Do you have a deeply feeling child struggling with worries?
I remember one time when my 6-year-old daughter was having a tough day. She was upset that her friends had been mean to her at school, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t help her calm down. I tried hugs, talking to her, and jokes, but nothing worked. Seeing her struggle like that with her self-esteem made me feel helpless and guilty that I couldn’t help her be more resilient.
My daughter is a deeply feeling child and deeply feeling kids are prone to self-esteem and self-regulation problems, as well as lower resilience than other children.
Did you know that kids’ self-esteem is already established by age five? That might mean that it’s very hard to change their self-image when they get older.
I started to get worried about my daughter’s negative worries and negative mindset, overall.
Then I remembered a technique called EFT tapping that I had learned in college. I decided to give it a try.
So, we sat down together, and I tapped the magic buttons while she repeated empowering words.
It was like a light switch had been flipped – her tears dried up, her breathing slowed down, and she looked at me calmly and peacefully. Seeing her feeling better was a relief, and I knew we had found a powerful tool we could use together.
Here is what EFT tapping is all about.
What is EFT tapping?
The Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is a therapy that combines acupressure with modern psychology.
The idea behind EFT is that all negative emotions result from disrupting the body’s energy system. It’s often referred to as “emotional acupuncture without needles.” Instead of using needles, we tap on specific areas of the body while focusing on what we struggle with.
Cary Graid developed EFT tapping in the 1990s, and the technique has since gained popularity worldwide. Research shows that EFT effectively reduces anxiety and calms the nervous system.
However, some researchers have questioned the validity of these studies, and there is still a need for more research to validate EFT as a clinical treatment fully. While some may still have reservations because of the link with traditional Chinese medicine, EFT has helped many people manage their emotions and reduce stress.
One of the great things about EFT is that it’s easy to learn, and you can do it almost anywhere. You don’t need any special equipment or training. Also, it’s free. You don’t need a penny to try EFT tapping.
EFT tapping for kids – does it work?
Deeply feeling children often have big worries but lack the words to express those feelings that remain stuck in their bodies. So, they might feel anxious or develop specific fears without even knowing why.
EFT can significantly help a deeply feeling child who worries a lot. The cool thing is that EFT can often make a big difference in just a few minutes. Kids can be incredibly responsive to EFT because they don’t have the same emotional baggage as adults. They just want to feel better.
How does EFT tapping work?
The basic EFT tapping technique involves tapping on a series of acupressure points while repeating a setup statement about the problem that is bothering your child. Thanks to research, we know there is a direct link between acupuncture points and the amygdala. The amygdala is part of the brain from where stress responses originate.
What are the meridian points in EFT tapping?
The acupoints or the “meridian points” are:
- Karate Chop – outside edge of the hand, below the little finger
- Eyebrows – the inner end of either eyebrow, near the bridge of the nose
- Side of the eye
- Under the eye – about one inch below the eye, on the bone
- Under the nose – on the crease where the chin starts
- Chin
- Collarbone – on end below the throat, on the end of either collarbone
- Under the arm – about four inches under the armpit
- Top of the head.
What are the main steps of EFT tapping?
The main steps of EFT tapping are:
1. Label the specific emotion or issue they struggle with.
One of the critical things to remember when using EFT tapping is to focus on a specific issue or emotion. Being as clear as possible about the emotion or problem you’re tapping on is essential. For example, instead of tapping on “worries,” your child might tap on “feeling worried about other kids making fun of me.” That helps to target the issue more effectively.
Related: How to Help Your Lonely Highly Sensitive Child Make Friends
2. Ask your deeply feeling child to rank how strong the emotion is or how difficult the struggle is:
- Older kids: on a scale from 1 to 10, with ten meaning “as bad as possible.”
- Younger kids: use a color code with “red” meaning “bad,” “yellow” is for “so and so,” and green is for “okay,”
3. Have your deeply feeling child choose a setup phrase they want to repeat when tapping.
Traditionally, the statement has two parts: one describing the problem and another about self-acceptance. It’s generally formulated like this, “Even though (state the problem), I feel loved and accepted.” Here are other examples:
- “I am brave even if I couldn’t speak up in class today.”
- “Even though I was afraid to go on the rollercoaster, I’m still brave.”
- “I don’t like going to birthday parties, but that doesn’t make me a bad friend.”
Related: Why Permissive Parenting Undermines Your Child’s Resilience
4. Ask your deeply feeling child to firmly but gently tap on the acupoints.
They should tap on either side of the body five-seven times, using the fingertips of either hand. The child can use just the index and the middle finger or four fingers. Also, it’s okay to tap on one side of the body or both simultaneously.
Tapping pressure needs to be gentle but firm, like drumming on the top of the desk.
Suggest to your child to take a deep breath every time they tap.
In addition, have them repeat the setup phrase twice or thrice as they tap on the first point. Then, as they tap on the remaining acupoints, encourage them to repeat a short reminder phrase (“my worries,” “birthday parties,” “my friends“).
Go through a few rounds, and then ask them to reassess their feelings. They should feel calmer. Ideally, it helps to repeat until you reach the green zone or a 3 out of 10.
Related: 7 Ways to Cope with After-School Meltdowns (with Parent Scripts)
5. Shift to a positive mindset
Now that they have confronted their problem or emotions, it’s time for your child to think of something empowering. For example:
- “I know that I can do it.”
- “I haven’t learned this yet.”
- “I am a good friend.”
Your child can repeat these statements while tapping on the nine acupoints.
Extra tips
- You don’t have to be exact; tapping the area is usually enough.
- Your child doesn’t have to tap all the points or about following a specific order. Just tapping one area is often enough to help lessen worries.
- Specialists recommend removing bracelets, watches, and glasses before beginning because they can be electromagnetically obstructive.
- It’s okay if your kiddo skips some points. As long as they tap and you talk about the problem, it will be enough to help them calm down.
How to Help Your Deeply Feeling Child Tap into Their Big Feelings
EFT tapping can involve technical terms, so it’s important to use language that kids can easily understand.
For younger children, it helps to turn it into a game (“Do you know each of us has magic buttons on their body? The magic buttons help us calm down when we’re upset. Do you wanna try?”)
Also, many kids are visual learners, so you can make EFT tapping more engaging by using drawings and pictures showing the tapping points.
You can teach your child how to tap on their meridian points, but you can also tap on them directly or on a stuffed animal to show them how to do it. You can also tap on your points and ask your child to mirror your moves.
Hanging up posters with useful EFT setup phrases is a great idea to remind your child to try tapping when they feel overwhelmed. Plus, older kids will feel empowered when they can apply EFT successfully on their own.
Here are some ways EFT tapping can help your deeply feeling child:
At bedtime
Ask your child to name one thing they liked about their day and one they hated. Then, as they start talking, you can gently tap on their meridian points to help them calm down before bed. The setup phrase that they choose must be related to sleep (“I’m slowly drifting to sleep,” “I’m relaxing now”). Try to do this exercise for 5 minutes.
Specific situation
Say your child has a particular problem, like attending birthday parties and making friends. In this case, you can use statements like:
- “I’m a good kid, even though I don’t want to go to my friend’s birthday party,”
- “I’m as good as anybody else I am even if I don’t like playing soccer,”
- “Even though I didn’t speak up in class, I’m still brave.”
- “Even though I feel embarrassed about (specific event), I know mistakes can happen.”
Managing emotions
Sometimes, kids only know they feel upset without being able to name a specific event. For instance, after-school meltdowns don’t have a particular cause; they usually stem from general sensory and emotional overload. In that case, you might want to focus on a specific emotion when tapping. Here are examples of setup phrases:
- “Even though I’m angry, I know it’s okay to feel my emotions, and I can let them go.”
- “Even though I’m sad, I know everything will get better soon.”
- “Even though I feel disappointed, I know I can do better next time.”
Related: How to Help Your Deeply Feeling Kid with Somatization
Ahead of a stressful event (a big transition like starting school)
Apart from emotional validation, play therapy techniques, and other calming strategies, you can use EFT tapping when your child worries about an upcoming event. Try to brainstorm statements they’d like to try and do EFT tapping each day to release bottled-up worries. Here are some examples:
- “Even though I feel scared right now, I’m brave and can handle this.”
- “Even though I feel worried about (specific situation), everything will be okay.”
- “Even though I feel nervous about (specific situation), I know I can do it, and I’ll feel proud of myself.”
- “Even though I feel overwhelmed, I can take it one step at a time and ask my parents for help if I need it.”
Related: How to Advocate for Your Highly Sensitive Child in School
EFT tapping might not work on the first try. It can take several days until your child gets used to it. The important thing is that you are training their mind to relax.
Of course, EFT tapping isn’t a magic cure-all. It’s not going to solve all your problems overnight. But it can be valuable to your parenting toolkit for managing stress, anxiety, and other negative emotions.
The secret is to practice, practice, and practice. Like any other mindfulness technique, EFT becomes more effective as you use it.
