Deeply feeling children have a sensitive nervous system. They process information deeply, so they need different things in life to thrive.
Growing up, I was a deep feeling kid. I remember one time at the park, everyone was having fun on the swings and slides. I really wanted to join them, but it felt too loud. The squeaking of the swings and the shouts of other kids made my ears feel funny. I just stood there, wanting to play but feeling scared of all the noise. My mom saw me and gave me a big hug. She told me it was okay to feel this way, and we sat down on a bench to watch the birds sing instead. Even though I wanted to be part of the fun, it felt better to be quiet with my mom for a little while.
It wasn’t until much later in my life that I learned I’m a highly sensitive person (HSP). Discovering I’m HSP was a turning point. It made my experiences feel validated and helped everything click into place.
Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our Highly Sensitive Child checklist for FREE. This checklist can help you find out whether your child is highly sensitive, identify their triggers, and find out their strengths.
Deeply feeling children process information deeply, and as a result, they experience the world a little differently than peers. Friendship problems that seem minor to us, sleeping in their own bed, or wearing certain textures, can upset sensitive children, or make them anxious.
Because their brain is differently wired, deeply feeling children need somewhat different things in life to grow up confident and resilient. Here are fourteen of those things:
What Deeply Feeling Children Need to Be Happy
1. Deeply feeling children need a slower lifestyle
Because they process information deeply, a child with a sensitive nervous system may move a little slower than their peers. They may need more time to do certain tasks, like getting ready for school in the morning. They may take a little longer to make decisions, such as what to wear for school because they are taking in not just the mountain of choices, but also how the clothing texture feels on their skin and whether the clothes’ color is “sad” or “happy” (these are my HSC’s words). All of this takes time.
2. Sensitive children need time to decompress after school or after a busy weekend
Just like introverts, deeply feeling kids aren’t built for constant “go-go-go.” Their sensitive nervous systems soak up information like sponges and process it deeply. This, combined with the fact that even for less sensitive children, large schools (in the US, at least) can be overwhelming, can leave a deeply feeling child feeling exhausted after a busy day. Taking some time in the afternoon to decompress helps lower their stimulation levels and recharge their batteries.
3. Deeply feeling children need a calming or sensory corner
Pair #2 “ Time To Decompress “with #3 “Calming Or Sensory Corner”. This space, ideally, would have little noise, relaxing music, books and comfy pillows. You can also put there a box of sensory toys, hang emotional self-regulation posters on the wall, add a basket with a photo album, a lavender roll-on, a journal to fill, and feelings check-in cards.
4. Deeply feeling children need to release big emotions and not be judged for it
Sensitive kids aren’t just extra sensitive to sights, sounds, smells, and crowds; they’re also sensitive emotionally. They might cry more easily than their peers and have meltdowns after a long school day. It’s important to remember that they experience both highs and lows intensely, and allowing them to express those big emotions is key.
However, helping them develop coping skills is just as important. Learning how to handle stress helps them set boundaries with others, be more assertive, and avoid feeling overwhelmed in crowded environments.
Our FREE “Patch It Up” poster provides easy-to-use coping tools to help your child navigate peer conflicts. Check it out:
5. Highly sensitive children need time to adjust to change
Big and everyday transitions can be tough for anybody, but for a deeply feeling child, they can quickly snowball into sadness or outbursts – depending on whether your child is more prone to emotional shut downs or to explosive behavior.
Even positive changes, like the start of summer holiday, can make a sensitive kiddo feel a little anxious, especially if they are prone to anxiety and negative thinking. For example, they may say, “I’m not going to see my best friends every day. It’s going to be so boring!” This dramatic statement might actually mean “I’ll miss our normal routine” or “I feel better when I know what’s going to happen next.”
6. Deeply feeling children need a close connection to family and a small circle of friends
Sensitive kids thrive on deep connections with others. They might even get anxious when they don’t feel like they’re getting enough one-on-one time with their parents or their teacher in the classroom doesn’t seem to appreciate their thoughts and ideas. When they feel disconnected, they might try their best to get your attention, which can sometimes lead to behaviors you might not like.
Because creating meaningful relationships is so important to them, sensitive kids can be picky about their friends. They might have just one or two close friends, which is great on one hand, but on the other hand, they might also ask a lot of those friends and get their feelings hurt easily, especially if they tend to misread social cues.
7. Deeply feeling children need a gentle way of managing conflict
When conflicts pop up with friends, deeply feeling kids can get extra anxious. Some might choose to keep the peace and bottle up their needs instead of addressing disagreements in a healthy way. This can show up as sadness, shutting down, or saying things like “I don’t care.” While they might have strong emotions about the situation, they keep them hidden to avoid the other person getting mad.
Others might react differently, going straight into “fight mode” and having outbursts. Punishing or shaming these outbursts usually backfires because their behavior isn’t intentional; it’s their anxiety taking the wheel. So, the key is to help them manage their anxiety and reassure them that a fight with a friend doesn’t mean the end of the world. In some cases, even if the friendship ends, it might be the best outcome for everyone involved.
8. Responsive parenting helps deeply feeling children feel heard
Think of an iceberg. The tantrums, hitting, or ignoring you – that’s just the tip sticking out of the water. Underneath, there’s a whole lot more going on. It could be feeling unsafe or disconnected from you, needing new skills, or simply being hungry, tired, or overwhelmed.
Responsive parenting means looking beyond the behavior and addressing the hidden needs. Remember, kids want to do well! Setting firm but compassionate limits strengthens your connection while helping them learn and grow.
This approach works especially well with sensitive children who might not respond well to traditional rewards and punishments. It’s not about them being bad or trying to be difficult – some kids are simply wired differently, like those with autism or ADHD. They process information differently and feel things deeply, so traditional methods might not be effective.
9. A good night’s sleep can help deeply feeling children reset after a busy day
Getting enough sleep helps soothe a deeply feeling child’s nervous system and allows them to process their emotions. Unfortunately, sensitively wired kids often have trouble with either falling asleep, staying asleep, or sleeping in their own bed.
Sleep can be challenging if they can’t shut down their thoughts because they need more time to process what happened during the day. Some sensitive kiddos are prone to anxiety and negative thinking patterns, which can interfere with sleep.
Fortunately, there are some ways you can help: a low-demand afterschool schedule, eating healthy meals, or starting bedtime earlier in order to help them process their feelings. Here’s a tip for you: each evening, before bed or at dinner, ask them three things that they liked about their day and three things that they didn’t.
Another way to help them relax is to repeat a positive mantra, like “Learning new things takes time but I can do anything I set my mind to.”
10. Deeply feeling children need healthy and regular meals
Is your child hangry after school? Do they need a snack to feel better? There is a scientific explanation for the connection between mood and food.
Ever notice your child acting cranky after school? Like they need a snack to feel better? Turns out, there’s actually a scientific reason for the connection between mood and food.
Recent research has revealed a fascinating link between what we eat and how we feel. This connection, often called the “gut-brain axis,” is key to understanding our emotional well-being. It’s like a direct line between our stomachs and brains!
For parents of highly sensitive children, understanding this connection can be especially helpful. A study on 863 people in Japan showed highly sensitive people are more likely to experience digestive issues like acid reflux, stomach pain, and constipation. So, being highly sensitive might not just affect how they perceive emotions, but also their physical health.
If you’re struggling with challenging behaviors and can’t figure out the trigger, consider this: making sure your child eats healthy, regular meals and limiting processed foods with dyes might be a game-changer.
11. Having an outlet for their creative side helps deeply feeling children express strong emotions
For deeply feeling children, who often experience emotions intensely, a creative outlet offers a safe way to channel their feelings into something tangible. This can be especially helpful when they struggle to express themselves verbally.
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to fostering creativity. Experiment with different activities like drawing, playing music, storytelling, or even building things with blocks. Observe your child’s interests and find the creative outlet that resonates most with them.
12. Sensitive children also have a strong sense of purpose
Some kids just seem to go with the flow. But for highly sensitive children (HSCs), that’s not always the case. They might ask questions that seem surprisingly deep for their age and come across as strong-willed because they’re not quick to follow rules blindly. Whether it’s learning a new poem in school, writing letters in a specific way, or dressing up for the Christmas play, they might resist demands because they need to understand the reason behind them.
Instead of labeling them “defiant” or “inflexible,” it’s important to understand that these behaviors stem from the desire of deeply feeling children to stay true to their own needs and preferences.
13. They need caregivers and teachers who understand their temperament
Since most people aren’t highly sensitive, they might not understand why something like a scary movie scene or a classmate saying mean things would upset a sensitive child so much. That’s okay, not everyone will get it.
But what a deep-feeling kid really needs is at least a few people, ideally family, who understand their unique way of experiencing the world. As parents, we should not only “get it,” but also have their back. That may sound like, “Of course you need some quiet time after school,” or “Sure, we can leave the party early if you’re feeling overwhelmed.”
14. Spending time in nature helps sensitive children soothe their nervous systems
Highly sensitive or not, kids act differently outdoors. Nature soothes our nervous systems. The open space, fresh air, birdsong, and freedom to move seem to have a magical calming effect.
For deeply feeling people, who are often more sensitive to environmental stimuli, this effect is even pronounced, according to research.
