Do you have a sensitive child who struggles with school life?
According to statistics, one in three children is highly sensitive, and about 70% of these children are introverted. Also, the typical American elementary school has 24 students. So it means five children out of 24 are highly sensitive and introverted. In other words, your sensitive child will likely have four more classmates who struggle like them. That’s enough for the teacher to adjust activities and classroom design to make sensitive kids shine.
Below are 10 smart ways to support your child in school so that they turn into a thriving HSP adult.
Before we begin, we thought you might like our Time for Adventure FREEBIE. This fun activity can encourage your child to step out of their comfort zone and try new things, which, in turn, can boost their self-confidence.
1. Be on your child’s side
The teacher may not always see your kid’s strengths because teachers often praise team players and social butterflies.
How can you help your child feel appreciated? Start by covering the basics:
- Validate your child’s view of the world. For instance, does your little one dread working on group projects? Do they dislike the cafeteria because of the noise? Do they need quiet breaks? In this case, you’ll need to determine your child’s stimuli and validate their experience. Then, by acknowledging, you encourage them to open up, and thus, you can work on finding solutions as a team.
- Avoid dismissing their worries when they talk about school. Using phrases like “You’re too emotional” or “You’re overthinking it” is not likely to make children come out of their shell. Your kid can’t help being sensitive, so they are likely to internalize their worries about school if they feel misunderstood. So, instead, help them get the bad feelings out by offering validation.
2. Give reassurance when making friends in school is hard
You have probably noticed that your sensitive child shies away when they meet new children, like when school starts. Other kids are more outgoing and have already formed groups by the time your child becomes confident enough for small talk.
In this case, it’s best to have a talk when your kid is relaxed. Then, you can broach the subject by asking them three things they liked and didn’t like about their day. If they don’t feel like talking, you can start first. However, if they open up, use the opportunity to reassure them that their emotions are normal.
You can also remind them of their past successes. There surely were other times when your kid managed to adjust, like when starting daycare. Talking about times when your kid made new friends can also help.
Encouraging your kid to tell stories is another great idea. Kids’ stories can be highly enlightening.
However, remember that your HSC is likely picky about who they make friends with at school. As a result, avoid finding them, friends. All they need is time and courage to manage to adjust and make friends on their own.
You can use daily mantras to raise their confidence. Here are some examples:
- “I can do it.”
- “I’ve got what it takes.”
- “I am enough.”
- “I need to try my best. It’s all I can do.”
Related: The 8 Biggest Challenges Highly Sensitive Children Face and How To Overcome Them
3. Make drop-offs short and positive
Make morning goodbyes short and be positive. For instance, get down to their level, smile, and say, “I love you. You are so brave!” and ask for a hi-five.
Avoid giving unsolicited advice on how to make friends with classmates right before drop-off. Worried parents do that often. However, that can make your kid more nervous about not rising to your expectations.
Moreover, many children like to arrive earlier, so they have time to settle before class begins. So, you can ask your child if they want that.
Related: How to deal with your HSC’s drop-off anxiety
4. Make sure the teacher knows your sensitive child’s strengths
It’s not enough for you to validate and reassure your child that they are capable and worthy. Sensitive students might receive positive feedback less often because they fade into the background. Therefore, the teacher must also recognize your kid’s skills in class and ensure your little one sees them.
That’s why it’s best to talk to the teacher about your kid’s temperament. Given the statistics (on average, five students in a US classroom are highly sensitive and introverted), your kid is probably not the only one struggling with making friends and participating in class.
Ensure the teacher understands your child’s temperament and plays on their strengths. A sensitive child has valuable qualities:
- Active listener
- Thoughtful speaker
- Deep thinker
- Keen observer
- Empathetic leader who doesn’t need to take all the credit.
5. Discuss with the teacher about learning options
By talking with the teacher about your sensitive child’s learning style, you can smooth out transitions.
Speaking up in class can be a struggle for sensitive children as they are likely to feel pressure to perform. For example, a frequent problem is taking time before answering a question. Hence you might need to talk with the teacher to offer your kid enough time to think before answering.
Zoom classes and class participation are non-HSP learning methods. A helpful teacher will make class participation about quality, not quantity.
Also, there are non-verbal ways to participate in group projects. For instance, your kid might like expressing themselves by drawing or writing. So, they might be the ones to do the research, drawing, and writing in group projects and leave the speaking part to other team members.
6. Offer breaks to your sensitive child throughout the day
Sensitive children need more space and quiet to thrive. That’s why recess and the cafeteria can be hectic. There is a lot of noise, rowdy kids, and food smells.
So, be sure your HSC has breaks throughout the day. Give them noise-canceling headphones, and encourage them to spend a little time alone in the library or draw during recess.
Also, allow your kid to spend time alone when they get home after school. They can enjoy reading, drawing, spending time outdoors, doing a puzzle, or watching a non-scary movie.
7. Suggest changes to classroom design
Your introverted and sensitive child needs more private space to decompress, like a calm-down corner.
For example, many elementary school children sit at circular tables instead of individual desks, which can overwhelm your little one. Then, they have a circle class discussion where they sit on the carpet.
These activities are for children who enjoy speaking up. They can also encourage sensitive children to get out of their comfort zone, which is good. But the downside is that your sensitive kiddo can feel like they are not as bright as the others when the truth is that they hate being in the limelight.
Hence, you can talk to the teacher about activities suited for introverted and sensitive children. Here are some great ideas:
- Have a place in the classroom where kids can work uninterrupted, like bean chairs, and another corner for group activities, like a big round table.
- Organize a classroom reading nook.
- Have a calm down corner with calm down choices (drawing, reading, breathing, sensory toys), with stickers or pictures about emotions.
8. Organize playdates with classmates
Playdates allow your sensitive child to get to know classmates and thus feel at ease with talking to them in the classroom.
However, take care not to put too much pressure on your child to socialize; otherwise, they might shy away from social interactions. Instead, it’s better to make a list of friends together and invite them at a time when your kid has a lot of energy and is not too tired.
Related: How to Help Your Lonely Highly Sensitive Child Make Friends
9. Avoid labels
Labeling can make your child believe that sensitivity is terrible, making them feel less valuable than outgoing kids. What’s worse, they might lack the drive to learn critical social skills because they are “shy” or “too sensitive,” and there is nothing to do about that.
So, teach your kid that their high sensitivity is not limiting. On the contrary, this temperament comes with strengths that can help your child bring a unique contribution to the class. Have an open discussion with your kid about what sensitivity is and isn’t, and encourage them to be themselves in school. Your sensitive child will thrive if they feel comfortable.
Related: 10 Surefire Parenting Tactics to Help Your Highly Sensitive Child Thrive
10. Talk about famous HSPs and HSP cartoon characters
Talking about famous sensitive people can make your child see that other people struggle like them. In addition, relatable stories can boost your kid’s confidence
Martin Luther King Jr. is thought to have been highly sensitive. His empathy, deep dedication to social justice, and creativity (which allowed him to solve problems affecting African Americans) are hallmarks of being an HSP.
Winona Ryder also believes that sensitivity and fragility are qualities that she has and that there’s nothing wrong with being like that.
Nicole Kidman said that “most actors are highly sensitive people.” According to Kidman, there’s always a constant inner battle between remaining authentic and vulnerable while at the same time not allowing all that’s happening around you to affect you.
Here are also some famous cartoon characters that are highly sensitive:
- Belle in “Beauty and the Beast.” Villagers see Belle as “different from the rest of us”; she is highly empathetic and sees the beauty in the beast that frightens her.
- Alice from “Alice in Wonderland”: She likes to escape daily reality using her fantastic imagination, but she also seeks to return home.
- Flower from “Bambi”: Remember how Flower shyly said, “You can call me Flower if you want to … I don’t mind.”
- Bashful from “Snow White.” He is highly observant, actively listens before he speaks, and is artistic.
How has your child adjusted to school life? What do they like most about school? How do you support your child when they struggle at school? Please share your thoughts with us.
