Do you have an HSC daughter? Here’s how I decided that homeschooling my child was right for us.
“Develop a passion for learning. If you do, you never cease to grow” – Anthony J. D’Angelo.
I still remember Amber’s enthusiasm about starting school and then how she stood quietly apart on her first day, sheepishly watching her new colleagues already forming groups. I was scared and sad that she would feel different and struggle.
As I looked at my five-year-old daughter, I couldn’t help but cringe at the thought of how she would feel out of place seven hours a day for the next twelve years. It was me from the first grade onwards. I hated going to school, and now as an adult, I understand why, being an HSP. Public schools are loud, kids can be mean, exclude and bully each other, and teachers appreciate outgoing children too outrightly.
Nevertheless, all children experience social challenges at school, just as adults do at work. Consequently, some bumps in the road l did not necessarily mean that home education would work. So, what made us finally decide to homeschool?
Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our Highly Sensitive Child checklist for FREE. This checklist can help you find out whether your child is highly sensitive or deeply feeling, identify their triggers, and find out their strengths which can help build their self-confidence.
The Warning Signs
Amber was in public school for the first two years. She had been in a small Montessori preschool previously, where she thrived. She felt miserable at a traditional school, however. For us, the warning signs pointing that it was time to homeschool were:
- Meltdowns: almost every day after school.
- Excessively absorbing negative emotions: she could be sad the entire day if the teacher raised their voice at another child.
- Onlooker behavior: spending most of the recesses alone, especially the first month after the summer break.
- Anxiety: in the morning, on Mondays, and after the holidays.
- Self-esteem issues: She would often compare herself with peers because she is a perfectionist, like most HSP children.
What did the research say about homeschooling?
Even if home education seemed a perfect fit for my daughter, I still had my doubts about it. After all, it would impact Amber’s future immensely, and I wasn’t sure I had the required abilities, the patience, and the intellect to teach her.
Consequently, before making the final decision, I read many studies and statistics. Fortunately, they sounded encouraging. For example, did you know that, according to the National Home Education Research Institute, homeschooled students score above average on tests regardless of parents’ level of formal education or household income?
Also, homeschooled children usually score 15 to 30 percentile points above public-school students on standardized academic achievement tests. It sounds encouraging, right? Moreover, studies show that home-educated children develop socially and emotionally the same as or sometimes even better than institutional school students. One reason is that homeschooled children and their parents are more active in their communities.
I did lots of prepping before deciding to homeschool
#1. Homeschooling regulations. I read about the process and legal implications of homeschooling in our state.
#2. Joining a coop. Coops are great because they usually offer classes and opportunities for socialization like group field trips.
#3. Charter schools seem a good fit for HSPs. The classes are small in size, and the teachers and the children know each other as they are almost the same year after year. In addition, some charter schools are hybrid, meaning you go to school occasionally and learn at home on the other days.
When my daughter gets older, we may opt for a charter school if she does not want me to homeschool her anymore. Our second option would be a Montessori school, where kids work more independently and at their own pace.
#2. Finding an online group of like-minded parents. I arranged to meet with other parents to learn about the reality of home education.
#3. Drafting our home education budget. I decided on a homeschooling budget and thought about cost optimization (like borrowing materials from the library splitting some costs with other families).
#4. Finding a part-time job: I researched online part-time jobs for myself.
#5. Best-fit homeschool curriculum: I learned about homeschool curriculums and the structure of a homeschooling day. As our daughter thrives on routine, we found that we needed a daily schedule, even if the law does not require it.
#6. Reading about learning styles. My daughter, for instance, is mainly an intrapersonal learner, meaning that she likes to study quietly and independently and has high self-management skills, among others. I believe many HSP children are like that.
Pros of homeschooling
#1. Traditional school settings are not for highly sensitive kids.
US public schools do not cater well to introverted kids, let alone those that are also highly sensitive. Teaching also relies heavily on external motivation, like sticker charts and praises. Studies show, however, that rewards and social status do not drive HSPs. Moreover, a lot of HSP children are gifted. Traditional schools, however, focus on meeting the needs of the majority.
#2. The teacher didn’t understand high sensitivity.
From our experience, school staff may not truly grasp the meaning of high sensitivity because it’s not a disability covered by IEP and 504 plans. Sadly, Amber was too sensitive for her teacher, not highly sensitive.
#3. My HSC daughter was too tired for extracurricular activities.
Amber was crazy about art classes and tennis, but she often felt exhausted after school. So we initially moved art classes on Saturday, but we had to drop tennis training. Now, with homeschooling, we can plan extracurricular activities in the morning.
Additionally, as my daughter also loves animals, we have time now to volunteer at an animals’ care center in our area. Volunteering is an excellent opportunity for her to socialize.
What’s more, her extracurricular activities offer me a little break now and then, which is excellent.
#4. Rushing out the door each morning.
HSPs get easily overwhelmed when having to do a lot in a short time. Hence, getting ready for school in the morning would always set Amber and me anxious for the entire day.
#5. Increased flexibility.
When Amber was in a traditional school, we could go on vacation only during the school holidays. As a result, our schedule revolved around school. Now, the increased flexibility of home education is good for our entire family.
Downsides of homeschooling
#1. Limited socialization? No.
I found that limited peer interaction when homeschooling is a myth. Children can have lots of opportunities to make friends of all ages and interact with diverse people. Here are some options that worked for us:
- co-op classes
- sports
- clubs
- weekly play dates
- field trips
- library programs
- field trips, park days, museum programs, nature centers, aquariums, local farms, local historical societies
- community volunteer opportunities
- summer camp (Amber isn’t yet ready for summer camp).
Some of these activities also offered opportunities for learning teamwork. Amber is not a fan of team projects, typical for introverted HSCs. However, I have always thought that learning cooperation is necessary for an adult.
#2. Additional costs
Curriculums can be very expensive, primarily if you use them only once, like when you have an only child. Additional costs include cooperative fees, field trips, and extracurricular activities.
School supplies can also be expensive if your kid has a passion. In our case, we needed a budget for art materials. HSP kids, my daughter included, usually love art, and traditional schools offer art and music classes at no extra cost for parents. Moreover, Amber loves nature and outdoor learning, which entails additional costs.
#3. Homeschooling is time-consuming
I needed to stay at home or have a part-time job to homeschool my HSP daughter. Luckily, there are plenty of opportunities online for gaining an extra income.
Also, home education was time-consuming at first, especially until I found the best resources and methods that worked for my daughter.
#4. Loneliness for the homeschool parent
I sometimes feel lonely and isolated while homeschooling an only child despite getting involved in our community. In addition, homeschooling an only child sometimes means that I am the playmate and the educator simultaneously, which can be exhausting.
That’s why it’s valuable having other mothers in my life who homeschool.
#5. Traditional schools have great structure
HSP children thrive on routine, and schools offer a great deal of structure. Amber loved this and the learning side of the school, but she had a hard time with the social part. She was thus constantly in fight or flight mode, which intensified her HSP traits. However, homeschooling has done her confidence great good, while her interest in learning has remained unhindered.
Going to a traditional school allowed her to separate the two worlds: school and family. But after settling into our new routine, she can now juggle successfully the two.
#6. Unsupportive family
My parents-in-law were against homeschooling and did not understand high sensitivity, so we got a fair amount of criticism. It was difficult for us, as homeschooling was a hard decision. To show grandparents that it was the right decision, I invited my mother-in-law to a homeschool field trip organized by the local coop so that she could meet other homeschool families.
How we finally decided to homeschool our HSC daughter
Two years in a traditional school setting made me question if it was the right thing for my sensitive daughter.
I’m so glad that the Covid pandemic pushed me over the edge and made us try homeschooling. The day I deregistered Amber, I already felt calmer. I knew home education was for us. There would be no more rushing in the morning, no more meltdowns after school, and no more extracurricular activities on weekends.
Was homeschooling right for me?
Of course, I had my doubts. What if I couldn’t have enough patience to teach my child? What if she were okay in a traditional school setting if we gave her more time to adjust? Can I handle my family’s opinions on my choice? Could I homeschool in our backyard? What if Amber gets distracted by the nice weather and her toys? What if, by homeschooling, I teach my daughter to avoid her triggers instead of coping?
Homeschooling was a struggle initially, but it pushed me to implement much-needed self-care. Now, I occasionally practice meditation, yoga, and exercise whenever I have time. Once a week, I hire a sitter and go out for coffee with my best friend.
What I learned from homeschooling my HSC daughter
Here are the most important things I learned while homeschooling:
- We will take our homeschooling journey on a year-by-year basis. If my kid wants back to a regular school, so be it. We will follow her lead.
- Ideally, we will home-educate through elementary school until Amber builds tools for emotional regulation. Then, once she is old enough to understand her high sensitivity trait and triggers, she will learn to offset her overwhelming with quiet time.
- I need my daughter to take on extracurricular activities to have ”me” time. Being “on” for her, encouraging, and nurturing exhausts me.
- I learned to trust my child. She may not tell me explicitly what she needs, but she knows how to show me what nurtures her highly sensitive nature and what doesn’t.
References
National Home Education Research Institute, https://www.nheri.org/research-facts-on-homeschooling/
Brian D. Ray (2017) A systematic review of the empirical research on selected aspects of homeschooling as a school choice, Journal of School Choice, 11:4, 604-621, DOI: 10.1080/15582159.2017.1395638
