Is your baby a contact napper? You’re not alone.
Some babies go with the flow, manage transitions easily, aren’t picky with food and clothes textures, and sleep better. And it’s hard not to envy parents who have it easier when you have a contact napper.
For the first year of my son’s life, he only wanted human touch and my boobs. Actually, my baby was a complete contact napper. He didn’t want a pacifier, so I would rock and sway him to sleep. White noise didn’t work either; instead, I sang Christmas carols to him. Carols were the only songs I knew back then. Of course, he was a poor napper, too, so he didn’t sleep in the car and pram either.
“It’s funny how day by day nothing changes. But when you look back, everything is different.”
C.S. Lewis
By the time he turned nine months, it had worsened because he didn’t breastfeed to sleep any longer. But he still needed body contact throughout the night and during daytime naps. In addition, he wanted to latch non-stop if he was teething to make things worse.
As much as I adored my contact napper, I was human. So, I needed to sneak away to use the bathroom, take a short shower, and, ideally, eat.
So, why was my baby so anxious when I wasn’t around? Initially, I suspected that he might be hungry. However, he gained weight steadily and was above average, so I excluded poor latching.
As he became a toddler, it became apparent that he was wired differently. Then, when he was two, a friend told me about Elaine Aron and high sensitivity.
Finding out that my contact napper was a highly sensitive person (HSP) was a breakthrough.
After reading about highly sensitive children, I learned to adjust my expectations. You can, too, if you follow these straightforward tips.
Keep in mind your child’s HSP temperament
HSPs are more aware of what happens around them, like the surrounding sounds and lights and other people’s moods. They are also more emotionally intense.
Absorbing so much information becomes overwhelming at some point, so many HSPs need to retreat to a calm, secluded place to recharge their energy.
What does this mean for babies? As they are more sensitive to their environment, highly sensitive babies may not be able to sleep surrounded by bright lights and noise. For example, maybe they can’t nap in the stroller because of the traffic noise.
Additionally, their heightened sensitivity means that they may startle more easily. Noises like the garbage truck passing by or the toilet flushing can scare a sensitive baby.
Hence, having you close by while they sleep helps ease their anxiety.
Fill your contact napper’s need for physical touch before bedtime
Babies that are more sensitive crave contact more than others, in order to regulate their emotions. Therefore, to encourage contact nappers to sleep more independently, we need to fill their cup.
Here are a few simple tips:
- baby massage
- baby yoga stretches
- swaddling
- utilizing compression sheets or even a weighted blanket if your kid is older than 3
- co-sleeping (co-sleeping may not be an option for everyone, for it can be exhausting when you have to go to work early the next day; however, many families swear by it)
Ease your baby’s anxiety
If they are highly sensitive, contact nappers may get anxious when they feel you are not around, simply because this is how their brain works.
Here are some strategies to help you ease their anxiety:
- have a well-established routine, especially regarding bedtime and naptime (sensitive children usually thrive on routine and find transitions challenging)
- be relaxed during the sleep routine so that your baby doesn’t absorb your worries
- get fresh air and exercise every day.
How to breastfeed, co-sleep and actually sleep
Co-sleeping is five million years old. That’s how long humans have been on the globe.
Basically, it is an old family habit associated with breastfeeding, and many societies continue to practice it.
So, considering the human species’ history, it’s normal for a baby to want to be close to you, and you’re not creating a bad habit.
Still, it’s hard to get a good night’s sleep when you’re stuck all night under your bub.
Here are some tactics to help you:
- Nurse side laying. In this way, you’ll have less difficulty going back to sleep after breastfeeding.
- Avoid breastfeeding in the first hour of sleep. Sleep is more profound in the first part of the night, so there’s a higher chance your contact napper will go back to sleep on their own after the first sleep cycle.
- Give your baby time to resettle. A loud whine while asleep doesn’t mean your baby is waking up or needing to feed; give them 10 seconds to see if they go back to sleep without your help. Sometimes, they growl because they need to burp, turn on the other side or start another sleep cycle.
- Unlatch slowly while putting some pressure on the bottom lip. This way, they might not notice if you go away.
- Give them something of yours to smell while they sleep. For instance, have one of your used T-shirts near your baby’s nose. Your smell will soothe them.
- Have a crib attached to your bed. Like this, you can breastfeed side laying and won’t have little feet on your face waking you up at night.
- Offer milk or water or in a sippy cup. Try having the sippy cup ready so you don’t have to get out of bed. For instance, I used to keep the sippy cub in the corner of the crib, next to the mattress. Then, at around two and a half years, my son used to drink from it on his own without waking me.
- Tapping on the bum and shushing helps babies go back to sleep.
- Some babies sleep better on their sides or the stomach. However, don’t try this on infants who haven’t figured out how to turn.
How to get your contact napper to sleep in the pram or car during the day
Having a contact napper is like being sentenced to bed for about 12 hours a day. So, getting your sensitive baby to sleep in the pram or the car can benefit your mental health massively when you are in the thick of it.
The good news is that you can try these simple tactics:
- Understand the baby’s sleep patterns. For instance, my son had a 15-minute window when he could fall asleep quickly if I reduced stimuli to a minimum. So, I would get him in the car at the very first signs of drowsiness.
- Have someone to help you with naps. Babies are needier with the primary caregiver, and they are known to behave differently with different persons.
- Keep trying to do naps in the car. Babies change their behavior as they grow, so you never know when it might work.
How to keep your mental health when you have a contact napper
Your mental health matters, Mama, because you can’t fill your baby’s cup if yours is empty.
Here are some effective tactics to keep you going:
- Make sure your needs are met before naptime. For example, have a snack, bring a glass of water to the bedroom, and use the bathroom. Also, make sure you charge your tablet and phone before naptime.
- Keep your tablet close by when lying in bed next to your bub. For example, I binge-watched Netflix while nursing side laying. One episode usually lasts around 45 minutes, which equals a baby’s sleep cycle.
- Babywearing lets you meet your friends for coffee while the baby sleeps peacefully by the boob.
- Accept outside help. While you might disagree with how your husband or baby’s grannies take care of the baby, you need to take a break from time to time.
- It will pass. Although it’s exhausting when you are in the thick of it, contact nappers do eventually go to sleep independently. The first year is the hardest, but they become okay with having more independence as they turn the two-year milestone.
Don’t feel guilty if you have a contact napper
Babies are wired to want to be close to us.
In our Western culture, we try to convince parents that babies should sleep alone. But our babies don’t need fixing.
You don’t do anything wrong by providing your baby with the comfort and security they need. Instead, you give the base for secure attachment.
Final thought
Babies learn to sleep on their own using baby steps. Unfortunately, there isn’t a magic wand to sprinkle sleep dust on your baby. If such a thing existed, we would all know about it by now.
So, if you can, surrender to their needs and their love. Enjoying the connection can be soothing for you, too.
References
Aron, Elaine N. “The highly sensitive person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms you.” Kensington Publishing Corp., 2013.
Elaine S. Barry, Co-sleeping as a proximal context for infant development: The importance of physical touch, Infant Behavior, and Development, Volume 57, 2019, 101385, ISSN 0163-6383, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.infbeh.2019.101385. (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0163638319301237)
