Are your kids always interrupting, asking you to watch everything they do, or just generally making things a bit tough? It happens to all of us!

Children aren’t trying to push our buttons in those moments. They are seeking connection. 

But what if you offer lots of attention and they want more and more?

Here’s how to teach children to entertain themselves.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our Highly Sensitive Child checklist for FREE. This checklist can help you find out whether your child is highly sensitive or deeply feeling, identify their triggers, and find out their strengths which can help build their self-confidence.

1.      Quality versus Quantity

To teach children to entertain themselves, you first have to make sure that their emotional cup is full.

#1. Schedule one-on-one special time each day

Even 15-20 minutes of undivided attention can make a big difference. Here are some fun one-on-one activities for tired parents and energetic kids:

Creative Play:

• Play-Doh fun: Mold silly creatures, build structures, or have a color-mixing competition.
• Draw me anything: Challenge each other to draw funny pictures based on silly prompts.
• DIY craft: Choose a simple project like finger painting, mandala coloring, or popsicle stick crafts.

Active Play:

• Indoor treasure hunt: Hide small treats or clues around the house and let your child be the pirate or detective searching for them.
• Fort building: Grab blankets, pillows, and chairs to build a cozy fort. Read stories, snuggle, or tell jokes inside.
• Balloon stomp: Blow up some balloons and have a playful stomping race while trying not to pop them.

Relaxing Activities:

• Cuddle and read: Find a comfy spot, snuggle up, and take turns reading stories.
• Puzzles together: Choose a colorful puzzle and work on it together.
• Nature walk: Head outside, observe the surroundings, and collect leaves or pebbles.
• Peaceful massage: Take turns giving each other gentle hand or foot massages. You can also try EFT tapping – read more here.

#2. Make special time about them

Let them choose the activity during scheduled one-on-one time. If they choose activities that take longer or you don’t feel up to, ask them to give you three options. Or if they insist, you can suggest doing the longer activity on the weekend.

It would be best if you collaborated so that everyone feels heard. This is also a perfect opportunity for your child to learn social and negotiation skills.

#3. Use visual schedules and timers for special time

Create a weekly visual schedule (or daily for toddlers) where they can see when they’ll have one-on-one time.

Timers can make waiting more fun. You can also use timers if your child gets impatient. Many kids, especially highly sensitive ones, get overly excited simply from anticipating something.

Similarly, you can use visual schedules and timers to encourage children to entertain themselves. For example, you can have a timer for independent play and for age-appropriate chores, too, as long as the kids think it’s fun.

#4. Set clear expectations ahead of time

Explain kindly and firmly that you can’t be available every moment, as much as you want to. (“Mommy/Daddy needs some time to unwind sometimes, just like you need time to play with your friends.”)

You can also emphasize the benefit of self-care: “When I take a break, I can come back feeling refreshed and ready to spend time with you!”

Then, offer alternatives: “While I’m taking a break, you can choose a book to read, build with Legos, or draw a picture.”

#5. “Bonus time” deal

If your child wants more special time after your one-on-one activity, consider discussing a “bonus time” deal. For example, if your little one begs for more tag, say, “If you want ten extra minutes of tag, you need to help me out first.” Then, suggest something positive they can do while you get a breather, like finishing a favorite puzzle or setting the table. If they complete their mini-task, give them those extra minutes of fun. But if they forget their promise, gently explain that extra play depends on keeping their word. This teaches responsibility and makes future negotiations smoother.

2. Encourage Independence

#1. Assign small chores

Age-appropriate chores can give a sense of accomplishment and self-confidence. To make chores fun, add some silly music or turn chores into a race. Also, consider giving a list of chores to choose from to give your child a sense of control.

Deeply feeling and neurodivergent kids are sensitive to criticism. Hence, it’s better to celebrate effort and progress when they help with chores. Remember, the aim is to keep the kids busy.

#2. Create a sensory corner for children to entertain themselves

Offer a variety of games and materials that encourage children to entertain themselves. In addition, rotate materials every week so there’s always something new and exciting. Also, involve the kids in choosing the items for their calming/sensory corner.

Here are our suggestions for building a calming and sensory corner/toolbox for children to entertain themselves:

• Visual: lava lamp, pictures and posters of calming landscapes, fidget spinners, glitter jars, sensory bottles filled with sensory beads and glitter, posters with calming and mindfulness activities or yoga poses for kids
• Touch: weighted blanket, play dough, slime, stress balls, squishy toys, feathers, wood blocks, water beads
• Hearing: calming music, nature play, white noise, wind chimes, headphones for listening to music or an audiobook
• Smell: lavender or vanilla playdough (you can make your own by adding some lavender essential oil to your playdough), scented play sand (mix kinetic sand with ground spice like cinnamon or nutmeg), spice jars filled with cinnamon, cloves, and nutmeg
• Vestibular: small trampoline, indoor swing.

One way to teach children to entertain themselves with a calming corner is to set up a daily routine. For example, kids use the calming and sensory corner each morning after breakfast.

#3. Play together, then encourage children to entertain themselves

Start play sessions together, then gradually guide them towards solo activities while you’re nearby for support. Stay within earshot, offer smiles and gentle guidance while keeping it short.

Remember, children learn to entertain themselves through practice. The more opportunities they have to play independently, the better they’ll get.

3. Discover Unmet Needs

#1. Learn your child’s emotional and sensory triggers

Children often can’t get enough of their caregivers because they need to bond with us to feel loved. Ask yourself if any recent changes in your child’s life (new sibling, school difficulties, family conflicts) might be causing anxiety and seeking comfort.

You can also start tracking behavior. Notice the situations and triggers that lead to increased attention-seeking. Does it happen when you’re busy, distracted, or about to leave? Did your child used to love to play independently and now they don’t?

Moreover, think about whether your child can express emotions and needs effectively. If not, attention-seeking might be their way of communicating. In this case, you might need to teach them about the different types of emotions and how we can healthily express them (for example, using “I feel…when…” statements). If they struggle to verbalize, offer alternative ways to express themselves, like drawing, writing, or role-playing.

Also, consider sensory processing needs and ADHD. Neurodivergent children may crave extra stimulation due to the different wiring of their brains. Consider talking to a healthcare professional for evaluation.

If you feel that your child has sensory sensitivities, check out our 8 Sensory Cheat Sheets Free Printable. You can download it here.

#2. Get those feelings out

Talk openly about their feelings to find out why they don’t like to entertain themselves. Click the link to check our FREE Feelings Check-In Cards, which you can use as a Conversation Starter!

Highly sensitive children may reject you when you try to talk it out. Shutting down doesn’t mean however, that children don’t need connection. Some ways to help them process their feelings are:

• Share personal experiences without referencing their own situation so they don’t feel like their emotions overwhelm them again (“I remember when I was your age, my sister did this thing and I felt really mad. I learned that….Anyway do you want a snack?”). Keep it casual and neutral and let them decide if they want to open up to you. Our job is just to show them that we’re there for them. If they have an avoidant style, they may want to go back into their shell instead of sharing uncomfortable feelings. Give them time.
• Read stories about emotions your child relates to.
• Get playful: when everyone’s calm, play feelings charades games (click here to get our Feelings Charade FREE Printable), or create stories where characters go through challenging experiences.

Take-Home Message

Kids seek connection the best they know how, even if it pushes our buttons sometimes. And seeing the child beyond the behavior is crucial for them to thrive.

But let’s face it: we can’t always be superheroes. There are days when multiple little hands are reaching for us, plus work, friends, and, yes, even our sanity to consider.

Doing our best is what matters; honestly, that can look different on different days. Some days, it’s hours of playtime, while other days, it’s acknowledging their need for connection and setting limits with compassion. And guess what? That’s okay!

Doing our best is enough. We are enough. Full stop.

Did you imagine parenting to be much easier?

Do you worry that you’re a bad mom?

If you are overwhelmed by parenting, know that you are not alone. According to Pew Research, about 41% of people say raising kids is tiring, and about 1 in 3 parents say that parenting is stressful all or most of the time.

Parenting is even more tiring if you also have a child who is easily frustrated and melts downs seemingly out of nowhere.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our Highly Sensitive Child checklist for FREE. This checklist can help you find out whether your child is highly sensitive or deeply feeling, identify their triggers, and find out their strengths which can help build their self-confidence.

A lot of parental stress involves us feeling guilty that we have failed our kids and doubting our parenting style. But remember that perfect parents don’t exist and that this quest for perfection is harmful to our mental health. Moreover, a parent struggling with mental health issues, like burnout, anxiety and depression, can’t help a dysregulated child.

What happens if you‘re overwhelmed by parenting and you ignore your needs

Mom burnout can lead to depression and anxiety.  It can also make us yell more at our kids and not be as patient. If you are overwhelmed by parenting, slowing down and taking care of yourself is essential.

5 Strategies To Remain Calm Through a Meltdown

1. Change your perspective: tricky behaviors are signs of an unmet need

The way we see bad behavior shapes how our children behave.

When your child has a meltdown, it’s not because they’re being bad or because you’re a bad parent. It’s because they’re feeling overwhelmed, either emotionally or sensory-wise. Unlike tantrums, which are intentional behaviors, meltdowns are involuntary reactions to overload.

Meltdowns are a way for more sensitive children to express their intense emotions. It’s crucial to understand that your child isn’t trying to give you a hard time; they’re genuinely struggling to cope with overwhelming emotions.

Sensitive kids also have lots of outbursts (which are not necessarily meltdowns) out of sheer frustration and because they can’t handle disappointment. If we understand that their outbursts are a way of communicating unmet needs, we can help them express themselves in a more healthy way.

For example, instead of taking away privileges when a child is acting out, we can help them calm down by teaching them coping strategies (when they are calm) like taking a break, listening to music, or hugging a stuffed animal. When we show our children that we care about their feelings and want to help them, they’re more likely to learn how to manage frustration and disappointment in a healthy way. And as they learn to do this, they’re also more likely to become more cooperative and less likely to have outbursts.

The bottom line is that our kids’ meltdowns are not a sign of bad parenting. Remember that next time you feel overwhelmed by parenting a sensitive or differently wired kid.

2. Focus on yourself not on stopping the meltdown

Our role is to remain a kind and calm leader. How can you do that when you feel overwhelmed by parenting an explosive child?

One way is to shift the focus from what’s happening around you to yourself. Your job is not to stop the meltdown but to remain kind and calm throughout the meltdown.

When you feel like you’re about to burst, ask yourself these three questions (you may not be able to do this the first time, but the more you try, the better you’ll become):

#1. How will I feel about this problem tomorrow? Next week? Next year?

Our struggles nearly always ease with time. The sun always comes up tomorrow, as they say.

#2. Is this problem permanent?

A lot of children outgrow their meltdowns. But if you have a highly sensitive child, perhaps with a neurodivergence diagnosis, then your child will probably not outgrow their strong emotions on their own. But with your help, they can learn healthy coping skills to deal with those feelings. That means that their meltdowns will eventually reduce with the right help.

Whenever you feel overwhelmed by your child’s meltdowns, remember the power of “yet”:

• “My child hasn’t yet learned how to cope with their big feelings.”
• “I haven’t yet learned to remain calm during meltdowns.”

#3. Am I or my child in real danger?

Our brains are programmed to react instantly to danger. It’s how we survived when there were real threats around. But in the modern world, there are fewer real dangers. So when you feel overwhelmed by something, take a deep breath and think about if it’s really a problem or if it’s just in your head. If it’s a problem, break it down into smaller parts. You can deal with some parts now and some another time.

3. Don’t add more stimulation

When highly sensitive kids feel overwhelmed, they usually need a quiet place to calm down. If their room is sensory-friendly, that’s perfect. If not, find a quiet spot away from distractions. Instead of asking them open-ended questions like “What’s wrong?”, try more supportive ones like “Do you want a hug?” or “Can I sit here with you?”.

Open-ended questions can be overwhelming, so it’s better to focus on connection and to use short “yes/no” questions.

Don’t try to control the situation; let it happen. This will help you stay calm and take the pressure off your child. Be kind and let them know you love them and want to be there for them.

4. Connect the way your child wants and needs

Try to offer support throughout the meltdown the way your child wants and needs: some kids want hugs and kisses to co-regulate, while others want space.

If your child tells you to go away during the meltdown: Sensitive kids internalize often and may avoid talking about their feelings because they are so big and overwhelming. Showing empathy (“How are you feeling, buddy? You seem upset.”) doesn’t always work with these kids. How can you get through to them?

If this is your child, try this: share a personal story that resonates with their current experience (“I remember when I was [child’s age], this thing happened to me….”). Tell them how you coped with that challenge and how it helped you grow. Let your child lead the conversation and avoid making any reference to their experience unless they want to open up.

A quick tip: Do something relaxing together, and then start the conversation. You might try drawing, baking, working on a puzzle, or taking a walk.

5. Give yourself space to express your feelings, if you’re feeling overwhelmed by parenting a sensitive kid

Having to deal with our child’s big feelings and remain calm is hard. Remember that writing, drawing, and painting are powerful ways to cope with stress. Once your feelings are on paper, they don’t seem so overwhelming, like when they were just random thoughts in your mind. Moreover, reviewing your old journal entries or drawings is a great way to reflect on how much you’ve accomplished along the way.

There are many ways in which we can express our feelings, besides writing and journaling: some people like sports, spending time outdoors, playing with a pet, doing yoga, playing video games, or doing volunteer work. We are unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all calming strategy for an overwhelmed parent. Just remember to take it slow and find ways to release tension in a healthy way. You’ve got this!

Deeply feeling children often react like this. Their emotions run deep and they can get fixated on them. In this example, the child felt alone and isolated, and these feelings lingered in their mind. When they arrived home, blurting out those words was their way of reaching out for help in processing their feelings.

Unfortunately, these big feelings can make sensitive kids struggle with friendships.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our Highly Sensitive Child checklist for FREE. This checklist can help you find out whether your child is highly sensitive or deeply feeling, identify their triggers, and find out their strengths which can help build their self-confidence.

Why do deeply feeling children have a hard time making friends?

Here are some common problems deeply feeling children may face when dealing with friends:

1. Deeply feeling children are emotionally intense

Sensitive children go from 0 to 60 in a second. And this doesn’t happen just when they are angry. It can happen when they feel joyful, sad, worried, or disappointed.

These powerful emotional situations imprint on our brains. Think of this as a defense or survival mechanism.

The fact that a child get easily overwhelmed by their emotions,  can make them avoid situations or friends that hurt them in the past.

In addition, intense emotions can make them resistant to change. Just the thought of having to get used to a new environment and to new people can make a deeply feeling child feel wary about changing schools and making new friends.

Lastly, remember that strong emotions can make even the best of us make poor behavioral choices. This happens often to deeply feeling children. Unfortunately, some of their reactions can make their peers act mean or keep their distance. For example, a child who cries easily may get reactions like “We don’t want to play with you because you cry whenever you don’t have your way.”

2. Deeply feeling children struggle with conflicts and compromise and have a more inflexible thinking

Solving conflicts and making compromises is difficult. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have had wars, right?

A deeply feeling, emotionally immature child, can have an even harder time than peers when navigating conflicts. There are a number of reasons:

• Emotional intensity
• Low frustration tolerance
• Difficulty speaking up for themselves
• Fear of criticism and rejection
• Not wanting to hurt others because they know how much they hurt when a friend acts mean.

3. Introverted and sensitive kids may struggle asserting themselves when out in the world

Deeply feeling children often have trouble saying “no” to things they don’t want to do or standing up for themselves when they are treated unfairly by friends (that may not be the case at home, though). They may also find it hard to express their opinions when they are different from those of the group or when setting boundaries.

This attitude has several reasons: fear of criticism, avoiding conflicts, or hurting other people’s feelings.

4. Deeply feeling children may prefer independent play

Deeply feeling children might find it hard to fit in with the typical way kids play and have fun. On the one hand, sensitive introverts might prefer quieter and independent activities and not enjoy the loud and competitive games that other kids like. This can make them feel like they don’t belong.

On the other hand, extroverted and sensitive kids tend to be demanding and easily frustrated when things don’t go as they expected. This is due to their more inflexible thinking. As a consequence, these kids may end up playing independently because they get into conflict often with other kids. For example, a child might want to play a certain game with other kids, but they want to make the rules alone, without others making suggestions. Then, when other kids don’t follow the rules to a t, a sensitive and extroverted kid might burst out in frustration.

5. Deeply feeling children are often afraid of being judged

Deep-feeling kids often have self-esteem issues. As a result, they may worry about being judged or misunderstood by other kids. They might feel like they’re different and that their friends won’t like them if they show their true selves. This can make them feel nervous about socializing and making new friends, especially if they are introverts.

6. Kids have trouble seeing things from other people’s points of view

Children under seven or eight generally are more egocentric, which means they may struggle seeing a friend’s perspective. In addition, when our emotions are running high, most of us can’t see someone else’s opinion as valid. This can lead to misunderstandings, unfortunately, and can happen often to deep feelers.

For example, a child may think a friend doesn’t like them when, in fact, their friend didn’t want to do what they were doing. On the one hand, they may be too emotionally immature to think of all the possibilities why their friend doesn’t want to play together. On the other hand, deep feelers can also feel hugely disappointed by their friend’s words. This kind of situation can make a deep feeling child feel sad all day, while a child who is not highly sensitive will bounce back right away.

How To Help Deeply Feeling Children With Friendships

Despite these challenges, deeply feeling children have much to offer in friendships. They are often empathetic, kind, and insightful. Here are some tips for helping sensitive children build friendships:

1. Be supportive

It can feel hard to see your child hanging onto you, saying, “Let’s play together! I don’t want to play with other kids,” when other children don’t seem to have a problem joining into play. Many of us blurted out impatiently, “Why don’t you just go play?” and immediately regretted it when we saw the sadness on our child’s face.

The truth is that pushing a deeply feeling child to behave a certain way doesn’t work. It results in meltdowns and other tricky behaviors.

You can provide support by simply showing empathy when they have a hard time with friends (“I see that greeting kids that you don’t know can be scary.”) and encourage them to take some risks (“But what if they like the same games as you and you can have a wonderful time playing tag? Who doesn’t like tag?”).

2. Find group activities that deeply feeling children enjoy

Ask your child what clubs or team sports they’d like to join. If they say “no” to every suggestion you make, ask them if they’d consider attending classes if they go with a friend. If they say yes, consider taking them to a class their friend is also taking or organizing playdates with kids already in a class your child would like to attend.

If organizing playdates takes you out of your comfort zone, remember that your child will also be out of their comfort zone.

Remember to start small. It’s essential to take small steps and increase exposure gradually. So, signing your child up for several after-school activities at once or organizing playdates too often can overwhelm them. And once the stress response is activated, you’ll notice more tricky behaviors, like outbursts, low frustration, defiance, or even increased sensory sensitivity).

3. Don’t let them avoid social interaction

It’s okay for kids to feel nervous when meeting new people. But, avoiding things that make deeply feeling children feel anxious will only make their anxiety worse in the long run. It’s like hiding from a scary monster: the more you avoid it, the bigger and scarier it seems.

Instead of letting their shyness keep a sensitive child from doing things, try to find ways to face their fears gradually. Even small steps can help them build confidence and overcome anxiety.

4. Teach them conflict resolution

Let’s face it, conflict is inevitable: from toy squabbles to friend drama, conflict can leave kids (and adults) feeling frustrated and upset. That’s why teaching kids effective conflict resolution skills is essential.

And guess what? Teaching conflict resolution doesn’t have to be boring. In fact, it can be quite enjoyable!

Here is our Patch It Up! Poster with nine conflict resolution tools for kids. Download the Patch It Up! Poster for FREE. You can print it out and hang it in your calm down corner or homeschooling corner.

5. Teach deeply feeling children to speak up

Children who feel things deeply sometimes struggle to assert themselves. They might not want to cause others pain, or they might fear judgment. Others might simply freeze up and remain silent, due to the delicate wiring of their nervous systems.

Whatever the cause, teaching them to express themselves confidently can be immensely beneficial. One way to do so is to have them practice speaking scripts at home (practicing in front of a mirror or role-playing can both be effective).

6. Help your deeply feeling child develop stress coping skills

Deeply feeling children may feel overwhelmed in social situations or when interacting with new people. Help them develop coping strategies, such as:

• The power of “yet”:  replace “I don’t know how to do this” with “I don’t know how to do this YET.”
• Have a short quiet break and take three deep breaths
• Sensory activities: squeezing a stress ball, noise-canceling headphones, 1-2-3 senses check-in.

7. Foster self-esteem

Developing a positive self-image is essential, and you can do that by identifying your child’s strengths and providing opportunities to try new things. Here are a couple of ways to help your child identify their strengths:

• Notice their talents. Think about everything they’re good at – running fast, drawing beautiful pictures, or being a great listener. When you notice your child doing something well, give specific praise (say, “You run so fast” instead of, “Great job”)
• Keep a record of their accomplishments. At the end of each week, have your child make a list of three things they learned, one thing they’re proud of, one thing they got better at, and one small goal they want to achieve the following week. This will help kids see how much you’re growing and improving!

Another way to boost self-esteem and reduce anxiety is to encourage your child to stretch out of their comfort zone and try new activities. Here are some suggestions:

• Sleepover at a friend, cousin, or neighbor you and your child trust and know well.
• Make new friends during recess, at the park, at parties, etc.
• Set a small goal each week (for example talking to a classmate they don’t usually speak to, or standing up for themselves).

When To Worry: Social Anxiety and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

1. Social Anxiety

Many sensitive kids are naturally shy and slow to warm up. But when extreme shyness interferes with daily life, this can be a sign of social anxiety.

Kids with social anxiety worry about what will happen in social situations. They’re often scared of what others will think of them. They might also fear being embarrassed, being separated from their parents or carers, or getting in trouble. The signs of social anxiety can be easy to miss: children who have social anxiety are often quiet and obedient.

2. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (common in ADHD)

Have you ever felt your child drifts away from friendship over minor misunderstandings? Or maybe they often feel hurt by what seems like a minor offense or a joke that landed poorly. Or perhaps they struggle with opening up to others due to fear of rejection.

If you believe that this is your child, you may want to learn more about Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD). RSD is common in neurodivergent children. Since some highly sensitive kids have ADHD or autism, you may want to know more about RSD. RSD is characterized by:

• emotional intensity, resulting in disproportionate reactions, meltdowns, or large bouts of sadness
• rapid mood swings triggered by perceived criticism or rejection, or when adults try to set boundaries
• physical signs (rapid heartbeat, unexplained stomach aches)
• poor self-esteem because feeling rejected makes people feel inadequate
• over-analyzing social cues and misinterpreting minor gestures as indicators of rejection
• avoiding social interaction due to fear of being judged
• can’t receive negative feedback.

RSD can make it hard for a child to feel good about themselves and make friends. They might avoid social situations altogether because they’re afraid of being hurt.

The good news is that there are things you can do to help kids with anxiety or RSD cope with feelings of rejection. They can learn to identify their intrusive thoughts and other triggers and develop coping skills. And most importantly, they can learn to be kind to themselves. It’s important to remember that their sensitivity is not a weakness. It’s just a different way of experiencing the world.

Here’s how to tell.

The Highly Sensitive Child Checklist

Print this article, and sit down with a paper and pen to review the following statements.

This checklist is meant for parents.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to save the Highly Sensitive Child checklist as a PDF file. This way, you can review it at your own pace and revisit it as needed. It’s also helpful to review the checklist every six months to track any changes in your child’s behavior.

Here is the checklist of the most common traits of highly sensitive children:

• My child feels emotions really strongly, and sometimes it can be overwhelming. They might express their feelings openly, especially in public places, or they might bottle them up until they get home
• My child gets easily upset when things don’t go the way they expected.
• My child gets easily stressed out by changes and transitions, like the shift of seasons, the start and end of the school year, or starting a new activity after school.
• My child seems to read my mind and absorb my emotions.
• It feels like my child has way more meltdowns than their peers.
• My child shows signs of perfectionism.
• People often say my child is wise beyond their years. They have a knack for making insightful observations and asking thought-provoking questions.
• Bedtime can be tough for my child. It’s often a time when they start to unwind and process all the emotions from the day, or they might try to avoid bedtime by finding ways to distract themselves.
• My child prefers to be in charge, and they can get really stressed out when they feel like they don’t have control or when things change a lot.
• My child seems to be more sensitive to pain than other kids their age.
• My child can sometimes get overwhelmed in crowded spaces or social gatherings, even if it’s something they enjoy and are looking forward to.
• My child’s emotions can go from one extreme to the other very quickly. Sometimes it feels like they’re having the best day of their life, and then the next minute, they’re having the worst! This can happen multiple times in a single day.
• My child gets really protective of their things, especially around siblings, and they seem to have a strong sense of ownership and control over their belongings and personal space.
• My child is a bright kid who uses advanced vocabulary for their age and has a witty sense of humor. They often ask insightful questions.
• My child seems to be very observant and notices a lot of things around them.
• My child can get easily startled by unexpected sounds, touches, or even small changes in their surroundings. This can sometimes lead to meltdowns or tantrums.
• My child gets really upset by harsh discipline or scolding, and they sometimes don’t respond well to redirection, even when it’s done in a kind and understanding way.
• My child is very sensitive to clothing textures and often gets bothered by scratchy fabrics or clothing tags. They may ask to remove the tags or change clothes if they find the tags uncomfortable.
• My child needs plenty of time to relax and recharge (and I make sure they have regular one-on-one time with me).

The sensitive child checklist says I have a highly sensitive child. Now what?

Congratulations, your child is in good company! Many of history’s greatest change-makers have been highly sensitive — without sensitive people, we would not have had people like:

• Artists: Vincent van Gogh, Pablo Picasso, Virginia Woolf
• Writers: Maya Angelou, Sylvia Plath, Emily Dickinson
• Musicians: Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Frédéric Chopin, Björk
• Scientists: Albert Einstein, Marie Curie, Carl Sagan
• Activists: Eleanor Roosevelt, Martin Luther King Jr., Malala Yousafzai

Around a third of people are naturally more sensitive than most, both physically and emotionally. About half of people fall somewhere in the middle, while the remaining 20% are less sensitive. This trait is called environmental sensitivity, and all the three levels are considered to be perfectly normal.

How Is A Highly Sensitive Child Different From Other Kids?

Due to their unique genetic makeup, these children navigate their world differently than their peers. They’re also skilled at masking their true selves in public settings. Many of these kids go to great lengths to appear “normal” at school and in social settings. This means they may bottle up their emotions until they’re home, where they can finally let loose and express themselves in ways that might seem overly sensitive.

Here are some common patterns that highly sensitive kids might show that set them apart from their peers. Remember that your child might exhibit some or none of these traits and still be considered highly sensitive.

1. A highly sensitive child is very compassionate

Highly sensitive people have more active mirror neurons than a neurotypical person, meaning that their brain is wired to show empathy. Thus, a sensitive child is one who knows how to make others feel comfortable. However, when sensitive kids are in fight-or-flight mode, they are nothing but compassionate.

2. A highly sensitive child is easily overwhelmed by daily stress

Highly sensitive kids are like sponges, soaking up every little thing around them, as a result of their very active mirror neurons. This heightened awareness can sometimes lead to feeling overwhelmed as their brains are processing lots of information. Meltdowns are a way to express their bottled-up emotions and frustration. That’s why helping them co-regulate or giving them space to manage their emotional and sensory overload is essential.

3. A sensitive child is intuitive and perceptive

Sensitive kids have a way of noticing things that other people might miss. This helps them appreciate life’, like art, music, and nature. They’re also good at reading people’s emotions, making them easy to connect with. But sometimes, because they pay so much attention to everything, they can overthink things and worry about potential risks. This can make them hesitant to try new things (and learn new skills).

4. A sensitive child is often very cautious and reflective

New situations and meeting new people can be overwhelming for many sensitive kids, who often need extra time to adjust before diving in. This cautious approach can sometimes make sensitive children seem shy or introverted, even if that’s not true.

5. A highly sensitive child may have a high need to be seen

Highly sensitive children tend to crave a lot of one-on-one attention. If they don’t get enough love and support, they may feel misunderstood, react badly to even minor criticism, and feel like no one really gets them. This can lead to a sense of isolation and make them feel like they’re not good enough.

6. Sensitively wired kids often have a constant need to feel in control

Sensitive kids often have fixed ideas for how things should go due to all their big feelings. When reality doesn’t match their expectations, they can become easily frustrated and lash out, or they can internalize disappointment and feel like they’ve failed or that their parents failed to help them.

Their need to be in control can also make them develop a push-and-pull attachment with their parents and siblings. Thus, they will sometimes set strong limits that feel offensive; other times, they may be very kind and compassionate.

This is a normal part of their temperament, but it requires extra patience and understanding from parents.

7. Sensitive children often struggle with transitions

Sensitive children are slow to warm up, and may have a more inflexible, black-and-white thinking, which makes transitions harder. The perceived lack of control can make them feel frustrated and uncooperative. Additionally, they dislike sudden changes as they like to think carefully before jumping in. Moreover, executive functioning problems can make matters worse. Executive function skills include problem-solving, switching focus, and time management skills (sensitive kids often feel overwhelmed and perform poorly under time pressure).

8. Highly sensitive children are often perfectionistic

When your child tries really hard to do everything perfectly, it’s great if they succeed. But if they keep thinking they need to be perfect all the time, it can be bad for them. They might have a hard time trying new things because they’re afraid of making mistakes. They might also get upset if they don’t do something right the first time.

9. They may dislike tags on clothes and certain fabrics

Children who are not highly sensitive don’t mind tags or seams. They can brush off these sensory discomforts. But those who are extra sensitive can’t ignore these things. They might refuse to wear undies with tags or avoid jeans because they are too itchy. Touch sensory issues can be tough for parents to handle, but remember, your child isn’t doing this on purpose. It’s how their brain works.

10. They are often annoyed by bright lights and noisy places

It is crucial to believe your child when they are saying that feel annoyed by certain stimuli, like bright lights and noisy places, instead of dismissing their experience. Oftentimes, simply validating can help them feel more at ease.

11. Sensitive children often have low pain tolerance

Some highly sensitive kids feel pain more intensely than others. This might be due to their pain receptors being extra sensitive, or because their brains are already receiving so much information, the pain feels even stronger.

If My Child Is Highly Sensitive, How Can I Learn More?

Check out these articles to understand your highly sensitive child better:

• 1. The Highly Sensitive Child Guide
• 2. 6 Small Things That Overwhelm a Deeply Feeling Child
• 3. How to Identify Highly Sensitive Child Traits

Check out these articles to help them build stress-coping skills:

• 1. 3 Mistakes That Worsen Low Frustration Tolerance. Do You Make One of Them?
• 2. Is Your Deeply Feeling Child Scared to Try New Things? (Free Printable)
• 3. How to Build Lifelong Confidence in a Deeply Feeling Child (with Parent Scripts)

And what about dealing with tricky family stuff? Like when Aunt Edna tells you to stop your kids’ “bad” behavior immediately, or Grandma keeps nagging you to get your kids to “behave.”

You know that your highly sensitive child needs support, but what do you do at the moment?

In this post, we’ll share nine effective strategies to help you and your deeply feeling kid thrive during the holiday season.

Before you continue, we thought you might like our Time for Adventure FREEBIE. This fun activity can encourage your child to step out of their comfort zone and try new things, which, in turn, can boost their self-confidence.

Why Holidays Can Be Tough For A Highly Sensitive Child

Most parents of sensitive children worry that their kids will either act out at family gatherings or be so slow to warm up that they’ll attract negative comments from extended family.

Why do children with a more sensitive nervous system have tricky behaviors around the holidays? Here are the leading causes:

1. Routine changes

Highly sensitive children often have trouble with transitions.

Changes to the routine can be challenging even for parents in charge of the holiday schedule. But they’re even harder on kids who take time to get used to new things or who get anxious easily. Sensitive kids will want to stay in their comfort zone because they struggle to adjust to new situations. Big gatherings can be particularly overwhelming for them.

2. Reduced Downtime

With all the holiday hustle and bustle, it’s easy to forget about downtime. But for sensitive kids, downtime isn’t just a nice thing to have – it’s a must-have for their physical and mental health. Think of it like recharging their batteries.

3. Small Talk

Your child might not be the chattiest person. When other kids or adults expect them to talk a lot, it can put extra pressure on them.

Some highly sensitive kids, whether neurodivergent or not, might not be able to talk when they’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed. They might just stop talking altogether (a condition known as “selective mutism’) or only speak to certain people. This is a natural way for them to cope, so it’s essential to remember this during the holidays.

These three factors – change in routine, reduced downtime, and pressure to make conversation with unfamiliar people – can result in a range of behaviors: your child might become quiet and not want to do anything or get bossy as a way to control their environment.

These scenarios are very stressful for parents, who may feel embarrassed by their children’s behavior, especially when there are nieces and nephews around who are all outgoing, charming, and compliant.

Even if not said out loud, it’s clear that some family members won’t understand why your child is behaving like that. For instance, when your niece excitedly tells their grandparents about all the cool things they’re doing at their taekwondo class while your kid is hiding under the table.

You may feel like you’re being judged. You may feel like you have a bad kid and are a terrible parent who can’t control their children.

Understandably, parents often feel stressed out before these get-togethers. Unfortunately, a sensitive child can sense your anxiety, which makes them act out even more. And on top of that, these children can tell when other family members are judging them, making things even more chaotic.

Here are some tips for reducing the stress during the holidays:

9 Strategies To Help Your Highly Sensitive Child Overcome Holiday Stress

1. Let Your Highly Sensitive Child Know What To Expect

Give your kid a heads-up about the gathering – where you’ll be going, who’ll be there, and what to expect. Show them photos of family members they haven’t seen in a while, and share some happy memories of past family gatherings. Knowing what to expect can significantly ease your highly sensitive child’s anxiety.

Try a more positive approach instead of lecturing them about how they should behave at family gatherings. Warnings like “If you act out, I’m going to …” would only make your child anxious. They’ll sense your worries, increasing their chances of having difficulty at the family gathering.

You can also explain that Grandpa is excited to see them and would love to hear about their day. Suggest that they greet the family with a high five or smile instead of a hug. Encourage them to play with their cousins, but also let them know that taking breaks is okay if they need quiet time.

If you have a highly sensitive child, acknowledge that family gatherings can be overwhelming for them, making it challenging to express themselves calmly and appropriately. (“Family gatherings can be loud. If you ever feel overwhelmed, just let me know. We can take a break together” or “If at any point you feel uncomfortable, just let me know. I’m here to make sure you’re okay.”)

That’s why it helps to brainstorm coping strategies together:

• Discuss options for greeting: Talk about options for greeting, like waving, blowing a kiss, or making a drawing to give to them upon arrival (that you may have to hand over if your child is hesitant) or bring a toy to share with them. It may also help to hand one of your child’s favorite books to an adult the child knows well (like Grandma) and suggest they start reading. That can be a “soft opening” that draws your child to them.
• Find a cue word to signal that your child is making unsafe choices. For instance, saying “banana bread” means it’s time to pause and problem-solve. This is an excellent way to show your child you are on their team.
• Decide on quiet time activities: When it’s time for a break, you can set your child up in a calm space with books or toys you’ve brought from home.

2. Avoid Shaming Your Highly Sensitive Child

“Why can’t you share nicely with your cousins?”

“Stop bossing everyone around. Nobody is going to want to play with you.”

“Why won’t you just go play with the other kids?”

These reactions can make children feel bad about themselves, leading to more acting out or withdrawal if they’re slow to warm up. It also sends the message to your child that you may be disappointed in them, which fuels distress. When kids feel bad inside, they act “bad.”

• Instead of “Why can’t you share nicely with your cousins?” try, “Let’s take turns using the toys so everyone can have a chance to play.”
• Instead of “Stop bossing everyone around. Nobody is going to want to play with you”, you may want to try “Let’s give everyone a chance to share their ideas. How about we take turns deciding what to play next?”
• Instead of  “Why won’t you just go play with the other kids?” say, “It’s great to see you taking your time getting to know everyone. Would you like me to introduce you to some of the other kids?”

3. Talk To Family In Advance

Start by acknowledging your family’s experience. This will make it more likely they will listen and be open to the perspective you share and want them to respect:

• “I know Mia can be hard to handle during family gatherings. She has a hard time being flexible, and we’re working on that. I know that can make it stressful for everyone.”
• “I know you feel hurt when Timmy won’t hug you. It’s uncomfortable for me, too.”

Then, share your perspective along the lines of:

• “Mia is a spirited girl who sometimes gets overwhelmed and has her way of bringing order to her world when she feels out of control. We’re working on helping her manage these moments, and we’d appreciate your support. I know you want to help, and the best way to help us is just to let us handle things with Mia.”
• “Timmy takes his time getting to know people. He likes to watch and observe before he feels comfortable jumping in. It’s not about you; it’s just his way. We’ve found that giving him space and letting him know we’re happy to see him works best. He’ll come around when he’s ready.”

4. Allow Your Highly Sensitive Child To Socialize When They Feel Comfortable

You might think it’s important for your child to chat with your aunt visiting from far away or sit on Uncle Joe’s lap, but it can be a bit overwhelming for them if they don’t see these people often.

You may want to help your child when they feel shy or overwhelmed. For example, “Timmy, this is your Aunt Jean; Aunt Jean, Timmy doesn’t feel ready to say “Hi” yet.”

Don’t make your child hug or kiss anyone at the family gathering. If they’re uncomfortable giving hugs or kisses to relatives they barely know, that’s okay. It’s their body, and they have the right to decide who they want to hug or kiss.

5. Let Your Child Choose How They Want To Open Their Gifts

People have different preferences regarding giving and receiving gifts, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Some folks love the excitement of unwrapping presents in front of a crowd, while others feel awkward being the center of attention and worry about finding the ‘right’ reaction.

It’s common for kids who are more sensitive to feel uncomfortable being watched while doing something, like opening presents. They might feel like they’re being judged or that they need to perform for everyone.

For many sensitively wired kids, surprises can be anxiety-provoking. Some children might feel more comfortable if they know what their gifts are ahead of time. That’s why you may want your child (if they are older) to pick out their own gifts to know exactly what they’re getting for Christmas.

6. Avoid Food Battles With Your Highly Sensitive Child

A lot of the grown-up Christmas foods don’t sound tasty to kids. Besides, children should decide for themselves whether they want to try new foods or not. That’s why it’s a good idea to make sure your child has some of their favorite foods on hand for Christmas Day, just in case they don’t like the traditional Christmas food on offer. Just as we wouldn’t want to be forced to eat foods we don’t like, children don’t react well to being made to eat certain foods, particularly if they also have sensory sensitivities.

Don’t expect your picky eater to become adventurous on Christmas Day suddenly. Save yourself and them the stress of making your highly sensitive child try out new foods in front of everyone. Pack some of their favorite snacks from home to bring along, whether you’re eating at someone else’s place or a restaurant.

And let’s be honest, expecting a young kid to sit still for an entire lunch or dinner might not be the most realistic expectation. If possible, give them the flexibility to snack throughout the day and come and go from the table as they please. You know your kid better than anyone, so try to accommodate their eating preferences as much as you can during holiday gatherings. It’s not worth fighting a food battle on Christmas Day!

7. Be Your Child’s Safe Haven

When a child feels safe, they are more likely to venture out and explore. But when they encounter something that frightens or overwhelms them, they instinctively seek reassurance from us. This act of returning to the “secure base” helps children regulate their emotions and build a sense of self-confidence.

Expect your child to be more clingy in unfamiliar or new situations and with people they don’t know well. These are stressful situations for children with more sensitive nervous systems, whose stress alarm goes off more quickly.

8. Spot The Signs That Your Child Is Tired

When kids feel tired or on edge, they often show specific signs. Be on the lookout for these clues so you can help them chill out before they melt down and manage their emotions in a healthy way.

Here are some common signs that a child is close to an emotional meltdown:

• Physical signs: Increased heart rate, sweating, flushed cheeks, clenched fists, dry mouth and tense muscles
• Emotional signs: frustration, anger, sadness, fear, anxiety, worry, caution, and hesitation
• Behavioral signs: crying, yelling, hitting, throwing things, hiding, fidgeting, difficulty concentrating, arguing, asking for help, seeking reassurance, and taking lots of quiet breaks.

Let your child have things that help them feel calm, like noise-canceling headphones, fidget toys, or their special teddy bear. You can also make a plan with your kid, before the family gathering, on what calming strategies they’d like to try when they feel tired. Here are some examples:

• Deep breathing: inhaling for four counts and exhaling for four counts; belly breathing
• Quick body scan
• The 1-2-3 senses exercise (one thing you can see, two things you taste, three things that you can see).

9. Shift Your Perspective

If you often have negative thoughts running through your head about your child and your parenting style, you’re not alone:

“Why does my child make everything so challenging and embarrassing for me?”

“Why can’t she just enjoy herself like her cousins?”

“I’m so angry and resentful that she makes me feel like a terrible parent. I just want one uninterrupted hour of peace with my family.”

These are the unspoken thoughts that often linger in the minds of parents raising sensitive children. They feel ashamed and resentful both towards themselves for having such thoughts about their children and towards other parents who seem to have it all figured out.

But the reality is that every child has unique challenges, and sensitive children often require a more nuanced approach.

Please don’t judge yourself too harshly. You’re only human. Raising sensitive kids can be challenging, and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed sometimes.

The important thing to remember is that your child is a good kid who struggles sometimes because they have a more sensitive nervous system. And you are not a bad parent if you have a child who struggles in social situations.

Remember, highly sensitive children are still highly sensitive on Christmas.

Here are three valuable resources to help you:

1. 11 Gratitude Prompts. Make these gratitude prompts a part of your bedtime routine or Friday family dinners. Grab your 11 Gratitude Prompts FREEBIE.
2. 5 Effective Ways to Teach Your Highly Sensitive Child About Gratitude. Gratitude can be a powerful tool to build resilience and boost self-esteem.
3. 9 Fun Gratitude Activities for Kids. You can start implementing this amazing list of activities today.

Let’s dig deeper.

Why is Gratitude Essential for a Highly Sensitive Child?

Gratitude is a learned skill. It’s about choosing to see the bright side instead of focusing on “should be.”

For highly sensitive children who are prone to anxiety and low frustration tolerance, gratitude can be a powerful tool to manage stress.

When children focus on what they are grateful for, it can help them see the good in the world, even when things are tough. This can help reduce their anxiety and make them more resilient.

5 Effective Ways to Teach Your Highly Sensitive Child About Gratitude

1. Encourage small acts of kindness

Teach your child to be grateful to people, not just for things. Saying thanks to someone, talking to a classmate who feels sad, giving grandma a call – these small acts of kindness can make people glow in gratitude.

Here are other examples:

• Praise someone’s artwork, outfit, or kindness toward others
• Help colleagues who are struggling with schoolwork
• Share toys with playmates
• Give someone a gift: buy it or make the gift together
• Say “thank you” and “please.”

2. Highlight your highly sensitive child ‘s strengths

Identify your highly sensitive child’s unique strengths and encourage them to use those strengths to help others. That will make them more generous, connected to those they are helping, and more grateful for their abilities.

For example, sensitive kids have empathy to spare and can be super listeners to their friends and family.

3. Turn complaints into praises

Helping a highly sensitive child reframe complaints into praises involves encouraging them to shift their focus from what’s bothering them to what they appreciate. For instance, if they say, “I hate this noisy place,” you can guide them to say, “I prefer quieter places, but I like that we’re spending time together.” It’s about finding the positive aspects in situations. Use phrases like, “What’s something good about this situation?” or “Can you find one thing you like here?” This practice helps them develop a more positive mindset.

This strategy doesn’t change our initial feelings, so it’s essential that you still validate how your child feels. However, it helps kids see the problem from a different angle. This will help them cope with difficulties in the long run.

4. Help your highly sensitive child find gratitude during difficult times

Instead of denying or ignoring problems, talk about the good and bad parts of life. Here’s a simple exercise: draw peaks and valleys and label them with your children. Explain to your child that life is rarely a perfect straight line. Tell them that it’s better to look at life from the peaks.

Encourage them to make a list of what they do have, even the most minor things, “You may not have friends at school, but it won’t be like that forever. You haven’t made friends at school YET, but you have other friends.”

5. Work through envy

Have you ever noticed your little ones feeling envious of their friends’ new toys, fancy clothes, or exciting adventures? It’s a common feeling among kids, and it can be touch to watch them struggle with it. Here are some effective ways to help your little ones overcome envy and feel more thankful for what they already have:

• Help them understand that everyone is different. Explain that everyone has their unique strengths, talents, and experiences.
• Focus on experiences, not possessions. Instead of focusing on the material things your child may lack, highlight their extraordinary experiences, like spending time with family, enjoying nature, or learning new things.
• Shift their attention to the positive things they have. Try to encourage them to keep a gratitude journal or memory jar or draw pictures of things they’re grateful for.
• Make gratitude a family affair. Share things you’re grateful for around the dinner table, or try the gratitude activities below.

9 Gratitude Activities for Kids

1. Create a gratitude or memory jar

Decorate a jar and cut colorful paper strips. Every evening, ask your child to write or draw something they are grateful for on a strip and put it in the jar. Over time, the jar fills with joyful moments.

It can be anything: strengths that your child is proud of, memories, people in your child’s life that they are thankful for, something beautiful (the sunset, a sunny day), or a mistake they’ve made and the lesson they’ve learned for it.

2. Practice bedtime gratitude with your highly sensitive child

Before bed or at dinner time, take five minutes as a family to share things you are grateful for. For example, ask your child one thing that they liked about their day and that they’re thankful for and one thing that they didn’t. Go around the table, allowing each family member to share their gratitude.

If your child has difficulty seeing the good things that happen to them, play the “Unfortunately, fortunately” game. For example, “Unfortunately, we couldn’t go to the park today because it has been raining. Fortunately, we watched a great movie instead and ate popcorn.”

3. Play a gratitude game with your highly sensitive child

Create a gratitude game using a spinner, dice, or cards. Each space or card could prompt a question or activity related to gratitude, such as “What is one thing you are grateful for about your family?” or “Draw a picture of something you are grateful for.” You can also use the 11 Gratitude Prompts FREEBIE for inspiration.

You can also connect gratitude with empathy and ask questions like:

• “What do you think your dad is thankful for?”
• “What do you think your teacher is thankful for?”
• “What is one thing that the president is thankful for?”
• “What do you think your grandma is thankful for?”
• “What do you think your dog is thankful for?”

4. Keep a gratitude journal

Encourage your child to write down things they are grateful for each day. Creating a homemade gratitude journal is easy – staple a few pages together, decorate the cover and make time each day for journaling. This can look like your kiddo telling you what to write, drawing, or making scribbles.

You can also make a family gratitude journal where each family member writes something they are grateful for.

5. Make a gratitude map with your highly sensitive child

Create a map of places your child is grateful for or likes. The child can mark on the map places where they’ve gone on holiday or towns where their favorite relatives or friends live.

6. Make gratitude bookmarks

Make bookmarks with expressions of gratitude. Cut a piece of cardstock paper into rectangular shapes (2 to 3 inches, no more than 6 inches long) and invite the child to decorate it using markers and crayons. Ask them to draw or write things they are grateful for (you can start the conversation using the 11 Gratitude Prompts FREEBIE). If you’d like to add a ribbon or yarn, use a hole punch to create a hole at the top of each bookmark. Encourage your child to use the bookmarks in their own books or consider gifting them to friends or family.

7. Give compliments and make compliment cards

Children can shift their attention away from negativity and towards more helpful thoughts and feelings by focusing on other people’s positive qualities. This can contribute to a more optimistic and grateful mindset.

Practice gratitude by complimenting family members, classmates, and friends. For example, a simple “You’re an amazing soccer player!” can go a long way. But remember, compliments should be genuine and not forced. Let your child decide when they feel comfortable expressing their appreciation.

Compliment cards are also a great way to show appreciation and strengthen relationships.

8. Create a shout-out bulletin board

A “shout out” bulletin board focuses on positive acts other family members have done. Leave note cards or slips of paper out for everyone in your family to write on. You should give a shout-out when someone is kind, for example, “Ben shared his toys with me today.” You can post these on the bulletin board as a constant reminder of how we show kindness.

Alternatively, you can post the compliment cards on your shout-out bulleting board.

9. Take a Nature Walk

Next time you walk in the park, feel the warmth of the sun on your skin, or admire the sunset, take a moment to think about how amazing our planet is and how grateful we should be for it.