As a mom of a deeply feeling child, I know firsthand how challenging new experiences can be for them. One time in particular that stands out in my mind is when my daughter was starting school.
She had always been a shy child but was excited to start school and make new friends. However, on her first day, she was utterly overwhelmed. The classroom was too loud, the other kids were too pushy, and she just felt like a tiny fish in a big pond.
She started to cry and refused to leave my side. I tried to comfort her and reassure her that everything would be okay, but she was inconsolable. Finally, the teacher suggested that I take her to the library so that she could have some quiet time.
We sat in the library for over an hour, just reading books and talking. By the time we went back to the classroom, my daughter was feeling much calmer. She was still a little nervous, but she was willing to give it another try.
Over the next few weeks, my daughter slowly started to adjust. She made a few friends and started to enjoy going to school.
I know that my daughter will always be a highly sensitive child. But, I am also confident that she will learn to manage her emotions and thrive in new situations with the right tools and support.
If you are a parent of a deeply feeling child, please know you are not alone. There are many tools to help you and your child.
Here are 11 strategies & activities we can use to help children develop self-confidence and a can-do attitude.
Before we continue, we thought you might like to download our “I Did It” free printable. With this worksheet, you can remind your cautious, sensitively wired child that they are capable of handling challenges. You can print it as a poster and find a special place to display it, such as your child’s bedroom, calm space, or homeschool room. The “I Did It” worksheet also comes with a set of instructions for parents and teachers. Click here to download it now! It’s never too early or too late to boost your child’s self-confidence.
Why new experiences can be challenging for a deeply feeling child
New experiences can be challenging for deeply feeling children for a number of reasons. First, they are more aware of their surroundings and more sensitive to stimuli. That means they are more likely to be overwhelmed by new sights, sounds, smells, and textures. For example, a sensitively wired child may feel anxious about visiting a new place with many people and loud noises.
Second, sensitive children are more attuned to their emotions. That means that they are more likely to experience big emotions, both positive and negative. For example, a deeply feeling child may feel excited about starting a new school year but also anxious about making new friends.
Finally, highly sensitive kiddos are more likely to be perfectionistic and have high expectations for themselves. This can make it difficult for them to try new things because they are afraid of failing. For example, your child may hesitate to try out for a new sport because they are worried about not being good enough.
Here are some specific examples of how deeply feeling children may experience new experiences differently than other children:
- They may be overwhelmed by the crowds and noise at a birthday party.
- A deeply feeling child may have difficulty adjusting to a new classroom or daycare setting.
- A deeply feeling child may be anxious about trying new foods or activities.
- They may be sensitive to criticism and may have difficulty coping with failure.
11 Strategies and Activities for making new experiences easier for a deeply feeling child
1. Prepare your deeply feeling child in advance
One of the best ways to help deeply feeling kids cope with new experiences is to prepare them in advance. This means talking to them about what to expect and helping them develop a coping plan.
Here are some tips for preparing cautious children for new experiences:
- Talk to your child about what to expect. Explain to your child what the new place or activity will be like and what they can expect to see, hear, or even smell. Be honest and upfront, but also emphasize the positive aspects and that you’ll be there to help.
- Give tiny reminders. Remind them that all their skills were new at some point, but they practiced and persisted, and that’s how they learned them. For example, you can ask, “Can you tell me about something that you used to find difficult but can now do easily?” or “I understand that you’re feeling scared, but I want you to know that you’re brave. You’ve done many brave things in the past, and I know you can do this too.”
- Give your highly sensitive child a sense of control. Allow your child to make choices about the new experience whenever possible. For example, if you are going to a new restaurant, let your child choose what they want to eat.
- Create a coping plan. What will your child need when they feel overwhelmed? Deep breathing, fidget toys, a hug? Try to talk about it in advance. You can learn more calming techniques here (EFT Tapping), here (somatization), and here (vestibular input).
Here are some specific examples of how to prepare a sensitively wired child for new experiences:
- Starting a new school year: take them to visit the school before the first day. Show them their classroom and introduce them to their teacher.
- Birthday party: explain how many of their friends will be there and what activities they might do.
- Doctor’s appointment: explain to them what will happen. Tell them the doctor will listen to their heart and lungs and ask them questions.
- Trying a new restaurant: let them choose what they want to eat. Explain to them that the food may be different from what they are used to but that they can always ask for something else if they don’t like it.
2. Incorporate brain breaks
Brain breaks are short physical activities that improve focus and memory. They are also helpful for reducing stress and anxiety.
Brain breaks can be especially useful for children who are scared of new experiences. When a child feels worried or anxious, their body produces stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline. These hormones can make it difficult for the child to focus and learn. Brain breaks can help reduce stress hormones and improve the child’s concentration.
Brain breaks can also help sensitive children to cope with new experiences. By taking a break, the child can process their emotions and recharge. This can make it easier for them to join the others and feel more confident.
Here are some examples of brain breaks that can be helpful for highly sensitive children:
- Movement breaks involve moving the body in different ways. Some examples of movement breaks include jumping jacks, arm circles, and marching in place.
- Mindfulness breaks involve focusing on the present moment and paying attention to the breath. Some examples of mindfulness breaks include deep breathing exercises and body scan meditations.
- Sensory breaks provide sensory stimulation to help the child calm down and focus. Some examples of sensory breaks include squeezing a stress ball, listening to calming music, and playing with fidget toys.
3. Create An “I am, I can” box
An “I am, I can” box, jar or can is a simple but effective tool to help highly sensitive children build their confidence and overcome their fears. It is a way for them to remind themselves that they are capable and can do anything they set their mind to.
An “I am, I can” box is a box or container filled with positive affirmations and statements. It is a helpful tool for children of all ages, but it can be especially helpful for deeply feeling children with low self-confidence.
When children feel worried or unsure of themselves, they can reach into the “I am, I can” box and read a positive affirmation. This can help them to boost their confidence and remind themselves of their strengths.
Here are some examples of positive affirmations and statements that you can put in an “I am, I can” box:
- I am brave.
- I am strong.
- I am smart.
- I am loved.
- I am strong, and I stand up for myself.
- I am confident in my ability to make good choices.
- I try my best.
- I can do hard things.
- I can do anything I set my mind to.
- I am not alone.
- I can be afraid and brave at the same time.
- I can breathe through my fear.
- I am safe.
You can also put specific affirmations in the “I am, I can” box about the child’s fears and challenges. For example, if the child is scared of going to school, you could put in affirmations like “I can go to school and have a good day” or ” “Every day at school is a chance to make new friends.”
Here are some tips for using an “I am, I can” box:
- Let them choose the container and help them to decorate it. For instance, you can buy a wooden box and have the child paint it, like in the pictures below. This will make them feel more ownership of the box and more likely to use it.
- Encourage the child to add new affirmations to the can as needed. This will help the box to stay relevant to the child’s current needs and challenges.
- Have them take out an affirmation statement from the box before a challenging situation, for instance before going to school, or whenever they feel worried or sad.
4. Create a safe space
Another way to make new experiences easier for deeply feeling children is to provide them with a safe space.
A safe space is a place where your child can go to relax and de-stress. It can be a physical space, such as a quiet corner of the room, or an emotional space, such as a trusted adult your child can talk to.
Here are some tips for creating a safe space for a deeply feeling, sensitive child:
- Create a physical safe space. Find a quiet place in your home where your child can relax and de-stress. This could be a corner of their bedroom, a closet, or even a tent. Ensure the space is comfortable and inviting, and your child has everything they need to relax, such as pillows, blankets, and books.
- Create an emotionally safe space. Be a trusted adult who your child can talk to about their feelings. Let them know you are always there for them and will listen to them without judgment.
- Teach your child self-soothing skills. Try to help your child learn how to calm themselves down when they are feeling overwhelmed. This could involve teaching them deep breathing exercises or identifying and managing their triggers.
If you and your child are not at home and they are struggling with trying something new, you may need to find a quiet spot for them to calm down. Here are some examples of safe spaces you might use:
- A quiet corner of the library
- A beanbag chair in the corner of a bookstore
- A private room at a coffee shop
- A car parked in a quiet spot
- A bench in a park
- A trusted adult’s office or classroom
- A counselor’s office.
5. Keep an “I Did It” Diary
An “I Did It” diary is a great way to help kids grow self-confidence. It can also be a fun and rewarding way for them to bond with you.
Your child can write about new experiences and challenges, both big and small, in their diary. It can be a way for them to process their emotions, reflect on what they learned, and keep track of progress.
An “I Did It” diary can be especially helpful for kids who are scared to try new things. By writing about their experiences, they can start to see that new things can be fun and rewarding. They can also learn how to cope with their worries.
Here are some tips for creating an “I Did It” Diary for kids scared to try new things:
- Choose a fun and inviting notebook. Let your child choose a notebook that they love so they will be more likely to use it.
- Encourage your child to write about everything. New experiences don’t have to be big or exciting. Even small things like trying a new food or going to a new place can be considered adventures.
- Help your child reflect on their experiences. Ask your child about their experiences, such as “What was the best part?” “What was the hardest part?” and “What did you learn?”
- Celebrate progress. When your child tries something new, be sure to celebrate their progress, even the small steps. This will help them to feel good about themselves and build confidence.
Here are some examples of things your child could write about in their diary:
- Making a new friend
- Going to a birthday party
- Starting school
- Trying a new food
- Trying a new activity
- Learning a new skill
- Going on a road trip.
6. Create a “New Things” Poster
A “New Things” poster is a poster on which children add something, like a picture or a message, each time they do something new. It is a simple but effective way to help children who are scared of trying new things.
The poster can be as simple or as elaborate as you want it to be. You can use a poster board, a piece of paper, or even a digital poster. Just make sure that the poster is big enough for the child to add all of their new experiences.
To get started, help the child to decorate the poster with their favorite colors and designs. Then, encourage them to add something to the poster each time they do something new, no matter how small it may seem. For example, the child could add a picture of themselves trying a new food, learning a new word, or playing a new game. They could also write down their thoughts and feelings about their new experiences.
The “New Things” poster can be a great way to help children feel more confident and motivated to try new things. It can also help them to reflect on their new experiences and what they learned.
Here are some tips for using a “New Things” poster with children:
- Make sure that the poster is in a place where the child will see it often.
- Encourage the child to add something to the poster each time they do something new, no matter how small it may seem.
- Help the child to reflect on their new experiences and what they learned.
- Celebrate the child’s successes and accomplishments.
- Share the poster with other children and family members and encourage them to add their own new things.
7. Make a Courage Ladder
A Courage ladder can help your child visualize their goals, develop a plan for achieving them, and track their progress. With your support, your child can climb the courage ladder and achieve their goals.
You will need a piece of paper and a pen or pencil to make a Courage ladder. First, write down the child’s goal at the top of the paper. Then, list the steps the child needs to take to achieve their goal, starting with the easiest step at the bottom of the ladder and the most challenging step at the top.
Here is an example of a courage ladder for a child who is afraid of public speaking:
- Talk to a trusted adult about my fear.
- Practice speaking in front of a mirror.
- Practice speaking in front of a small group of friends or family members.
- Give a presentation in class.
Once you have created the ladder, review it with the child and help them develop a plan for climbing it. Here’s an example of a courage ladder:
8. Celebrate progress, however small
Cheer for your child whenever they try something new, no matter how small it may seem. As adults, we forget how scary it can be to step outside our comfort zone, even for something as simple as trying a new food. Everything is new and exciting for a child, and they deserve our praise for their bravery.
It’s easy to get caught up in the daily grind of parenting, but it’s essential to make an effort to notice the small accomplishments that our children make. Take a moment to celebrate their progress and let them know how proud you are of them.
9. Don’t fear your highly sensitive child’s big feelings
Be honest with yourself: do you sometimes let things slide for the sake of an easier ride? Most parents do this from time to time. It’s tempting to do anything to avoid your child’s big feelings, right? But be careful not to let this become a habit.
Deeply sensitive children are more prone to worry. Unfortunately, the more they avoid a stressful or new situation, the more anxiety builds up, and their self-confidence drops. That’s why knowing the fine line between when to quit and when to keep going is vital. You will need to use your judgment because you know your child best.
But it’s important to teach them that stress is unavoidable, and we must learn how to manage it. Help them understand that life doesn’t always go their way. Teach them that it’s okay to make mistakes, and that’s how we learn (“It’s okay to make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes when they’re learning something new. The important thing is to learn from your mistakes and keep trying.”)
10. Be brave yourself
As a parent, you know that tackling our fears and insecurities is part of the parenting journey. But there are things we remain unwilling to do. For example, imagine a parent who’s afraid of heights. They may be hesitant to take their child to the amusement park or to let them play on the playground equipment. This can send the message to the child that new experiences are dangerous and should be avoided.
As a result, the child may become more fearful of trying new things. They may also develop anxiety about being in situations where they might feel exposed or vulnerable, such as in a crowd or a new place.
If you find this relatable, here’s a quick tip: start small. For example, if you’re afraid of heights, you could start by taking your child to a playground with a low slide. Remember, you are your child’s most important role model. By facing your fears and trying new things, you are teaching your child that it is possible to overcome their fears, too.
11. Give more autonomy to your deeply feeling child
As you’re your child grows older, give them more autonomy. It can be challenging, especially if you’re a highly sensitive parent. Many parents find it difficult to let go at all, particularly if they have a sensitively wired child struggling with big emotions and sensory differences.
But even small things, like allowing them to help in the kitchen, even if they make a mess, or trusting them with a brand-new smartwatch, can help them become more independent. And if they know you have faith in them, they’ll be more comfortable taking risks.
A Take-Home Message
Some children will feel excited by new experiences, while others – those with a more sensitive nervous system – will approach them cautiously. This article illustrates eleven strategies and activities for making new experiences easier for your cautious, deeply feeling, sensitively wired child (whatever language you choose).
Every child is different, and some strategies may not resonate with you. But it’s essential to try various tools and make a list of what works for your child when they feel overwhelmed because new experiences are unavoidable, and they help us grow and learn.
