poster. You can print this poster and hang it in your child’s room or their calming corner. It’s a great way to teach them the importance of self-confidence and resilience. Check it out:

3. Create routines and predictable environments

“You promised we’d go to the park today!”

“Why are you going to your friend’s house instead? I don’t want to go there. I don’t like your friends!”

You can prevent this sort of outbursts with a predictable routine. In addition, informing your kid about the change in plans helps them mentally prepare for what’s next.

Offering choices also give a sense of control (“We can’t go to the park today. I know you were looking forward to it. But we need to go to Grandma’s instead. Do you want us to stop and get a snack on the way, or do you want us to head directly there?”

4. Plan ahead before challenging situations

Create a strategy for tricky events like family gatherings to ensure a smooth transition. For older kids, create an exit plan together before attending the event.

For younger kids, get playful and try, “Let’s pretend we are magicians and become invisible.” Then, stage your exit.

5. Offer opportunities for your child to practice patience

Patience is a learned skill. When your child is feeling calm, try something that is mildly challenging. This could be solving a puzzle, waiting in line, or working on a school project. The idea is to give the child the opportunity to practice their patience. This will also offer you the chance to help them reframe negative thinking.

6. Teach problem-solving and conflict-resolution skills

Kids with low frustration tolerance often have big emotions that are hard to manage. That’s why friendships and school life can be challenging for them.

Our FREE “Patch It Up” poster has easy coping tools to help your child overcome peer conflicts. Check it out:

3 Tips For Parents To Manage Low Frustration Tolerance

1. Learn To Stay Calm

Most of us feel like yelling back when our child is pushing our buttons. But this rarely leads to something positive (and you probably know that already!). So, instead, shift the focus from your child’s behavior to yourself. Take a deep breath or do a short five senses check-in exercise to keep your cool. And remember, your child’s frustration is not about you, it’s not your fault and you’re not the only parent trying to figure this out. Here are more tips on how to remain mindful through your child’s big feelings.

2. Don’t let frustration define your child

When kids get easily frustrated, it’s tough for everyone. However, don’t let frustration define them.

For younger kids, it helps to look at frustration like a temporary visitor, maybe like a grumpy fairy named Miss Frustration. When she shows up, instead of saying, “You’re always grumpy?” try, “Uh oh, looks like Miss Frustration is visiting again! What can we do to send her away?”

This strategy helps your child see frustration as something temporary they can overcome, not something defining them.

For older kids, you’ll find in the infographic below 12 helpful phrases to say to your child when they struggle with frustration:

3. Consider a slower schedule for your child

If you feel that you’ve tried everything, but your child is continually on edge, perhaps something needs to change in their life. They may need a slower schedule and more quiet time throughout the day. Spending more time in nature and having fewer after-school activities can also help children who struggle with overstimulation.

Dealing with less overall stress can help sensitive kids cope better with frustration.

Remember, you’ve got this!