Teachers might have mentioned some quirks in your child’s behavior that they can’t quite explain. Or maybe they’ve suggested getting your child checked for autism, ADHD, or SPD, but it doesn’t quite sit right with you. There’s a chance that your child is highly sensitive.
Here’s how to tell.
The Highly Sensitive Child Checklist
Print this article, and sit down with a paper and pen to review the following statements.
This checklist is meant for parents.
Before you continue, we thought you might like to save the Highly Sensitive Child checklist as a PDF file. This way, you can review it at your own pace and revisit it as needed. It’s also helpful to review the checklist every six months to track any changes in your child’s behavior.
Here is the checklist of the most common traits of highly sensitive children:
- My child feels emotions really strongly, and sometimes it can be overwhelming. They might express their feelings openly, especially in public places, or they might bottle them up until they get home
- My child gets easily upset when things don’t go the way they expected.
- My child gets easily stressed out by changes and transitions, like the shift of seasons, the start and end of the school year, or starting a new activity after school.
- My child seems to read my mind and absorb my emotions.
- It feels like my child has way more meltdowns than their peers.
- My child shows signs of perfectionism.
- People often say my child is wise beyond their years. They have a knack for making insightful observations and asking thought-provoking questions.
- Bedtime can be tough for my child. It’s often a time when they start to unwind and process all the emotions from the day, or they might try to avoid bedtime by finding ways to distract themselves.
- My child prefers to be in charge, and they can get really stressed out when they feel like they don’t have control or when things change a lot.
- My child seems to be more sensitive to pain than other kids their age.
- My child can sometimes get overwhelmed in crowded spaces or social gatherings, even if it’s something they enjoy and are looking forward to.
- My child’s emotions can go from one extreme to the other very quickly. Sometimes it feels like they’re having the best day of their life, and then the next minute, they’re having the worst! This can happen multiple times in a single day.
- My child gets really protective of their things, especially around siblings, and they seem to have a strong sense of ownership and control over their belongings and personal space.
- My child is a bright kid who uses advanced vocabulary for their age and has a witty sense of humor. They often ask insightful questions.
- My child seems to be very observant and notices a lot of things around them.
- My child can get easily startled by unexpected sounds, touches, or even small changes in their surroundings. This can sometimes lead to meltdowns or tantrums.
- My child gets really upset by harsh discipline or scolding, and they sometimes don’t respond well to redirection, even when it’s done in a kind and understanding way.
- My child is very sensitive to clothing textures and often gets bothered by scratchy fabrics or clothing tags. They may ask to remove the tags or change clothes if they find the tags uncomfortable.
- My child needs plenty of time to relax and recharge (and I make sure they have regular one-on-one time with me).
The sensitive child checklist says I have a highly sensitive child. Now what?
Congratulations, your child is in good company! Many of history’s greatest change-makers have been highly sensitive — without sensitive people, we would not have had people like:
- Artists: Vincent van Gogh, Pablo Picasso, Virginia Woolf
- Writers: Maya Angelou, Sylvia Plath, Emily Dickinson
- Musicians: Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Frédéric Chopin, Björk
- Scientists: Albert Einstein, Marie Curie, Carl Sagan
- Activists: Eleanor Roosevelt, Martin Luther King Jr., Malala Yousafzai
Around a third of people are naturally more sensitive than most, both physically and emotionally. About half of people fall somewhere in the middle, while the remaining 20% are less sensitive. This trait is called environmental sensitivity, and all the three levels are considered to be perfectly normal.
How Is A Highly Sensitive Child Different From Other Kids?
Due to their unique genetic makeup, these children navigate their world differently than their peers. They’re also skilled at masking their true selves in public settings. Many of these kids go to great lengths to appear “normal” at school and in social settings. This means they may bottle up their emotions until they’re home, where they can finally let loose and express themselves in ways that might seem overly sensitive.
Here are some common patterns that highly sensitive kids might show that set them apart from their peers. Remember that your child might exhibit some or none of these traits and still be considered highly sensitive.
1. A highly sensitive child is very compassionate
Highly sensitive people have more active mirror neurons than a neurotypical person, meaning that their brain is wired to show empathy. Thus, a sensitive child is one who knows how to make others feel comfortable. However, when sensitive kids are in fight-or-flight mode, they are nothing but compassionate.
2. A highly sensitive child is easily overwhelmed by daily stress
Highly sensitive kids are like sponges, soaking up every little thing around them, as a result of their very active mirror neurons. This heightened awareness can sometimes lead to feeling overwhelmed as their brains are processing lots of information. Meltdowns are a way to express their bottled-up emotions and frustration. That’s why helping them co-regulate or giving them space to manage their emotional and sensory overload is essential.
3. A sensitive child is intuitive and perceptive
Sensitive kids have a way of noticing things that other people might miss. This helps them appreciate life’, like art, music, and nature. They’re also good at reading people’s emotions, making them easy to connect with. But sometimes, because they pay so much attention to everything, they can overthink things and worry about potential risks. This can make them hesitant to try new things (and learn new skills).
4. A sensitive child is often very cautious and reflective
New situations and meeting new people can be overwhelming for many sensitive kids, who often need extra time to adjust before diving in. This cautious approach can sometimes make sensitive children seem shy or introverted, even if that’s not true.
5. A highly sensitive child may have a high need to be seen
Highly sensitive children tend to crave a lot of one-on-one attention. If they don’t get enough love and support, they may feel misunderstood, react badly to even minor criticism, and feel like no one really gets them. This can lead to a sense of isolation and make them feel like they’re not good enough.
6. Sensitively wired kids often have a constant need to feel in control
Sensitive kids often have fixed ideas for how things should go due to all their big feelings. When reality doesn’t match their expectations, they can become easily frustrated and lash out, or they can internalize disappointment and feel like they’ve failed or that their parents failed to help them.
Their need to be in control can also make them develop a push-and-pull attachment with their parents and siblings. Thus, they will sometimes set strong limits that feel offensive; other times, they may be very kind and compassionate.
This is a normal part of their temperament, but it requires extra patience and understanding from parents.
7. Sensitive children often struggle with transitions
Sensitive children are slow to warm up, and may have a more inflexible, black-and-white thinking, which makes transitions harder. The perceived lack of control can make them feel frustrated and uncooperative. Additionally, they dislike sudden changes as they like to think carefully before jumping in. Moreover, executive functioning problems can make matters worse. Executive function skills include problem-solving, switching focus, and time management skills (sensitive kids often feel overwhelmed and perform poorly under time pressure).
8. Highly sensitive children are often perfectionistic
When your child tries really hard to do everything perfectly, it’s great if they succeed. But if they keep thinking they need to be perfect all the time, it can be bad for them. They might have a hard time trying new things because they’re afraid of making mistakes. They might also get upset if they don’t do something right the first time.
9. They may dislike tags on clothes and certain fabrics
Children who are not highly sensitive don’t mind tags or seams. They can brush off these sensory discomforts. But those who are extra sensitive can’t ignore these things. They might refuse to wear undies with tags or avoid jeans because they are too itchy. Touch sensory issues can be tough for parents to handle, but remember, your child isn’t doing this on purpose. It’s how their brain works.
10. They are often annoyed by bright lights and noisy places
It is crucial to believe your child when they are saying that feel annoyed by certain stimuli, like bright lights and noisy places, instead of dismissing their experience. Oftentimes, simply validating can help them feel more at ease.
11. Sensitive children often have low pain tolerance
Some highly sensitive kids feel pain more intensely than others. This might be due to their pain receptors being extra sensitive, or because their brains are already receiving so much information, the pain feels even stronger.
If My Child Is Highly Sensitive, How Can I Learn More?
Check out these articles to understand your highly sensitive child better:
- 1. The Highly Sensitive Child Guide
- 2. 6 Small Things That Overwhelm a Deeply Feeling Child
- 3. How to Identify Highly Sensitive Child Traits
Check out these articles to help them build stress-coping skills:
