A deeply feeling child can have triggers that go unnoticed but that can overwhelm them. Things that are trivial to others but that are a big deal for these children. The fact that others don’t even notice these details makes life extra difficult for a deeply feeling child. They can be labeled as “high maintenance” and “too sensitive,” although their feelings are real.
These triggers can feel distressing though your child can’t always explain why. And while sometimes there’s no obvious answer, it helps us learn about small triggers that might cause problems.
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A deeply feeling child can develop a sense of otherness when feeling misunderstood.
A deeply feeling child that feels misunderstood can develop a “sense of otherness“.
Sensitive people feel different from an early age. They sense that they are more cautious that what’s considered normal by most people, they aren’t as easygoing and bold, and have sensory issues that others don’t understand. Unfortunately, this inability to fit in can turn into low self-esteem if not addressed. As they reach adolescence, it can result in isolation, especially if it comes with anxiety, depression, or panic disorder.
Moreover, research has shown that high sensitivity is associated with negative emotions and health issues caused by stress. That’s why it’s crucial to understand your child’s triggers and learn how you can turn them to your child’s advantage.
So, here are six seemingly small triggers that can overwhelm a deeply feeling child.
6 Small Things That Overwhelm a Deeply Feeling Child
1. Small talk is awkward for a deeply feeling child
Meaningful conversation topics are what deeply feeling children are good at. However, engaging in small talk can be challenging, especially with people they don’t know well. Sensitive children need time to observe the surroundings before talking. Or they may not know what to talk about, which can make them feel ashamed.
Moreover, deeply feeling children are intuitive – they won’t make friends with someone who they don’t like from the start. So, they’ll avoid small talk with that person because kids generally aren’t good at keeping appearances.
Another reason why some kids don’t like small talk is because they process information deeply. They spend much time in their head and ponder what happens to them and others. They are more interested in finding answers to questions like “Why did God invent germs?” than talking about their school day.
Here’s a tip for the adults in your child’s life: ask them to play. Less sensitive people, or adults who have forgotten what it’s like to be a child, may not notice this, but kids usually become quiet when adults ask them questions. Instead, children are more likely to talk when adults get to the child’s eye level and play.
2. Hubbub is overstimulating
If you’ve been at birthday parties and playdates, you may have noticed how your child takes short breaks now and then. For instance, they may want to speak with you privately, to hug you, to play a quick game with you, or take a walk with you around the premises. Deeply feeling children need these breaks to recharge.
School is another example of a crowded and overstimulating place. Think about it – the bustling activity in classrooms, hallways, and playgrounds can overwhelm their sensory system. Your child may struggle to filter out the excessive stimuli, leading to emotional overload and after-school meltdowns.
3. Certain textures cause frustration for both parents and children
Children who score less on the sensitivity scale aren’t bothered by seams or a T-shirt applique. They can ignore these sensory discomforts.
Deeply feeling kids can’t do that. They might refuse to wear underwear until you remove an uncomfortable tag. And they may avoid denim and wool because they can’t ignore the itchiness.
Touch sensory issues can be very frustrating for parents but remember that your child doesn’t do it on purpose. It’s how their brain is wired.
4. Unexpected noises can frighten a deeply feeling child
Sensitive children, especially toddlers, may get scared by sudden noises like automatic toilet flushing, a dog barking, or fireworks. Why? If the child gets scared the first time they hear the sound, they will associate the noise with fear.
Let’s take an example – automatic toilet flushing. Using public restrooms can be stressful for sensory-sensitive children, especially if they are in the toilet learning stage. You can hear others’ steps and voices, the hand dryer, other toilets flushing, and then there are the artificial lights and the small space.
If it’s a dog barking, maybe it’s not even about the barking; it may be about a previous negative experience with unpredictable pets.
Another example is fireworks. When there are fireworks, there are also crowds, bright lights, and perhaps unfamiliar people. The experience can be overwhelming for a child who is sensitive and maybe too young to understand what’s going on. Then, as they grow up, they’ll remember that negative experience and be afraid of fireworks.
5. Last-minute changes can overwhelm a deeply feeling child
Deeply feeling children are not usually spontaneous. Instead, they find comfort in plans and to-do lists. So, letting your child know at the last minute that you’re going to a family party can result in a meltdown if they have already pictured a quiet Saturday at home. Putting things off until the last minute is not a great idea, either. For instance, rushing them to do their homework in the evening can feel like a descent into chaos.
It’s essential to know that sensitive children don’t choose to feel overwhelmed – in fact, they are usually eager to please and sweet.
Teaching them to think in small steps under pressure is an excellent way to avoid overstimulation. Moreover, try to give them advance notice when possible so that they can mentally prepare for the event.
6. Having to say “no”, express needs and wants is hard for a deeply feeling child
Deeply feeling children often have difficulty saying “no.” That’s because they are so conscientious and compassionate that they may feel selfish and ashamed for putting their needs first. But this behavior paves the way for repressed emotions. When those emotions resurface, they’ll cause tricky behaviors.
That’s why setting boundaries is vital for deeply feeling children. They need to get comfortable expressing their needs and wants with people outside the home– like classmates, teachers, and family friends.
Different isn’t always easy but here’s the bright side
Little triggers and quirks can make life extra difficult for your deeply feeling child, and, equally important, they can lead to stigmatization.
But there’s also a bright side – and it helps to focus on this part because our confidence in their potential gives children the power to be themselves. The bright side is that the small things that bother your child can also make them more creative and likely to develop out-of-the-box solutions.
Take noise-canceling headphones, for instance. Amar Bose, an American engineer, businessman, and academic, invented them. In 1978, while on a flight, Bose got excited to try the new lightweight electronic headsets for in-flight entertainment. However, he found that the loud cabin noise prevented him from enjoying the music. Frustrated, he sketched a design for noise-canceling headphones. Back home, Bose assembled a team of engineers to bring his vision to life. It took them 15 years to perfect the technology, despite facing criticism. Bose remained committed to his idea, leading to the development of noise-canceling headphones. The drawings made during that flight served as the foundation for this groundbreaking innovation. Today, noise-canceling headphones are widely used, a testament to Amar Bose’s perseverance and belief in his concept.
Small triggers can make life stressful for a deeply feeling child. Remember to offer your child various experiences, just not many, all at once. Exposing them gradually and explaining what’s happening will help boost their self-confidence and make life easier in the longer run.
