Do you think your toddler might be highly sensitive?
Is your little one hesitant to try new things or more cautious than others? Do they seem to get overwhelmed by loud noises or bright lights?
If so, you may have a highly sensitive toddler. I was one of those kids. I often felt misunderstood growing up because I needed more time to adjust to new situations, while other kids seemed to jump right in. I’ve had to work hard as an adult to reframe my childhood memories.
As a mom, I know I don’t want my child to feel like I did. That’s why I think it’s so important to understand the traits of highly sensitive children and help them manage their emotions.
Before we begin, we’d like to offer you our FREE Star Breathing Brain Break exercise. This fun and simple tracing exercise can help you and your child manage anger, frustration, and other big emotions. You can use it as part of your bedtime routine to help your child relax before bed, or hang it in a calming and sensory corner of your home for use whenever needed.
What Is A Highly Sensitive Child?
Being sensitive is nothing new. Over 100 years ago, a famous Swiss psychiatrist named C.G. Jung called it “innate sensitiveness.” But it’s gotten more attention in the past 20 years. In the 1990s, Dr. Elaine Aron gave us the terms “highly sensitive person” (HSP) and “highly sensitive child” (HSC).
According to her research, about 20% of the population is highly sensitive. Dr. Elaine Aron identifies four main traits:
- Depth of processing: Highly sensitive people are reflective, and these kids seem wise for their age. They also take a little more time before trying something new.
- Overwhelm: Highly sensitive people and children can’t handle as much as others. They get tired and overwhelmed more quickly because they have busy brains and sensory sensitivities. However, they can process their thoughts more effectively in a low-demand or familiar environment.
- Emotional responsiveness and empathy: Highly sensitive people can be easily overwhelmed by strong emotions, both positive and negative. They can react strongly to others’ emotions and sense your feelings even if you don’t say anything.
- Sensitive to subtleties: A highly sensitive person will notice small changes that go unnoticed, like subtle tastes, sounds, smells, and minor changes in room décor. They also know how to make others feel more comfortable.
Professor Michael Pluess found that people who are more stressed by negative experiences also feel joy more deeply and benefit more from supportive environments. He simplified sensitivity theories into “environmental sensitivity,” suggesting that some people are born with a more sensitive nervous system.
Why Is My Child Highly Sensitive?
Research has shown that highly sensitive children and adults have a more reactive brain than non-HSPs. They have a more active amygdala, the part of the brain that processes fear and emotions. This can explain why they pause and check in unfamiliar situations and get so easily frustrated or overwhelmed.
They also have a more active anterior cingulate cortex, the part of the brain that plays a role in attention allocation, anticipation of tasks, decision-making, ethics and morality, and emotional awareness. These differences may explain why HSPs are more compassionate and care so much about fairness.
HSP Versus Autism
Some people believe that being an HSP is not a real thing and that HSPs are, in fact, autistic. According to current research, an autistic brain is different from an HSP brain. However, the definition of autism is constantly evolving as scientists better understand the functioning of an autistic brain. And the same holds true for HSP.
For now, what’s clear is that HSPs, like autistic persons, view the world through a different lens. In addition, HSPs have more challenges than non-HSPs, and likewise, autistic persons have more challenges than neurotypical persons. The cause is the same: both HSPs and autistics rare in minority; the world was not built for them. But that doesn’t mean that they cannot thrive.
We are our children’s first teachers, and helping them build stress coping skills, whether they are neuro-divergent or not, is one of the most important things we can do for them. When we help them see their strengths and cope with their challenges, we’re setting them up for success in life.
How Do I Know If My Toddler Is Highly Sensitive?
Here are the common signs of a highly sensitive child:
Emotional Intensity:
- Strong reactions to emotions, both positive and negative
- Highly attuned to their primary caregiver
- Poor frustration tolerance
- Easily overwhelmed by excitement or sadness
- May have frequent tantrums or meltdowns.
Depth of Processing:
- Likes to think deeply about things
- May seem withdrawn
- Prone to worries
- Cautious
Need for Downtime:
- Needs quiet breaks
- Enjoys spending time alone and in nature
- May become irritable or withdrawn if they don’t get enough downtime.
Sensory Intelligence:
- Easily bothered by noise, crowds, bright lights, tags on clothes, sock seams, the change of seasons.
- May have difficulty sleeping due to sensory overload
- May be picky eaters or have strong preferences for certain textures or smells
- May be artistic
- Sensitive to art and beauty
Social Sensitivity:
- May be shy or reserved in new situations and around new people
- Prefers to play with one or two close friends or individually
- May be easily hurt by criticism or rejection
- May interact better with adults than children because adults’ behavior is more predictable
- Observes and absorbs others’ emotions
- Knows what do to to makes others feel comfortable.
5 Challenges and Strategies for a Highly Sensitive Toddler
1. Temper tantrums and emotional meltdowns
Toddlers who feel emotions deeply may have more emotional meltdowns than average. This is because they experience both positive and negative emotions very intensely. Sensory stimuli, like loud noises or bright lights, can also worsen outbursts.
It’s important to remember that tantrums and meltdowns are a normal part of development for all toddlers. However, these behaviors may be more frequent and intense for a highly sensitive child, including toddlers.
Here are a few tips to help you if your little one is struggling with too many outbursts:
Identify your highly sensitive toddler ‘s triggers:
Pay attention to your child’s behavior to determine what makes them have tantrums or meltdowns. You can keep a journal to track where, when, why, and with whom these happen most often. The triggers could be anything from loud noises to crowds to changes in routine. Once you know the triggers, you can try to avoid them or make a plan to deal with them.
Create a predictable routine:
A routine can help toddlers feel less stressed and anxious. Set regular meals, naps, and bedtime times, and don’t make sudden changes. If changes do happen, explain to your little one what’s happening. Even if you think your toddler is too young to understand, highly sensitive toddlers are usually wise for their age.
Validate and support your highly sensitive toddler:
When they feel upset, acknowledge their feelings and validate their experiences, even if you disagree. Don’t try to judge or dismiss their emotions. Instead, try to help them calm down and discuss better behavior choices.
Incorporate quiet breaks in your routine:
A highly sensitive toddler need plenty of downtime. Offer them a low-demand environment and a quiet, relaxing place, like a calming or a sensory corner.
Teach your child emotional self-regulation skills:
This could include deep breathing exercises, like the FREE Star Breathing Brain Break , or teaching your child to express their feelings using words.
2. Sleep difficulties
There are a few reasons why highly sensitive toddlers may have sleep problems:
- Sensory sensitivity: Highly sensitive toddlers are more aware of and sensitive to their surroundings. This can make it difficult for them to wind down and relax at bedtime, especially if their environment is noisy, bright, or otherwise stimulating.
- Rich inner world: Highly sensitive toddlers often have a rich inner world with vivid imaginations. This can make it difficult to fall asleep at night, as their minds may be racing with thoughts and feelings.
- Difficulty detaching from the day’s events: Highly sensitive toddlers may have difficulty detaching from the day’s events, especially if they had a tough day. This can make it difficult for them to fall asleep and stay asleep.
Here are a few strategies you can try to help your toddler get a more restful night:
- Nurture your relationship with your child before any change in the sleep routine: When our children struggle with sleep, it’s important to remember that the best way to help them is to nurture our relationship first. Our children thrive when they feel our closeness.
- Create a calm and relaxing bedtime routine: Establish a consistent bedtime routine that signals your child that it’s time to wind down and prepare for sleep. This could include a warm bath, rocking your baby to sleep, laying with them, reading a book, and singing a lullaby.
- Limit screen time one hour before bed: The blue light emitted from screens can interfere with sleep.
- Establish a quiet and dark sleep environment: Minimize noise and distractions in the bedroom, and ensure the room is dark enough for sleep. You can use blackout curtains if needed.
- Encourage daytime naps: Highly sensitive toddlers benefit from having a consistent nap schedule during the day. This can help them feel more rested at bedtime.
- Provide a comfortable sleep environment: Consider using a weighted blanket or white noise machine.
3. Separation anxiety and shyness
Deep-feeling toddlers often have trouble being apart from their caregivers and around new people. They may feel very close to their caregivers and get emotionally dysregulated when they are not around. In addition, a highly sensitive toddler may also be hesitant to play with many other energetic and unpredictable toddlers.
If your toddler is experiencing separation anxiety, here are a few things you can do to help:
- Prepare for transitions: When you need to leave your child with someone else, prepare them for the change. Explain who will be caring for them and what they will do together. (“Sweetie, I need to go for a little while, but you’re going to have so much fun with [caregiver’s name]! They’re going to play with you, read your favorite books, and have a snack together. I’ll be back after your snack, and we can do something special together when I return. Can you give [caregiver’s name] a big smile and wave goodbye for me?“)
- Provide reassurance: When you leave your child, reassure them that you will be back and love them. Try also to remain calm and confident. (“I’ll be back just before bedtime. I can’t wait to see you when I get back!” or “I’m going to work, but I’ll be back before dinner. I’ll be thinking of you while I’m gone.”)
- Help your child build social skills: Slowly introduce them to new people and places, even if that means taking them out of their comfort zone. Start with small things and build up to bigger things until your child feels safe. And remember to praise even small wins.
4. Sensory sensitivities
Highly sensitive toddlers are more likely to be bothered by noise, touch, taste, smell, and artificial or bright light. That can lead to:
- Meltdowns due to loud noises, crowded environments, strong smells, or bright lights.
- Difficulty focusing and paying attention in noisy or chaotic environments, like busy playgrounds, playdates with many children, or a large daycare center. That can make it challenging for them to learn and participate in activities.
- Picky eating: Sensitive toddlers may be picky eaters because they don’t like certain textures, tastes, or smells.
- Picky about clothes: Sensitive toddlers may not like the seams or the tags on their socks. When the seasons change, like when summer ends and fall begins, it can make them even more sensitive to these things (for example, they may avoid wearing long sleeves for as long as possible).
- Sleep problems Highly sensitive toddlers are more aware of and sensitive to their surroundings. This can make it difficult for them to wind down and relax at bedtime, especially if their environment is noisy, bright, or otherwise stimulating.
If your toddler is experiencing sensory sensitivity, there are a few things you can do to help:
- Identify your child’s sensory sensitivities: Pay attention to what triggers your child’s discomfort and avoid these triggers as much as possible. If that’s not possible, think of ways to cope. For example, you can provide noise-cancelling headphones if noise is a problem.
- Create a sensory-friendly environment: Minimize noise, clutter, and bright lights. Try to provide your child with sensory toys and activities to help them regulate their emotions.
5. Trouble with transitions
Difficulty with transitions is a common challenge for sensitive toddlers. Here’s why:
- They need more time to adjust to change. Highly sensitive toddlers are more aware of their surroundings and more sensitive to changes. This can make it difficult for them to adjust to transitions, such as moving from one activity to another or from one place to another.
- They are more easily overwhelmed. They have a lower threshold for stimulation, meaning they are more easily overwhelmed by new or different situations.
- They have a strong need for predictability. Toddlers thrive on routine and sensitive ones, even more so. Transitions can disrupt their routine and make them feel insecure.
If your toddler is struggling with transitions, here are a few strategies to help you make daily transitions smoother:
- Anticipate: Give your child plenty of warning before a transition, and explain what will happen calmly and reassuringly. This can help your child to prepare for the change. You can use “Now…then” sentences to explain what will happen next.
- Gradual transitions: Break down transitions into smaller steps. For example, instead of jumping from playing to bedtime, you can gradually wind down by reading a story, singing lullabies, and dimming the lights.
- Provide comfort items: Allow your child to bring comfort items like a special blanket, toy, or stuffed animal to help them feel secure during transitions.
- Avoid dismissing their feelings. Try to avoid phrases like “It’s not that bad,” “You’re overreacting,” and “It’s just a toy.” Try instead, “You must be feeling angry. How can I help you?”
Take-Home Message
Toddlers are, by definition, emotional. Highly sensitive toddlers take emotions to a whole new level. That makes our parenting journey extra hard.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
Now that you know about highly sensitive child traits, you can help your toddler manage their emotions better. It can be tricky to deal with big feelings, but it’s important to remember that you are your child’s first teacher. When you help them learn to manage their emotions, you’re setting them up for success in life.
