Why do children go into meltdown when it’s time to turn off the screens? Do we need strict screen time boundaries? Do screens change our brains forever?
These are valid questions that parents ask themselves when kids go into a full-blown outburst. You see…
Setting screen time boundaries and the after-screen meltdowns are major source of frustration and guilt for parents. Think about it…
It’s tempting to say yes to “one more level” or another TV show when the alternative is a meltdown. Especially as that means you can do some house chores or just enjoy a well-deserved self-care break…on Instagram or Netflix, obviously. But what does excessive screen time do to your child’s brain?
Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our Highly Sensitive Child checklist for FREE. This checklist can help you find out whether your child is highly sensitive, identify their triggers, and find out their strengths.
In this article, we’re going to explore how screens affect kids’ brains and we’re going to talk about how to set screen boundaries without yelling, lecturing, or using threats.
The negative effects of excessive screen time on kids
1. Too much screen time leads to trouble focusing
The fast-paced content on screens can shorten attention spans. It can also make it difficult to focus on complex tasks. That can lead to difficulty in school and low frustration tolerance.
A study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association Pediatrics suggests a link between excessive screen time in babies and delays in their development by age 4. Researchers tracked nearly 8,000 children, asking parents about screen time at 1 year old and then assessing developmental skills at ages 2 and 4. Babies who spent more than 4 hours a day on screens showed delays in communication, problem-solving, fine motor skills, and social skills.
Another study by the National Institutes of Health revealed that kids glued to screens for over 2 hours a day scored lower on thinking and language tests. And it gets worse. Excessive screen time (we’re talking 7+ hours daily) has been linked to a physical shrinking of the brain’s cortex, the part responsible for critical thinking.
2. High screen time may lead to atypical sensory processing
According to a study by Drexel University, babies and toddlers (50% male) exposed to too much screen time are more likely to have sensory seeking or sensory avoiding behaviors. For example, they may get bored quickly and seek more intense stimulation, or they may be overwhelmed by bright lights and loud sounds.
3. The blue light from screens can lead to sleep struggles
Blue light from screens can disrupt sleep patterns impacting overall physical health. Not getting enough sleep can lead to trouble focusing in class, to outbursts and irritability.
4. Excessive screen time contributes to anxiety and depression
Constant exposure to fast-paced content and unrealistic portrayals on screens, online bullying, and violent content can contribute to anxiety, depression, and feelings of inadequacy. This is especially true for highly sensitive kids, due to their heightened sensory processing and emotional intensity.
5. Excessive screen time limits face-to-face interaction
Face-to-face social interaction is crucial for developing social skills and empathy. Excessive screen time can limit these opportunities and lead to feelings of isolation. Unfortunately, kids may feel safer and more at ease in the virtual world than in real life.
What are the signs that my child is overly exposed to screens?
Here are some signs that your child might be overly exposed to screens:
- Irritability and tantrums: When screen time is abruptly stopped, children who are overly exposed might experience withdrawal symptoms like irritability, frustration, or even tantrums.
- Difficulty managing emotions: Children who rely heavily on screens for entertainment might struggle with emotional regulation and coping mechanisms for dealing with boredom, frustration, or disappointment.
- Difficulty focusing and short attention span: Excessive screen time can be linked to decreased attention spans, making it hard for children to focus on tasks that require sustained concentration.
- Social isolation: Children who spend a lot of time on screens might become less interested in face-to-face interactions and social activities, preferring to be alone with their devices.
- Increased screen time preoccupation: If your child constantly talks about screens, begs for screen time, or hides their screen use, it could be a sign of unhealthy dependence.
- Anxiety and depression: Exposure to violent content, online bullying, or unrealistic portrayals on social media can contribute to feelings of anxiety, depression, or dissatisfaction.
- Low self-esteem: Constantly comparing themselves to unrealistic online portrayals can negatively impact a child’s self-esteem and body image.
How to set screen time boundaries that you actually follow through
1. Set screen time boundaries together
Create a plan with screen time rules. Consistency is key so make sure you set realistic boundaries. Don’t just enforce rules without explanation, especially if your children are older. Talk to them about the benefits of limiting screen time and how it helps everyone in the family be more present and connected. Write your plan down and post it somewhere where everyone can see it.
Here’s a script you can utilize for this: “What are some ways you think we can manage screen time better? Maybe we can come up with a screen time plan. I’m thinking of including some screen-free zones in the house or setting time limits together. What do you think?”
2. Offer emotional validation when you impose screen time boundaries
Sometimes children zone out when watching a TV show or playing on their IPad. No matter how many reminders you give them (“10 more minutes, honey, and then screens off!”, “5 more minutes!…), they still have an after-screen meltdown with screaming and kicking. That leaves parents feeling frustrated and overwhelmed.
Though it’s hard, one thing that helps in the heat of the moment, is to remind yourself that your job as a parent is not to keep your child happy and entertained 100% of the time. Instead, Instead, your role is to make the best decisions for their wellbeing. When we understand that, we’re better able to remain calm when our kids struggle with screen time boundaries. So, think of their outbursts as an opportunity for them to learn how to manage their frustration. All you have to do is to remain emotionally present without giving in. Here’s how emotional validation might sound like,
“I hear you. It’s hard giving up your phone when you don’t want to”, or “Honey, it’s time to put down the device like we talked about. I know it’s hard. It’s hard for me, too.”
Remember also to give grace for example when the time is up and they are finishing a video game. Just like you’d like to receive grace when you’re finishing a text message.
Side note: If you’re tired of your child’s after-screen meltdowns, try our FREE Feelings Check-In. It will help your child identify their emotions better which can help prevent an outburst. The freebies has a set of calming tools for kids (and adults, too) to try when they are on the verge of exploding.
As a reminder, it’s best to discuss about emotions and coping tools when everyone’s calm. That’s because when your child is in fight or flight mode, they won’t be able to listen to you lecturing them about appropriate behavior.
3. Give choices when enforcing screen time boundaries
Choices make kids feel empowered and they are particularly important for sensitive and spirited children, “Legos or screen time? What would you prefer to do after lunch today? We can always set a timer for screen time later if you’d like.”
4. Keep tablets, computers and TVs in open areas of your home
Keeping screens in the shared space of your home allows you to naturally monitor the shows your kids watch, the games they play, and the websites they visit while they enjoy screen time.
5. Have screen-free zones in your home
Designate certain areas of the house, like bedrooms or the dinner table, as “screen-free zones” to encourage other forms of interaction.
6. Create a screen schedule
Work with your child to create a daily or weekly schedule that allocates specific times for screen time and other activities, like at meals or before bed.
At the same time, it’s also important to make life full of opportunities where screen time is less desired or needed: encourage outdoor play, and sports, and plan activities together as a family.
7. Create tech-free time
Kids of all ages should learn that there are specific times of the day when no one in the family uses screens, like at meals or before bed. Even better, you can have a day every week when you do something fun as a family, no screens allowed.
8. Help your kids discover other ways to have fun
Kids who spend too much time glued to the screens often complain that they have nothing else better to do. (Side note: Want to teach your child how to entertain themselves? Read this article)
That’s why it helps to keep other options around and ready – art supplies, books, legos, and bikes. Anything to stimulate their imagination.
Another idea is to schedule time together and with friends: playdates, family game nights, or other groups that encourage face-to-face interactions.
9. Explain why screen time boundaries are necessary
Talk to your child about the benefits of limiting screen time. Explain how it can improve their sleep, focus, and overall well-being. Discuss the effects of screens on the brain, particularly how some games are designed to be addictive. These games can leave you feeling unsatisfied, wanting to play more and more.
Compare this feeling to the joy of watching a movie together as a family. Sharing experiences and laughter creates a different connection than passively watching endless episodes, regardless of the show’s quality. While both screens and activities can be fun, they have different impacts on our brains and ultimately our behavior.
10. Be prepared to explain why other families have different screen time boundaries
After spending hours glued to the TV at a friend’s house, your kids might question why the rules are different at home. Use these moments as opportunities to discuss your family’s values around screen time.
11. Lead by example: reduce your screen time
Instead of reaching for your phone when bored or waiting, model alternative activities. Read a book, listen to music, do some chores, or simply observe your surroundings.
Also, when interacting with your kid, actively listen and engage. Avoid checking your phone constantly or using it as a distraction during conversations or playtime.
Another way to help kids learn how to use their designated screen time is to help them choose educational apps, games that promote learning (Minecraft), or apps that encourage creativity.
It’s also best to discuss responsible online behavior if your child is older: talk openly about responsible online behavior, like cyberbullying awareness and online privacy.
12. Use parental controls
Most devices offer parental control features that allow you to set time limits, block certain websites or apps, and restrict access during specific times.
Also, consider using content filtering software or apps to ensure your child is only accessing age-appropriate content online.
Take-Home Message
If you’re like most parents, screen time causes daily battles in your home.
But, unlike what most of us believe, the secret to creating a calm household is not to limit screens as much as possible. That’s not practical in today’s world. Instead, the secret is to help children develop a healthy and balanced relationship with technology.
