Do you have a highly sensitive child who struggles with toilet training?
Does your five-year-old still have toilet accidents?
Does your six-year-old refuse to wipe without help?
While it can worry parents, many highly sensitive children struggle with toilet training. You are not alone, even if parents don’t discuss this openly.
A highly sensitive child can find toilet learning difficult due to sensory issues. Fortunately, there’s a lot you can do to help.
In this article, you’ll learn:
Sensitivity is different from Sensory Processing Disorder
But first, you should know the difference between being highly sensitive and having sensory processing disorder (SPD). That’s important because it helps you understand when to ask for professional help.
Sensitivity is a neutral character trait that 1 in 3 people have, while SPD is a neurological condition requiring professional help.
Sensitivity involves heightened sensitivity to emotional and sensory stimuli. Highly sensitive people are more aware of their surroundings and process things deeply. As a result, they absorb a lot of information which can overwhelm them quickly. But they will feel better once in a quiet place away from overstimulation.
SPD is a medical condition that affects how the brain receives and processes messages from our senses. It affects about 5 to 16 percent of children, according to experts. It is not a diagnosis in the Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), but there is debate over this topic. Instead, it is one symptom of autism specter disorder and other developmental disorders.
In children with SPD, the brain has trouble processing sensory information. As a result, they usually need OT help to learn how to process sensory information to cope with everyday challenges. On the other hand, sensitivity is a neutral trait that shouldn’t impact the quality of life.
If you feel like your child misses out on opportunities because of their sensory differences, you should consider seeking professional help.
Why does a highly sensitive child have trouble toilet training?
A sensitive child can have trouble toilet training mainly due to sensory difficulties, anxiety, and resistance to change.
Both sensitive and SPD kids have sensory differences that can make toilet learning more difficult. Therefore, it’s crucial to know to which of the senses your child is most sensitive and whether they seek or avoid stimuli.
Highly sensitive kids are usually sensory-avoidant. Many struggle with bright noises, artificial lights, strong smells, and certain textures.
How the eight senses affect toilet training
We have eight senses: touch, sound, taste, sight, smell, vestibular, proprioception, and interoception. All of them can make toilet training more challenging for a sensitive child.
- Touch sensitivity. A child with touch sensitivity may prefer the parent to wipe them. They may also avoid wiping and like to use a bidet instead. Moreover, they hate getting their hands messy, washing with soap, and they may struggle with the toilet seat’s cold feeling. They may also like taking off all their clothes before using the toilet.
- Sound sensitivity. A sensitive child can fear toilet flushing (especially automatic flushing) and automatic hand dryers. Public restrooms can also be overwhelming, with different people constantly going in and out. In addition, the child might get distracted by the sound of the bathroom fan.
- Sight sensitivity. Your child might dislike the bright neon lights in the bathroom and brightly colored or cluttered rooms.
- Smell sensitivity. These kids may dislike the artificial fragrance of cleaning supplies in the bathroom and the smell of poo and pee.
- Taste sensitivity. Kids with taste sensitivity are picky eaters. But eating only certain foods can lead to constipation and tummy aches, making a child avoid bowel movements as much as possible. Read more about picky eaters here and in this article.
- Vestibular sensitivity. Vestibular sensitivity refers to movement and balance sensitivity. For example, your child may feel like they can fall off the toilet seat or dislike having their feet hanging if the toilet seat is too high. Additionally, they can feel uncomfortable when reaching for the paper and self-wipe.
- Proprioception sensitivity. The proprioceptive sense is about awareness of our body’s position in space. For example, a child with poor proprioception may have difficulty making themselves comfortable on the toilet seat.
- Interoception sensitivity. Kids with poor interoception may not feel when it’s time to use the toilet until it’s too late, or they can’t tell if they’ve finished. In addition, they may have had a negative potty-training experience or painful bowel movements and are now afraid of going through that again.
Non-sensory reasons why a highly sensitive child dislikes toilet learning
Sensitive children may dislike toilet training for other reasons apart from sensory sensitivities. For starters, they dislike change. So, they may be used to wearing a diaper, considering they’ve worn one their entire lives, and don’t see any reason to give it up.
Additionally, sensitive children tend to worry a lot. So, one of the biggest challenges during toilet training is the possibility of accidents. When accidents happen, your child can feel so embarrassed that they might enter a cycle of anxiety and avoidance. That’s why it’s best to stay at home as much as possible during the toilet training process and make plans for using the bathroom when you’re out and about. It’s also crucial to remain understanding because sensitive kids need more time and encouragement than their peers.
Additionally, toilet accidents may lower a child’s self-esteem. That can make them develop defensive behaviors to protect them from shame and embarrassment. For example, they may become stubborn or aggressive when using the bathroom comes up. Alternatively, they might blame others for their accidents, deny that they happened, act like nothing happened when they soil themselves and refuse to discuss the issue. These behaviors show that the child is having a hard time – they are not giving parents a hard time on purpose – and it’s essential to provide reassurance and choices.
Try to prioritize toilet training. Toilet training is not easy, so adjust your daily routine to make time for it. For example, try to be at home after school as much as possible to ensure your child can get toilet trained in the comfort of their home. Otherwise, there’s a high chance both of you will get frustrated when it doesn’t go as expected.
Involve your child by giving choices: Do you want to be alone in the bathroom or me to stay with you? Do you want me to turn off the bathroom fan or not? Would you like to read a book or play with a toy? Do you like this aiming sticker or the other one? Do you want to flush, or shall I do it?
Repetition is key. Children struggling with high sensory awareness can become less sensitive to certain stimuli through gradual exposure and lots of repetition.
21 tips for toilet training a highly sensitive child
Here is a list of toilet training tips for children with sensory issues:
- Use comfort items. Let your child hold a comfort toy while on the toilet.
- Sensory-friendly toilet seat. A padded toilet seat can be more comfortable for children who dislike the cold feeling of the toilet seat (for instance, when the seasons change).
- Bidet. Consider installing a bidet if your child doesn’t like wiping.
- Comfortable toilet paper and baby wipe warmer. Consider purchasing the most comfortable toilet paper, soft tissues, or a baby wipe warmer.
- Underwear material and seams. As your child goes from pull-ups to underwear, check whether seams are an issue. Try to pay attention to seam placement and opt for soft material.
- Let them choose what underwear to buy. Suggest underwear with your child’s favorite cartoon characters or seamless underwear and buy lots of it.
- Soft lighting. Ensure the lights are not very bright (consider warm light bulbs at home and sunglasses at public restrooms).
- Declutter: avoid clutter in the bathroom (like lots of toys on the bathtub and colorful towels) if your child has visual sensitivity. Avoid also having a laundry basket without a lid in the bathroom.
- Give a warning before flushing. Tell your child when it’s time to flush, or you can flush after they’ve left the room. Consider also noise-canceling headphones or stickers to cover the sensor for public toilets that flush automatically.
- Music. Try soft or upbeat music, depending on what your child enjoys.
- Turn off the bathroom fan if the noise is too distracting.
- Use essential oil diffusers.
- Cleaning supplies. Avoid strong-smelling cleaning supplies or keeping supplies in the bathroom.
- Foot support. Use a step or stool for your child to put their feet on.
- Handrail. Try a handrail for your child to hang on to when sitting on the toilet.
- Toddler potty. Potties are closer to the ground and fit smaller bottoms. Try various toddler potty designs for kids who don’t like the feeling of their feet hanging when seated on the toilet.
- Wipe while standing. Teach your child to wipe while standing if they have balance problems.
- Use tape or stickers for aiming. For boys, use tape or funny stickers so they know where to stand.
- Visual aids. For kids with interoceptive sensitivity, use visual reminders and timers to know it’s time to check whether they need to use the bathroom.
- Talk about toilet cues. Talk about how their body feels when they need to use the bathroom (“How does your tummy feel five minutes after drinking a glass of water? Do you think you need to use the bathroom?”, “How does your tummy feel when you sit on your tummy for a long time? Is it like when you need to pee?”)
- Have a bathroom box of books, fidget toys, and activities that can help increase your child’s time on the toilet.
Remember to keep a neutral attitude and praise small wins. When a preschooler withholds poop, refuses to wipe, or has frequent accidents, it becomes incredibly stressful for both the child and the parents. The answer is to see the problem through your child’s lens. Your child’s feelings are real. Shaming and pressure to “just do it” would make the experience scarier and more frustrating.
It’s essential not to be hard on yourself. Whenever you feel like giving up or snapping at your child, tell yourself, “I’m doing the best I can, and my child is doing the best they can.”
